Things I Should Not Have To Deal With On The Day of My First Ultrasound, Because OH MY GOD

1) Colgate Total Fresh Stripe Toothpaste which makes me throw up.

2) My bangs.

3) Sewing buttons back onto pants, using the wrong color thread, because it's all I have, and irritatingly tiny needles.

4) Bras which suddenly, overnight, are two sizes too small, which THANKS, as I just bought new underwear this weekend and now have to make a separate trip.

5) My dog's incessant whining.

6) My cat's incessant shedding.

7) Wanting Frosted Flakes, not having Frosted Flakes.

8) Rain.

9) What rain does to my bangs.

10) That Range Rover who cut me off THREE TIMES, you GAS-GUZZLING ASSHOLE.

11) Having to call my bank about why my check card is getting declined, while my husband's card works just fine, even though it is currently in four separate pieces.

12) Dry heaving at work, mostly because of nerves, partly because someone burnt an English muffin in the general vicinity.

13) Having to wait until 4:20 for the ultrasound.

14) Four. Twenty. Which might as well be next week.

15) The huge pile of crap on my desk which REFUSES TO FILE ITSELF.

16) My office, which will not stop spinning, even when I lie on the floor.

17) The office cleaning people, who never vacuum.

18) People who point out how ADORABLE it will be when we see Eraserhead's heartbeat for the first time on VALENTINE'S DAY, which SHUT UP, like I didn't want to hurl enough already.

19) CAPS LOCK.

20) Trying to think of a 20th thing I shouldn't have to deal with simply because my OCD won't let me post an odd-numbered list.

4:20 p.m. ET, people. Send Eraserhead lots of cardiovascular thumpity thoughts and shit. And then send me some sedatives.