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February 2005
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April 2005

Wednesday Advice Smackdown

Today's Wednesday Advice Smackdown will be even more particularly half-assed than previous installments. Why? Because I'm tired. Fatigued. Exhausted. Vaguely comatose. Etc. It is probably all the Babalah's fault, as I am getting approximately 19 hours of sleep a day, yet still. So. Damn. Tired. This is how tired I am: diohv ccoljuoi caljlllllllldijulj HAAAAAAAAAA. That's the funniest thing I've typed EVER. This is also how tired I am on a regular basis: On Easter Sunday, neither Jason nor my parents woke me up to go to CHURCH. On EASTER. And then they let me sleep through PANCAKES. Out of... Read more →

Updating For Updating's Sake

I would love to update, y'all, but honestly, there's just nothing to talk about. Weekend: Went home to visit parents. Discovered doppler is fine family entertainment, provided you're okay with unbuttoning your pants in front of everyone and giving them a 10-minute listen to the symphony that is your gastrointestinal tract. Ate lots of ham. No, more than that. Ceiba peed in parents' house twice; refused to poop until the car ride home. Monday: Wore underwear that were too small. Spent entire day with persistent wedgie. High point of day was eating a 12-inch meatball sub for lunch. Fell asleep... Read more →

Dreams of Baby & Expired Car Insurance

Last night I had another in a long series of pregnancy anxiety dreams. The baby is here, and we have nothing for him. (The baby is always a boy in my dreams, which probably signifies nothing more than the fact that little boys scare the crap out of me.) Last night's dream was nothing new. We had no name, we had no clothes, we had no furniture. (Which is...pretty much where we stand right now. We have a mobile my mom sent, a stuffed bunny Granola sent, and of course, a highly silly rattle. And that's it. I was planning... Read more →

Mocking Stupid People is Fun

I'm back in burritos, y'all! In what may be the clearest sign yet that the second trimester will be infinitely more bearable than the first, I am eating a Chipotle barbacoa burrito for lunch today. With MEAT. And HOT SALSA. and OTHER FOOD PRODUCTS THAT ARE NOT SALTINES. And yesterday, while working from home, I made about 45 bowls of delicious, delicious grits for myself, all of which required boiling water. Up until about three days ago, the smell of boiling water made me throw up. (And don't tell me boiling water doesn't have a smell. It DOES and it's... Read more →

The Death of Dignity

(Advice Smackdown? What? Eh. Didn't feel like it, frankly. Better luck next week, suckahs.) I had to work from home today because Jason took my car keys. And his car keys. All the car keys. Well, we do have one extra set of keys, because we're not complete fools, but the extra set is only for the Subaru, not the Ford, because we hate the Ford and want it gone gone gone so why bother making an extra key for a car we'll be trading in any day now? Guess which car Jason drove to work today. Go on! You'll... Read more →

Down the Toilet Bowl

(Housekeeping note: Do I owe you an email? Damn straight I do. I owe the entire world an email at this point. I'm sorry. I'm very slow and I also very much suck.) (But wait, there's more: I also owe the world a well-written and totally-not-disgusting entry. This is not that entry.) My dog fell in the toilet last night. More accurately, my dog took a flying swan-dive leap into the toilet last night. Twice. A toilet that was, ahem, unflushed. Dirty. Befouled. Full of pee. I will not go to the bathroom in front of Jason, but I have... Read more →

Enough Yakking. Let's See Some Pictures Already

So I finally got over my blushing flower of shyness self and asked someone at work to scan my ultrasound photos. This is the first one, at about seven weeks. (Click to embiggen.) In case you are confused, in spite of the label helpfully pointing out which smudge is the "BABY", here's a close-up of the little blob. If you tilt your head a certain way, I think it sort of looks like a lizard. In just four weeks, the baby made an impressive jump from blob to big giant alien head. (For those of you who have no clue... Read more →

The Wednesday Advice Bacon Cheddar Smackdown

Full Disclosure: Do not underestimate the power of the Jingle That Ate Hootie. I am currently eating a Tendercrisp Bacon Cheddar Raa-aanch, which is indeed as large as Brooke Burke's head, and is also infuriatingly delicious. Oh my God. Okay, enough about my nightmarish eating habits. Let's talk about your problems. (Okay, we'll talk about your problems as soon as Gmail stops dicking around with me.) (We're all WAITING, Gmail. Please stop with the "oops...unable to process your request" errors.) (In fact, could you not ever say "oops" when giving me an error message? It's really not that clever and... Read more →

The Complaints Department is Full. Go Home.

Blah blah urinary tract infection blah vomiting blah blah tired. Aannndd...that's my entry, folks! Thanks for stopping by. Seriously, what else is there to talk about? There is puke, and there is pee, and there is general pissiness. Tomorrow I will be 12 weeks pregnant, which means I should be seeing the beginning of end of the morning (HA) sickness. (PRE-EMPTIVE ASSVICE SMACKDOWN: If one more person tells me one more story about one more woman who was sick for all 40 weeks I will track down your IP address and show up at your house to punch you in... Read more →

Mystery Solved

It's a urinary tract infection. Or, to quote my nurse (whom I love so much I might make her a godparent), it's a "really nasty, really major urinary tract infection." So nasty, I'm lucky I wasn't pissing blood all weekend. So nasty, I have to go on antibiotics, which raises the alarm for two reasons. 1) I'm pregnant, and therefore trying to remain in a drug-free state of Zen-like purity lest I poison my fetus* with one too many Tylenol geltabs, and 2) I am allergic to just about every antibiotic known to man. *Yes, it's true. I am harboring... Read more →