Dreams of Baby & Expired Car Insurance
Wednesday Advice Smackdown

Updating For Updating's Sake

I would love to update, y'all, but honestly, there's just nothing to talk about.

Weekend: Went home to visit parents. Discovered doppler is fine family entertainment, provided you're okay with unbuttoning your pants in front of everyone and giving them a 10-minute listen to the symphony that is your gastrointestinal tract. Ate lots of ham. No, more than that. Ceiba peed in parents' house twice; refused to poop until the car ride home.

Monday: Wore underwear that were too small. Spent entire day with persistent wedgie. High point of day was eating a 12-inch meatball sub for lunch. Fell asleep at 8 p.m., woke up at 11 p.m., ate hot dog, went back to bed.

Today: Hit wall, clothing-wise. Three pairs of slobbish maternity pants from Old Navy and four tops from the Gap are not enough to cobble a week's worth of outfits from. Panty hose no longer fitting. Took 45 minutes to find something non-hideous to wear to work today. Wearing elastic-waistband skirt hiked up to chest and a maternity sweater I have worn about seventeen times in the past five days. Also cut big hole in control-top hose to accomodate pooching belly. No, seriously. Ate oatmeal, BLT, fruit cup, bagel with cream cheese, two mini-Twix, three mini-Snickers and box of raisins.

Am feeling distinctly constipated now.

Aaaannndd, that brings you completely up to speed on the Fabulous Life of Amalah.

Oh, except that I bought my BLT and fruit cup at the little deli in the office building next door, and I was 24 cents short. And I looked sad because I really wanted to be healthy and eat some fruit salad, but there was no way in HELL I was leaving the bacon behind instead. But then the cashier told me it was okay and that I could just bring the 24 cents "next time." Like I was some sort of regular with excellent credit. Which, awww.

Either that or he could tell that I was wearing panty hose with a big huge hole in the stomach and felt sorry for me. Or maybe it was the sweater that I've worn forty-two times in the past three weeks.

Later I found a quarter in my desk and debated taking it over to the deli, except that I'd probably be too tempted to get another BLT and ask them to put it on my tab.

Comments

Amanda

I am SO jealous of your belly, strange as it sounds. It took me SEVEN months to look anything other than fat. SEVEN months till people would open doors for me and offer me their chairs. SEVEn months until my coworkers noticed that I looked pregnant. You are so lucky!

LHB

Heh, you're so funny.
When I was pg I refused to buy maternity underwear, so I just bought the old navy cotton string bikinis in a bigger size. The butt was all poochy, but I could just sling the underwear under my belly. That might help lessen the wedgy problems. Also, just wear the same clothes over and over again. No one cares. And if they care and say something to you, just punch them in the face. Because you are pregnant. You are allowed to do whatever you want. That was my big rule.
Oh, congratulations on the bebe. This is my first time commenting.

wifemommyme

Maternity pantyhose. Best. Thing. Ever.
So comfortable.

Dr. Johnny Fever

Amalah, your posts just make me happy. You're like heroin without the nasty track marks on one's arms and that whole business about stealing money from johns.

BTW (speaking of nasty), I have to cut a hole in my control-top pantyhose to accomodate an unreasonably large appendage, too!

Dana

I am firm believer that all of life's woes can be healed by the miraculous power of bacon. I love me some bacon....I also need to cut a hole in my panty hose and I'm not even pregnant. Shocking, I know.

kalisah

who the hell wears panty hose when they're pregnant? Are you people out of your minds??

maricar

I love maternity pantyhose as well. Very supportive. You're so funny.

deb

One of the worst freakin' things about being preg (after the barfing and stuff) is having to wear clothes hitched all the way up under your breasts. Just lovely. And if you're not feeling pretty enough today, let's just wear your skirt like a grandpa in Miami, for godssake. Thankyouverymuch. Hey, you look much more lovely than you might feel. And that sweater? Super sexy. Oh, and also, bacon rocks! Babies LOVE bacon.

deb

One of the worst freakin' things about being preg (after the barfing and stuff) is having to wear clothes hitched all the way up under your breasts. Just lovely. And if you're not feeling pretty enough today, let's just wear your skirt like a grandpa in Miami, for godssake. Thankyouverymuch. Hey, you look much more lovely than you might feel. And that sweater? Super sexy. Oh, and also, bacon rocks! Babies LOVE bacon.

Sarcomical

you're like the "Norm" of the deli.

the pregnant, repetitive-dressing, constipated, bacon-whoring Norm.

that must be why everyone loves you! and gives you 24 cents worth of free! bacon!

Lisa

Dr. Johnny. Ick. I hope you shave your legs before you put on your skirt.

amalah, pretty soon you won't give a shit what you are wearing, because there will be food stains on every shirt and all your pants will be too short from being hiked up so much.

Shiz

Oh, Amalah! Hiked up and EVERYTHING. Seriously sounds like an annoying day.

But mmmmm, bacon. Glad you are back on the bacon wagon.

smartjuice

Mmmmm, but one of those BLT's on your tab for me as well. Then FedEx it to me, okay?

Val

Maricar dragged me over here and I'm glad she did. Nothing better than pregnant bacon wedgies! You're hilarious.

Sarcastic Journalist

Uggg...I remember that "Nothing fits" feeling. By the end of my pregnancy, I had about 3 things I could wear because I refused to buy new clothes.

We need belly pics!

andi

please god...no belly pics....i can't take it.

bacon is good for the soul...

junkie

12 inch meatball sub....yuuuuuummmmmy. I haven't allowed myself one of those in YEARS...but damn if I might not just go get one now.

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