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More Random Crap Masquerading As An Entry!

But What About the Placenta?

(The Wednesday Advice Smackdown seems to have settled into an every-other-week sort of schedule. I don't know why. I'm only the writing instrument through which the Smackdown flows. I don't ask questions. The Smackdown is firmly in charge and sometimes makes me feel not so safe in my own home but oh my God, please don't tell the Smackdown I said that.)

Did everybody see Lost last night? Holy living crap on toast.

Although I must say, the show DID help me make up my mind about one particular question that I've been pondering for awhile.

I have definitely decided not to give birth on a deserted island. I may not have my full birth plan mapped out yet, I may have only realized today that daycare waiting lists are seventeen months long, but I'm pretty sure I've ruled the whole birth-in-a-jungle option out.

Especially if the island's doctor is going to be too busy contemplating leg amputations and stuff so the baby gets delivered by a really whiny bank robber who cries a lot. And also, why didn't Jack tell her about the placenta? Kate probably didn't know about the placenta.

(Now you know what it's like to watch TV births with a pregnant woman who will literally ask about the placenta five times.)

Jason: I'M SURE THEY KNOW ABOUT THE PLACENTA AND IT WILL BE DELIVERED SAFELY OFFSCREEN.

Amy: BUT JACK DIDN'T TELL THEM ABOUT THE PLACENTA. ALSO, THEY NEED SCISSORS. IS CLAIRE GOING TO BREAST-FEED? WHAT IF SHE NEEDS STITCHES? THAT BABY IS EIGHT WEEKS OLD. DID KATE WASH HER HANDS?

(By the way, in case y'all missed my husband's rocktastic radio debut on Wednesday, he's got an MP3 of the segment on his site. And it's a weekly gig, because they love him and he's hot and he taught them all the word "foodgasm.")

(I am trying to bribe him into taking me to the studio one of these weeks and let me like, rate the bathrooms of the restaurants we visit or something. If there's one thing about the D.C. metro area that I'm a total expert on, it's where to find a clean toilet, preferably one that doesn't make you purchase anything to use it.)

(I just realized that about 75% of this entry has been written in parentheses.)

In other news, I am completely freaking the flying freak out about daycare. A dear friend of mine with two wee ones in the World's Most Perfect Daycare Center informed me this morning that I am officially cutting it too close if I hope to get my baby placed by January 2006. Which...shit. 15 weeks along and I'm already fucking up.

One place I blindly called today told me that while I certainly "could be in worse shape" in terms of their waiting list, there was no guarantee that I'd get a spot, but hey, we'll put you on the list (for free!) and keep you updated.

And I, so happy to hear anything vaguely encouraging, thanked them profusely and totally kissed ass and then hung up and realized that I have no idea how much this place costs or even if the infants are routinely caged up at a neighboring kennel for police dogs. It doesn't matter, because they said I was certainly calling sort-of early enough to give myself a snowball's chance in hell of getting in! I love them! They're perfect!

I'm so sorry, Babalah. Perhaps my job will let me keep you in a box under my desk for awhile. You just have to promise to be quiet and not be too smelly.

Comments

Zoot

I hope that the cost for daycare translation between huntsville and D.C. isnt as bad as the housing cost difference. Here - we're talking MINIMUM of 150 a week. MINIMUM.

And that's for the wolves.

Mirella

I think rating the bathrooms on-air is an excellent idea. Those are IMPORTANT DETAILS. We need to know if it's safe to pee.

Heather

Holy crap, I was totally obsessing on the placenta thing last night, as well, and I'm not pregnant, nor do I know a whole lot about pregnancy. But placenta! Everyone knows that you must deliver the placenta!

Kristie

Um, daycare for an infant at the place my kids used to go in Sterling (which isn't one of those REALLY NICE ones, just your average, run of the mill preschool)...was $250/week. You probably could get an in-home nanny for that.

BIYF

HA! My wife turned to me after the delivery and said, 'I guess Australian's don't have Placentas." This led to a whole discussion about whether or not I was still at her side when she delivered her bag of goo (she doesn't remember much after the baby came out). I was, and I saw. I told her I was also at the foot of the table with a clear view of her getting sewn up. I didn't MEAN to see those things, I just DID. She is now mortified, and I'm banned from "that area" for a week.

Kristine

I totally thought about the placenta thing too, I turned to my hubby and said that they needed something to cut the umblical cord with LOL. My hubby told me to relax, its just a show, but once you have gone through childbirth you always analyze things like that. It is a awesome show though :)

jamie

Okay, Amy, after you give birth to the babalah, you have to make sure the dr shows you the placenta... it's so gross... and somehow so necessary to see it.

I think you actually can't love your kids until you've seen the placenta.

It's law or something.

Cagey

I had to laugh about the registering for daycare already. I just called the Parents as Teachers group today and pre-registered my nearly 13 weeks old FETUS. Yep, apparently the PAT group is so hot my area that it was advisable I get on the waiting list NOW. Mommy Myth be damned, right?

kalisah

hard to believe that you have to register your child from daycare BEFORE YOU EVEN GET PREGNANT if you want to get them in. That hardly seems reasonable.

Even my 11-year-old said to me during Lost, "How are they gonna cut the cord?"

This was just minutes after, watching Claire's labor, he asked, "Was it that bad when you had me? It was? Was it like, the worst five minutes of your life?"

HA! Yeah honey. Five minutes. That's how long childbirth takes. You should've seen his eyes pop out of his head when I told him he took 16 HOURS.

kentucky_kitty

I have seen one placenta in my life, on some Discovery channel program I guess ... and it scarred me beyond measure. They should give hardened criminals the choice between 50 years of hard labor and looking at a placenta. I swear.

JUDGE: Will the defendant please rise? Having been found guilty by a jury of your peers, I hereby sentence you to look at two placentas.

CRIMINAL: Noooo! Nooooo! I'll do anything! Gimme the chair!! or the needle!!

If that doesn't keep you on the straight-&-narrow, nothin' will.

(totally loved your awesome post today Amalah!) Hugs and squeee to you and Babalah and Jasonalah!

kentucky_kitty

P.S. Not to scare you or anything .. but the Smackdown knows where you live.

paula

New to post... love the site!

Honestly, I never thought about the placenta during my pregnancy... let me rephrase that, I never thought about DELIVERING the placenta during my pregnancy (that wasn't part of A Baby Story, so why would I? Right?) When it came time to do so, I didn't want to see it. However, the curiosity took over and I had to look. Not at ALL what I thought it would look like. My midwife was very "jazzed" by the whole thing (she was an Earth Momma for sure) and was almost more excited by it, than my daughter.

Amalah, you're going to be an awesome Mommy... Looking forward to more pregger stories! Brings back great (and some not so great) memories! Best wishes!

dirt

I wouldn't count on the "box under the desk" deal. If I recall, babies are both loud and very smelly. But I'm sure yours will be perfect and could probably be trained to remain still for 10 hours a day.

Lisa

Health & welfare will be there to claim your child in a heartbeat if you put it in a box under your desk. Put it in box in the supply closet intstead. It will take longer for someone to narc on you.

Sheryl

How much of leave of absence are you taking from work, and can you bribe the people at your friend's daycare?

megan

Lo these many years ago (ok, 9) I lived in Boston and cohabitated with a concierge who worked at a fancy hotel. We ate out at least 3 nights a week at different restaurants (usually on the restaurant's dime trying to lure his business). He would rate the service and I would rate the bathrooms (we both rated the food).

You would not believe (or maybe you would!) how many otherwise fine looking restaurants had perfectly hideous bathrooms. It always left me wondering in what kind of repair they kept their kitchens. Yick.

Franci

it seems opinions vary about placenta. I think you wouldn't even notice delivering it. And don't look at it if you don't want to.
After all it is a finely and perfectly made room your little baby has been kept and fed for the first 9 month of his/her life. It served him/her on purpose!
Imagine some relative who rejects the idea of watching the baby's bed, because it smells or looks tidy... hm?

Franci

sorry, I mean UN-tidy, messy, wrinkled, whatever :)

smartjuice

I missed Lost. Damn my VCR's inability to anticipate a time change. Yes, I said it. V. C. R. I got no TiVo. If I had seen it, I wouldn't have thought anything was wrong. Who knew about all this....placenta business. Yikes.

Also, at my job we are trying to convince my pregnant co-worker to make a crib in one of her big drawers. This way she won't need daycare. However, that baby might scream all the damn time. This plan needs some re-thinking.

Zoe

Pleeeeeeeeeease make Jason let you go on the radio! The world needs to hear the Queen's wise words of wisdom on toilets. Because germs are important.

I'm sure Babalah will get into a good daycare centre. Royal children deserve only the best.

honestyrain

TV births have shockingly little to do with anything actually resembling the birth of a child.

Kate is the most nauseating woman ever to be on television. the way she always appears as if from thin air to stand next to some other character. pan up to her face. she is squinting. she is always squiting. with ehr lips. with her nose. with her freaking stringly hair and i can't figure out why it's wet so much of the time anyway.

i think they should have kept boone and let the airplane fall on Kate because Kate and her face have got to go.

why does she think she's so great? why does she walk around like she's the queen of the isle?

crying while she delivered the baby. what in the hell kind of weak ass pimp does that? crap sakes, woman, cowboy up. they shold have let charlie deliver the baby.

sigh. i feel better. sigh.

Elizabeth

I've heard that some people eat the placenta. That's a little too weird for me, if it's true. But I'm all for seeing it, and maybe even burying it in the garden in a little ceremony, which I've also heard people do.

And I can't believe that when I de-lurked the first thing I said was about eating placentas.

Shiz

Please rate the bathrooms on the radio, that is very important. I hate it when the bathrooms have no soap and/or only cold water for hand-washing. Cheap, inconsiderate bastards.

Amy, my vote is for you NOT looking at the placenta, and if that's what you want, you have to tell them beforehand, otherwise they'll hold it up proudly and exclaim, "Would you like to see the PLACENTA?" Ads though you have a choice when they're waving it in your face.

kentucky_kitty, thank you for your blatant plagiarism of Dave Barry.

Amanda

I didn't even have to read this entry - I knew from the notify (which, YAY, worked for a change) you were talking about Lost. I kept thinking the exact same thing last night.

Also? What is with Kate's orange blush? And more importantly, why did they feel the need to match it to her shirt?

The Macek Collective

As a single guy, I admit that I know absofucklylutely nothing about placentas, and I can't believe I am wondering this aloud.

Can you....take them home with you? Like when you get your wisdom teeth pulled?

Tish

We went through the same thing, so I worked backwards with the second child. I went to the Dayschool we wanted him in at 18 months, and then asked for their suggestions for infant care. Some of those moms are very forthcoming, and the Dayschool 'Marm' gave me the name of a FABULOUS woman. Try that, it might work!

Shiz

There are PLACENTA RECIPES online, Macek Collective, PLACENTA RECIPES.

Kate

Bleh. I almost forgot about Sundry's lovely Lotus Birth and placenta eating post:
http://www.sundrymourning.com/31805.htm

The Lotus Birth link she provided is especially disturbing:
http://www.pregnancy.com.au/Lotus_birth.htm

Franci

I oppose: the Lotus Birth site is about natural elements and phases of birth. It is about something women used to regard as part of their lives.

Real Girl

Back after 2 ungodly weeks without a computer! Am I the only one who feels that JJ Abrams killed off poor Boone just so he could say early on: We're going to kill a main character on Lost, so watch and see who it is! That feels cheap to me. I've always been okay with killing minor characters and leaving the major ones as the only survivors. That's the way it's supposed to be!

Lish

Babies make excellent paperweights at the office, my sis used two of her kids for said purpose!

Franci

Allright... I have read the Lotus Birth site back and forth, and altough I'm all for the natural thing this is a bit too far even for me.
Watching placenta, eating placenta is allright if one has the guts, serving it to special guests, too, but keep it for days within reach of a newborn, THAT is too much.

rachael

real girl, i think they did it because they just birthed an entirely new character onto the show. one off, one on, ya know what i mean? also that other stupidly cliched crap about the cycle of life, blah blah blah.

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