But What About the Placenta?
In Which I Go Through An Awful Runaround About Posting Belly Pictures

More Random Crap Masquerading As An Entry!

Scene, Last Night, Out at Dinner:

Amy: You have to take a picture of my belly tonight. Don't let me forget to make you take one.

Jason: Okay.

Amy: Because I have NOTHING TO WRITE ABOUT and at least if I throw a belly pic at people they will shut up and not be mad at me for not updating.

Jason: Okay.

Aaaannnnd...we forgot to take a belly pic. Which is a shame, because the belly is looking pretty cool these days. Waaaay bigger than it should be at 16 weeks, but I'd totally be lying if I said I minded. I mean, I sort of mind the duck-waddle I've adopted, but it's simply goddamn fun to actually look convincingly pregnant. Your friends gasp and want to wait on you hand and foot! Your husband wants to pet the belly! Strangers smile at you everywhere! Cops reduce your speeding tickets!

Yeah, I got to test that last one out this morning when I got pulled over on the way to work. $150 fine bumped down to $75, baby, and I SO TOTALLY deserved that $150 fine. I will not lie. But I will push my belly out at opportune moments.

(By the way, all the your-belly-looks-like-a-basketball-you're-so-having-a-boy people? The belly now resembles a football. And it is changing shape JUST TO FUCK WITH YOUR MINDS. Ha! I love my belly.)

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To: Amalah
From: Pregnancy Newsletter #238947356439527594

"Most" women feel fetal movement (quickening) at 18 weeks if it is their first baby. Some multiparas (those who have already carried a child to term) feel movement earlier, simply because they know what it feels like. The normal range is 16 to 20 weeks.

Amy: Heh. Not me. Wake me up in another month, Babalah.

Scene, Saturday Night, Lying In Bed:

Amy: What the hell was that?

As unbelievable as it sounds, I'm vaguely feeling the baby move already. Only at night, and only when I'm lying on my side and being very, very quiet. Then suddenly: tap tap tap tap tap. It's the slightest, ticklingest sort of feeling that vanishes just a few seconds after my brain registers that hey, I don't think that's gas.

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And in the only non-pregnancy news I have to report, I am pleased to announce that I am a genius who was awarded a prestigious $5 gift certificate to Krispy Kreme by my company during Corporate Rah-Rah Lovefest Day on Friday.

How did I achieve such lofty heights of recognition? By correctly identifying Portia's "measure of mercy" speech as coming from The Merchant of Venice during the trivia contest.

(Yes, there is always a trivia contest during Corporate Rah-Rah Lovefest Day. I don't know either, but the prizes are always food-related and since the Lovefest starts at noon and the free pizza and salad is withheld until the end, we are all VERY DETERMINED to win those food-related prizes.)

Anyway. I gave a shout-out to my English professor father as I accepted my prize, and was then beaten by MERE MILLISECONDS in naming the "friends, Romans, countrymen" from Julius Caesar, and then embarrassed my English professor father by getting Twelth Night mixed up with Much Ado About Nothing.

I bring shame on my household! And $5 worth of donuts.

Now, after the Lovefest was over and we were all lining up for our free pizza, I was teased just a bit about being such a colossal brainiac dork who's all Shakespearean and shit. (Yes, my office could double for your average middle school cafeteria sometimes.) And I felt the need to point out that in my more than three years with this company, I have only answered ONE other trivia question correctly. And it was about The Simpsons. The prize was two $5 Ben & Jerry's coupons that, I believe, are still tacked up on my fridge.

So there you have it. From Shakespeare to The Simpsons, I know absolutely nothing in between.

(Update! From searching my archives for Corporate Rah-Rah Lovefest Day entries, I have discovered ANOTHER trivia win from my past. In the interest of full disclosure, I also correctly identified Adam's Sandler's animated Hannukah movie and won a $5 Panera gift card. I bought soup and a brownie. My apologies to all who were misled by my previous statements regarding my catalog of useless knowledge.)

Comments

Floyd

Oooooo, baby flutters! How fun!

And you know, $5 will get you a fair amount of Krispy Kremes....weild that gift certificate proudly!

MKN

Is that not the most amazing feeling? It just gets better. By the end of my pregnancy with my twins you could see actual elbows and appendages nudging from inside there! And the rolling around! Crazy stuff. Sometimes I still miss that feeling, and my boys are almost two. It's a great part of the experience. Enjoy!

bond girl

I trust that belly pic is forthcoming??

Signed,
Krispy Kremes aren't enough to hold me over ;-)

myllissa

$5 buys a hella lot of Krispy Kremes. Please pass the box.

Shiz

I want food-prizes at work! All I've ever won here is ... um, nothing.

suzanna danna

So glad you are feeling well Amy... and Huzzah on the $5 Krispy Kreme gift cert. I have been into one of those "bearers of all things glazed and shiny" stores only once... and it still haunts me.

Oh the love of a warm donut.

alektra

My mom had a basketball in front of her.

Obviously, I am not a boy. ;)

lakeline

*sniff*little tear*sniff* You just want to throw a belly pic at us to shut us up? Well, we're not that shallow, dammit! We have feelings!

Oh, wait. That would shut me up. Never mind, do what you must... :)

Mary

I totally believe you can feel Babalah already. 18-20 weeks is way on the later end of average. Plus slimmer women feel it sooner than heifers like myself -- and I felt it around 14 weeks the first time. So don't let Anonymous Impersonal Pregnancy Update Letter try to convince you otherwise. Way to go, Babalah!

halloweenlover

Great to hear that you are up for pizza and salad! But please give us belly pics! If I am ever lucky enough to be pregnant at some point in the distant future, I would much rather be big bellied than not. It sounds like fun!

Mary

I'm not cool enough to have won anything at work, but one time I found a entire case of Peeps in the break room and I took them and ate them.

kathy

I have two comments.

1). The first time I felt my baby kick I was driving down the road and all of a sudden, bam boom sis-boom-bah. I thought I would drive off the road. I laughed and cried at the same time! Thanks for making me remember that!

2). Really - who wouldn't confuse 'Twelfth Night' with 'Much Ado About Nothing'? Happens every day.

Chris

I have not won a single damn raffle since going over to the Dark Side. Be sure to save me a donut, 'kay?

Frema

Was saddened to hear about the utter lack of disrespect for Ben and Jerry. Have your coupons expired yet, or is there still time?

Frank

Mmmmmmmm....Krispy Kremes.....

kalisah

are we talking HORIZONTAL football or VERTICAL? Cause it could still signal "boy."

kat

My sister was pregnant with her twin girls and was noticely pregnant but not due anytime soon. She got pulled over for speeding and it was a young cop who pretty much freaked out when he saw her and waived the speeding when she explained she was on her way to the doctor's office. He even escorted her part of the way. So milking your pregnancy in any which way is always a good thing. :)

Janet

multiparas??? Apparently, there's a secret language with secret words only for pregnant women, cause dang they all use them and the rest of us are like...multiwhat?

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