Back, Jack, Ack
Hate.

Pussy (Cat)

We got back from Aruba on Saturday night. It's been a blur ever since. I still have not uploaded any photos, nor can I find my good hairbrush.

I slept for many, many hours Saturday night, Sunday morning and straight on into Sunday afternoon, when it was time to pick up the pets from the Yuppie Pet Palace Hotel That Ended Up Costing As Much As Our Plane Tickets, Even Though We Supplied All Our Own Damn Food.

Ceiba was...confused, as usual, like she sort of remembered who we were and that occasionally we fed her turkey bacon and oh! look! floor lint!

She's a bit constipated and is having periodic yet dainty sneezing fits, but otherwise is doing just fine.

Max surprised us by not being a royal bitch about everything. He's never been boarded before...usually our neighbors would just come over and feed him but they moved away and our new neighbor is absolutely terrified of Ceiba so I'm not even going to introduce her to our 15-pound Gigundocat. Anyway, every time we come home from vacation he gets a prissy funk about it and ignores us for days.

I don't think Max enjoyed the Yuppie Pet Palace Experience, despite residing in a luxury four-level kitty condo with fresh lambswool bedding (changed daily) and the fact that I provided food from home AND suffered the embarrassment of presenting "Puppy" to the kennel staff, which they all totally laughed at, because Puppy is, without a doubt, the most pathetic-looking stuffed toy you have ever seen in your life.

(Puppy once resembled a knock-off of the Taco Bell chihuahua, back when he had eyes and a nose and the ever-loving shit hadn't been kicked out of him on a daily basis. He has also been re-stuffed and re-sewn about a dozen times, and each time I ended up using whatever extra thread had come with my most-recent clothing purchase, which means Puppy has several oddly-colored seams that resemble gangrenous wounds.)

Max was very, very glad to see us. Max was glad to see CEIBA, and even curled up with her on my newly-diminished lap during the car ride home. But every once in awhile he'd stand up on his hind legs, put his front paws on my chest and stare frantically into my face, like, "IS IT REALLY YOU? CAN IT BE TRUE? OH, DAY OF GLORIOUS JOY!"

And he's been all cuddly and loving and clingy ever since. I'm thinking we need to dump his ass in the kennel more often. Perhaps we can board the baby at Yuppie Pet Palace Hotel too, since I'm still no closer to finding a damn daycare center than I was a few weeks ago.

Hell, they give them fresh lambswool bedding every day, how bad could it be?

Comments

Princess

Aww thats so cute that Max missed you! I just got a Min Pin myself but she seems to be really highstrung and very attched to me. She would have mauled me if I had borded her. She just about mauls me when I come home from work everyday.

laura

Babies love lambswool, it's a proven fact!

alektra

i was allergic to wool as a kid, but cottonballs were awesome. still are...

:)

lakeline

Your title for this post cracked me up. Maybe it's because I have a 11 year old sense of humor? But whatever the reason, it was awesome.

And I'm glad to hear that the non-human children are back home. Jealously waiting for Aruba pics, though!

Dr. Johnny Fever

Can I just tell you something? I used to give a shit about my pet, too. Then the kids came and we were all, "Oh. Oh yeah. We have a dog, too. Neat."

We missed you like crazy while you were out cavorting in the Caribbean sun, spoiling your breast milk with virgin pina coladas (my wife will want you to learn the term "pump and dump") and spearing live mahi-mahi with your mascara brush. Don't ever go away from us again. Ever!

Dooneybug

Our cats usually give us shit when we get home from a trip too. My most favorite memory is coming home to the toilet paper having been unrolled and then, never the quitter, they rolled the paper back up on the roll. It was all lop-sided, complete with claw scars throughout. I bet Max thinks you're his savior for getting him the heck out of there!

Shiz

Max's reaction sounds so cute!

And I want to see a picture of puppy! You know, when you've got a sec,

Sabine

Can't wait to see the Aruba pics - and I am with Shiz, can we see Puppy? Glad your back...

Janna

I've come out of Lurkytown to say Welcome Home!

I recently got home from a week's vacation and my two kittens (they're twin teenagers now) were actually happy to see me! My experience tells me that cats (although they usually pretend to not notice you exist) get ma-aad when Owner leaves. Since I've been home, though, they both have to sleep ON my body at night - preventing a future escape, I suppose.

Meredith

Welcome back... I'll be looking into such luxury accomodations for my pooch soon. I suspect it will kill me more than he could miss me. Yup.

Lady Bug

So glad you're back - bring on the piccies!

My cat, Attila the Puss, has that standing-up-and-eyeballing-me-suspiciously thing going on every time I get home. It's like I'm being told NEVER to dare leave him again. Got to make you feel wanted!

Ah kittens, have to love them

Frank

New reader, first-time commentator.

I just spent an hour reading your fascinating archives, Amalah, and I'm worried because you are pregnant and just went to Aruba which, you have pointed out, is mostly about the drinking.

I may be a jerk to point it out too late, but those two things are not good togther. I hope you had a great time sober. :-)

Spurious Plum

You left a cat someplace and it made him LOVE you? Where IS this place?

type a

i totally missed you more than max did.

Sarcastic Journalist

If I were a cat, I would have totally pooped in your shoe for that toy thing.

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