More Random Crap Masquerading As An Entry!
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In Which I Go Through An Awful Runaround About Posting Belly Pictures

I get a lot of email every day. No, more than that. I get an insane amount of email every day. I read them all, respond to almost none, everybody wins. Except for the people who write expecting responses and then get nothing from me, the snobby whore who is really just kind of scatterbrained.

And most of the emails I receive are lovely -- people write to say I'm funny and entertaining and we have such-and-such in common or could I please help them transfer many millions of dollars out of Nigeria?

Every once in awhile I get a non-lovely email -- usually from full-on asshats with poor reading comprehension -- and that's fine. It comes with the territory. And since I'm mostly non-controversial around here (someone once described this site as "bunnies and rainbows with a dash of the f-word"), I don't get the rampant trollism that others seem to suffer from.

Yesterday, however, was a banner day.

First, I got an email chastising me about my speeding ticket. Speeding while pregnant? What if I'd been in an accident? Did I not know what airbags could do to a fetus?

The email went from annoyingly assvice-y to disturbingly creepy in just one sentence: Your lucky i wasnt the cop who pulled you over becuase if you stuck your stomach out at me i would have put you in jail insted of reducing your stupid fine.

My response, which I totally would have sent if I ever responded to emails, would have been something like this: Who the hell said anything about speeding? I was actually pulled over for driving in the carpool lane with an inflatable sex doll in the passenger seat. And the doll was not wearing her seat belt.

Then I got another one.

Hi. I know you don't know me but I've been following your "story" for awhile now and know that you are friends with Zoot. I was completely shocked to see you posting stuff about your belly and feeling the baby move on the SAME DAY zoot is going throgh HELL right now. Is that what you consider being "good friend"? Because i sure as hell don't. It's great that your pregancy is going peachy keen right now but you seem awfuly quick to forget that others are not so fortunate.

There's no snappy comeback to that one. Just me frantically spinning the wheels of defensiveness and futility.

I didn't know about Zoot's crisis at the time I posted yesterday. I didn't check my blogroll until sometime in the late afternoon. And then my car broke down and my dog ate the more-sensitive post that I planned to write and then aliens came and then...

Fuck it. I'm an ass. I didn't know.

I don't know how many readers who found me via Julie's Incredible Index to Infertility on the Internet are still reading at this point...a lot of infertile women tend to turn away from pregnancy journals once the roller coaster of the first trimester is over and the reality of holy shit, she just might have a baby at the end of this sets in. It's a protective instinct, and I understand it completely.

Since this was never an "infertility journal", I've never felt guilty about immediately launching into an all-pregnancy, all-the-damn-time format until...well, now. Have awful have I been? Am I a Smug Pregnant? Is it okay to be happy? Should I only write about how terrified I still am? Should I change the subject completely?

And most importantly, where in the living hell am I going with all of this? Well, this has all been an elaborate and rambling precursor to the one pregnancy blog feature that has been almost unviversally panned as self-absorbed, gratuituous and completely insensitive: The Belly Photos.

Most of my readers seem to want (nay, DEMAND) belly photos, yet I always feel really guilty about posting them. And basically, this whole entry could have been that one sentence, and should have been, had I any actual talent.

So. Ta-da?

Five Weeks:

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Sixteen Weeks:

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(NOTE: This picture fails to adequately portray the new football shape of the belly. [For Kalisah: A HORIZONTAL football.] It's all beachballish out front, but is making great strides out towards the hip area. Although why am I even discussing this in detail as I firmly believe that all old wives' tales about gender predictions are bullshit, as my mother was told by every random person in the world that she was carrying a boy when hello, I am not a boy.)

(NOTE NOTE: Christ, I certainly got over my crippling guilt easily enough there, didn't I? Shut up, self.)

Comments

kalisah

still going with boy!

laura

Your 16-week belly is smaller than my 40-year gut. Anyway, don't worry about the naysayers. People are happy for you, and we will continue to clamour for belly pics.

kalisah

and umm...very, very cute belly ya got going on there!

Pratt

Did somebody say bunnies?

type a

GIRL, you went through your fair share of baby grief and fright and failure and dispair. FOR YEARS. do you have a right to be happy? HELLFUCKINGYES you do!

you can empathize with your friends who are still having problems - you can cry for them, send them love and support and chocolate, all while being happy that you're carrying a healthy baby - FINALLY!

your blog, is YOUR BLOG, where you discuss YOUR LIFE. your life is full of baby now and you're allowed to talk about it. and also to be happy for it.

i think it's bullshit for haters to try to take that away from you. they have no idea how many IM conversations you have with zoot a day or the kind of friendship you have. or how many cabbage patch kids you send to her.

hrrmmph!

Broad

I just figured you and Zoot were having private conversations about what was going on -- because, you know, there *are* many other ways to convey friendship and support than over the Internet, especially when you're close. But what do I know, right?

And you know what else? I'm guessing that Zoot, because y'all are good friends and she's not an asshat who would begrudge you joy (because, as I understand the infertile contigency, it's not about taking away joy from anyone who's pregnant as much as it is coming to grips with infertility and rightfully thumping the people who *are* asshats about said coming to grips), I'll bet she's not pissed.

Good God, people.

Jen

Hi there ... I read you all the time. Like every post. I'm even on the elusive Notify list. I never comment, because frankly, you get your fair share of comments. But I felt compelled to say something today.

I am so glad you defended yourself against all the "asshats" who feel the need to chastise you for being, well, you. People need to realize that the purpose of keeping a blog is not to please other people. Much like controversial TV programming or violent movies, your readers should just stop reading if they are wholly offended by what you have to say. This is YOUR blog, YOUR thoughts, ideas and opinions.

I happen to love all that you have to say. And oftentimes find myself extremely jealous over your blog popularity. But then again, maybe I don't want a bunch of asshats telling me how to live my life. Hmm. Anyway, you keep being YOU, and those who GET IT will keep reading YOU. Thanks!

Broad

Oh, and at 5 weeks? Mere bloating -- could be anything. But 16? That's a baby up in there, grrrrl. How cute!

Carrie

Some people are just in the dark! It is easy to be going through your own personal hell and still be happy about what happens to your friends and loved ones. I'm sure Zoot is happy that you are doing well and I'm sure you are thinking about her as well!

lakeline

Yeah, what type a said. People are idiots. Most of us who read (emphasis, please) YOUR blog know that you have a friendship with Zoot that is also private. Maybe people should leave it there?

The thing that frustrates me is that your inflatible sex doll was not wearing her seat belt. Don't you know how awful that would be for her if you opened the window? She could fly right out! And hit her head on someone else's windshield! You're so insensitive. :)

Erin

people really are asshats.

continue to write what you want to write. look at all the people that just adore you!!!

we, well at least i, love hearing about the pregnancy and like to see the belly pictures!!

Dr. Johnny Fever

Tell the haters and dickwads to suck a big stinky fart out of your pregnant, hemmorhoid-ridden asshole. As a father who once lived through a miscarriage, I agree completely with type a. We all love Zoot, but you being happy about your pregnancy doesn't mean you don't care about her trials.

stephanie

you have every reason to be happy. please don't get down because of a couple of morons. there's no reason why you shouldn't enjoy any good you can. type a was totally on target.

junkie

As usual...type a was entirely spot on.

Also? I liked you a whole hell of a lot better before I saw your tiny, little 5 week belly. Bitch.

The 16 week belly is absolutely beautiful, btw.

Zoot

Yes. We have a PRIVATE friendship. (giggle)

Oh. And my 11w belly picture? Would TOTALLY eat your 16w belly picture.

bond girl

You are not an ass. So Not An Ass.

Beautiful belly photo. I'm glad you are happy about your pregnancy (though it's still scary).

alfredsmom

Those people suck. Now, I can understand people being upset if your ticket had been for a broken tail light. That would be heinnous in your condition. Unforgivable. Thanks for sharing the pics.

bellabelly

I read Zoot and love her to death, and as a matter of fact, she was one of the first people I told that I was TRYING to have a baby. She would TOTALLY not be judgemental about this. And don't feel bad anyway-- my blog has gone full blown preg-blog since I found out last week.

I think whoever wrote you that e-mail is just trying to start something.

bellabelly

Oh and oh my god, I completely forgot to compliment you on the most adorable tummy! My cousin is 16 weeks, and yours is SO much cuter than hers!

Fraulein N

Youre Smug Pregnant, but shit, you're entitled. Especially with your wee belly poking out there.

Chris

Glad you went all Martin Riggs on the fucktards, albeit in your own "bunnies and rainbows" way. Bastards had it coming...

Now how come you didn't respond to my comment asking you to save me a donut?

Kidding!

lakeline

Sorry to comment again, but I just read Zoot's comment and started laughing out loud. The one time in my life I don't see the dirty, naughty subtext in what I say...

So, if you guys have a private relationship, where does that leave Mr.Z and Jason? ;)

brit

I totally agree with bellabelly, people are all jealous and getting up in your face....PUHLEase, go pick a real fight with someon in person...would they be so brave as to say taht stuff to your face, probably not....the internet is the perfect cover for Jerk offs...

sheesh. And yesh your belly is the cutest.... (in a non-special friendship way...)

Clink

Cutest. Belly. Ever.

Amalah: Making a pregnant belly desirable to independent NYC twentysomethings since 2005

beth

oh yeah...i had a great day the other day...went to a friend's wedding...but someone else might have recently been divorced...so, i'd better not post anything about it.

what the fuck.

callistawolf

Count me in for loving and adoring Zoot but give me a freaking break. I cannot believe someone wrote that to you (I'm not even gonna touch the speeding ticket one as it may cause my brain to implode). You have absolutely no reason to feel bad or guilty or not want to post those AWESOME belly pics. You owe no one any apologies, this is your blog, plain and simple.

Sometimes I think some of the people in the infertility blog community are on crack. I really do. Yay for preggo-centric entries! :)

Shiz

Good LORD, some people are assholes. I'm sorry you got those shitty emails. Of course you're allowed to be happy. You're SUPPOSED to be happy. If I lost a baby or was in dander of losing one I would still want my other pregnant friends to be able to celebrate their baby -- maybe even more so. It's not like you called up Zoot and said, "Hey, guess what? I can't totally feel the baby moving!!!" No, you are not an inconsiderate asshole. Unlike others.

And speeding whilst driving? Puh. Leeese. If we locked up every speeding expectant mother or every pregnant woman WHO ATE SOFT CHEESE not a single infant would be born outside the prison walls.

Shut the fuck up, asshole assvicers.

And normally I'm so sweet.

Rock on with your belly photos, Amalah!

alektra

if i get good grades, i do not shove them in people's faces. but i celebrate my grades with my friends. you didn't post on zoot's site about your good fortune. you posted on yours.

and zoot and you are very lucky to have each other as pregnancy buddies, and i'm so glad there are so many wonderful people together in this very awe-inspiring adventure toward mommy-dom.

Lizzie

First time reader through Zoot's site and stopping by to say, "You go, Momma!" It seems we can't get away from people who just feel the need to poop on a parade -- good luck with the pregnancy!

Bad Penguin

You are not smug, you are happy. And why shouldn't you be?

I do not understand people whose sole purpose seems to be to make other people feel bad. Besides, Zoot is awesome and capable of being happy for you no matter what is going on in her life.

emma

It seems that when some people heard the saying "everyone is entitled to their opinion" they also heard "and should ALWAYS share it".
I love your blog.
The friendship between you and zoot is, you know, between you and zoot. Nothing to do with me at all.
I love those pink pants! I want me some.
Oh, and love the belly too :)

Lisa B

I don't quite understand why people got so pissy with you yesterday. Speeding or driving with your inflatable doll (or whatever) does not mean you are a terrible mother. You can't put yourself in a bubble while pregnant.

Also, sorry to hear your friend is in crisis. But just because you are happy about your baby doesn't mean you are a bad friend. Geez. I would think that even if she is going through a crisis, she'd still want you to feel happy about your baby. Because a real friend wants the people in their lives to be happy even if that person is going through something sucky. Being one of those who went through some sad pregnancy stuff, I hoped my pregnant friends cherished their pregnancies/children that much more.

Well, its raining like crazy here and my car windows are rokked down gotta go.

Tiff

You could be extra-special helpful and post the email addresses of the trolls so we can all give them OUR unsolicited opinions of their unsolicited opinions.... ;)

But I guess that would be mean.

megan

because i suspect that it takes many positive, supportive comments to erase even one asshat loser, i will pile another one on.

your blog is fabulous, don't let anyone tell you any different.

ILLEGITIMI NON CARBORUNDUM
(don't let the bastards grind you down)

Chris

Honey. PULEEZE. I have been infertile for ELEVEN damn years and it ain't gettin' any better. Do you see me getting all pissy and jealous? Um no. Because when I get pregnant? I'll be the same way. As will the other assholes who have no other way to express their feelings of inadequacy and envy than to attack YOUR blog. Notice I said YOUR blog. Screw 'em. Oh and please don't be offended that I called you honey. I'm from the south. It could have been worse, I could have called you "shuuuug". Hang in there, kiddo. Fuck those assholes.

Roxie

Damn it! Enjoy your pregnancy, every wee moment of it. In a few months it'll be only a wonderful memory. How many times in our lives can we indulge and take advantage the opportunity? And friends like Zoot, they understand. That's why they're your friends!
Seems like there's always some asshat looking for a reason to get pissy and offended. They belong in a hut somewhere in Siberia where happy people won't bother them.
Your tummy is the sweetest thing ever! Your wee Babalah is going to love seeing them too, when they are older!

Roxie

I meant the Babalah will love the pictures of "when I was in Mommy's tummy", of course!

stella

Ditto what Type A said. I had a shrink tell me once that "these are your feelings and it's ok to have feelings". and you can't argue with that.

Real Girl

When I got my first (and so far only) hate email, my friend told me "You're a real blogger now." According to this email, I talked way too much about myself...on my own blog...erm...

I hope you can shrug them off. Remember, *anyone* can write an email. And some people really, really like to complain.

Those people get wrinkles.

xx

Sarcastic Journalist

You are still so little. Wait. Just wait. I love big bellies.

You are going to have many people say things to you like those emails. Blah this for your "birth." Blah that for boobies or bottles or diapers or sleep schedules. People are stupid and they have NO RIGHT to tell you what to do.

Regarding infertility, I'm not infertile, but you shouldn't feel bad about posting about your pregnancy. What? If that was the case, then should you get an abortion? This is what is going on in your life, this is your pregnancy and your blog.

And for that, I say yeah for you. Keep on keeping on and all will be fine.

Jennie

how could anyone say you are awful for writing about one of the most wonderful things to happen to you..it's what so many of us are striving for.. yep i'm an infertile and i've only just started blogging but sweetling if/when the day comes that i have a belly to post, you can bet i'll be posting it and proudly.. the world doesnt stop for infertility nor should it for pregnancy... i love your lil bump :o)

Zoe

Yay belly picture! That'll keep us all quiet for a while :)

And you are not an ass. You are pregnant, and therefore have the right to go on and on without anyone having the right to call you that. So, they are an ass, whoever they were. It is JUST DAMN OUT OF LINE for anyone to criticise something you write in a personal blog (btw I am English, so I apologize for using 's' instead of 'z' in criticise, I am a complete grammar Nazi... but that's beside the point). So, go on with ya bad self and post whatever the hell you like without these fuckwits trying to lecture you rather than going about their own lives.

Then again... I hope you make sure the sex doll wears a seat belt next time. We'll forgive you for now :)

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