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April 2005
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June 2005

So Long And Thanks For All the Fish

Ultrasound today! Woo! Last night I dreamt that Jason and I had a pet baby dolphin, until I accidentally cooked it in the oven. I was so distraught over the death that I woke up at 4 a.m. in a cold sweat. I'd say this dream stems from 1) my deep secret fear of giving birth to a dolphin, or from 2) seeing The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy yesterday. I was all set to go with number 2, until I basically had the same dream again, only this time, it was a turtle, and Tana from The Apprentice believed the turtle was the reincarnated form of her mom. She was REALLY MAD when I accidentally cooked her turtle mom. So basically, I am crazy, and should not be allowed near the oven. Anyway, my ultrasound is at 9 a.m., but then we have to go tour daycare centers and possibly bribe our way into a better slot on the waiting lists, and then I have to go renew the inspection on my car before I get another ticket and have no more money to bribe daycare centers. So y'all will have to wait until this afternoon for The Big... Read more →

It's My Journal & I'll Blog If I Want To

A collection of half-finished and half-assed thoughts that are all I have time for today, what with the job and the creating life and the miracle of it all. On Tuesday night, Jason and I went to one of our favorite restaurants just for the sheer hell of it. (Also because we were having a bit of a face-off about who's turn it was to cook that night.) (Hint: It is never my turn.) Anyway, towards the end of the meal, a girl came up out of nowhere and said to Jason, "I just wanted to tell you how much I love your website." I immediately acted supremely retarded and kind of let out a shriek, because DUDE, he just got RECOGNIZED. Like a ROCK STAR. As we were explaining to the girl that no, he's never been just randomly recognized like that, a girl at the NEXT TABLE suddenly turned to Jason and said, "Wait, you're D.C. Foodies?" Surreal, y'all. He's totally famous, which means tons of people in my neighborhood know exactly what's giving me heartburn this week. (Hey, remember the "gah gah gah" divider thing I used to use all the time? If so, you've been reading... Read more →

Wednesday Advice Smackdown

(Work, y'all. WORK. I may never take a vacation again. I may never take a lunch break again. I may never write an advice column during the workday, the way God intended, again. Am banging this tripe out while watching Lost, so you know, shut up Shannon.) Dear Amalah - My company is tanking and I'm about to lose my job. My boss said so. Actually, everyone BUT my boss is about to lose their job. I just bought a house and am having a baby. What the FUCK should I do? Do you think anyone is going to hire a pregnant lady only to give her maternity leave in six months? I think not. I want to say FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK a whole lot but my son reads my site and I don't want him to know that Momma says such things when she's not driving. Can I use your advice column to say FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK? So, in conclusion, I would like your "cheap list" of cosmetics for those of us having to make the transition from middle class to HOLY FUCK WE CANT PAY OUR MORTGAGE. Everything from moisturizer to mascara.... Read more →

Aruba: The Photographic Evidence

I know some of you were beginning to doubt that I actually did go to Aruba, and were probably thinking that I lied and actually vacationed in like, Newark or something and have spent the week trying to Photoshop pictures of Newark into something more tropical-like. Well, ta-da, Aruba photos, finally retrieved off of Jason's work computer and uploaded into a completely ass-backwards order for your enjoyment. Click for the Aruba 2005 album. (Have you ever seen the Aruba 2003 album? It's about the same only more drunk.) And for those of you following the ultrasound saga: My doctor called this morning, and lo, he was awesome. He immediately apologized for not asking me more about my concerns last Wednesday, and OF COURSE I should get an ultrasound now if I'm anxious about anything at all. OF COURSE. He'll fax over the referral right away, and don't worry, we'll still do another ultrasound at 26 weeks just to double-check the sex and everything else, because really, I should be able to look at my baby as many times as I want. That was...easy. And I was all set to like, RUMBLE and shit. Upshot: 20-week diagnostic ultrasound at 9 a.m.... Read more →