Everything Is Okay
Or, Why I Never Posted an Advice Column This Week

This Entire Entry Is One Long Sentence

The Wednesday Advice Smackdown has been demoted to a Thursday Advice Smackdown due to work -- horrible, terrible work -- of which I have much because I was out of the office for an obscene number of hours yesterday to accept an award for my work which WOO except that I don't care anymore because I was on deadline and had to ride the Metro downtown and it was hot and sticky and the escalators were all out and I was pregnant and only won an Honorable Mention which was NOT WORTH the hassle and then I got further hassled by some little old man who kept asking me for a jumpstart in the Metro parking lot and wouldn't take no for an answer and said he had a heart condition which, great, I have a pregnancy condition and then I finally gave up and told him I would help him but instead just got in my car and drove off because I am a Bad Person who was Hot and Tired and On Deadline and was at the office until 7 p.m. last night and it didn't do ANY GOOD because I am crazy busy today and also tired because my dog kept me up all night crying because we had to crate her because she's having accidents again and this CANNOT GO ON but yet it hurts my heart to hear her cry like that so I couldn't sleep and I'm having a bad hair day and I just now walked out of the ladies' room with my skirt tucked into my underwear.

See you tomorrow for the Smackdown and hopefully, Punctuation Part II: The Return of It.

Comments

Zoot

This is why Mother Nature should have re-thought the whole "alcohol is bad for a fetus" concept. Pregnancy would be much more tolerable if we could still drink after shit-days.

LisaV

It's such a pain in the ass they won't just pay you for being witty and pretty, they actually expect you to work too? Jerks.

kathy

You are pretty and smart and skinny (except for the being pregnant part) and totally should have won first place and don't owe any crazy body who hangs out in a Metro parking lot anything because you have important and pressing things to take care of. So there.

laura

Ah, the subject of Doberman incontinence. We have a full-size Dobie, and she has to sleep crated because she wets the couch. Mmmm, what's that smell? It's what they do - they wet them. And they are manipulative with the pitiful crying, and they have to be tricked into getting into the crate every single night with some new treat (we find that our Beans loves Oreos and marshmallows). Bah. Dobermans, bigguns and littluns.

Shiz

I'm with LisaV. You must be having a bad day if your skirt was tucked into your undies, because Amalah would normally never do that. Everrrrr.

kalisah

I think I could've taken it up until the skirt in the underwear part. That would have put me over the edge.

erinire

That is like the most impressive run on sentence I have ever read. Although a fan of the parenthetical phrase, and generally a lover of overlong sentences, I have never seen a run on sentence quite so splendid as yours.

CHEERS!!

Cagey

In this day and age of crazy people, you were correct in just driving off instead of helping that guy. It's a sad state of affairs that we have to be like that these days, but it is better to be safe than sorry.

Hang in there!

Kathryn

whew! go ahead and take the whole WEEK off--we'll survive!

PinkStiletto

Comment about your post from a couple of days ago...

In the first picture of yourself, you have pretty wavy hair. Please tell me that's not your natural wave -- if it is, I'll be so jealous that I may never come back here to read you. Now THAT is jealous.

However, if it isn't your natural wave... would you mind telling me how you got it to go like that? I'm a bit of a hair diva... but for the love of all that is good and holy, I have NO success getting the pretty waves.

Thanks Amy. (Please let it be a style, and not natural...)

Big Rach

I feel your pain about the Metro. I just had to ride it at lunchtime today. It was SO hot and SO gross and all of these tourists were shouting at each other about which stop to get off at, and UGH. You should not have been made to ride the Metro to receive an award. Yuck.

CrazyRideLady

Breath, sister, breath!!

ktbug

Jesus God, woman! Shoulda been first place and a limo ride instead of schleppin through the metro in heat and humidity with NO freaking escalators? F**k that noise.
Take a load off -- and then some. Tell Ceiba to chill. Crating your dog is not torture.
You are pretty and smart and lovable. Remember to breathe.

Amalah

PinkStiletto: Good news! You don't have to hate me. My hair is very, very straight. Stupid straight. But on humid or rainy days I can get it to wave like that by using Bumble & Bumble's Surf Spray and scrunching it like crazy while it's wet and letting it dry naturally (with occasional extra scrunching). Having a layered cut helps.

If the waves start falling out later in the day, I emulsify a teeny, tiny, miniscule bit of Bed Head's Small Talk into my hands and scrunch again. Ta da!

deb

I'm gonna secretly hope you had a margarita or at least a glass of wine that you're not telling the whole damned internet about after a day like that.

hope you at least can still wear some nice lookin' unmentionables to tuck your skirt into.

kat

Whew.

Mary

Every time I've had someone ask me for a jump I've agreed, and then gotten in my car and driven off. There's no way I'd let a total stranger hook their car up to mine. That's scary.

flora

tritto the driving off. that guy could have been the next ted bundy!

LaLa Lisa

Ahh, you poor thing. You should get an award just for being brave enough to venture into a yucky, stinky metro train on a hot, humid day.
I only ride it if I absolutely have to. You should have at least stopped by Kramer's and treated yourself to a yummy Strawberry Mamosa. A little champagne wouldn't hurt. ;-)

I'm so not ready for another humid DC summer. No go away and bring back the nice 70 degree weather. Puh-leease!

Sarcomical

poor poor girl! this is the day of the SUCK for you, isn't it? you and ceiba both. poor little baby.

i have no advice except to say: just don't wear the underwear. ;) heh. can you even DO that pregnant? because if not, i'm in trouble. i haven't worn any for the last few years.

amy

Amy,
I feel you babe. Composing an email to my boss that is about stress at work and changing our work environ but not sending because am drunkitu. lol

Amy

Franci

Very. Good. Sentence. with. no. punctuation. I. loved. it.

honestyrain

what kind of person asks a pregnant girl for help? what kind???

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