SO. I TAKE IT Y'ALL LIKE SEEING INDULGENT BABY PHOTOS AND SUCH, EH? AND SEVERAL OF YOU REQUESTED MORE? WELL, I WILL GIVE YOU MORE. BUT I WILL NOT STOP YELLING BECAUSE I AM AN OVERLY VERBAL THREE-YEAR-OLD WHO IS REALLY PISSED ABOUT SOMETHING.
Specifically, many of you requested "mall bangs" photos. And really, I looked. But I could not find any mall bangs photos. This is not to say that I did not wear mall bangs, because I did, and lo, they were multi-layered and gravity-defying, but I just don't seem to have any photos of said bangs in my possession.
I did find one photo of me with about half my hair pulled into a ponytail on the side of my head, and I may also have been wearing a fanny pack in this same photo, but you know what? I'm not going to post that one. I embarrass myself for your pleasure enough as it is. No one needs to see half-head ponytails and fanny packs.
Besides. There's enough mockery-inducing material in this little gem:
(Click for bigger version, duh.)
THAT, my friends, is a newspaper clipping from February 1997 about the re-release of the original Star Wars.
It is also a glimpse into the first date between Amy Corbett, 19, of Levittown, and Jason Storch, 20, of Newtown Borough.
Yes. Our first date made the newspaper, for we were that important. Also, we were stupid, because we didn't realize that you had to buy tickets for Star Wars waaaay ahead of time. So we bought tickets for Jerry Maguire instead, and Jason casually assured a second date with my fabulous self by buying Star Wars tickets for a show the next day. Sneaky!
And there happened to be this random reporter hanging around the theater lobby, looking for Star Wars freaks to interview. And behold, the freaks, they were us.
For the record, the whole "Maybe I'll dress up like Han Solo" quote was a JOKE. A JOOOOOKE, as was my "Oh, would you please" response, but apparently, SARCASM DOES NOT TRANSLATE INTO THE AP STYLE.
And "self-admitted Star Wars maniacs?" The hell? I believe I copped to being a "big fan," but the word "maniac" was never used.
Anyway, after our Big Interview, we were walking to Jason's car to go get dinner or something before the movie, and the reporter shouted at us.
"BY THE WAY, ARE YOU DATING?"
To which I cheerfully replied, "Oh no! We're just friends!"
And then we got in the car and I realized that Jason looked absolutely crushed.
Why did I not realize that we were on a date? Because I'd known Jason since like, junior high. He didn't want to date me then, even though I had super-hot permed bangs, so why would he want to date me now?
Well, possibly because I no longer owned a bathing suit that looked like this:
(In case you are too busy and important to read the entire backstory, a quick recap: Jason and Josh were best friends. Nicole and I were best friends. I liked Jason, Jason liked Nicole, Josh liked me so I transferred my liking of Jason to Josh, Josh was sort of not quite entirely stable, I broke up with Josh, he went more unstable, I took him back only to get dumped a few weeks later for some girl who rode my bus.)
(And apparently, my dear friends Not A Clue and No Idea hung out with us sometimes.)
Lord. Church youth groups are such SOAP OPERAS. No wonder we were known for putting on super-melodramatic musicals together.
I believe this play was about some kid with cancer who was totally upbeat about it because he had Jesus in his heart, and he helped all of his friends come to terms with his death through song because Jesus is awesome and also, it's pretty easy to feel great about Jesus when YOU AREN'T THE ONE DYING OF CANCER.
Or it was a play about some kid with cancer who was totally bummed about it because he didn't have Jesus in his heart, but all his friends helped him come to terms with his death through song because Jesus is awesome and also, it's pretty easy to feel great about Jesus when YOU AREN'T THE ONE DYING OF CANCER.
And the guy in the suit is an angel who Teaches Everybody Lessons. Probably through song.
Regardless, I look spectacularly awesome in my over-sized tee, as does Jason in what appear to be sweatpants of some kind.
Anyway, flash forward back to 1997. A few weeks before the whole Is This A Date Or Not A Date Date, Jason and I bumped into each other at Barnes & Noble. It'd been YEARS since our last pool party or theatrical performance together, but we recognized each other instantly. (I was actually there with this guy.)
So Jason tracked down my email address and really just wanted to get back in touch with his old friends and only came over to my house that day to fix my computer and then it was taking longer than he thought so he suggested we go get some lunch and then the movie theater was RIGHT THERE so why don't we see if we can get Star Wars tickets? See? So not a date!
God, I was so stupid. But hey! We cleared things up right then and there that yes, this was a date, and it was actually going awfully darn well, so why don't we kiss or something because OH MY GOD, I HAVE LOVED YOU FOR YEARS AND YEARS.
And then I think everybody knows the rest of the story.