Everything is Okay, Part II
Good Times, Bad Times, You Know I've Had My Share

This is the Third Time I Have Attempted This Entry, And No, It is Not a Charm

(Continuing in the presents-for-shout-outs whoredom that is this site: thanks to Minarae, Ubik, Peyton, Warcrygirl, CityCat and Jessie for the lovely, lovey baby gifts. And I found some stamps! So thank-you cards are en route. Thank-you cards that will most likely sound weird and rambling, because I never know what to write besides, uh, thank you, and end up trying to be all funny and witty and just...no. It never works. Possibly because I have the handwriting of a serial killer.)

(Although does anyone know how much postage I need to send a card to Australia? Because seriously, Australia!)


I wrote an entire post, people. AN ENTIRE POST. RIGHT HERE. And then I was stupid and clicked on something in the Google Toolbar for no good cotton-picking reason and I thought I was in a different Firefox tab and NO, I WAS NOT IN A DIFFERENT FIREFOX TAB, and POOF, I was carried away from my post which was immediately lost, except for those first two paragraphs because I'd saved THOSE as a draft and then never hit save again because that would have made sense.

And I am left with nothing, like if I wrote an entry in Microsoft Word and then Windows crashed and the stupid autorecover thing didn't work, only this is worse because I ENJOY BLAMING MICROSOFT FOR MY PROBLEMS. But I get no pleasure from yelling at Firefox or the Google Toolbar. I love Firefox and the Google Toolbar.

So I will blame myself, and my stupid clicking. And I will try to remember what the hell I wrote before.

(I wrote that second part, the tantrum part, yesterday, Thursday. And let me tell you, there is nothing more tedious than trying to re-write something you've lost. So I gave up. Now it is today, Friday, and I will try again. It still feels pretty tedious.)

The Post That Firefox Ate was about Wednesday morning and the Blood and the Scare and the Dehydration and blah blah blah. That's all like, SO two days ago. We can all move on now.

Except not too much, because I'm still feeling sorry for myself.

Although for those of you who (amongst the much-appreciated head patting and offers of cake) railed against my boss for making me work on Wednesday, I must issue a clarification. My boss did not "make" me come into work. My presence at work was 100% Pure Amalah-Brand Crazy.

See, there was this Big Huge Interwebnet Project that was going live on Wednesday, and Big Huge Interwebnet Project was MY Big Huge Interwebnet Idea. MINE. So while I totally COULD have supervised the project from home, I was imagining scenarios that involved something going Terribly Wrong, and mobs of panicked people running to my office where I would calmly and brilliantly Fix Everything and then everybody would be all, "Oh my God, Amy is so awesome, let's give her a raise and a promotion and throw her a party with cake."

Nothing went Terribly Wrong. I sent out some emails and tested some links and ate some donuts from the vending machine and then went home.

I still maintain that I am awesome.

I went to work yesterday because we were throwing a bridal shower for someone and there was cake.

I went to work today because...well, I'm not sure. Partly because I need every precious, precious hour of sick leave for after the baby is born. And partly because I again grossly overestimated how important I am at work and again assumed that unless I was actually physically present at the office, everything would go to hell in a handbasket and people would be running around screaming "WHERE IS AMY? FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WE NEED AMY!" and possibly on fire.

By 1 pm I realized that actually, I'm barely needed at all and can do my entire job at home from my couch. Which is MUCH closer to a bathroom, which is good, because this "staying properly hydrated" shit is killing me. And people at work are starting to comment on my very pronouced waddle-walk, which becomes even more hilarious when I'm clearly trying to waddle to the bathroom in a desperate, desperate hurry.

And trying to ensure that I empty my bladder completely? Requires me to spread my legs far, far apart and then bend over as far as I can, which is hard for a rolly-polly pregnant woman and more than once I have plum near toppled right off the toilet. And at work I swear the person in the next stall can tell what I'm doing and is all, "WTF?" At least at home my only problem is that sometimes my dog or my cat think I'm bending over to play with them and do gross things, like climb into my pulled-down underwear.

(Let me know anytime if I'm oversharing, by the way.)

Oh, I also came home today because of the contractions. Oh yes! Forgot to mention those. 300 bottles of water a day and I'm still getting Braxton-Hicks contractions that alternate between completely painless and ones that knock me out of my chair and onto the floor where I suddenly understand why so many women poop during labor, because OH MY GOD, MY PELVIS IS MELTING.

They're all erratic and weird and they stop once I drink yet another bottle of water. So while barely registering on the Official Time to Get Concerned Scale, I decided that hey, perhaps my body is telling me to take it the fuck easy for once and maybe for once I should listen.

So I did, and here I am, alternating between work and typing this brainfart of an entry (IN SEPARATE FIREFOX WINDOWS, LEST I GET CONFUSED ABOUT THE TABS AGAIN), eating ice cream and taking photos of my dog everytime she does something cute.

Hint: she does a lot of cute things.

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Postage to Australia should be 80 cents. I'm pretty sure that it is standard for all countries although Canada and Mexico are a little cheaper.


my partner has just had her first couple of braxton hicks contactions and she too is of the opinion that some of them hurt like crazyl and is not looking forward to labour.

check out our site



I never thought I'd be a fan of little purse-size dogs, but Ceiba is just sooooo cuuuuute. She almost looks like a little puppy-doll! So perfect! (I know she wasn't named after the town, but I've been to Ceiba, Puerto Rico, which is almost as pretty as Ceiba the tiny little dog.)

Sorry about the peeing and the contractions, but I'm glad to see you are laying down at least. With puppy and laptop and, maybe, more cake?

(P.S. I worry about my cat crawling into my pulled-down undies too. He seems to think any time I sit down in there is time for him to be played with. I think he has some weird thing going with the bath mat.)


so, i've spent like four hours today going through your archives (no, not a stalker, i'm just catching up on what i haven't read in these, um, past 8 months i've been reading) and i cannot tell you how hard i've laughed today.
you are hilarious.
and also, i was so confused when i hit the refresh button and your site went all crazy and white on me.
in your honor, i think i shall take a nap - let me know if the good vibes of being rested up got sent your way!!
(and ceiba is very very cute!!! i thought i didn't like teeny dogs either, but she is adorable!)


I would like to report that I just consumed an entire pint of Ben & Jerry's Chocolate Brownie Fudge ice cream in under 15 minutes.

Would someone please come dispose of the container before 1) Jason comes home, and 2) I am tempted to look at the Nutrition Facts and see how much fat I just shoveled into my body?



Well, I thought Ceiba chewing on your laptop was the cutest puppy picture ever, until I opened the SuperCeiba picture, where she's soaring with the greatest of ease and a tiny little puppy tongue is sticking out at me--CUTEST. PICTURE. EVER.

Glad to hear you're relaxing...Good lord, girl, you're getting close!! Take it easy--make Jason bring your cake to you on the couch. None of this "vending machine donuts at work" foolishness.


GAWD, she is going to be so completely horrified when this "new" baby comes into the house. ...getting his pictures taken...being played with...who the hell does he think he is?

she's so sweet.


I'm on board with Amytoo. I never thought I would be much of a small dog fan but your dog is so fucking cute. My favorite is the first one with the biting of the laptop. Glad to see her eye(s) is better.

I also have that cat in the pulled-down panties problem. We have two cats but one of them will come flying from nowhere when she realizes I'm in the bathroom. Still not sure why she does it. Kind of grosses me out when she's roaming around near my pulled-downs. Err, cat?


I am quite impressed with a 15 minutes per pint pace - and that's a particularly rich flavor, so that's actually a legitimate achievement.

May I suggest: http://www.engadget.com/entry/1234000710045088/


pretty puppy!! is it just me or does she look like eddie murphey being coy in the last one?

feel better amalah and squishalah!!


Goodness gracious, when did Ceiba get so BIG? She's, like, practically huge! Yet still wee and cute!

Also, staying hydrated is only fun if you, like, live on a toilet. Which is inherently not fun. Stupid summer deyhdrating weather.


Call me crazy, but in the second row, second picture, that red thing looks like a Ceiba penis!


Hee, hee, just wait until you have to carry a crawling 9-month old into the bathroom without to pee and she decides that (like everything else) she needs to crawl over and put your pulled down-panties into HER MOUTH! Horrified, you will attempt to stop peeing midstream in order to rectify the situation - and that will only make matters worse. :-)

Oversharing is great, really, it is.

And SO jealous of the Ben & Jerry's binge. YUM!


That Ceiba is a livin' doll. I love the pillow sprawl pictures! Now Max needs some equal time... :)


Frema's Ceiba penis comment just totally grossed me out! Ew! No! Almost enough to make me forget about the B&J Chocolate Brownie Fudge ice cream... almost, but not quite. :)

And it's good you decided to come home from work early today. You deserved it (and the 15 minute ice cream gobblefest).


After a craptacular day at work yesterday (wherein I got scolded for doing my job too well or much or something - wtf?) I came home and downed an entire pint of the magic brownies flavor in probably about that amount of time - mostly because I let it sit on the counter too long and it was melty and I was practically drinking parts of it.

Unfortunately, I am not gestating a human, so I can't say "but honey, the BABY wanted it..." like you can. So I hid the container in the bottom of the trash. And yes, for those of you tracking my comments, that is 2 pints in 2 days. Send tequila.

Kelly M.

Amalah---is Ceiba a miniature pincher???

Fellow editor

I'm actually commenting on a blog for the first time ever--and that includes friends and family blogs!--because I've been so entertained by your entries ever since I stumbled across it. And now, I'm stuck working late--and later by the minute, thanks to your amusing post. But I just had to say that I TOTALLY understand overestimating your importance at work! And yet, here I am at 6 on a Friday night!

I've been working my way through your archives, and my favorite entries are about dealing with deadlines and terrible writers. They crack me up because they're SO true! I'll leave you with a sentence I had to cut--not once, but TWICE--from an article this afternoon:

"Again, I'm not going to take sides in this argument, only express my opinion."

Uh, what?


Just wanted to say I love your writing! I found your site a few days ago when in a desperate moment I typed "being pregnant sucks" into Google. Thanks for being so honest, and at the same time reassuring other pregnant women that we are not alone in our insanity. :)


Wait until you have seven, maybe thirteen people you have never met before looking up your hoo-ha, saying, "Hey, I can see his head, just a couple more pushes!!" And you will NEVER worry about oversharing again.

ALso, enjoy Ceiba NOW baby. Three days after I had my son, one of our cats walked through the living room and I said to my husband - oh, hey. We have cats? Thank God he remembered.

Ms. Meh

You are so hilarious! I think I speak for (most) everyone when we say that living vicariously through you surely is a trip! Sorry it's being so rough, but at least it's almost over! (And then you can spend the rest of Squishalah's life telling him what you went through for nine months - or better yet, just show him the blog!)

Real Girl

Ohhh milord. The lost entry trauma! That's happened to me too, with the Mascara Chronicles Part II. Of course early contractions, dehydration, and extreme peeing might have been a bit deeper (although not too much! That's why we love you! And also, mascara's pretty deep to me...) but I will mourn the lost entry with you.

By observing a moment of silence.

(Oh who am I kidding? Silence ain't something I'm great at...)


Yes, a 1 ounce letter (Air Letter Post) is .80. If for some reason it's 2 ounces it shoots up to $1.70. And if your thank you card rambles half as much as the tag on your gift then you'll fit right in. :)


I soundly agree about the pooch. While I enjoy every word you write, I absolutely love it when you post Ceiba pics. That dog is a cutie and seeing photos of her always brings a smile to my face.


Ben & Jerry's Chocolate Fudge Brownie? In under fifteen minutes?

Such a glorious thing.


Ceiba's a freakin' four-legged supermodel!


Just me. Continuing to enjoy your posts! Let me ask you - after one sees past the cutie patotooty of your puppy - tell me...how DID you do the walls in your house? One wall a brick colour the other a yellow but looks like the same finish - sort of a plaster effect? TELL ALL! Also, I love your decor.......and you!
Seeing as we're sharing TOO MUCH information...when you said the contractions make you feel like you have to poop? How so?


I think I talked about the walls in the comments of a post a couple days ago. My mother-in-law did a faux finish called a color wash for us. She swears it's easy, but I dunno. I bet it'd look like ass if I tried to do it.

And when I said the contractions made me feel like I had to poop? I meant that the contractions made me feel like I had to poop. No other way to put that, really.

Franci from Europe

Hi there,
a step towards learning to listen to the signs of our body and respond according to it is a step towards wisdom. Especially when being pregnant.I really liked that approach in your post.

I do soo hope not to be misunderstood. Sorry if my English is bad.

Oversharing? Love that word: but with me, there's no way of oversharing. I am a dork. Once I read a story that someone was changing tampons when her kitten visited her in the bathroom. Take your fantasy to imagine what happened next :)))


I adore your site! I'm new at blogging and have been 100% inspired by several websites, including yours! (wow, I'm using alot of !'s, I'll stop now) Anywho, Ceiba is gorgeous. (see no !, although it deserved one.) Is she a miniature pinscher? My pupster needs a companion and she looks about perfect.


Amendment to above post, not Ceiba herself, a different one. Sorry for the confusion.


Yes, Ceiba is a MinPin. She's kind of runty for the breed, but just as sweet as Ben & Jerry's Chocolate Fudge Brownie ice cream.

Never thought I'd be a pocket dog person either (we got a small dog because we live in a small condo), but MinPins have no idea how small they are and have a hilarious big-tough-dog attitude.

But they're still all about the cuddling. She's sound asleep on the top of my belly right now.


Ceiba is my favouritest midget-dog EVAH.Have you considered dog modelling?


I think I am in love with your dog's ridiculous ears. What kind is she?


And next time, I will read the previous comments before asking dorky questions.


Very cute doggy, but of course you already knew that. ;)


Her ears are the bomb!
Sorry for being all 1990, but that's all I can think of right now.


Her ears are the bomb!
Sorry for being all 1990, but that's all I can think of right now.


What breed is Ceiba? Because I want one. After the big ol' stinkpot that is my current dog, I think I want something titchy, bug-eyed, and groomable.


Just wanted to say that I clearly remember the BH contractions being more painful than the real ones with my first child. Second was induced and so we're not going to count those ones :)


Happy Anniversary Amy & Jason!

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