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July 2005
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September 2005

Wednesday Advice Smackdown

Firstly, I want to thank everyone for the wonderful comments and emails yesterday. Y'all continue to amaze me with your unbelievable niceness. My mom's surgery is scheduled for next Monday. I'll be spending this weekend with her, as she is coming to attend the World's Tiniest Baby Shower, Another Pitfall Of Being Pregnant In The Summer and Also Having Friends With Social Lives and Plans and Vacations That Don't Involve You. Secondly, I refuse to confirm or deny the existence of diamonds (singular or plural) in regards to my anniversary gift. Sorry. I'm obnoxious and all, but seriously, I'm a little embarrassed by the size and the sparkliness of the rocks that now adorn my earlobes. Thirdly, whoops. Fourthly, today is your lucky day, as you can get TWO Amalah entries for the price of one (which is zero! click on some ads! they offer amazing work-from-home opportunities that are TOTALLY not a multi-level marketing Amway scam!). DesignPublic, a very cool online furniture/textiles/other-designer-things-I-want store, asked me to participate in this Baby Blogapalooza thing to celebrate their new Kids & Baby section. I think they may have me confused with someone else. The topic was Kids & Design, and I wrote... Read more →

Good Times, Bad Times, You Know I've Had My Share

Yesterday was our seventh wedding anniversary. To celebrate, I assembled a toy box from IKEA while Jason was stuck at work until 9 p.m. because his job sucks and that's totally just me saying that, People From Jason's Job, and you can't get mad at him because his very pregnant wife was home alone cursing profusely at pieces of particle board on her wedding anniversary and decided to say that you suck on the Internet the next day. We actually celebrated Big Crazy Style over the weekend and went to our favorite restaurant where they prepared a bazillion courses of amazing food for us and served me sparkling water in a champagne flute. And I thought the woman at the next table was STILL giving me a dirty look about it until I realized she was mad because she was very, very drunk and decided, upon seeing me in all my basketball-belly glory, that SHE WANTS A CHILD and proceeded to pick a fight with the man she was dining with AT QUITE A LOUD VOLUME. WHY WON'T YOU GIVE HER A CHILD? HER LIFE IS EMPTY. EMPTY! EMPTY LIKE THAT SECOND BOTTLE OF WINE SHE ORDERED. AND SHE WAAAAANTS... Read more →

This is the Third Time I Have Attempted This Entry, And No, It is Not a Charm

(Continuing in the presents-for-shout-outs whoredom that is this site: thanks to Minarae, Ubik, Peyton, Warcrygirl, CityCat and Jessie for the lovely, lovey baby gifts. And I found some stamps! So thank-you cards are en route. Thank-you cards that will most likely sound weird and rambling, because I never know what to write besides, uh, thank you, and end up trying to be all funny and witty and It never works. Possibly because I have the handwriting of a serial killer.) (Although does anyone know how much postage I need to send a card to Australia? Because seriously, Australia!) And now: GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDAMMMMMMMN. I wrote an entire post, people. AN ENTIRE POST. RIGHT HERE. And then I was stupid and clicked on something in the Google Toolbar for no good cotton-picking reason and I thought I was in a different Firefox tab and NO, I WAS NOT IN A DIFFERENT FIREFOX TAB, and POOF, I was carried away from my post which was immediately lost, except for those first two paragraphs because I'd saved THOSE as a draft and then never hit save again because that would have made sense. And I am left with nothing, like if I wrote an... Read more →

Everything is Okay, Part II

(Or why I don't feel like writing an Advice Smackdown today, part 3,048,273) Hey, anyone remember when I started bleeding at 11 weeks and it turned out to be a urinary tract infection? Remember how much fun that was? Answer: So fun! Let's do that again! And to make it EVEN BETTER, let's add in some painful back contractions in the middle of the night! Because of dehydration! And exhaustion! From The Heat! The MOTHERFUCKING HEAT. It's been a lovely morning. And I'm in a FANTASTIC MOOD, what with the huge work-related project that's due today and the four frillion little details left to take care of and PEOPLE, I AM HERE AT WORK DESPITE A RAGING URINARY TRACT INFECTION (with BLOOD! BLOOOOD!) AND ALSO DEHYDRATION AND EXHAUSTION AND WILL SOMEONE PLEASE JUST PAT MY HEAD AND TELL ME WHAT A BRAVE LITTLE TROOPER I AM. I could also use some cake. Read more →

Blankety Blank

Hello! How are you today? For a summary of my day, I refer you to Exhibit A, Not Awfully Darn Good. But no matter that I am worn out and tired and sleepy and working is working me like some kind of working work machine! (Work: We will squeeze every last drop of editorial skill from you before September! Every last drop! ) Never mind that I am not sleeping and cannot get any of my shoes on! I'm telling you, it does not matter, because look at the nice Internet readers I have! That's the blanket that Bethiclaus made for me. (Correction from a previous statement: Beth did not knit this blanket. It was crocheted. I apologize for the error, but would like to point out that I am not very craftmatically minded and couldn't tell you the difference between knitting and crocheting if my life depended on it. I believe one uses two needles while another uses one needle or possibly a pointed stick. Either way, they are both Way Too Difficult For Me.) (Although at one time in my life, I was wicked awesome at making those little potholders out of the stretchy loops on the plastic... Read more →