Wednesday Advice Smackdown
Of Cake and Coping

The Belly: Bigger Than A Breadbox

BUT FIRST...

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Behold! Furniture! Constructed using my own two hands! And a hex key! Also a cordless drill because WHO ARE THEY KIDDING WITH THAT HEX KEY SHIT?

I only assembled one side sort of upside down, which I discovered after putting everything else together, so meh, it's staying like that. And after looking at this picture I see that I didn't do such a great job snapping that one side together because there's a gap. A gap that will surely lure small fingers in and then mysteriously close itself up around them, like an evil, possessed toy box portal from hell, which would make a really cool horror movie now that I think about it, but instead I'm just going to give the left side a few swift kicks when I get home to properly close up that gap.

By the way, the box? Is already near overflowing with toys. I have no crib or changing table or even a decent supply of diapers, but Lord, this child has about four frillion toys. All of which are promising to thrill, delight and stimulate him and have him solving complex math problems by the age of six months.

AND NOW...

The belly at 33 weeks. Seven weeks to go.

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Jason's official reaction, whenever he catches a glimpse of the naked belly: "Jesus Christ."

I am carrying exclusively and 100% all in the belly, which means I look like I've shoved a beach ball up my shirt.

Which means I look like this:

Stickbelly_2
Not Pictured: The Krispy Kreme doughnuts I purchased this morning for my assistant and I, which I ended up eating all by myself because I forgot she had the morning off. They were delicious and plentiful.

People are starting to ask me if I think I'll be induced early "because he's so big." Which, what? 

Are you calling my child fat?

It's called eight months pregnant, people. It's not always gonna be pretty. Or petite. And yes, I'm aware that my belly button shows through my shirt. I'm delighted that you pointed that out.

Anyway, we're getting pretty excited, and have even expressed our excitement in refrigerator-magnet form.

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Comments

africankelli

Love the magnet. So pretty! Have you had about a frillion people also try to touch your belly? That is another odd pregnancy phenomenon. I don't get it, and yet, I do it!

CrazyRideLady

Jason's reaction and mine are the same! How can such an adorable little woman have such a huge baby in there?

Don't forget to thank your assistant for not showing up and letting you have all the KK to yourself!

Sarcastic Journalist

OMG! it's like, my totally favorite game! "Let me tell you how big and fat you look by saying you will have a twelve pound baby!"

I didn't know we had so many OBs on hand. :)

second favorite game: My sister died in childbirth and I'd like to tell you all about it, ye pregnant woman.

maricar

I just about cried reading the magnets. I'm such a sap. And dude your belly! Totally hot. Just wait 'til he drops. Gah!

minnie

magnets = cutest thing ever! i don't comment often but i just wanted to tell you that i'm so happy for you and jason.

Erin

lol! the magnets! we have those on our fridge too!

Kelly

Hee hee - my husband refered to me as "Buddah", and the baby was "Baby Buddah!" Why do men get this urge to refer to our bellies in a religious sense?

7 weeks - or sooner! :)

Eulallia

Congrats on the successful assembly of the Diktad! We attempted the Expedit shelving unit, and it looks like it will fall apart and crush us any moment. I don't think they should be allowed to call those indecipherable pictures "instructions."

Jenny

#1) congrats on assembling the toy box. It's WAY better than I ever could have done. Mostly because I KNOW I'd be the idiot who believes the hex key would work. I would have faith in the hex key! Plus I don't have a cordless drill :(

#2) The baby and your cute tummy are just fine. But that illustration, way off ;)

#3) (in response to an above comment) - seriously, what IS IT about touching the pregnant belly. I have a pregnant friend (she's got about 4 weeks to go!) and my hands are like DRAWN TO HER BELLY. It's not my fault - it her baby who humors me and KICKS everytime I come close! (Wait, does that mean she hates me already....?)

halloweenlover

OOOH, Ikea lures you all the time with cute designs and then crushes your spirit with impossible directions. Gotta love that.

Loving the belly! But seriously, did you have a talk with the boob fairy? I am hoping to get pregnant exclusively for the boob growth. If not, I'm outta here.

Mchick

Just discovered your blog, and boy am I glad. I'm due with my first on 9/18, so we're kinda fellow travelers. And dang if it isn't nice to find some other prego who's as snarky as I am. It ain't all hearts and flowers, people!

Okay, sometimes. But still.

My belly's huger than yours. So there.

Shelly

Regarding the toys, babalah will most likely prefer pulling out/opening/dumping all of your CD's on the floor, pulling books off of the shelves and unrolling all of your toilet paper so you might as well take all of those toys out of your nicely assembled box and throw in the cd's, books and t.p.

Starfruit

W O W - W E E E E E E

I can't believe it's only 7 weeks to go. I guess that's because I've read the archives and feel as if it were only a few weeks ago that you found out you were pregnant (well, it was only a few weeks ago...when I read it...the archives)!

There is no denying that a pregnant woman who carries 'it all in the belly' is pretty darned lucky! Why? Well, despite looking like you ate a ball for sports, it means you are still slim everywhere else.

Oh, the times I've heard catty women HAPPY to see slim girls pregnant (slimeballs) but you are of the build that just drives 'those women' batty!!! YEAH YOU!!

My neighbour had her baby last Thursday. She was in the room with only one other new mommy. When we visited her in the hospital, it was very upsetting to see the other girl in the room - much, much younger - with her new baby daughter - 6 lbs. and no daddy in sight. Yep, apparently the man couldn't deal. So what did we do? coo'd at peeped at her baby too!!!

Such a joy :)

Real Girl

Is there a Nobel Prize for Fridge Magnet Poetry? Or how 'bout for Belly Button PopOutery? Or Stick Figure Artistry? Or Toy Chest Stuffery?

I think we're all winning the prize for ProcrastinationWithFavoriteBloggery.

Frema

You and your son both look wonderful; don't let anybody else tell you different.

Kelly

Belly==gorgeous! The stick figure is your vindictive inner voice talking who's just being a bitch cause she's jealous that you get to have the baby and she doesn't!

Love the fridge magnets. We used the brightly coloured kids alphabet ones to spell out all sorts of things. I'm fairly sure they're super-natural because as soon as we spelled out that our son's cranky he got cranky, when we spelled out that he's cute and loveable he started to behave (we left them like that, obviously). :D

Laura GF

Yes, all the world is an expert when it comes to the clearly pregnant woman. I don't know why I even bothered to go to my OB/GYN after month six! There were plenty of people around who would tell me just what I needed to do!

Congratulations on putting the box together. Just the getting up and down from the assembly is worth a congratulations :)

Kathleen

Okay I am a moron because I read the title and then looked at the picture and said "Ooh! Amalah made a bread box! How very clever" and then I saw the Ceiba.

Hello hand. Meet forehead.

It was a very "Honey I Shrunk the Ceiba" kind of a moment.

You and your lovely round belly of babyness are both ravishing.

And your poetry, while not haiku-licious, is loverly.

Humor Girl

lol....Great job on the furniture! and you are just as darling as ever.

Dillygirl

Your little belly button is so cutesy! I can't stop looking at it! Agh! :)

Amy

Ok it's big, but as you said, you are eight months pregnant! Maybe it's just the Krispy Kremes waiting to be digested?

Carrie

The magnets are so cool! And good job with the furniture assembly. I would NEVER try to put to gether something like that. Ever. The Hubs has to feel needed for something!

~Carrie~

Lori

Aww, with the magnets. And the belly's cute, too. I wet myself laughing at your drawing, 'specially the part about the "clumpy fat shoes" because that's the only kind of shoes I own. Yeah.

jomama

A toy box? Oh yeah, babies do like toys and stuff. Damnit what else is there that I don't know about? No one has gotten us any toys, so the thought never crossed my mind.

I wish I was carrying it all in the belly, but the weight has gone to my face, ass, thighs, feet, etc. You're a lucky bitch.

TrailGuide

The boyfriend and I went to Buy Buy Baby last night to purchase the Graco Pack n Play (portable crib) for our closest friends (who are having their first child any minute now!). First of all, how come stuff that small costs so much? and secondly, why did the chatty salesguy look so crestfallen and, yet, so utterly confused when we answered that the crib thingy was NOT FOR US?

We have decided to christen our dialysis "water baby": Flow. For she is big enough some days to warrant both acknowledgement and a name.

Be glad you get to birth your be-yoooou-ti-ful beach ball of a little boy; i won't officially get rid of mine until those organs come. Nine months, my ass. HA! sister, i got you beat by a miiiiile :)

de

HA! I bet my belly is bigger than both of yours, Amalah and Mchick!

:P

Love the belly! magnets! and self portrait!

KT

DIKTAD!

I love it! Such a cool toy box. Or maybe it's just the name.

I think the magnetic photo poetry would make a heart-wrenchingly sweet baby album cover.

Sarcomical

oh. my god. are you seriously that close? i can't believe it already.

p.s. i can see your belly button through this post.

Heather

I have the same chest! Um, not the invisible from space one :P The IKEA one. But it's at my mom's house. She bought it for me for Christmas and I have no room for it. Sadness.
Also, tears for the magnets. Dang.

Darlene

I'm a lurker, but I gotta say, CUTEST.BELLY.EVER.
Seriously, I've been reading you awhile, and I just think it's so awesome that we get to see you/read about you throughout your whole pregnancy.
Plus, you're really funny and I'm an Amalah addict. There, I said it. Whew, I feel better now.

poobou

Love the Ceiba butt. Hi-larious.

I put together a bookcase from Ikea by myself once. Also had one panel that I put on backwards, because hello, I don't know how to read Swedish! Many tears ensued (I might've been a wee bit hormonal), then I decided after I assembled it correctly that the visible nail holes on the front of the bookcase gave it "character". Um, right.

Jana

About the box and the cute belly--Yay you! If only I could follow directions AND do pregnancy so swimmingly...(both at the same time, no less!)

Hope you score many cool goods at your shower-that-I-bet-won't-be-all-THAT-tiny, and thoughts and prayers going out to your mom as surgery day approaches.

Kitty

Yay! Your belly button finally popped out! That means the bun in the oven is almost done. ;)

I actually laughed when I read Kelly's comment, b/c J and I refer to our stomachs as Buddahs. Neither of us have a big belly, but that's the term we use. Now I know the word will get even more use when I get pregnant. Ha!

Good job on the furniture. You're right, Ikea has to be joking giving you that stupid little tool. It works, but it's time consuming.

cate

Oh, darling! That tummy, so beautiful! That poetry made me teary but that stick figure was hilarious!

paula

Just gotta say, love it, love it, love it! Best wishes to you all!

Katy

Delurking for the first time here...(although also a Foodie fan!)and totally off-topic.

As I've been searching for a cute non-clunky-hideously-large typical black laptop case that might also carry some file folders and makeup.Thought you and rest of the world out there would appreciate this: http://www.mobileedge.com/items.asp?cid=6&scid=6&pid=49

A very cute design and an extremely worthy cause.

Franci

Hmm, sorry, but the message on the fridge is grammatically incorrect: Instead, it should read: 'We have made a kid, etc.'
Your belly is not big at all. And clearly, its just the baby - you are careful and lucky.
Good luck, and take care of your back!

Monica

Love the magnet and belly shot!

B Watson

My wife got too big, and they induced. 10 days early. Who knew. Of course, she is now hated by every woman on the planet...pushed for 17 minutes. Oh, and the baby slept through the night on the second night. Needless to say I am on my way to the store to get a lottery ticket, because, hey, I'm feeling pretty lucky.

Zoe

I looooave your phone so much. Waaant.

Robyn

Your belly is beautiful!! I just look fatter than I did before!!

I remember putting together most of my son's toys two years ago - I never used so many swear words before or since!! Thank god we still have everything for this one!!

I love that picture - especially when I got to "dog butt". Aren't the pets soooo helpful putting together these things?

RedDevil

You are so lucky to have it all in th belly! I'm due 9/22 and am close to 40lbs up - much of that in the thighs! I was 6 lbs up by 2 weeks (before I even knew I was prego)...I just gained and gained (stretch marks on thigh and belly to prove it). Baby dropped today...the weight of the world has just automagically appeared on my pubic bone and lemme tell ya - It's not very comfy.

Just found your blog - I'm sure I'll be checking back often in the next few weeks...not much else to do right now since I'm on "mostly bedrest"

Best of Luck!

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