Wednesday Advice Smackdown
August 17, 2005
The Day Thus Far:
Baby furniture is here!
Remembered the $70 CASH at 6 am this morning, took Ceiba on a detour during her morning walk to ATM, reaffirming my love of city living despite small condo and lots of stairs because having an ATM a block from your house is just so beautiful.
Contractors are here!
And making a godawful racket. I'm so sorry, neighbors-who-smell-like-cats. And also sorry to your cats, who are probably freaking the righteous fuck out, like mine. If it makes you feel any better, my darling cat dug his claws into my belly while I was attempting to corral him into the baby's room when I left for my doctor's appointment. I didn't realize the damage he'd done until I got to the office and the nurse shrieked at the site of my bloodied t-shirt.
Or maybe it was the sweaty pit stains, because CHRIST, it's hot.
The baby has dropped!
But is measuring completely average and is not huge! But again! He's dropped! At 34 weeks! This seems early to me, as the whole "baby dropping into the pelvis" thing always seems to get mentioned in the same conversation as "and then I went into labor 10 minutes later."
But let's not talk about that right now. Let's focus on YOUR problems. Your many, many problems.
I need help. Well, that’s an obvious one or I wouldn’t be e-mailing you! But first I want to tell you how lovely you are and that I love your site and read it every day and think you are hilarious!
My sister is getting married in November, so I have been instructed to grow my hair out so its past my shoulders. My hair is finally at that point where it is right AT my shoulders, so I still have some growing to do. But all of a sudden, it has become greasy and oily feeling, and it is kind of annoying.
I take that back, it is very annoying. I wash it once a day and use conditioner only on the ends (I use Treseme) , and then I blow dry it. I don’t ever put any products in my hair, frankly because I’m too lazy. It has been dyed before, but not since October, and is very fine, but I have lots of it, so it still looks like I don’t have any of it.
I am a college student, working only in the summers, so I can’t go all out on super expensive shampoo and conditioner, but I don’t know what to do!! I like to wear my hair down, but when it feels greasy and oily, I am just pulling it up and this makes me sad. Can you help me Amalah? Pretty please?
Ugh. First of all, BOOOO to any bride who "instructs" her bridal party as to what to do with their own hair. Grow it out, cut it off, dye it to match hers, anything. That's absolute bridezilla crap, plain and simple. BOO AND UGH I SAY.
If someone asked me to grow my hair longer or (gah forbid) cut it off for her wedding? I would refuse. I'm sorry, but "your special day" is just one day, and I have to live with my hair for many, many more days than that. Get over yourself.
And besides using baby powder or talc in your hair to control the oil, or carrying around a mini-blowdryer all the time, there's not much else you can do about greasy hair -- other than to buy a better shampoo. I've got an oily scalp myself, and trust me, I've tried every cheap brand out there and only saw results with good, salon-quality clarifying shampoos.
So I think your sister should buy you some shampoo. Tell her you'll have to cut your hair to your preferred length if you can't get the oil problem under control, and while you have product recommendations (Halo Clarifying, Pureology Purify, Redken Solve Purifying, Aveda Scalp Benefits), you can't afford them.
Seriously. Feel free to guilt her into it. She's DICTATING WHAT YOU SHOULD DO WITH YOUR OWN HEAD. She should already feel guilty. If she refuses or just doesn't get it? Cut your hair. Whatever.
I'm from Canada and my local drugstore chain just started carrying Dior and Chanel perfumes and makeup. Does this make these cheap ass drugstore products now? Or are they still sorta fancy?
Curious in Ottawa
As far as I can tell, neither Dior nor Chanel has begun a low-end drugstore line, and their products are still primarily sold in ultra-fancy department stores. While expensive perfumes regularly show up at outlets and drugstores, I've never seen Dior or Chanel makeup sold at a CVS or Rite Aid or whatever. I think you've just gotten lucky.
And it happens sometimes -- one time Diana walked into her local Philadelphia drugstore to find an entire bin of Alterna Caviar Shampoo (retails around $24) on clearance for $1 a bottle. She immediately bought several bottles (while suspiciously quizzing a clueless salesclerk who clearly had no clue why this girl was so damn excited about a shampoo purchase and whether there was something wrong with these bottles), and then immediately rushed to the computer to IM me about it, and lo, I was so excited for her. (She forgot to buy me some, but you know, I acted pretty adult about it.)
So you know, if anyone happens to see Chanel lip gloss in Glaze on the cheap and wants to be my friend?
Am just saying.
Dear Queen of Everything:
What do you think is an appropriate age to have an eyelid lift? I'm in my mid-thirties and wonder if having the surgery now means that in ten years I'll need it again, and by the time I'm in my sixties I'll have had three of them and my eyebrows will blend in with my hairline. My droop level is about a 6 on the Asian-Looking Eye Scale (ALES) and I've wanted this since I was in my twenties. Thanks in advance.
If it's simply a question of "when" you should get a procedure done and not "if" you should get a procedure done, I'd say go ahead and get the damn procedure done.
However, I hear you on the Michael Jackson aspect of it. Don't get the same procedure done over and over because hell yes, you'll look like a freak sooner or later. Realize that no matter what you do, at some point, you WILL AGE and your eyes WILL SHOW IT. And that's okay.
So fix the droop factor you've got now so you can stop obsessing in the mirror and start enjoying your youth. Just promise me that when the real aging and wrinkle process starts to happen, you'll try to embrace it.
As you may already know, I am 7 months pregnant. My question for you is whether you are taking any classes such as lamaze and what are your reasons for choosing to take or not take them? My husband just brought up lamaze classes yesterday and my mind just froze because I had completely forgot about this customary part of a pregnancy. Way back in the early stages of my pregnancy, I had full intentions on going to a support group for pregnant women which may have given me all the information I would ever need right up to my ninth month, but my laziness got the better of me and I never signed up. I feel like this pregnancy is missing some important steps or information because I haven't even considered birthing classes and my monthly prenatal appointments consist of a weigh-in, a heart monitor on my belly and a pat on the ass out the door (military insurance, bleh).
So, lamaze-- yes or no? Also, is there anything else that I need to do in preparation for the labor/baby?
One last thing, do you plan on breastfeeding? I'm just curious because I do plan on it and I was wondering whether you have any resources or whether you planned on joining one of those groups or classes or whatever they are. Currently this is my only breastfeeding resource.
Any insight is appreciated,
Hello Apathy! Meet Laziness! And say hello to Good Intentions. Now kill him.
Yeah, I really meant to sign up for a class or something. And it was going to be helpful and wonderful and Jason and I would be bonded forever and meet a million new best friends there. And then...I didn't. My doctor didn't really give them a big ringing endorsement so I kind of felt supported in my malaise. (Amy: So should we sign up for a childbirth class? Doctor: Eh. If you want.) Plus the only classes we both could have attended were on Saturday mornings for six weeks. Six weeks? Lord, according to my junk mail, I can get a Master's degree in less time than that.
So we didn't sign up for one. We've read a lot, if that means anything, which I doubt, and we adore scaring the crap out of each other with those When Childbirth Attacks! shows on TLC and the Discovery Channel.
Does this mean I think other people shouldn't sign up for classes? Hell no. Because in case you haven't noticed, I haven't actually given birth yet. So I have no idea how screwed we are. I'll let you know next month whether I survived the ordeal without classes or whether the nurses had to tell me which hole my vagina was, or something.
As for breastfeeding, yes, I do plan to breastfeed. And no, I have not attended a class for that either. However, I chose a pediatrician practice that has a full-time lactation consultant on staff, and made friends with a neighbor who makes and sells breastfeeding pillows and seems to know an awful lot about how to nourish your very own child with your very own boobs.
So basically, I feel like I have a pretty good support network in place and would rather not attend a class full of freaked-out alpha-yuppies who plan to breastfeed for the next 10 years or something.
Not that I would ever stereotype people who attend La Leche League meetings, EVER. That would be catty and wrong. Me? Just lazy. Only slightly catty.
And probably doomed to months of thrush and bleeding nipples and latching problems.
(And of course, everyone is free to tell me how wrong and stupid I am re: childbirth and breastfeeding classes. And I am free to roll my eyes mightily at you, because meeeeehhhhhh.)
My wife and I had our child a little bit earlier than expected; she was about 3 weeks ahead of you but delivered last Thurs. Given how hot it has been down here (and, apparently where you are), she was more than happy to get her out. We are now trying a little experiment with the blog and we would like to get mad shout outs and props for our little one. What we would like to do is get as many comments as possible (cross our fingers) for the little one to read about how cute everyone thought she was. Total experiment and we'll see what happens.
Yes! I do have a suggestion! I suggest you submit your request to a popular online advice column and see if she'll ask her readers to stop by and leave you a comment.
Why, it's just so crazy it just might work!
(Translation: Everybody head over to Brandon's and ooh and aah over his delicious new baby girl. I command it! Go! Go!)
Real Life Non-Advice Update: OH MY GOD, IT IS SO LOUD HERE WITH THE BANGING AND THE SAWING AND EVERYTHING. And I currently have a laptop, a dog AND a cat on my lap, not to mention about 23 pounds of baby and baby-related bloating. So if this post is riddled with typos, it's because it's really hard to type with two terrified pets laying on your arms and blocking your view of the screen with their big fat pet asses. (Okay, just Max's ass. Ceiba is kind of balanced on my wrist like a fuzzy little bracelet and isn't really in the way at all.)
Got a question that you would like some half-assed advice for? Send it to firstname.lastname@example.org.