Wednesday Advice Smackdown
He Said, She Said, They Said, You Said

36 Weeks. And Also, Poop.

I was out walking Ceiba last night when I noticed a DC United van was pulled up in front of the building next door. And various soccer-player types were out and about, unloading furniture from this van and carrying it inside. In their soccer-player arms. Flexing their soccer-player legs.

Flat-screen TVs, stereo equipment and expensive modular furniture: the calling cards of a teenaged professional athlete blowing his signing bonus.

Even though I could not tell you the name of a single player on the DC United roster, I still stopped and stared and gaped like a damned fool. And those nice young men all smiled and waved at me, which is right when I realized that Ceiba was taking a huge dump.

And struggggggling with this dump. Straining. Wandering all over the place, dropping turds left and right.

Which I then had to squat down and pick up, one by one, lest the soccer players label me as the neighbor who lets her purse dog shit all over their new lawn, but really, that might be preferable to being the neighbor who huffed and puffed and finally managed to bend down to the poop's level only to have her ill-fitting hand-me-down maternity pants slide down off her ass.

Which is soooo not what actually happened. Oh no.

And that's the only story I have to tell today. Because there is nothing interesting going on, unless you count my new bathroom vanity and sink, and even I realize that posting photos of my new bathroom vanity and sink is really pushing it in terms of entry content.

So instead, some self-portraits taken in my bathroom.

Not Pictured: my new bathroom vanity and sink, which is so pretty, even if it did lead to an unfortunate nesting incident last night involving me mopping and scrubbing the bathroom floor at 11:30 pm. (SCRUB, Christina! SCRUB!)


Amalah: Stretching the limits of maternity wear beyond all good reason and dignity since August 2005.


Ceiba the Inconvenient Pooper and her little brother-to-be who, in fact, weighs at least two pounds more than she does already.


Run for your lives! It will destroy us all!



That shirt is so dang cute!


wowza belly, in all it's cuteness. Seriously sista, those soccer players musta been thinking you was a MTBILF. (Mother to be I`d like to F?(*%)


Just look at it! The bathroom I mean, ha! I can't wait to hear how Ceiba is with the baby around. Pets can be sooo funny! My husband brought home the outfit the nurses put our son in, and the little cap, for the cats to sniff before we came home. I don't think they cared. But, might work better for a dog.


It's amazing how very round that belly is. People aren't round. Babies aren't round. Yet the pregnant belly is.


Not that the belly isn't cute...AND Ceiba. But. Soccer Players, with their soccer player arms and soccer player legs...Yum.


Oh man, losing your pants while picking up dog shit in front of hot soccer players is not good. I can't get over how great you look. Good for you.

Sarcastic Journalist

I want that shirt. Now.


Isn't the human body amazing? I can feel your lower back pain from here, though. It is now the month in which your baby will be born (hopefully)! I can't imagine your excitement.

Of course we want to see the new bathroom vanity and sink. Do you really think we have lives of our own? No, we do not. Every aspect of your life is therefore fun and exciting to us, even if it may seem mundane to you. Please entertain us with pictures!


Thanks for the story It made me laugh and I needed that today.

suzanna danna

you poor thing, you must be a bit uncomfortable, I don't know how you manage to look so incredibly beautiful and polished while housing what is bound to be a very tall boy who must be standing on your kidneys and bladder.

still? you look radient!

suzanna danna

um radiant... because i graduated the 4th grade.


You're more awesomer looking pregnant than I am normal. oh well.

You should have your baby on the 12th. It's a good birthday to have, other than the occasional high holiday falling on the same day, and you're turning 7, and you think all the relatives are coming over for your birthday but they are really coming over for rosh hashanah and not for you, and then next thing you know you're 25 and in therapy.


How CUTE are you? I so cannot believe that its September already and that boy will BE. HERE. It looks like he's dropped which I'm just learning about in reading my oh so scary pregnancy books on how to permanently damage and scar your child pefore its even the size of a bottle of nail polish.

Also? Soccer player legs? Hubba hubba...


Also...that would be Before (not pefore, that wasn't even CLOSE)...because I, also, graduated the 4th grade.

And I have to second jermajesty about the 12th, that's my birthday too...


What a beautiful sight! And Babalah has dropped A LOT in the past couple of weeks. He's heading for the door!

Swim toward the light, Babalah!


Robyn, when my best friend had a baby, she sent her husband home with one of the blankets that the baby was using so that the dog could smell it. I think it did help.


I was leaving the spa a few years ago, all relaxed and purdy after a day of mani's and pedi's-when I came upon a Manchester United bus being unloaded by lots and lots of soccer players in short shorts and tall socks. That has been my only experience with soccer. It was a good one.

I need to find a friend like you, so I can borrow all their cute maternity clothes....which I am going to be needing sooner than later. Is it bad that I am only 9.5 weeks and having a hard time covering my expanding belly? And why do I only buy super tight shirts?? I have nothing for this "in between" phase. E-gads.


I used to live around the corner from Jerry Seinfeld. One night my dog was in the middle of taking a big poop on the sidewalk right in front of his building just as he walked out. He had to step around a steaming pile of my dog's poo in order to get into his waiting car.

Your belly looks fabulous.


The belly! I love the belly!

You look great, Amy!


That was just the funny story I needed for today!

Your belly looks so great!


Ms Meh

Cute cute cute! And let me put my plug in for the 17th, my birthday... ;)

Real Girl

Wow! Things have certainly shifted downward! About the belly, I mean, not the poop story.

After Babalah's born, poor Belly Button will have to get used to no longer being ahead of you by a few seconds.


Look at that shine!

*squeaky buffing sounds as I polish with my sleeve pulled over my fist*

And you've almost got corners. You know you're close when your belly has corners.

I'm so excited for you!!!


such a cute tummy!


You look amazing. Go you! Attracting attention from hottie soccer players!

I know it's controversial, but I will vote for my birthday, Sept. 11, because good things should happen on that day too.


You totally have the Hip Rockin' Pregnant Woman bit downpat. By the way: are you ever tempted to draw funny faces on your belly and take pictures of it? Because if you are, and you haven't yet, time is running out.

I'm just saying.

Humor Girl

You are one of the most beautiful pregnant women i have seen..ever! I hope Jason tells you this every day. :)


OMG you look soooooo cute! 4 more weeks to go! You know, in case you lost count or something... :)


Wait till Babalah is 16 and has his wisdom teeth out and you go into the oral surgeon's OR to collect him and you burst into hormonal tears. There sat MY babalah, all six-feet-two-inches of him, festooned with bloody gauze and a loopy nitrous oxide grin and bless him, he ordered the oral surgeon to give me a blast of nitrous oxide. Motherhood isn't supposed to be about sharing psychotropic substances, is it? But it warmed my heart. You look great, Amy. I vote for Sept. 9--my birthday. Nine Nine is easy.


Okay, you know how guys have a natural instinct which appears EVERY SINGLE TIME they see another man get hit in the nuts, whereby they must flinch, moan, and grab their OWN nuts.

Well, for the first time ever, I have realized that I also share that same instinct, or at for the first time can truly appreciate it.

Because, and I'm truly sorry to say this, when I saw that belly shot, I actually flinched, moaned and crossed my legs.

But don't worry, I have given birth twice and somehow nature makes sure that the baby WILL get out.


It is amazing that the belly is so roundwhen the baby is not very round at all. At 28 weeks, mine kinda looks more like a football.

Where'd you get that shirt? I've been looking for maternity shirts that don't hang, but cling, so I can show off my football.


The shirt was from Gap Maternity...and honestly, any time you see a shirt there with the elastic-y bottom? Buy seven of them, because they are the most comfortable and flattering shirts in the world -- and by 36 weeks they will be the ONLY THINGS YOU WILL OWN that will completely cover you and not leave a few inches of fish-belly white skin exposed.


I'd say I'm rooting for the 3rd, which is my anniversary, but that would be cruel and mean. So I am not. See how I love you??? Soooooo...I'm thinking the 15th. Just early enough that you don't have to go through the agony of wondering if you'll be late, but enough time to get some bits and pieces in check. Yaaaaaaaaay, Mamalah and Babalah!!!

Bonanza Jellybean

Young professional athletes smiling and waving at you? In a group? I bet somewhere in the back of their mind went "I wonder if that's the chick from that bar about a year ago...I think she was blond... hope not, or my agent's going to make me take all this shit back to pay her off."

You look beautiful. Don't worry- it's almost over. Then the REAL humiliation can begin! :)


So, Amy.

That there link shows a Paris Hilton cuddling with a Storch. Any relation?

And I demand pictures of the sink. Because I like to pry like that.


where the HELL is your baby fat? where is it?!? you are seriously pissing me off with all your cute beach-ball-in-a-pretty-body crap.

no, actually i'm just wishing to GOD i may look that good when i get pregnant and knowing it will never happen. you must share you pregancy fitness plan with us. or all hope will be lost for others.


seriously, amalah... you look like the storyboard mock-up of a pregnant lead character. everything is pretty and non strech-marky and having lunch at The Ivy.

you are pregnant fancy!


wow the baby is really low, huh? wow. having any contractions?


I think dogs secretly do that kind of crap on purpose.

Your belly is SO CUTE. It's so perfectly round! Like a big scoop of butter pecan ice cream.

Mmm. Ice cream


I've said it before and I am saying it again...that pup of yours is coming EARLY!!! Do you hear me? EARLY !!

You still look great as does your adorable snakable of a dog




So on the imdb thing link, there's a bit of text which says "NO WIRE HANGERS EVER!!!" I'm sort of amused by the internet tying all your entries together in a freaky cosmic way.
You look absolutely fabulous, and so very full of baby! We are all ridiculously excited for you, I think.


You look lovely, Amalah. (Oh, what? Someone's already said that in this comments section?)
My first thought on looking at that photo was, hang on, there's a BABY in there. That's so, I don't know, crazy. It must feel so strange.
Also, Ceiba looks like she's desperately vying for another glimpse of the football (sorry, soccer) players - girl after my own heart (except with the pooping).


Shirt? Adorable.

Belly? Even more so!

Soccer legs? Yuuuummmmmmmm!!!

Scarlett Cyn

Auntie Amy, Arianna had TWO comments upon viewing this post:


2) WHOA SHE'S BIG!!!!!!(Um, and she wasn't speaking of Ceiba, either!)

I think you look adorable, personally.


HOLY SHIT! I thought I was the only one with a road map on my preggo belly. It doesn't always show up in pictures but I'm strangely fascinated by all those veins that almost look drawn on.

What I'm not fascinated by is my linea negra. It is FUGLY. Oh well, it disappears afterward, thank goodness.


Every time you or Sundry post a belly picture, I think, "Nothing is better than a belly picture." And then I think, "Oooh, wait...nothing is better than BABY pictures and those are coming next!"

You look beautiful and happy and oh-so ready to be a wonderful Mommy.

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