How to Drive a Pregnant Woman to a Sobbing, Hysterical Breakdown in Three Easy Steps
September 06, 2005
Step One: Deliver Pregnant Woman's new kitchen cabinets on a Friday. Deposit in dining room. Do not open, because what this place really needed was some more goddamn cardboard boxes.
Step Two: Tell Pregnant Woman you will demolish her old kitchen and install new cabinets on Tuesday. Which is today! Which means every item in her kitchen needs to move to the living room. Preferably, in boxes.
Step Three: Call Pregnant Woman and tell her that one of the new cabinets is cracked. And two are missing. Because the boxes? When they were delivered? Were not opened.
Begin discussing new-cabinet-ordering timeline that simply does not match up with her countdown-to-baby timeline and listen to her crumble in defeat.
For bonus points, tell her that her old cabinets have already been demolished.
You aren't blaming this one on me, bitch! At least you got your goddamn drawer already.