In Which I Start To Think That Maybe Remodeling the Kitchen Was a Bad Idea
I Barely Even Thought About My Kitchen This Weekend...

In Which I Do Not Talk About My Kitchen

All week, I've been kind of waiting for someone to comment or email the inevitable how-dare-you-write-about-your-stupid- kitchen-problems-when-people-are-homeless-and-have-no- kitchens kind of thing.

I was actually surprised it took as long as it did, but yesterday somebody finally said it.

(Now, she has since apologized so I order everybody to lay off. I love the minion-like way y'all rush to my defense when needed, but this time? Not needed. Be nice.)

Of course, I'm going to harp on it just a wee bit. Then I will drop it. I swear.

There was the typical "have you not been watching the news?" aspect to her comment which always bugs the crap out of me, as if simply because I have not specifically addressed Hurricane Katrina here, therefore I must not even be aware that there is a national tragedy going on. Because I have only written about IKEA and kitchen mishaps, those must be the only things registering on my shallow plane of existence.

Which: Of course not, fools. And I'm not writing about my little problems with the expectation of empathy and head pats (which y'all have given in spades anyway), or to imply that oh my God, my life is so HARD, y'all, feel sorry for me.

I'm writing, basically, to ENTERTAIN YOU. Or at least myself, because haaaaa, I sat down on my couch last night and tried to change the TV channel with a spatula instead of the remote.

I have no words for what I've seen on the news. I have no eloquent rant or solution. Just sputtering horror and impotent rage.

I keep imagining some nine-months-pregnant girl down there who had to leave her dog, her cat and the nursery she worked so hard on behind. Who went from fretting about what to pack in the hospital bag to wondering if she'll give birth in a hospital or a squalid refugee camp. From whether Pampers or Huggies are the better brand to wondering where in hell she's going to find diapers at all. 

I don't know if she exists, but goddamn, she haunts me, and I wish I could make everything all better for her.

Anyway. That's all I have to say about Katrina.

Except that we Snarkywood girls put together a little campaign to raise some money -- just a modest $500 -- and would really like to blow the roof off that amount.

Oh, and yesterday? I totally wore my ugly dog-walking flip flops to work. BY ACCIDENT.

I forgot to change them after Ceiba's morning walk and didn't notice that I still had them on until I sat down at a company-wide meeting and realized that HI! I was wearing FLIP FLOPS to an office where SUITS AND TIES ARE REQUIRED, and also, Ceiba has chewed the everloving hell out of these flip flops, there may have been dog poop caked to the bottom, and HOLY HELL, I really need a damn pedicure.

Feel free to either 1) mock me mercilessly, or 2) yell at me because AT LEAST YOU HAVE SHOES, BITCH.



Pregnancy brain claims yet another victim.


Unfortunately that girl does exist, as it's my friends friend. She's due this week and she fled to Texas with basically nothing and everything she had has been destroyed. And oh, I found this out when I was bitching about the fact that the girl at Banana Republic entered my information wrong and I was declined from getting that fabulous 10% discount when you open a credit card. I got the, "hey, at least you're not about to pop out a kid and not have anything left" response to that. I felt like such a jackass that I immediately went and sent Babies R Us gift cards to a girl I don't know.


I refuse to mock or yell! I will give you a hug however... (((( AMALAH )))))

I too am haunted by the sights on my TV and can't stand to turn it on any longer. I have donated to the Red Cross, Samaritan's Purse, and the ASPCA Animal Rescue emergency fund. Now I shall snark for a cause! :)


#1 - LilZ had to wear CLOTH diapers for medical reasons for SIX MONTHS. After that? I have learned to love any and ALL disposabal diapers. Even generic ones.

#2 - I just posted about growing out of maternity clothes. And almost all of MrZ's family has been displaced. How's that for not looking to be quite "aware".


Completely beside myself with terror and fear and sadness about what has happened.

Also completely beside myself with laughter at your wonderful shoe "choice" for the day! Awesome!


We all need to smile still and that is what your site does for me everyday!


Nic - If there's a way to get anything (gift cards, supplies, etc.)to your friend's friend (and if she wouldn't be completely weirded out by donations from random Internet people), email me and let me know.


Amy, you are awesome! Just awesome. That's all I have to say.
I do however pray that babalah's butt is not like LilZ's! Man, THAT would suck!


Oh - MrZ's aunt:

31 weeks pregnant.

She has been trying to have kids for TWENTY-TWO years, and this is only her THIRD child. Fertility issues were an understatement.

Her first two? Boys. Now? She's finally having a girl.

Spent a few weeks hooked up to a fetal monitor because her baby had her umbilical cord wrapped around her neck.

Now, finally OFF the monitor.

Okay - if thats not enough to have you (and me) feeling REALLY lucky?

She lives in Slidell, LA. Her house was saved from a bunch of the storm, but the city still has no power and her families homes are all in shambles. She should be prepping for the culmination of 22 years of struggles and pains, now, she's just trying to find a place to call home before she has her baby.

Okay. There's your girl. Sorry to ramble. I should totally get my OWN blog, shouldnt I?


I read you specifically for comic relief. I love reading your blogs...I have never commented before, but you are hilarious..sorry you are funny on your own life issues, but reading you makes me not think about the horrible tragedy in New Orleans, or the fact that my wedding in almost a month away, HOLY CRAP. Keep blogin...I can't wait to meet your baby via the blog and see the finished kitchen. FYI, my fiance' thinks it is weird that I read a total strangers blog.


OMG. I, too, wore flip flops to work today. And jeans (ok, the jeans were NOT an accident). But I walk to work in flip flops everyday, and today forgot to pop some work appropriate shoes in my tote. The jeans? What can I say...there was no trip to the dry cleaner this week because I am a slacker.
Also, I've been reading you forever, and I read you for entertainment's sake. I watch the news to be completely sad and hysterical and angry. Thanks for keeping on, sister.



BTW - the Fallsgrove Safeway (for those of you who are local) have a massive effort going on to donate diapers and bottled water, as well as other items. I was happy to add a few packages to the mounting pile last night and I believe they are scheduling regular pick-ups.

thanks Amalah -- my love to you, Jason and Squishalah. :-)


Amalah, you should refuse to apologize for enjoying your life and being happy and excitied about your upcoming miracle. I am sad and the hurricane is a tragedy but that does not mean that we should all walk around and fake self-hatred at our good fortune. Bad things happen. It is possible to be sympathetic and compassionate whithout wallowing in despair so that others dont percieve you as unaffected. Ok, that's my rant. I'm very happy for you and Jason. Yay it's so close.


Thank you for writing about Other Stuff because I can't watch or read anymore Katrina news. I cannot fathom how a country with so much did such an inexcusable job in a disaster with so much advance notice.

Not only do I enjoy seeing the progress in your remodeling, I would like to see a picture of the flip flops!


Ohhh. Do you think all the folks here in Boston are wearing their flip-flops by accident too? Because while that would explain a lot, it'd also leave a lot of explaining to do.

The flip-flops and office clothes. I DON'T GET IT. And I can wear jeans to work 5 days a week.


It never even occurred to me that OH MY GOD AMALAH doesn't CARE about KATRINA, in part because I saw that you had used Snarkywood as a very effective tool to gather donations. Clearly, the problem here isn't that you don't care, it's that more people need to read Snarkywood. And also, when you are nine months pregnant, you can totally get away with wearing flip-flops to work.


Flip-flops...excellent, I've SO done that on a morning when I was running late on many an occasion. No worries, look how much more comfortable your poor pregnant feet were.

And if you find anything out about Babies R Us donations, please post it on your website so that we can send her things.


You truly are great entertainment. And I must tell you that I once went to a nice fancy restaurant with a friend for dinner. I was having trouble deciding which shoes to wear with a certain dress so I tried on 2 separate shoes at the same time to see which looked better. I didn't notice until DESSERT that I still had a different shoe on each foot! So much for being classy.


A few years ago a co-worker wore two different shoes to work. Each black loafers, but not a matching set. I made fun of him all day, on all levels. Asking how he could be so dense, teasing because he didn't go out on his lunch break and buy a new pair of shoes, just to get through the day. I humiliated him.

You know where this is going, right?

I did the EXACT same thing the next week. Two different black loafers to work. My co-worker, who is a better person than I am, did not tease me.

I didn't even go out and buy a new pair on my lunch break. Why did I need another pair of black loafers? I clearly had two nice pairs.


I definitely left my house for the third job interview of my adult life wearing a suit and REEF FLIP FLOPS because big girl shoes were entirely foreign to me. I noticed while I was getting gas and had to drive all the way home to change. I can only imagine what my basket-case self looked like once I got to the interview.

Miss W

Here's a link to the newspaper in the town where I used to live -- about an hour north of NYC on the Hudson River. It seems that one of the hospitals there is taking care of a woman who is in her 8th month...with NO insurance. Her husband is a union electrician and has insurance only when he is physically working (meaning if they need anything this week when he is NOT working? NO INSURANCE!)


Maybe I'm going to be flamed for this -- but even though what happened in Lousiana is terrible, awful, and I have nightmares about what happened and how awful it is for the people there, we can still have our own little problems and issues and traumas and they still are important to us? I mean, yes, given that people are homeless, have died, and have been displaced does put our own problems into perspective, but still, we are still allowed to complain about our own problems and issues.
I don't know if I'm saying this right, but basically, just because we bitch about things happening in our own lives doesn't mean that we don't have feelings for or empathize with all the Katrina victims. The 2 are not mutually exclusive.



You are hilarious. Damn, I wish my writing was even a fraction as funny as yours. And no one who has read you for any length of time would believe that you don't know or care about what's going on in the world.

How can you even see your feet to know if you need a pedicure at this point?


I'm haunted by the depth of my memory that it seems I have yet to lose. Note to self...*Must remember to check shoes before coming to work*


OMG that is only slightly better than that showing up to work naked nightmare. Ha ha ha

Re: your kitchen. We remodeled when I became pregnant with #2 and it wasn't complete 'til WAY after she was born. We were on subfloor much longer than I care to admit. Despite this, everything was OK. Better than OK. It will be for you too.

Re: Katrina. Of course we all know what's going on but also YOU ARE ABOUT TO GIVE BIRTH. Due to the fact that I recently suffered some insomnia and near-panic attacks after a, what my husband coined, "trauma night" when I watched all the wrong news shows and documentaries and THEY FREAKED ME OUT, I decided not to expose myself to too much of the Katrina coverage. I wrote my selfish stance about it on my blog earlier this week. I too am about to give birth and I just cannot freak myself out with the tragedies of this world right now. Horrible? Maybe. But at least I'm honest.

Don't you worry about anything. ENJOY THIS TIME!


OMG that is only slightly better than that showing up to work naked nightmare. Ha ha ha

Re: your kitchen. We remodeled when I became pregnant with #2 and it wasn't complete 'til WAY after she was born. We were on subfloor much longer than I care to admit. Despite this, everything was OK. Better than OK. It will be for you too.

Re: Katrina. Of course we all know what's going on but also YOU ARE ABOUT TO GIVE BIRTH. Due to the fact that I recently suffered some insomnia and near-panic attacks after a, what my husband coined, "trauma night" when I watched all the wrong news shows and documentaries and THEY FREAKED ME OUT, I decided not to expose myself to too much of the Katrina coverage. I wrote my selfish stance about it on my blog earlier this week. I too am about to give birth and I just cannot freak myself out with the tragedies of this world right now. Horrible? Maybe. But at least I'm honest.

Don't you worry about anything. ENJOY THIS TIME!


I think that at times like these we need the f'ing entertainment just as much as we need to talk about the horrific things that are going on in the world...i appreciate that you would be the one thing i read daily that is NOT about the hurricane...



Totally thought that you were encouraging people to "Snark for a cruise!" Heh.



I'm KIND of your girl... I am 29 weeks pregnant and had to leave home (in Mississippi) due to damages to my home and no power. I had to leave my two precious doggie babies with my grandparents. Luckily I had somewhere else to go, my husband is in the Army and had lodging at Ft. Benning GA that I could stay in. But I left my parents, grandparents and cousins all behind to deal with all the crap that Katrina left behind. Now.
I am not saying this to whine,or get pity from anyone. I just want to say that since being here in GA with power and internet access, your site has been one that I frequent, because it is such COMIC RELIEF from the devastation I was stucl in last week. So, THANK YOU-- for sharing with us your kitchen problems and the hilarity of your life. It's keeping me sane.


How lame is it that I keep coming back here to see if the donation bar has gone up?

Great idea!


Bellabelly - God, I'm so sorry, and I'm so happy you and yours are okay. If you need anything (maternity clothes, chewed-up flip flops, etc.) please let us know.

And to anyone interested in helping the girl Nic wrote about (who actually had her baby boy on Wednesday), email me for details.


" I love the minion-like way y'all rush to my defense when needed,"

I think this particular breed (he! breed) of folk need a name. How about blogzealots - all smushed together to form one over the top superword to accurately express their zealotry.


In light of how badly BeelzeBush and his crew have messed up the relief efforts, we NEEDED some light reading! My own 35 weeks pregnant ass can only sit in front of the TV and cry so many tears. Seriously. I think it goes without saying that except for a few pitiful folks who HAVE NO SOULS, most of the blogging community is well aware of how damned lucky they have it.

Entertain away, please.


At least they matched each other. As I can no longer see my feet now (34wks pregnant), my loving husband must check my shoes daily to make sure I don't walk out with one brown and one black... again!


We knew you would not possibly have ignored current events to that extent. I thought Snarkywood covered your feelings adequately.

BTW a contractor met with us today FOR TWO HOURS. I want to cry. Our baby will have to eat Ramen and wear only a diaper because we will not be able to afford to feed or cloth it because - gaclk - this is going to cost a fortune.

And yes I know people have no houses to remodel, much less live in. But damn, this shit is expensive.

type a

hey pretty girl!! i've been waiting for it too - like me buying a house in any way supercedes what's going on in the world at large, let alone with katrina.

A. i'd feel like an ass talking about what I'M doing to help, you know? like, praise me for i volunteer.

B. and also? who the hell am i to speak to that situation with any kind of intelligence, grace or insight?

i cry. i weep. i weep with oprah, but ultimately, am largely hopeless. hate.

you're lovely - don't let no one tell you different :)

Real Girl

Yeah, it's hard to write about beauty products now as well. And I've got a contest going now to give away beauty samples, and my first thought was: shouldn't I be sending them to people who have nothing? gloss and mascara would really help them at the Superdome? I gave at the office (who matches) instead but still feel a wee bit guilty.


Oh Amalah, I keep saying to myself... you watch, you cry, you send money, and then you try to enjoy life. Laugh at the funny things and get mad at the annoying things.

And your kitchen? Totally annoying. I'd be ripshit right now. But it looks beautiful so far!!! YAY! Can I ask where you got the cabinets? Not IKEA, right?


Once I wore two completely different shoes to work. Left foot was a mule and right foot was a sandal. Which would've been really funny if I hadn't done it AGAIN about a year later. I was teased mercilessly.


Thanks, but I really am ok. Plenty of clothes, food, etc, because I am here in GA. Luckily my husband still has a job, but I think that for alot of people from my state, they don't have that right now. Thank you for what you are doing (with your donation bar, and at snarkywood) for the people of Mississippi and Louisiana. I consider myself one of the very VERY lucky ones.


And ps-- I am EXTRA Ok on the chewed up flipflops. Thats all I wear anyway!!! Its too hot for anything else!!!


Thank you, Amalah. Your post today was eloquent.

Again, sorry to have jumped in so quickly to judge. As I said earlier, you've all helped me see a different perspective which lightens things considerably.

(And thank you, Amalah, for defending me against the roaring crowd :))


When Abraham Lincoln was asked how he could continue to make jokes while men were dying during the Civil War, he said, "With the fearful strain that is on me night and day, if I did not laugh I should die."
Don't let people get you down. For awhile, I avoided writing about Hurrican Katrina and the aftermath and only addressed it yesterday and today. So far, no complaints about my selfishness (and looking back on the last couple of posts, I'm very selfish). But then again, I don't have as many readers as you. ;)


Just wait till you purposely wear flip flops to work because NOTHING ELSE FITS.

Worse, just wait till you have to wear your purple fuzzy slippers BECAUSE NOT EVEN THE FLIP FLOPS FIT ANYMORE.

Fun times.


Delurking to let you know a few things that are obvious (even to a fairly new reader)
1. You are hilarious. Hilarious! I look forward to reading your blog at the end of the day and laughing myself silly. And right now, if I weren't finding something to laugh at, I'd be a big puddle of useless tears and snot, and that's gross.
2. This is your personal blog. You can write whatever you want. I'm tired of folks complaining about blogs that aren't political or aimed towards a social cause. This is your space for personal expression. USE IT HOWEVER YOU WANT, WHENEVER YOU WANT.
3. Taking the above into consideration, if you never wrote about Katrina I would never assume that you didn't know or didn't care. It's clear that you're a kind, clever person with a good heart. Of course you're haunted by this. Whoever isn't has a problem. It doesn't mean you have to write about it.

That's all. Thanks for rocking and kudos to you and the Snarkywood team for your efforts. You're doing more than most people, even with a babalah that I swear will pop any second now.

Amy Foret

Unfortunatly, there are women who had to have their babies in flooded places in the dark and had to cut the umbilical cord with a hairpin. So yes, many of these girls exist. Btw, I live 60 miles south of New Orleans. And I do not think in the least you need to be reprimanded for posting about your life. My blog sure as hell isn't all about Katrina, and the bitch has affected all my food and my roof. I'm exteremly lucky. And yoku're awesome for using Snarky to make donations.

I want to mention to the uninformed about cloth diapers that I purposefully use CLOTH diapers on my child. And I love it. No, it does not suck. There is just not enough info out there about it and sadly, many of you don't realize that it is completly different from what it used to be. They're cute, easy to use, no pins, and many are very much like disposables. I suggest you google it or start with


is it even possible to not know (and care) about katrina? i've been trying to avoid it for days- all i watch now is all my children. and i still know about whats his name being replaced for fema or whatever.

i feel bad.. we're in the process of trying to become pregnant (i know, we're nuts) so now i have all this baby furnature that my grandfather made for me that's been passed to me suddenly, but no baby to put in it. i have this crazy desire to adopt a hurricane orphan, or give some of this stuff to the shelters.. neither of which is reasonable if you think about it for five seconds. but i really want to anyway.

if no one was trying to be entertaining in spite of disasters (and not only this one has happend recently) there'd be no t.v. a week after the tsunami we heard very very very little about it... doesn't mean no one thinks about it.

but hey, avoiding the news has gotten my house a lot cleaner!!

and my husband also thinks i'm weird for reading about some strangers life.. and laughing out loud about it. you are are SO DAMNED FUNNY that i can't help it!! you're funnier than ellen. :-)


Geez! Some people! As a total Amalah addict, it didn't cross my mind AT ALL that Katrina didn't affect you, or that you didn't give 2 hoots!


After watching about 3 hours of flood coverage the other night I finally screamed "AAARRRRGGHH - SOMETHING, ANYTHING ELSE!!" and I was reminded of 9/11 when every channel was showing the towers falling again and again, but Lifetime was showing the Golden Girls.

It was the best damn episode of the Golden Girls ever. We sat there, less than a mile from the Pentagon, and sucked every once of entertainment out of that show because for 30 minutes we could think about something other than tragedy. In some way, it helped us know that life would go on and eventually normalcy would return.

Amy, you are way funnier than Bea Arthur in a caftan. Keep it up!


No one, especially not your darling little pregnant self, can immerse themselves in this disaster 24/7. I applaud you for not being one of the herd.

I'm sure we have all given what we are able and it hurts so much to see women and children suffering. Something I'm dealing with is being selective with my donations. I'm not giving $5 here and there, but made a big donation through my company where they will match it 100%. So I have to turn down every freckled faced cub scout with a coffee can.

Donate all you can, but don't be guilty about every plea for help.

P.S. Squishy won't mind if your kitchen isn't finished.


by talking about katrina - and only katrina - does not bring lives back and homes to the refugees. i believe this disaster is grounding for everyone. every person has their own way of dealing with disaster and death - and if you choose not to speak endlessly about it - does not mean you don't watch the news... trust me - there will be a point in a short time - when you will not be watching the news... i guess i am taking the long way to say - i am on your side!


Dear sweet Amalah: I THANK YOU for writing about the home renovation nightmare, et al while this horror is happening. True story: Thursday night, (actually Friday morning, 2 am) I was in a full fledged panic attack over reading endlessly/watching endlessly about the tragedy in the Gulflands. I couldn't sleep, heart was racing, etc. I HAD to read something funny. I was desperate. So I zipped over to your blog. It helped so much. I was finally able to calm down. We NEED a distraction, and I never ONCE thought anything negative about you not posting. I was HAPPY to find some kind of normalcy. So thanks, Amalah, for helping me out the other night. Seriously.


To be honest I can't stand it when bloggers talk about current events and such; if I wanted to read the news I'd visit a news website. I read blogs for reasons other than the news.

I started reading you for the Wednesday Advice Smackdown; I keep coming back because I like reading what you write.

Nuff said.


Amy, just jumping on the bandwagon to say--DON'T EVER CHANGE!! It's extremely apparent that we all love you just the way you are, and are completely aware that you are a compassionate, generous human being who is capable of both reaching out to others in times of tragedy as well as realizing that we have to continue living our own lives and not dwell on sadness and pain. You're fabulous, just thought you should know from yet another fan :)


Just wait until you find yourself at the pediatrician's office and notice that you still have your slippers on.

No. Really.


Oh Queen of Everything, if Northwestern girls can wear flip flops to the White House, then they're good enough for your office. :-)


Hi Amalah,
Delurking to say that I live on the outskirts of the region affected by Katrina's wrath. My city is fortunate that our role in this tragedy is to house and care for the many evacuees. As many before me have said, everyone needs a break from their reality to focus on something else. I checked your site today and thought, "oh, my god, Amalah has 17 days until the baby comes ... I hope those guys come and finish the cabinets in time ..." Keep posting, and thanks a lot for what you and the girls at Snarkywood are doing for the evacuees.

Real Girl

12 days? Can your due date really be in 12 days??? Dying to hear updates know...droppage, dilateage, crankinessage....


You know how you think about the pregnant girl? It only gets worse when you have the baby because then all you can think about is the mom who can't get her baby what he needs because of the storm. I cry just about every time I think that and it's exhausting.

Please tell me about your kitchen, and your manicure needs. I can't cry that much.


Amalah: Since I used to work where you work I would have loved to see certain faces when you walked in with the flipflops Priceless.

I think I may be putting Snarkywood over the top as we speak........


I've done the forgetting to change the shoes thing.
I have some super comfy Steve Madden clogs? slides? I have no clue what to call them but they look like sneakers. Wore those to an office with slacks and a blazer. Luckily no one noticed, but that didn't stop me from feeling like a complete idiot.


I did the same thing when I was pregnant with my son. I got to work and hadn't really though about the toasty warmness of my feet until I was walking in and realized I was in my slippers. Luckily, I worked for a construction company, very casual. Plus, all the men there are afraid of women, especially pregnant ones!!

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