My apologies for the lack of an Advice Smackdown yesterday. I was too busy not talking about my kitchen to write anything.
We are still not talking about my kitchen.
(Silence. Angry, terrible silence.)
Well, since there is clearly nothing else to talk about, I suppose we can talk about my kitchen.
When we last visited my personal Land of Make Believe Kitchen Progress, I had many cabinets in my dining room, minus two base corner cabinets that were mysteriously missing, and one small upper cabinet that was all busted to shit, or something.
The two corner cabinets were located, thanks to an Amber Alert and somebody deciding to maybe go check that there delivery truck one more time.
Wednesday, 6:30 am: We are reunited with our corner cabinets, and work can now begin, as these corner cabinets are the cabinets that, of course, need to be installed first and from whom all other cabinets and blessings flow.
Or something. It was early. Either way, our cabinets were going to be installed yesterday, just one day late. The broken cabinet was not essential and LORD, I DON'T CARE ABOUT IT, JUST INSTALL SOMETHING SO I CAN GET MY CASSEROLE DISHES OFF THE TELEVISION.
So. Here is what we started with:
At first glance? Not such a bad kitchen. However, every corner cabinet was a black hole of inaccessibility and required me to fully CLIMB INTO IT if I wanted to reach something in the back. Also: saggy shelves, one too many coats of white paint, ugly-as-all-living-hell laminate countertop and peel-and-stick vinyl flooring that offends me on many levels.
So we thought, way back in May (MAAAY) that hell, let's remodel the kitchen before the baby gets here. We got a loan, picked a contractor and were promised Big Plans involving lazy susans in the corners and an honest-to-god pantry and so, so much more.
And now, in September (SEPTEMBERRRRR), our dreams are finally coming true!
This is what was accomplished on Tuesday, The Day Everything Was Supposed To Be Done:
Well! That's quite a lot of progress! Why, I love it! Let's just call it a day.
So Wednesday officially became The Day That Everything Was Supposed To Be Done, Really, We Mean It This Time.
I came home last night and our contractor was starting to load stuff up in his van. He told me to go make myself a nice stiff drink and then we'd "talk."
I patiently reminded him that a nice stiff drink was out of the question for me, so why don't we just have that talk now so the killing could commence already.
This corner has a pylon/pillar thing, WHICH WE TOLD MANY PEOPLE ABOUT. The cabinet guy came and measured and witnessed the presence of this pylon and assured us that the pylon was not a problem, this lazy susan cabinet would fit.
This cabinet does not fit. Thus, one side of the kitchen, the side with our sink, dishwasher and my glorious, glorious pantry, cannot be completed.
The rest looks very nice, except for the old ugly countertop. But I suppose I should be grateful the contractors didn't sledgehammer it into oblivion since GOD ONLY KNOWS when the rest of the cabinets will be done and the lovely new countertop will arrive, especially since (AND I AM JUST GUESSING HERE) we're probably going to have a frillion problems with THAT too and perhaps the contractors will be able to give me tips on breastfeeding and proper swaddling techniques.
Living room? Still in shambles.
Diana is coming to visit me this weekend and I don't think this is going to work so well. Nobody wants to sleep in a room where there is an actual real chance of getting crushed to death by cans of Campbell's soup and a fondue pot.
I'd offer her the crib, but there's kind of a sink issue going on in there.
Don't ask. I SWEAR TO GOD, JUST DON'T EVEN ASK.