Intermission
September 27, 2005
Because I need a break in talking about HOW I AM NOT IN LABOR YET, I decided to scan some photos from this kind of hilarious cookbook I found in my office last week. And then say semi-funny things about the photos, like I'm James Lileks and the Gallery of Regrettable Food or something.*
Click here for the The Company Cookbook: A Journey Through the Center of the Middle of the Shredded Cheddar Cheese Universe
*I am so not James Lileks and the Gallery of Regrettable Food or something. I'm just bored and again, NOT IN LABOR YET.
(EDITED TO ADD: Before everybody thinks I'm taking easy potshots at the gentle Midwesterners and their love of the Hotdish and Cream of Mushroom soup, let me state for the record that this company is located in Florida. Which makes zero sense, I know, but yes, Florida.)
(And it's always okay to make fun of Florida, right?)
When you begin looking for nosehairs, ask the doctor to induce. I feel for you--deeply. Won't be long now!
OMG ... I can't believe that you've resorted to this. I'm so very sorry. BABY COME OUT NOW, FOR THE LOVE OF G*D!
My mom makes that "Green Dessert" except she calls it "Watergate Salad."
{insert Nixon joke here]
I am literally laughing out loud at work. In between gag reflexes.
Actually, the cleverly named "Green Dessert" provided a welcome respite from all the other hideously monochromatic excrescence on offer. Could anyone else feel her arteries hardening? And that--that STUFF draped in dried beef looked like a monster cow pat.
That is the funniest *and* most disgusting thing I have ever seen. I will never look at shredded cheese the same again.
Oh my god, had to delurk to say that you are one lucky lady to have found the cookbook. It is out of control hilarious. I have never seen a collection of such unappetizing dishes. I bet the DC Foodie LOVES that cookbook and is jealous that his family doesn't have such delicious recipes.
I think I'm going to be sick.
Wow. You really need to have a baby. Right. fucking. now.
Although now I am thinking about breakfast casseroles.
Hee. I especially loved this part: Recommended wine: Beer. Also: Dayum, them people be lovin' their fluorescent orange cheese!
Also: BABALAH, COME OUT COME OUT WHEREVER YOU ARE! (She adds hastily before the very pregnant woman comes to beat her with a stick). (You did say your doctor wouldn't let you go past your due date, didn't you? So will he be inducing tomorrow? Sorry for my complete and utter nosiness).
Saw the notify msg in my inbox and thought, "OH BOY - HER WATER BROKE!" (Of course, had that happened, you'd probably have a few things to do other than post online, but still.)
Too bad for you that this wasn't the case... but frankly, cheese excites me almost as much (no offense). Yay cheese!
I never thought that cheese could look UNappetizing. But now that I know, I want to go back and not look at that cookbook. Because, gross.
So, what... are you saying you're not in labor yet? hahahah Just teasing. Good luck with all that. And I may not read the cooking stuff. I mean, my chef does all that for me so why should I worry about it. Oh, sure... it's Chef Boy-r-dee but still...
Has anyone ever seen the site that comments on the old Weight Watchers recipe cards? Your gallery is so much like it!
http://www.candyboots.com/wwcards/czarina.html
This site cracks me up every time.
PS: Sending you labor-inducing thoughts! Good luck!
Delurking for the very first time to say I have never silently laughed so hard. I love the tots n beef with the mini grill that looks like it was Photoshopped in!
The scariest part of all is that those recipes probably taste damn good. Sort of like the green jello mold the little old ladies make for the church meet-n-greets. Bring on the shaved carrots in Jello!
Mmmm...
Okay, the pictures were not good for me to see. Especially because I am still dealing with the horror that is morning/all day sickness (just one more week of this). And what's with all the cheese and meat? Have any of these people heard of a freakin' vegtable??
Good luck with going into labor.
Be sure to check out Lileks' new book coming October 25th called Mommy Knows Worst - think of books with "really bad parenting advice"! How appropriate could THAT be at this time of year for us??
Hilarious!! You are pure genius, Amalah.
Is the company headquarted in Minnesota? Because those people love them some Hot Dish casseroles! It's the cheese, jello and cream of whatever soup that gives it away, you betcha!
holy jesus, i can't breathe. that is too freaking funny.
is that company based in wisconsin perhaps? because it sounds like everything i had to eat as a kid. minus the clam balls (thems too fancy! ;) ) or the mold balls (ew).
I didn't think ANYTHING could put me off breakfast food. But. Ugh. Just...ugh.
Also? I love the food "styling." It looks just like it's from "Gourmet" or "Food & Wine" or something! LOL. Maybe not "Cooking Light" so much. Heh-heh.
Okay, who else wants to eat lasagne with elbow macaroni? SERiously, amalah, i must have the recipe...
What's the problem? I live in Minnesota. That's the state food here. Tater Tot Hotdish. Green Dessert. I have PERSONALLY eaten several of those breakfast casseroles. (Quickly followed by several Tums and a St. Joe's aspirin, because, you have to protect your heart.)
Honestly. Don't you people realize the middle of the country really likes cheese in every manner mixed with canned soups and sausage? Please.
Amalah, dear. Please. Have. That. Baby. Soon.
I feel for you. I'm sure the whole internet universe feels for you.
Happy Birth Thoughts!!!
~~~~oohhmmmmlaboroohhhmmm~~~~
I feel the need to stand up for Minnesota except that I have been to plenty of potlucks that I know that I saw those exact dishes served at them.
Yes...except...this company is based in Florida.
I am having one of my lactose intolerance stomach cramps after viewing that album. Thank you.
Am also now constipated.
O'my GAWD...I think that company totally swiped my mom's recipe box and tried to pass it off as original. I was forced to eat that crap for 18 years before I escaped. Would you be surprised to learn that I'm now a vegetarian? After I stopped shuddering with horrible childhood memories, I laughed until I wet my pants. Good stuff, Amy.
That was hilarious! Maybe you can laugh babalah out!!
Blegh. What's a good cheese to do when it goes bad in a nasty recipe?
Now, put lil' man squishy close to the monitor, as I know he will come out reading (and helping mommy write her blogs):
De-liv-er! De-liv-er! De-liv-er!
PS. I love watergate (green dessert) salad, almost as much as pretzel salad. Mmm. Mmmm. The redneck comes out full force.
Delurking because, well, I snorted when I saw the Mexican gravy. Who thinks adding salsa to Heinz gravy is a good idea? And then says...mmmm, I'll add some water and Mrs. Dash. Ewww. Also, people, it's Wisconsin that's famous for the cheese, not so much Minnesota. And lastly, best wishes for a speedy delivery of Babalah.
Ew. Gross. Ew. And I LIKE cheese. The things those people have done to cheese are just wrong. And what the hell is up with anyone using that jarred beef for anything they want people to eat? I shall never serve anything from this to my friends; I want to keep them as friends.
Clams have balls?
You make that SO FUUUUUUUNY.
I am sure Jason will be thrilled with these recipies once you take up cookinh in all of your "free time."
eeuu... that's some ugly food... Florida, eh?
Oh, yuck. That Mexican Gravy looks like someone puked on her burrito.
Those are some of the grossest looking recipes I have ever seen... and I'm from KY. I've seen a lot of gross looking recipes. In fact, they were so gross that I de-lurked after a year of...erm...lurking, to leave this comment about the grossness.
Thanks for the humorous distraction from the paper I'm supposed to be writing! :)
And best wishes for the babalah!
That was hysterical!
I'm not eating anything with cheese any time soon, ug.
I predict your water will break when you laugh especially hard! :-)
I moved from the Midwest (Missouri) almost 10 years ago and haven't had a casserole (hot dish) since. Thank goodness.
I will say that Green Dessert was pretty tasty last time I had it. As mentioned previously, we called it Watergate salad.
I was looking through an old company produced cookbook from my teen years a few months ago and was astounded at all the Cream of Mushroom soup. Egads.
Puke.
If this is the stuff you're going to put out while not in labor, then I hope there's at least one more day. This is some funny shit. I think my favorites are the stuffed chiles and the scary pile o' meat. I'm surprised there isn't more gravy in those recipes.
But seriously, best wishes to you and your family. Hope you are feeling well and that labor comes "naturally" soon!
I have never seen so much cheese in my entire life.
See, I know it's from Florida because they used an orchid as a garnish, and because there was a Tampa Bay Bucs coffee cup in there, hiding behind someone's Heart Attack Breakfast on carefully coordinated Nuclear Orange Fiestaware.
Was anyone else confused by the tater-tots dinner? I'm not just talking about the idea of tater tots over cream o'mushroom soup and ground beef - The Atherosclerotic Shepherd's Pie - but the scale and concept problems arising from the choice of a Smoky Joe Weber grill as a table accent.
So puzzling. Maybe they grill tater tots at Company? That seems...flammable.
Hey! Maybe that's where charcoal briquettes come from!
OH MY. I'm reading this during my deathly long Visual Perception lecture...trying to hide behind my laptop screen so that my muffled snickering won't get noticed. Um, I think I failed in that. BUT AWESOME picture scanning skills!
Holy crap. Thank you, Amy. I totally needed that today!
(What? That maniacal giggling sound? Yeah, that's me.)
the food is hysterical. your commentary is priceless. i especially loved the "broccoli salad". hahahahahahahaha.
wish you and the little one all the best.
Why, oh why, did all of the cheese dishes look as though they were covered in melted neon yellow crayons?
ohmylord! Never, ever! breakfast? I didn't notice any wine recommendations with the breakfast casseroles. Guess I'm on my own. Think white zin will do? -- All 5 kinds of cheese in that cheese ball -- whoa! I am flat amazed!
I heart cheese so much.
But that managed to make cheese look like ass.
And who took those pictures? I hope they didn't actually pay someone for that...
some might say the secret ingredient is salt!