Intermission
September 27, 2005
Because I need a break in talking about HOW I AM NOT IN LABOR YET, I decided to scan some photos from this kind of hilarious cookbook I found in my office last week. And then say semi-funny things about the photos, like I'm James Lileks and the Gallery of Regrettable Food or something.*
Click here for the The Company Cookbook: A Journey Through the Center of the Middle of the Shredded Cheddar Cheese Universe
*I am so not James Lileks and the Gallery of Regrettable Food or something. I'm just bored and again, NOT IN LABOR YET.
(EDITED TO ADD: Before everybody thinks I'm taking easy potshots at the gentle Midwesterners and their love of the Hotdish and Cream of Mushroom soup, let me state for the record that this company is located in Florida. Which makes zero sense, I know, but yes, Florida.)
(And it's always okay to make fun of Florida, right?)
I love that the cheese-filled jalapenos wrapped in (not quite cooked) bacon had a whole tomato in the center, because hot damn that makes me want to dig in!
And mustard. Because Diana is batshit crazy.
Hah! Oh you make me laugh so!
Here's hoping this makes you laugh hard enough to go into labor.
*toasts with breakfast casserole*
I cannot wrap my brain around "jarred dried beef" for some reason. Is it a cousin of canned beef jerky?
Also, we had a barbeque a few years ago and someone brought sausage balls. I still see them in my nightmares.
Oh my god, you crack me up! I can't believe this is what you are doing when you are second away for having a baby! I love it though!
Amalah, dear, if you want a good laugh, go to
http://www.westonaprice.org/children/recipes.html
This is a homemade baby formula recipe. It will turn your stomach.
It is clear the baby has not arrived because Amalah had some unfinished work to do. If she had a cuddly little babalah at home, there would be no way that post would have ever been written.
And we all would have been the poorer.
My aunt once made chicken enchiladas with mushroom soup and sour cream. My neighbor once invited me over for Fettucine Alfredo and served me some sort of pasta in Velveeta Cheese, milk, and green onion sauce. These people must be stopped.
OMG
The Pac Man Carcass/Five Cheese Ball stopped me dead in my tracks! Put an "X" where his little Pac-eye would be and serve it on Halloween, because that's creepy.
How did they manage to so skillfully reproduce the lighting from a 1970s cookbook?
That is some ugly food.
The fake flowers really add a certain level of classiness, too.
Speaking of food, amalah- did you eat
lunchmeat during your pregnancy?
I am just asking for advice's sake,
I am pg and had a cold cut sub and
am feeling mighty guilty!
Sweet mother of mary Amalah! Truly, boredom = brilliance! Who knew that a company cookbook would be so freakin funny (and hurl-worthy)?.....
Being from Minnesota, I have to laugh as I've seen many of these dishes. And to go with the Green Salad, we ate White Hotdish (Tuna Noodle Casserole). Although I am surprised at the absense of ketchup. A mighty staple at our dinner table.
Damn, am i the only one who thought these recipes all sound delicious ?
I make tater tot casserole for my family all the time. I put shredded cheddar cheese on top for special occassions.
Um, the "Open Face Sandwich"? Big Woop. My 18-pound cat (Sir Hack-A-Lot) can barf that up on demand. His looks better, actually. And no dishes!
Funniest thing I've read since the "Lost" Snarkywood entry...hilarious. Hope you deliver soon.
Did I mention I laughed so hard that cheddar cheese came out of my nose?
Ok - its official - you now really ARE the funniest woman alive. YAY! xx
So disturbed. Hysterical, but still disturbed.
Good luck with the whole water breaking thing.
I have to concur that the Mexican Gravy looks an awful lot like puke. And yet, I kept on clicking. What does that say about me??
OH. I forgot to mention. i was scouring your page (trying to find the link to Jason's) and came across the following.
" We're also, apparently, having a baby this year. It's a boy, and he'll be here in September. Holy shit."
And then felt obligated to note that September is only until Friday. So hopefully the doc will induce tomorrow.
Holy mother fucker. I don't know how you, as a pregnant woman could look at those photos long enough to compose a caption. I feel sick and I'm going to go fix myself a drink and forget I ever saw that.
"I think I'm gonna be sick"
...is what I said after I saw those dishes.
I have the sense that the same phrase may have precipatated a few of those dishes as well...
ew.
**********************************************************
( P.s. Soooo funny. How did you manage NOT to go into labor reading that? I almost did, I was laughing so hard :), ..and I'm not even pregnant! )
The pictures were offensive enough. But your comment about the mug - OF WHICH I HAVE TWO TO MATCH MY T-SHIRT AND STADIUM CUSHION! - made me feel sorry for my Tampa Bay Bucs. Even though we did just beat Green Bay.
Sincerely,
A Floridian
P.S. Yes, we Floridians do love our cheese. Be grateful there wasn't lots of Crisco in those recipes -- another staple of true Southerners.
I've got to admit that I grew up on some of these dishes. Not proud of that. I still gag on cream of mushroom soup.
Dayum, Amy, you definitely brought the funny today. And some of the comments were almost, *almost* as hilarious as your witty commentary. I love laughing out loud; I'm pretty sure it's good for my health. Not so much like the recipes.
Thank you, Real Mom. Thank you so much for your favorite dish when I was growing up: Take out. Thanks, as well, for passing down the recipe...
the. most. horrifying. recipies. EVER.
That cookbook and the comments with it was one of the funniest things I have read in a very long time.
okay - so recipes/pictures such as these are not new to me...i have trawled through and laughed at many many cookbooks of the early eighties.
what disturbs me is that i just realised that Miss Amalah can't have been working at this same company since the early eighties and there is a damn good possibility that this collection is of a rather recent vintage - is this true?!?!
Do people still eat like this? Really? If so, can somebody (Amalah - i am looking at chew) please post photographic evidence? Like of the woman who made the mexican gravy and today's newspaper?
And indeed! what is with the colour of your cheese?
America is seeming strange and weird to me...
...I was doing alright until I got to the sickly white chicken dish - THAT was the one that made me want to barf! :-)
enjoyed the laughs! I had to view it in 2 sittings so I didn't wake the baby. great stuff, thanks for sharing.
Dear Lord in Heaven...that bad boy should be burned.
For the record, I just want to be clear that I wrote my earlier post before actually looking at the cookbook/photos. Eww. That kind of cheese does not excite me. (Why would they do that to cheese? Why, oh why?)
so, i got distracted and accidently read the comments before i looked at the now-infamous cookbook debacle.
and now i'm scared.
very, very scared.
and i feel i may have to boycott untill i see a picture of the babalah.
but, of course, that's totally not true because i'm going to go back and look at it right now.
still, it would be nice to see the babalah.
babalah?
can you hear me?
come out now!!
p.s. amalah, you are awesome. i ate a big dinner and i feel like i'm too fat to READ A BOOK for class tomorrow. and here you are still all clever and cute and shit.
you're making me look lazy.
hmm...
(And it's always okay to make fun of Florida, right?)
Hey now...
I gotta say non-Woggy White people not only can't dance, they can't cook either! lovely pictures of bad food!
I generally take either my really good home made guacamole salad to a company picnic or pot luck, or I make my beautiful Shrimp Malai, which everyone loves. I fix it so that it's not too much for the White people that aren't woggy, the curry powder gives it that nice atomic orange color they love so.
As far as guacamole goes, it's da bomb,it's all fresh avacados, fresh sour cream, freash lime, and I bring some good corn chips.
I usually have to be very hungry in advance before a potluck or company picnic because the food is terrible, and I never worked for a company that had wine or beer at the company picnic. :(! Very few companies I've worked for even had wine or beer at a company Christmas party, I did have a boss give me a 5th of Jamesons whiskey though! That ROCKED, I still got the bottle, it's empty, it's there to remind me that not all bosses are scum! :)
OMG I just about pissed myself laughing. You crack me up.
Holy crap, that was hilarious...and a really good distraction to keep my mind off of baby.
I especially liked the wine recommendations. You're so classy!
Oh, and this cookbook? Copyright 2004, according to the back cover.
(Yes, I violated copyright law to bring you this crap.)
Thanks Amy.
I think I just threw up a little in my mouth.
I thought I was a pretty good cook until I saw your recipes.
Back to the cutting board...
they must not have too many Jews working there, because those recipes are a Kosher nightmare! Cheese and meat, meat and Cheese, pig meat and cheese! yum!
As a huge fan of Lileks and a purveyor of his books, let me tell you, you give him a run for his money. Maybe a maternity sideline....
Dude, I think whomever lived my new apartment before my husband and I totally owned that cookbook, cause my apartment smells like the place where all casserole and goulash came to die. Mixed with stale ashtray stank.
My 9 year old daughter looked at these with me. We concurred on every single one: ewwwwwwwwwwwww; but she thought the soup and Tater Tot one was particularly disgusting. Her final comment, "Are these supposed to be good?"
That book - seriously gave me the squicks.
okay.
i totally just wet my pants a little.
i mean, really. just a little. but still.
i'm only 27.
i seriously hope i never encounter anything even remotely funny after the age of 35.
because god-only-knows what could happen then.
Eww.
Who took the pictures! lol..that's what I want to know!
I just innocently came here to check for a new entry before I got ready for work. That was 20 minutes ago and now I'm running late. Damn you (and the commenters ("pacman carcass", ha!))for being so funny.
I can't believe that nasty shit made it's way into a cookbook. I hate breakfast sausage, and that just made my hatred even deeper. And cream of mushroom soup? In everything? Really? Those guys are pretty creative, I tell you what.
Since today is your due date, I know that the baby will be here by the next time you post. I just KNOW it (I think).
Wow, that was absolutely disgusting. I gagged quite a few times as I sat here eating my morning bagel. There should be some kind of a warning before unsuspecting eaters venture in. That said, I laughed my butt off.
Ok, being desperatly pregnant has definitly made you funnier, and I NEVER laugh at 6:30 in the morning. Have a grrreat day,( sorry about the tony the tiger) the cookbook must've forced the throw back.