Yes, There Is No Baby Yet
Place Actual Entry Here

Still No Baby. Still Plenty of Boring.

PLACES I COULD HAVE GONE INTO LABOR AT THIS WEEKEND:

1) Target
2) Starbucks
3) Home Depot
4) Coach
5) IKEA

Now I ask you, how awesome would it have been if my water had broken at IKEA? Or Coach! Right there among the Soho collection? Very awesome, is how awesome that would have been.

This kid is not cooperating with my need for narrative cohesiveness on my website.

Allpics004_2

Hello 40 weeks! Hello stretch marks! Hello gaping, fearful stares from people on the street!

Obviously, I am not in labor yet.

Although we thought I was in labor for 20 glorious minutes on Saturday night, at an Indian restaurant, where I proceeded to have THREE WHOLE CONTRACTIONS at exactly six minutes apart. Let's go get the bag! Lock up the pets! We're having a baby!

And then the contractions went all wonky (that's the technical term) and irregular and ta-da! False alarm. It was very sad, but at least I got to stay and have my rice pudding.

PLACES MY BELLY GOT FELT UP BY TOTAL STRANGERS THIS WEEKEND:

1) Target
2) Starbucks
3) Whole Foods
4) IKEA
5) The flipping carwash

I went virtually unmolested throughout my entire pregnancy. Now I have little old ladies in the grocery store muttering blessings to me in Slavic languages while poking my child's protruding little behind.

Oh, and asking if I'm having twins. Which: I GET IT, OKAY? AM HUGE AND READY TO BURST AND IF THERE IS A GOD, I WOULD BURST ALL OVER YOUR SHOES.

In other news, I can't shake this weird feeling that everybody everywhere is staring at me.

Noname_4

(And of course, I was wearing the SAME DAMN SHIRT FROM THE PHOTO almost all weekend.)

Comments

Nicole

I really thought it happened this weekend! Much love your way.

Liz

Here's hoping today is the day. Best wishes.

Nicole

Also, I have been reading your work for about 2 years and have NEVER commented until today - and I'm first! yay. I really do wish you the best.

kathy

But it's a great shirt! So there.

And today? Would be a great day to have a baby. Here's hoping.

jomama

So sorry you're still pregnant. I had myself convinced that the next post would be a birth announcement.

But don't fret, dear amalah, your time will come. At least that's what everyone keeps telling me.

Lucy

Good luck! Do you have a plan to update the internets when the wee one arrives? Because obviously, we are more important than you getting your sleep, ya know. ;)

Real Girl

If pudding doesn't turn out to be Babalah's favorite food, I'll be quite surprised!

Thinking flushy thoughts. Hoping the wee one shoots out the yin yang real soon!

lakeline

Oh, ew. The feeling-up of the belly. The two things that scare me the most about pregnancy are not the tearing or wretched pain or other such normal things. They are
1.) not being able to sleep (I LOOOVE sleep), and
2.) strange people touching me. I really really really hate unrequested touching.

So, I promise that I will not feel up your belly until you ask me to. Also, I'm sending you labor-vibes.

Bonanza Jellybean

My mother's water broke when she was pregnant with my sister at K-Mart. Coach is better. Definitely.

Like in Wizard of Oz... click your heels and say "there's no place like labor" over and over and maybe it will work. I tried everything else, and none of it did... Do you have some cute red shoes? :)

Amytoo

Wow. That belly.

Just. Wow.

I was hopin' for ya. I would have thought leaving the housetaht pregnant would GUARANTEE labor, but nooooo....

Pratt

In 1965 My parents were at the Movies- the Sound of Music..Halfway through the movie it became the Sound of Hurry Up and Get the Hell to the Hospital.

Ikea would have been cool- maybe you could have received a lifetime supply of furniture.

VHMPrincess

No baby yet?? Am stunned - thought it would surely be over the weekend!

BTW - what did you get at Coach? Surely you purchased something there???

Dawn

I spent way too much time refreshing your page his weekend. I even went over to Jason's site to see if he said anything about babalah. The kid's gotta come out eventually !

xtine

Any longer and you're going to pop out a toddler!

Try to give birth inside of a Coach store. Maybe they'll give you a free purse.

I can't wait to see little Babalah... as soon as he decides to come out!

Frema

I've been refreshing a lot, too. I think I'm going to skip mascara for the rest of the week, because I know once this Web site loads and I'm staring at Babalah's picture, I'm going to lose it right here at my cubicle.

Thanks so much for allowing me to live my baby fever through you.

alfredsmom

I think you will go into labor soon. A friend of mine had a few contractions on a Friday, then they went all "wonky" and she went back into real labor late the following Monday. So hey! I think maybe Tommorow night/Wed morning will be your big day!

Kim

What is it with complete stranges that they think they can walk up to a person and lay their filthy hands all over them?! Been there sister.

I have a recipe from a restaurant in Atlanta that guarantees a full term woman will go into labor within 24 hours after eating it. It's for eggplant parmesan. I made it with chicken instead of eggplant, took a long walk and then took a bath in lavendar (a big pregnancy no no) and my water broke at 7:30 the next morning. I'm just sayin'!

Good luck! I'm definitely sending labor vibes your way! :)

Hilary

"places my belly got felt up by total strangers" That's hilarious! Very soon though, there will be no more of that! Hang in there some more! I'm still saying tomorrow is the big day! Good luck with everything if I don't get to post again before you have the baby!

Corie

Im really just in this for the fabulous prize I'm going to get when my babalah birth prediction is right on the money.

Mmm..Indian food. That should have done it for sure!

Robyn

I'm glad your water didn't break inside a store - someone would have slipped in it and sued you!! Probably while they were running over to fondle your belly.

Great picture of the belly! After my kid was born, my tummy looked like a deflated soufle, and I couldn't even remember what it had looked like!!

Zoe

Hopefully this post is tempting fate and Squishy's all, "Ok, I GET IT! I'll come and show my cuteness to the nice people of the intraweb!"

Hopefully...

callistawolf

Aww nuts on the no labor! But hey, false labor *has* to be a good sign, right?? I mean, you could virtually give birth ANY MINUTE NOW right? I hope? YOU hope? Rest assured I shall be checking back frequently to see if Babalah is on his way or not yet. ;)

Sarcomical

hey, when you get a cute shirt that fits over you huge babalah, you've got to go with what works. ;)

p.s. that kid is seriously on a mission to keep your blog readers on a level of high alert for as long as possible. you've got a little tease on your hands, i think.

Amy

I have nothing to say except I am sorry. You would think the stress of being in Ikea alone would have brought it on.

scoutsadie

This weekend, my sis and I were discussing (long distance, mind you) whether you were having the baby RIGHT THEN. Apparently not. But maybe you were in Target really wanting to be in labor and we picked up on that vibe.

We're rootin' for ya!

ccap

Oh man. I've been thinking that I've been lucky as no stranger has yet to touch my belly. But maybe it's still coming? Oh gosh, I hope not.

RockStar Mommy

Something MUST be done about those godforesaken Braxton Hicks. They are quite possibly the most cruel joke on earth. I know from experience, and I totally feel your pain. At least you didn't get all the way to the hospital, like I did, only to be laughed at and sent back home to suffer in pain.

You need to show this kid who's boss. I expect to find out that you are in labor by tomorrow, no exceptions. And for real, you suck if you leave us in the dark until AFTER you go into labor. (really, just me - I don't care who else you leave in the dark.)

SortaBlonde

At this point I am guessing that random people on the street are giving you weird home remedies to induce labor... Am I right??

E.

One of my biggest fears of pregnancy is that my body will be held in public trust, and strangers can fondle my belly with impunity while lecturing me if I put a toe in any store vending caffeinated beverages.

I think we should start a business and make cute t-shirts that say, "Touch the belly and die" and "Unsolicited advice not required" or something.

That is going to be one handsome, well-gestated baby when he arrives.

Mmm... eggplant parmesean...

stephanie

The only reason you get people asking if you are having twins is becuase you are so itty bitty and that baby of yours is regular baby-sized. Even in this photo you can see how tiny you are around that baby belly! Pregnant (and non-pregnant) women everywhere are jealous!

Elizabeth

It would have been perfect karmic payback if you had gone into labor at Ikea! Although at Coach you could have grabbed a Soho satchel and claimed it helped you breathe and stay focused, surely they would have let you keep it!

Lisa V

I tell you this only because I love you, and have given you shit in previous comments about the petite little bulge you carry.

I was so big in October, October I tell you that people were asking me about my "Halloween Baby" and giving me advice and blesssings. Then I would say "No, it's not a Halloween baby." Then they would say "Thanksgiving?" Nope. "Christmas?" Nada. "New Years?" To which I would answer, "NO it's fucking Valentines okay?" Girl I looked like a barge at Christmas mass, then gave birth 6 weeks later.

If I really loved you I would post the picture of the day before the my daughter was born. But I don't love you that much. I don't love anyone that much.

Sarcastic Journalist

Let's play: How many complete strangers have told you to have sex?

MamaPajama

Quick, quick! take a picture of yourself mimicing the little 4-year-old picture of you on your website--hands on hips mouth wide open, HUGE belly. Now if we can just find a gingham sundress for you would fit.

Cagey

I would LOVE it if I went into labor in an Indian restaurant. But my husband IS Indian - - how cheesy cool would THAT be?

I am making a motion that you must provide a Baby Status twice daily! Your devoted readers are waited with bated breath!

Tarra

Your belly looks great!
I really hope you get to use your nursery soon!

Theresa

my cousin had her baby yesterday, so I was fully ready to come here and read news of amy's baby. I wish you strength, patience and cookies.

girlplease

dude, that just looks uncomfortable.

Baileyswedishfish

Amalah...do me a favor. Print this out and hold it up to your belly.

Squishy! Listen to me. Your mother loves you, your father loves you, they have a beautiful nursery all ready for you. The hurricanes have past, the war seems to have quieted down and fall is here. It's a good time to be born! So c'mon! What are you waiting for!! Let's give it the old college try!! Take a deep breath and take the plunge! The air is warm and there's loving arms just waiting for you! Today!! Now's a good time!

*Bob Barker Voice*

"C'mon Down!!"

(Thanks Amalah. You can put this down now.)

Lori

I was scared of the belly touching all through my pregnancy and it never happened. Thank God, because how weird is it to touch someone else's belly?

Then, within the past week, I've had to actually STOP MYSELF from touching pregnant bellies. Slavic blessings are good for babalah. :)

Cindy

Holy crap, your bellah is going to explode!!

feffer

Ha! I'm having the opposite problem with strangers. I'm due in 24 days and I'm carrying her really far back. People always look worried and wonder if she's okay. YES! She's just a little small! Thank god, too, because I have gestational diabetes and we thought she was going to be ginormous.

*crossing my fingers for you*

alana

check your email hun! yes sift through all the assvice till the real important one! remember coach bags and bath and body works products for free!!

Undisclosed

As long as you spare MY shoes, I'm in favor of you bursting anywhere! Especially IKEA! Revenge!

maricar

Wow. Your belly is big. But very beautimus. Um, I'm really trying to find something positive to say... ummm at least you didn't deliver too early? Okay sorry. Hmmmm.. How about... I'm sure he's coming soon. At least before Demi and Ashton get hitched. Oh wait.

Pam

My sis-in-law is due any second also. Her baby has been really active lately, and my brother thinks it's because he or she is feeling around in the dark for the exit.

Come to the light, Babalah, come to the light!

Shiz

Babalah, come on now, honey!

All the best to you Amalah! The very very best!

Jenna

Good luck!!! I hope you have that baby soon:)

Zoot

Damn. That sucks. Your commenters had me convinced you were in labor today too. I'm staying away from your comment section from now on.

Joke Aerts

I always thought pregnant ladies must hate that free-for-all touching on their belly. That would drive me nuts and I make a strict point of not rubbing stranger's bellies!!

Amalah - you have the most anticipated baby on the internet! We are just all so excited for you! Soon Jason will have TWO loves in his life to spoil...

Larisa

Back up! She's gonna blow!!

zorgon

Baby, shmaby. But wait! Did you get the shade for the lamp or is there another IKEA adventure in store for us to read?

(haha, in store, i kill me, pun not intended)

Amanda

I'm 19 weeks and have had MAJOR belly touching issues since the day I found out I was pregnant. Number one place my belly is molested? Church. Geesh. Sending good thoughts and prayers your way that the little one makes his grand appearance this week! :)

Shawn

A) I am in favor of T-shirts that warn would-be fondlers that pregnant bellies are NOT public property.
And B) Unfortunately, after the birth the same strangers that touch your belly will want to touch lil Squishy. Perhaps the T-shirt company should print mom and baby t-shirts.

DoctorMama

Do people keep telling you "You're having this baby soon -- you've dropped!" That was by far my least favorite comment, especially since they said it for, like, the last five weeks of my pregnancy. The only thing dropping was a cartoon anvil on their heads in my imagination.

Avanti

U go gurl!! That baby will be just fine.

warcrygirl

I can see it now, you basking in the glorious feeling of having given birth and holding your newborn son. As you gaze lovingly into his beautiful eyes you say "It's about damn time!"

Again, here's to popping soon.

Jenny

sending labor vibes your way.

Sarah

Oooh, I want some Slavic blessings! I'm ~18 weeks and so far I've had two belly touchings, but both people asked nicely beforehand and waited for permission. And they were a co-worker and a relative, respectively. When complete strangers start going for it, I may have issues.

ktbug

That's quite a belly. Girrl, you are SO ready and I remember that feeling well. Hang in there. I still think the 29th but don't hate me for that.

Shiz

Babalah, get your head out of your ass.

Come to think of it, get your head out of Amalah's ass.

;)

mmc

They sooo set you up for disappointment with the whole due date thing. Both of my kids, no where near the date.....WAY after. I know this does nothing to help you out but it was my reality. I also resorted to telling it was a tumor or triplets. That really sets the look of fear in their eyes!

Angela

Oh my gosh, what a precious belly, and you are so in standard incredibly pregnant lady stance! I was also convinced by commenters that the baby was being pushed out as they spoke--gah...

Oh, and also? I see a little tat peeking out there ;)

Dillygirl

Woah. Dude, I'm sorry. I was pretty convinced our next update would be all about The Babalah. I'll just go back to being somewhat patient again.

But I'm glad you got your rice pudding. That's the important thing, right?

madge

Dang. That is some prodigious belly.

I successfully warded off belly touching with a well-honed glare of hideous and painful death. Even my MIL had to ask permission (and she doesn't ask ANYONE permission for ANYTHING).

Too bad you didn't give birth at The Fight Store (I mean, Ikea). They have super-soft comforters and all the meatballs your heart and boobs will desire.

Good luck! Get those Babalah pics up ASAP.

RachiePoo

Holy Sweet Jesus.

I came across your site about a month ago when doing a search on John Frieda Sheer Blonde Shampoo. And you talked me out of it... :D
I guess you could call me a lurker, but I, too, sat around all weekend, checking your site every now and then, and thinking to myself, "I wonder if she had that baby?" And also check Jason's site to see if he'd said anything... I don't even know you but I look up to you in this weird (but good, nonetheless) way. And while all you commenters out there seem to be mothers (or at least adults..) I'm sixteen!! Hah... Woo.

But good luck with everything, Amalah! You're a complete stranger but you manage to brighten my day, every day... :)

kim

I don't really want to touch your belly because I don't know you and that would be creepy. I would like to talk to the belly, or rather, the Babalah inside the belly, and tell it to get a move on. Which would be nothing new, I'm sure.

Hang in there, sister. He'll be here so soon.

Libertine

i'd add one more 'holy lord and baby jesus - you are one big belly full o' baby!' but i won't because? i mean really, what's the point?!?
if i could get it together i'd send you a package full of clever magazines and delicious tidbits and delightful bath+body products but instead i'll just send everyone near you forceful thoughts and hope they give those things to you (i'm in australia - it'd take forever and the chocolate would go all white :( )
oh but for the belly-touchers - a smack on the hand for you! HATE!

Carrie

Holy hell, the staring. I was over 2 weeks overdue with my son, and people were actually rude enough not only to stare, but to STARE, POINT AND WHISPER. You are NOT HELPING, people.

Rebekah

Just wanted to let you know that I've been thinking of you a ton lately, as you get closer and CLOSER to your baby's birth day. I'm so happy for you, after all you've been through, that your day has finally arrived. I know this time is really hard, but I PROMISE you that the baby will NOT make a permanent home in there! =) Here's hoping that labor starts soon and ends quickly!

stinkerbell

woot... *erm* ducks
there is a chance that the gift will make it there in time for the delivery room trip. Woot... about my gift making it there, not about you having to gestate longer :)

PaintingChef

Oh I was so hoping to come to work today to glorious pictures introducing Squishy's ass (not hidden in the womb ass...) to the internet.

Sending you lots of labor (fast and east and joyously drugged up labor)!!!

Jen

I never got the whole stomach-groping thing...I would NEVER walk up to someone and start rubbing their stomach without being invited. And even then, probably not. When and if I ever get pregnant, I may have to carry a bat.

I hope today is the day..Good luck Amy!!!

Megan

I'm another reader anxiously waiting the birth of babalah!

As for the belly-touching of pregnant women thing - I have a friend who had the belly touching thing when she was pregnant. People stopped touching her because she would start rubbing their bellies. That should work.

Melissa

I am sending some labor vibes and I hope everything goes how you would like it to.

Not to open another can of worms, but did you ever settle on a day care? I was pulling for the hippies.

Shiz

I just dreamed that we were hanging out when you went into labour, and I took you and your mom to the hospital and we called Jason to come.

I am so into this baby coming!

Shiz

Also? You said screw it to updating the blog.

Which is ok with us, you know. Have the baby, 'k?

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