Still No Baby. Still Plenty of Boring.
September 26, 2005
PLACES I COULD HAVE GONE INTO LABOR AT THIS WEEKEND:
1) Target
2) Starbucks
3) Home Depot
4) Coach
5) IKEA
Now I ask you, how awesome would it have been if my water had broken at IKEA? Or Coach! Right there among the Soho collection? Very awesome, is how awesome that would have been.
This kid is not cooperating with my need for narrative cohesiveness on my website.
Hello 40 weeks! Hello stretch marks! Hello gaping, fearful stares from people on the street!
Obviously, I am not in labor yet.
Although we thought I was in labor for 20 glorious minutes on Saturday night, at an Indian restaurant, where I proceeded to have THREE WHOLE CONTRACTIONS at exactly six minutes apart. Let's go get the bag! Lock up the pets! We're having a baby!
And then the contractions went all wonky (that's the technical term) and irregular and ta-da! False alarm. It was very sad, but at least I got to stay and have my rice pudding.
PLACES MY BELLY GOT FELT UP BY TOTAL STRANGERS THIS WEEKEND:
1) Target
2) Starbucks
3) Whole Foods
4) IKEA
5) The flipping carwash
I went virtually unmolested throughout my entire pregnancy. Now I have little old ladies in the grocery store muttering blessings to me in Slavic languages while poking my child's protruding little behind.
Oh, and asking if I'm having twins. Which: I GET IT, OKAY? AM HUGE AND READY TO BURST AND IF THERE IS A GOD, I WOULD BURST ALL OVER YOUR SHOES.
In other news, I can't shake this weird feeling that everybody everywhere is staring at me.
(And of course, I was wearing the SAME DAMN SHIRT FROM THE PHOTO almost all weekend.)
I really thought it happened this weekend! Much love your way.
Here's hoping today is the day. Best wishes.
Also, I have been reading your work for about 2 years and have NEVER commented until today - and I'm first! yay. I really do wish you the best.
But it's a great shirt! So there.
And today? Would be a great day to have a baby. Here's hoping.
So sorry you're still pregnant. I had myself convinced that the next post would be a birth announcement.
But don't fret, dear amalah, your time will come. At least that's what everyone keeps telling me.
Good luck! Do you have a plan to update the internets when the wee one arrives? Because obviously, we are more important than you getting your sleep, ya know. ;)
If pudding doesn't turn out to be Babalah's favorite food, I'll be quite surprised!
Thinking flushy thoughts. Hoping the wee one shoots out the yin yang real soon!
Oh, ew. The feeling-up of the belly. The two things that scare me the most about pregnancy are not the tearing or wretched pain or other such normal things. They are
1.) not being able to sleep (I LOOOVE sleep), and
2.) strange people touching me. I really really really hate unrequested touching.
So, I promise that I will not feel up your belly until you ask me to. Also, I'm sending you labor-vibes.
My mother's water broke when she was pregnant with my sister at K-Mart. Coach is better. Definitely.
Like in Wizard of Oz... click your heels and say "there's no place like labor" over and over and maybe it will work. I tried everything else, and none of it did... Do you have some cute red shoes? :)
Wow. That belly.
Just. Wow.
I was hopin' for ya. I would have thought leaving the housetaht pregnant would GUARANTEE labor, but nooooo....
In 1965 My parents were at the Movies- the Sound of Music..Halfway through the movie it became the Sound of Hurry Up and Get the Hell to the Hospital.
Ikea would have been cool- maybe you could have received a lifetime supply of furniture.
No baby yet?? Am stunned - thought it would surely be over the weekend!
BTW - what did you get at Coach? Surely you purchased something there???
I spent way too much time refreshing your page his weekend. I even went over to Jason's site to see if he said anything about babalah. The kid's gotta come out eventually !
Any longer and you're going to pop out a toddler!
Try to give birth inside of a Coach store. Maybe they'll give you a free purse.
I can't wait to see little Babalah... as soon as he decides to come out!
I've been refreshing a lot, too. I think I'm going to skip mascara for the rest of the week, because I know once this Web site loads and I'm staring at Babalah's picture, I'm going to lose it right here at my cubicle.
Thanks so much for allowing me to live my baby fever through you.
I think you will go into labor soon. A friend of mine had a few contractions on a Friday, then they went all "wonky" and she went back into real labor late the following Monday. So hey! I think maybe Tommorow night/Wed morning will be your big day!
What is it with complete stranges that they think they can walk up to a person and lay their filthy hands all over them?! Been there sister.
I have a recipe from a restaurant in Atlanta that guarantees a full term woman will go into labor within 24 hours after eating it. It's for eggplant parmesan. I made it with chicken instead of eggplant, took a long walk and then took a bath in lavendar (a big pregnancy no no) and my water broke at 7:30 the next morning. I'm just sayin'!
Good luck! I'm definitely sending labor vibes your way! :)
"places my belly got felt up by total strangers" That's hilarious! Very soon though, there will be no more of that! Hang in there some more! I'm still saying tomorrow is the big day! Good luck with everything if I don't get to post again before you have the baby!
Im really just in this for the fabulous prize I'm going to get when my babalah birth prediction is right on the money.
Mmm..Indian food. That should have done it for sure!
I'm glad your water didn't break inside a store - someone would have slipped in it and sued you!! Probably while they were running over to fondle your belly.
Great picture of the belly! After my kid was born, my tummy looked like a deflated soufle, and I couldn't even remember what it had looked like!!
Hopefully this post is tempting fate and Squishy's all, "Ok, I GET IT! I'll come and show my cuteness to the nice people of the intraweb!"
Hopefully...
Aww nuts on the no labor! But hey, false labor *has* to be a good sign, right?? I mean, you could virtually give birth ANY MINUTE NOW right? I hope? YOU hope? Rest assured I shall be checking back frequently to see if Babalah is on his way or not yet. ;)
hey, when you get a cute shirt that fits over you huge babalah, you've got to go with what works. ;)
p.s. that kid is seriously on a mission to keep your blog readers on a level of high alert for as long as possible. you've got a little tease on your hands, i think.
I have nothing to say except I am sorry. You would think the stress of being in Ikea alone would have brought it on.
This weekend, my sis and I were discussing (long distance, mind you) whether you were having the baby RIGHT THEN. Apparently not. But maybe you were in Target really wanting to be in labor and we picked up on that vibe.
We're rootin' for ya!
Oh man. I've been thinking that I've been lucky as no stranger has yet to touch my belly. But maybe it's still coming? Oh gosh, I hope not.
Something MUST be done about those godforesaken Braxton Hicks. They are quite possibly the most cruel joke on earth. I know from experience, and I totally feel your pain. At least you didn't get all the way to the hospital, like I did, only to be laughed at and sent back home to suffer in pain.
You need to show this kid who's boss. I expect to find out that you are in labor by tomorrow, no exceptions. And for real, you suck if you leave us in the dark until AFTER you go into labor. (really, just me - I don't care who else you leave in the dark.)
At this point I am guessing that random people on the street are giving you weird home remedies to induce labor... Am I right??
One of my biggest fears of pregnancy is that my body will be held in public trust, and strangers can fondle my belly with impunity while lecturing me if I put a toe in any store vending caffeinated beverages.
I think we should start a business and make cute t-shirts that say, "Touch the belly and die" and "Unsolicited advice not required" or something.
That is going to be one handsome, well-gestated baby when he arrives.
Mmm... eggplant parmesean...
The only reason you get people asking if you are having twins is becuase you are so itty bitty and that baby of yours is regular baby-sized. Even in this photo you can see how tiny you are around that baby belly! Pregnant (and non-pregnant) women everywhere are jealous!
It would have been perfect karmic payback if you had gone into labor at Ikea! Although at Coach you could have grabbed a Soho satchel and claimed it helped you breathe and stay focused, surely they would have let you keep it!
I tell you this only because I love you, and have given you shit in previous comments about the petite little bulge you carry.
I was so big in October, October I tell you that people were asking me about my "Halloween Baby" and giving me advice and blesssings. Then I would say "No, it's not a Halloween baby." Then they would say "Thanksgiving?" Nope. "Christmas?" Nada. "New Years?" To which I would answer, "NO it's fucking Valentines okay?" Girl I looked like a barge at Christmas mass, then gave birth 6 weeks later.
If I really loved you I would post the picture of the day before the my daughter was born. But I don't love you that much. I don't love anyone that much.
Let's play: How many complete strangers have told you to have sex?
Quick, quick! take a picture of yourself mimicing the little 4-year-old picture of you on your website--hands on hips mouth wide open, HUGE belly. Now if we can just find a gingham sundress for you would fit.
I would LOVE it if I went into labor in an Indian restaurant. But my husband IS Indian - - how cheesy cool would THAT be?
I am making a motion that you must provide a Baby Status twice daily! Your devoted readers are waited with bated breath!
Your belly looks great!
I really hope you get to use your nursery soon!
my cousin had her baby yesterday, so I was fully ready to come here and read news of amy's baby. I wish you strength, patience and cookies.
dude, that just looks uncomfortable.
Amalah...do me a favor. Print this out and hold it up to your belly.
Squishy! Listen to me. Your mother loves you, your father loves you, they have a beautiful nursery all ready for you. The hurricanes have past, the war seems to have quieted down and fall is here. It's a good time to be born! So c'mon! What are you waiting for!! Let's give it the old college try!! Take a deep breath and take the plunge! The air is warm and there's loving arms just waiting for you! Today!! Now's a good time!
*Bob Barker Voice*
"C'mon Down!!"
(Thanks Amalah. You can put this down now.)
I was scared of the belly touching all through my pregnancy and it never happened. Thank God, because how weird is it to touch someone else's belly?
Then, within the past week, I've had to actually STOP MYSELF from touching pregnant bellies. Slavic blessings are good for babalah. :)
Holy crap, your bellah is going to explode!!
Ha! I'm having the opposite problem with strangers. I'm due in 24 days and I'm carrying her really far back. People always look worried and wonder if she's okay. YES! She's just a little small! Thank god, too, because I have gestational diabetes and we thought she was going to be ginormous.
*crossing my fingers for you*
check your email hun! yes sift through all the assvice till the real important one! remember coach bags and bath and body works products for free!!
As long as you spare MY shoes, I'm in favor of you bursting anywhere! Especially IKEA! Revenge!
Wow. Your belly is big. But very beautimus. Um, I'm really trying to find something positive to say... ummm at least you didn't deliver too early? Okay sorry. Hmmmm.. How about... I'm sure he's coming soon. At least before Demi and Ashton get hitched. Oh wait.
My sis-in-law is due any second also. Her baby has been really active lately, and my brother thinks it's because he or she is feeling around in the dark for the exit.
Come to the light, Babalah, come to the light!
Babalah, come on now, honey!
All the best to you Amalah! The very very best!
Good luck!!! I hope you have that baby soon:)
Damn. That sucks. Your commenters had me convinced you were in labor today too. I'm staying away from your comment section from now on.
I always thought pregnant ladies must hate that free-for-all touching on their belly. That would drive me nuts and I make a strict point of not rubbing stranger's bellies!!
Amalah - you have the most anticipated baby on the internet! We are just all so excited for you! Soon Jason will have TWO loves in his life to spoil...