Home Implosion, Part Infinity
Still No Baby. Still Plenty of Boring.

Yes, There Is No Baby Yet

So much has happened. Absolutely nothing has happened.

Tuesday was my last day at work. I'm working from home from now on, because Seriously.

It was hard to leave...I mean, I'm going back, and I'm pretty sure everybody believes me when I say I'm going back, but to leave an office knowing that it will be over three months until I return? And leaving my work in the hands of other people? Other people who seem SO CALM AND COLLECTED AND COMPETANT?

I wanted the editors who will be filling in for me to panic, just a bit. To ask me millions of questions and root through my filing cabinets and basically act the way I feel. Maybe some tears. But no, they just kept trying to reassure me that everything was under control and that they could handle it all just fine.

I like to think that they are lying, just so I can feel needed.

Oh, and in the last five minutes of the workday, I had some kind of mini-nostalgia meltdown and started grabbing picture frames and pens (but those are my FAVORITES!) and God-knows-what-else from my office to take home with me because I might miss them.

Jason came home to find me surrounded by office supplies and double prints of photos we already have around the house while freaking out because I forgot to find someone to babysit my plants.

Yesterday's OB appointment revealed that my streak of No Fucking Progress Whatsoever is continuing in smashing form. Baby isn't budging and neither is my cervix. Doctor is hopeful that I'll still go into labor on my own this week, but if not? Another appointment next Wednesday, complete with a nonstress test and perhaps me throwing myself at his feet and begging him to get this baby out through whatever means possible, because LORDY, am I ever done.

I spent most of yesterday being inconsolably cranky. And swollen, because it is still practically 90 degrees here every damn day.

However, I was slightly cheered up by the receipt of a Very Special Issue of The Washingtonian magazine. The Photo is acceptable, and the article is very short and does not give me the opportunity to sound like a raving stupid moron.

Amy Storch on blogging: "Um, it's cool! And stuff! Hee!"

Seriously. I was at the interview. The reporter soooo could have gone in that direction.

The magazine will be hitting DC-area newstands very soon. Pick up a copy or five of your very own and turn to page 41 for a full-length photo of me wearing very blah shoes and sporting chipped toenail polish. (It was supposed to be three-quarters length! I thought I didn't have to worry about my feet!)

But hell, I look way better than Britney, and that's all that matters in life.


(I'll scan the actual thing in a few weeks. In the meantime, go spend $3.95 or whatever on your very own copy, which also contains a huge section called "Creating a Terrific Kitchen." Coincidence? I THINK NOT.)



you look awesome in the photo. congrats! And honestly how can one not survive 3 months without their favorite pen? you had every right to take it,and everything else.


Oh, you're famous, and you look beautiful in the photo!! You've got at least 14.5 minutes left ;) Keeping fingers crossed for you that the dadgum baby decides to take a flying leap this week, because dammit if Britney can have her baby, so the hell can you.

Laura B

I think the picture looks great!

Good luck with the whole labor thing. You will have a babalah to put in that beautiful nursery very very soon!


Repeating like a parrot here but you look just fantastic! And please...like anyone is going to notice the chipped toe nail polish over THE BELLY! No worries.

And I was just looking at my desk after reading this and I? Would totally take all my pens home too.

Heather B.

Definately saw you taking that picture, walking to my apartment a few weeks ago. And my first thought was "why is this woman taking a picture here during rush hour??" Anyway, great picture!


"But hell, I look way better than Britney, and that's all that matters in life."

You do and this is so true.


I can. not. WAIT to get my Washingtonian! Look at you! All famous and shit. And well equipped with office supplies.

C'mon babalah. We await with much anticipation.


To jump on the bandwagon, very nice picture! And congrats to working from home. Even though it's freaking you out, at least you don't have to worry about the office dress code anymore, and that's something to celebrate.


You look fantastic! I would have certainly swiped the pens off my desk, too. I would have also taken the phone, my chair, and a few other things, but I think that would be considered 'stealing.'

And good luck! You are in the home stretch. I will admit, when you haven't updated for a day or two, I'm all "OMG, she had the baby!" So, I'll just hold off until you, you know, actually DO have the baby.



What kind of bad person am I that I immediately started wondering what you had cropped out of the top of that photo? I'm thinking maybe an anchor for one of those cages-with-dancing-boy-inside.

You look terrific, in an at-arms-length kind of way.

Bonanza Jellybean

The photo looks fabulous! (I am still wondering what kind of jackass would make a woman that pregnant go outside in the SUMMER for a photo, but that's just me.)

Good for you leaving work- I worked a full day the day before I mine, and I ended up at Target the night before because I had NOTHING ready. I was induced, so I am even slacker because I had a deadline.

Enough about that- you look great, and all will be fine. Between drugs and excitement, you won't even notice there are 12 people in the room seeing parts of you that you will probably never see. :)


I'm borrowing all of your cute maternity clothes the next time I get pregnant. Ahahahaha...did you read that? "the next time I get pregnant"? hahahaha. Great picture, can't wait to read the article.


You look great! GREAT job on the hair and makeup! ( Yeah Sephora!). But it seems there is something under your shirt.... Something quite large... :)


If my prediction is correct, you have less than a week to go! Actually, only five more days! That means, this time next week, you will be holding squishy in your arms! Yup, by this time next week, it will ALL happen! It is nice to leave work and all but it does suck to leave someone else responsible for your job and then have to come back and deal with anything they screwed up. If your co-workers are anything like mine, trust me, they will call if they need anything (and it will never fail that it will be while you and squishy are napping). Guess what-YOU ARE SO ON THE HOME STRETCH!!!! Hang in there girl!


God I love that photo! You look hot and bothered and like, YES I HAVE A TORPEDO UNDER MY SHIRT, WHAT OF IT?

It's perfect.

Alex was 11 days late. I saw a movie EVERY SINGLE DAY during that last week. It helped keep my mind off the waiting (and the air conditioning was included!)


Congrats on the pic and article. You are looking very cute in the photos, by the way. Way to work the belly. Or have it work you. Or whatever. Cute!


wow, tough and sexy AND pregnant is hard to pull off.

so how is it you did it so well?

your fanciness grows by the day.


Even with the less-than-fab shoes, you still shine. You've got that pregnant glow and gorgeous hair to match!
So, you have inspired me to start my own blog w/my less-than-fab hair. If you are bored to death please visit and give me any suggestions.
*Bowing down to the blog master* Oh great Amalah!
- Here's to a healthy and happy baby! That likes to sleep!

Lisa Ann

You're pregnant? Really, couldn't tell from the photos. Pinky swear.
The internet is waiting for you Baby X? Did I miss the post that said what the baby's name is?


As soon as I saw the title of this post in my RSS feed, I thought "aawww. poor thing." Six days til your due date. How exciting and agonizing at the same time. I'm sending cervix dialating, water breaking, and labor inducing vibes your way.

Do you have to be in DC to get that magazine? I could use a terrific kitchen.


Very crafty way to show us the photo without having to scan it or disobey any of the magazine's rules. Also, a fun keepsake for Babalah's baby book.


Fab photo - I haven't seen the magazine on racks yet, but I'll be watching!

PS - here's hoping Babalah decides today's weather is cool enough to come out for.

Joe Smith

You are so lovely in your photograph. Congratulations.

Hoping the time between now and labour feels very short and passes very quickly, and that labour is a DREAM.

I'm going to say a little prayer for you right now. You and Jason and the Babalah.

PS - You bless me. ;)


That is a awesome photo. Really, there are pregnant women all over the world wanting to look like you.

Besides even if you looked like death you're in a magazine. My mom keeps telling me stop wasting my time on this 'blobbing' thing.

So yeah.


Awww...pretty! And, it's amazing to see how much the baby has actually dropped since that picture.


You are so CUTE! What a sassy picture! :)

Take these last few days befroe babalah arrives to just relax. Go get a pedicure, see a movie, go grocery shopping by yourself... Basically squeeze in all the things you won't be able to do for thew next few years!

Real Girl

Baby's first full page spread! And to think how small that belly looks compared to today's version. Squishy needs to become ShootsOutTheYouKnowWhaty real soon...


Acceptable? Amazing!

I'm glad you are able to work from home at this point. You really deserve to be able to sit around in comfortable clothes and chant "down, baby, down" to the littlest Storch.


You are so cute on that cover that you have inspired me to (a) delurk and (b) to rush to Target and buy an ovulation kit. I sh** you not.

I hope he comes REALLY soon!


You look gorgeous! Wow! All belly is right! And the outfit is still totally stylish and cute, which I know is hard to do at the very pregnant stage.

Lots of positive cervix moving vibes coming your way. And I didn't comment on the previous post, but that nursery is too beautiful. The squirrel is my favorite.

Babalah come out!!!


also - how bout a 39 week belly shot!


Am I the only person who is cracking up that, hello, this is the Washingtonian, this is DC, where concrete reigns supreme... and you are just standing in a field of flowers, looking all purty. Cognitive dissonance. But! Also! A strange urge to go to Sephora.... ;)


You look great in the photo!

I also felt slightly slighted when I quit my job for GOOD in June and the attitude was "don't let the door hit you in the ass". Gee, thanks.


Amanda should be banned. ELEVEN DAYS LATE? She should not say such things. Those words should not be allowed in the same sentence together unless they're prefaced by "my period is..." in which case, "Yay!"

(No offense, Amanda. I just prefer living in my delusional world where we ALL deliver the day before our due dates)


Amy -- what kind of maternity jeans are those? Pregnant minds want to know...

Oh and great photo. You look all bad ass.


The picture is cute! Hope you can stay cool and sane for the next few days. Good luck!


Dude, that's the Most Excellent. Pregnant. Photo. Ever.


You look terrific, Amy, but I know it's a bitch, waiting on the dilating and effacing and what-have-you. I was very tardy on the "D and E" with my first daughter, but I remember so clearly the visit during which my OB told me the baby was now "engaged" in the birthing position.

So my husband and I promptly went out to dinner and celebrated our daughter's Engagement Party. Woo Hoo! We cracked ourselves up, it killed an evening, it's a win-win.

But you know what -- you're going to do great. Hang tough but feel all of these feelings and experiences fully; it is trite but nevertheless true that you're going to savor the memories of this journey for the rest of your life.


Amy, you look SO lovely. Your blog is giving me such flashbacks to a year ago when my son was born. After the third non-stress test (an oxymoron if there ever was one) I let out a big ol' woohoo when my amniotic fluid was low enough to induce. Good times.

Best of luck with everything - enjoy every moment because it is so amazing.


You. Look. MAHVELOUS! You are totally rockin' the hair, makeup and outfit. If I looked as cute as you I would be calling magazines myself asking them to take my picture!

Lisa B

Hello! YOU LOOK GEORGOUS! And I am going to have to hate you. :-)

Can't wait to see the article.

Lisa B

Hello! YOU LOOK GEORGOUS! And I am going to have to hate you. :-)

Can't wait to see the article.


As a guy, I know nothing about having a baby. I don't know about the feelings or the fears and all the cravings, crying when you are happy, sad or angry, the mood swings, morning sickness or the joy of feeling your child move for the first time.

What I do know is that women are damn tough. Men may think of women as soft, gentle, delicate flowers, that require so much attention, but in truth you all are more like the strong oak that plants it's roots deep into the ground and can weather any storm. You bend to the wind, but do not allow it to break you.

As you deliver your child, you will be connected to every woman who has ever given birth in this world, past and present.

You will be a wonderful mother and your husband a wonderful father.

I wish you both well.


how nice of them to airbrush out your fat pregnant ass...oh wait, that's right - YOU DON'T HAVE ONE.

seriously, you look divine. and waaay better than britney, but since that's not really saying much these days i'll go so far as to say even better than heidi. there.

RockStar Mommy

You're so much more of a rock star than me! And holy shit, not only do you look better than Britney (which, nowadays, who doesn't?), but you look way better than almost every pregnant woman I've ever seen. And so, I hate you. Really. This is not a joke.


oh man, i went thru the same late pregnancy OB appointments with my first. reallllly hoping there'd be SOME action down there but no. shut tighter than a clam every single time. it drove me NUTS. then the day after my due date my water broke (while we were about to engage in intercourse by way of starting labour and i stress just as we were ABOUT to...he did not break my water with his massivity as his massivity had not achieved, you know, access).

right now it feels like you have been pregnant for 97% of your life and that maybe you will seriously always be pregnant but don't worry. all of a sudden you're going to wake up one day (very soon) and there will be a wee lad attached to your boob and you'll think Oh! look! our baby!

wishing you a very easy (and soon) labour and delivery.


you look great - feel good...

S. Faolan Wolf

Dang..how cool is it that you're in a magazine? I've never been in a magazine ever! I'm not interesting enough or something.

Alas, you are and you totally deserve to be in a magazine where you will gain new readers and fans and soon you'll be so famous that you won't have time to answer any emails or comments..you'll have "your people" do it for you...and your babalah will come out and be perfect to go along with your perfect nursery and perfect Cieba and perfect hair.

I'm starting to hate you.

(I play..I play!)


That is so exciting! Pretty picture, and I like the pose, it screams 'I may be pregnant, but I will still beat the crap out of you if you do not write nice things about me'. I like it! Nice one, Amalah.


I just wanted to pop in and say yesterday while I was in Safeway - I saw the issue on stands and immediately flipped to page 46 (how I remembered that I have NO idea) and I didn't think the picture was bad at all.

And the article was good too.

Balto Bepp

You look adorable, as always!

I wonder if the magazine is for sale somewhere in my area (Baltimore). I'm on the hunt!


Amy, I showed no progress at my last DA the day before my due date. Labor started on due date, and baby was born early next morning. So, don't sweat the no progress so much, it can happen fast.

waiting for babalah, Kim


So gorgeous! Like always. :)


Amalah: Just got my Washingtonian! The pic is FAB!! you look like Gwyneth Paltrow - seriously. It's great. We' re so (sniff sniff) proud!


I love it!! I wish I looked 1/2 as cute when I was knocked up!!
Sorry the babe hasn't moved much...is pitocin in your future?


That looks like a great picture. You look exactly how you sound in this post - great but pretty much ready to have this baby out.

Stop watching Birth Stories (or don't start now that you are at home) and best of luck.


Got my magazine today and practically ripped it out of DH's hands when he brought it in from the mailbox. "AMALAH'S IN THERE!" You can so not see the chipped nail polish, I promise.


Went out to buy the Washingtonian today & you look GREAT! Reliving some of my favorite posts was wonderful(Burger King). Well, almost a momalah, it's a wonderful picture, but where's the wedding ring? Don't be suprised if the Washingtonian sells 3,000 extra copies this issue...my only complant is you deserve more pages...

btw, nice earings!


hella belly! lovely, as usual! but lovely counts for shit when you just want that baby outta there, eh?

here's hoping you're holding that sweet little bundle of joy, all healthy and happy, soon soon soon.


awesome photo! I can't believe that is you when you have nothing to wear. I wish I looked like that when I DO have something to wear.


Last night I had a dream that I gave birth to a baby out of the middle tine of a fork. I somehow knew there was a baby inside because the handle was vibrating. I lured it out with a boob. WTF?

I was explicitly told not to eat the rest of the chicken osaka at 2am and I did not heed this advice.

I've been checking every day to see if you have had the baby yet. I sort of don't want that day to come, because unless the hospital has internet, no more blog :( Sorry, I know that is horrible and selfish....but complimentary?


Hello Internet!

The baby is not here yet. And my creativity is gone, because working from home? Is boring. An entry from Friday would have been something like: Just ate pudding. Checked email. Fell asleep. Woke up when dog farted really loud.

Anyway -- to answer some questions about the photo: the top and the jeans are Gap Maternity. They no longer fit. Actually, the jeans didn't really fit last month either. I couldn't sit down in them, so luckily the photo session was conducted standing up.

My wedding and engagement rings are around the chain on my neck. Everyone compliments my Carrie Bradshaw-like style before they realize I'm wearing them like that because my fingers are too fat. My rings currently fit my pinkie.

Anyway, I have to go vacuum something. Cannot...get...house...clean.

Also, I still have no kitchen. No, it is really not funny anymore.


Well damn, that means I didn't win the baby birthday pool. Here's hoping you 'pop' soon!

Mmmmmm, pudding....


Dude. Seriously, how cool is THAT?! You are in a magazine and you can show that to your little one some day......(ok, it's not like you don't already know this, but hey...)

Very, very cool.


Hope it happens soon for you =)
(I know you do too)


Didn't know about you until I got my issue of Washintonion. I'm not impressed....but good luck with labor LOL


Hey EJL you're a fucker...good luck with that LOL


Do I have to come down there and knock some kitchen making people's heads around? 'cuz I will. If you think it will help.


Very cool!
I'm glad the article turned out nice, and you picture turned out great.

You know, if Babalah stays in there any longer, you're going to have to start charging him rent... I'll think happy thoughts about him getting a move on!


Great picture, Amy!


I left work this week, too. It was so weird. I kept looking around my office and saying dramatic things about never coming back. But in fact, I will, a mere 3 months from now. Still tres weird when you've been working pretty steadily since, oh, age 14. Good luck on baby waiting. I'm currently on bed rest and just about to lose my mind, most likely going to have a scheduled c-section due to the girl being breech. Wheee. :)


You're adorable! hang in there. Both my kids came LATE (a week! GAH.) and I will be mad at them about that as long as I live.

Good luck with the delivery and the WHOLE new world ahead of you! It will be a blast and you will transform yourself into an even stronger sistah, handling things you probably never thought you could.



Methinks the baby is here?!

No posts for this long can only mean one thing: something is up. Or out!


the baby must be here. hello baby! if baby is not here...come out baby and then hello!


This is way too many days w/o a post.. is he here ?? If so, I hope it all went great!! :)


I've checked her site a million times today for baby news. I feel like I should be pacing the floor waiting to light up a cigar. I have no idea who Amalah is, yet am so invested. Must get life. Or baby of my own.

News Amalah! For mercy's sake... NEWS.


EJL, why bother to comment? Is there something wrong with just wishing a person luck? You have to add on an insult? Amalah: I felt so bad for you when you voiced all of your concerns and and seemed so worried the other day. It's a shame you had to turn off the comments to keep the freaks out. We know it is a stressful time and wish you the best and understand your concerns. Anxiously awaiting news of Babalah!


If the baby's here (or coming at this very second), I wish you all the best of luck!!


Baby? Here? Update woman!


You have no kitchen.

I have no back stairs since May.

Life is grand.

Real Girl

Get on subway this morning. Think "Baby?"

Pour mug of coffee. "Baby?"

Sit down in front of boring work. "Hmmmm. Baby???"

Been two days since the no baby update...Plenty of time for dilatey effaciness.


(Looks at watch)Baby?


Maybe, oh maybe
There may be a baby!


Oh, and another thing, I'm so obsessed that I'm also checking her hubby's website. His last post was September 26th (today) and it was nothing out of the ordinary...so I'm guessing that as of September 26th - oh, that's today unless he pre-posted, there was probably still not a baby as he wouldn't just be talking about pizza.


I am so excited for you that I'm living vicariously through you until my own due date approaches. Only two more days until you're officially due!!! Can't wait for you to update us and tell us you're a mommy.

Anybody else out there approaching their due date or recently gave birth? I would love to read your stories too cause it helps keep my mind off the fact that I still have over a month left.


I want some pudding.


This is so unfair. Baby? Are you here yet? Amalah, I've been thinking of you all weekend and I don't even know you. Gah.


Anything yet?? (not like you're hearing that from everyone)


Ohhh my gosh! Are you having your baby? I can't wait and am thinking of you!

jomama, Our little man showed last Sunday!! But my God, what a long ass labor... apparently that's a standard for a first timer.
But oh so worth it! I have yet to post the story... photos are up of him though. He is the most gorgeous thing I have ever seen. I am in LOVE!

Amalah, hope all is well and will check back when Owen lets me! Hopefully you will be a Mama!

Great mag photo too!


No her husband didnt post today, he posted the 24th. So they could be having a baby now...


OMG, OMG, OMG - did you have the baby? Seriously, I am so psyched for you and your husband!


I need some doritos and salsa for this waiting-it-out thing. It's like compulsive daytime tv!


The suspense is killing me!! I'm like...
refresh, refresh, refresh!!! every two minutes! wow Amalah, you have had such an impact on soooo many people!! this is Babalah Watch 2005!!! we are ready.


Funny Girl, please get off your cardboard boxes and post! You're on my mind way too much! Best wishes to you, your little man, and everyone who loves you.

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