Mommies
October 18, 2005
My mom would like everybody to know that I am an awesome mom and very calm, in control and totally not fucking up at all. Except for my tendency to let the baby go sockless. But that's why she's here -- to protect my son's toes from my negligence.
Also to walk and cuddle my poor busted-up dog, help with laundry, make coffee and take out the trash. And this morning she changed the cat's litter box and I did not protest at all. Because it really smelled bad.
Yes, this is the same mother who just had a mastectomy and kicked breast cancer's ass just two months ago. I have a wee incision on my belly and am all, "Waaaaaahhhhh, bring me cookies."
I wrote two sentences of the Birth Story, Part Two and then fell asleep, because the child has hit some kind of growth spurt and is eating every five minutes and gets hysterical if he isn't eating the instant he wants to eat and will even get hysterical WHILE HE IS EATING because he'll pause to like, breathe and then freak out because WHY ISN'T HE EATING? ARE YOU TRYING TO TAKE MY FOOD AWAY? AAAAAHHHHHHEEEEIIIIIIII EEEEEEAAAATTTTT.
The rash is not really getting any better. I'm sure this is all the Internet's fault, because you just didn't send me any good suggestions.
(GAH! KIDDING! PLEASE STOP SENDING SUGGESTIONS. Trust me, I've heard them ALL many many times now, from corn starch to Aquaphor to yogurt to to breastmilk to sitz baths to Lotrimin to voodoo rituals.)
(We're trying several new tactics that y'all recommended, however, so I am grateful. I'm just ready to Move On And Not Talk About The Diaper Rash Anymore.)
I'm also ready to take a shower now, because the child seems to be okay with not eating this very second so I may have a three-minute window. Wish me luck.
(Oh, and out of 400 frillion comments, I got exactly one that sort-of bemoaned the fact that everything I write now is about Noah and probably will be for the next 20 years. And it bummed me out because I really hope not, but to be fair, two weeks postpartum is a little early to be all, "Dude, Amalah's gone all mommy blog now and it sucks." I mean, the site does suck now, what with these random entries with 17 sets of parentheses in them, but be patient. I'm planning to leave the house today! I'm going to the post office! It's going to be awesome!)
It's a blog about your life, and Noah is your life, so blog on!
You're doing fine, I still forget to put socks on my baby
as for diaper rash, 'Butt Paste' is all we use, and we haven't had a diaper rash in his entire life..but I don't know if it will work for you.
Look it up though?
and yay for mommy's!!
Geez, I can't believe someone wrote that. I mean hello?? Baby??? Best thing in the world??? Ignore them.
Relax! I have no rash suggestions as I know nothing about newborns.
Just wanted to say your mom is awesome. I'm glad she's doing so well!
i totally understand the being hysterical while eating thing. my baby is two weeks older than noah and he's going through that also.
have fun at the post office. getting out of the house, even to do mundane things, is soooooo great.
Oh for Pete's Sake. You just go right ahead and talk about Noah all you want. There's plenty of time for work blogs and idiots on the subway blogs and shopping blogs. You've waited a long time for Noah and now's the time to share every detail.
(I am a little glad we aren't getting so many nipple stories tho...)
Yay for Grandmamalah!! She looks AWESOME and a complete natural with the babester. I hope she has totally kicked cancer's ass...she needs to be around for many years to give Noah cuddles and loves and Grandmamalah spoiling. (And for you too Amalah..)
Enjoy your visit!!! Let her do a little pampering!! Enjoy the Post Office! Look at all the pretty stamps!!!
Oh, and my solution to no rashes? Cloth diapers. Ever since I switched, Abby does not get nearly the amount of rashes she used to get from sposies. Their privates just need to breathe! And they can't do that in paper & plastic.
Wow, I made it into the first 25 comments!
Tonya said it - you blog about your life, Noah is your life right now...blog on.
And that picture is precious. She must have held you the same way...isn't that sweet?
1. Is your mum (or "mom" - you'll have to forgive my use of the Australian version of English - trust me, they are very different languages) tiny, or has bub doubled in size?
2. How does a tiny little "purse dog" with a massive cast on her leg go for a walk? I am have visions of some kind of stilt-walking-type limp, or humans walking with small dog in arms...
(Further on the Australian English thing: here, a 'purse' refers to the small receptacle that holds your money, credit cards etc, whereas a bag is the much larger receptacle for every other item including the purse. Hence, a "purse dog" is a somewhat bizarre concept (as are lbs and oz))
3. I doubt that you will lose any of your loyal minions by posting frequently about noah - unfortunately, the ass-vice (or "arse-vice" in Australian) is probably likely to grow :(
You know, I was just thinking to myself how much your blog has changed. But you know, I don't mind it. You've wanted Noah for so long and he's so incredibly important to you. I personally look forward to hearing stories about Noah growing up, mingled in with rants and raves and utterly comical commentary on life.
DAMN YOU! You're not supposed to get to the post office before me!
*darts out the door in pajamas*
Loooove me some Noah pictures. Glad your mom is doing better.
I'm more concerned with the whole wearing Matte lipstick thing, than I am with you writing about Noah all the time. I mean really matte lipstick?
Gramalah! Word Up to your Mommy! She looks awesome sitting there holding Noah... he is so big and dayum, wow... you have like the bionic boobs of power girl. Sustaining the huge beautiful baby and... wow, I think I need a nap just from reading about it.
Post Office?? Go on with your bad self, Amy. Enjoy your mom, when mine came after the baby she only drove me insane. I'm sure your mom would never do that, so can I borrow her when you are done?
Tell those complaining beyotches to suck it. We love hearing about purple nipples and diaper rash. Seriously.
Ignore the person who made the mean comment! Talk about Noah and being a mommy all you want. Your life has changed (but you're still just as funny) so of course you are going to write about different things... Keep the stories coming - I need all the advice I can get (only 5 more weeks)
I have been "lurking" for a while now in your archives, and I finally caught up with everything. Can I just say, your blog? Awesome. I loooooove it. Oh my gosh, and when I got to where you were actually pregnant, and had been trying so hard, I very nearly cried. I really did. It was so bad that I had to go home and tell my boyfriend that you were pregnant, even though he doesn't even know you at all and I only know you from your blog. But I was just extremely happy for you, and still am. You have a gorgeous little boy! Keep on writing about whatever the heck you want, and I will be reading.
Aww, your Mom is visiting..their so cute together. Just think about what a great job your parents did with raising you, and how that's going to help you do just as good a job with Noah. Trust me all the diaper rashes and throw ups and negative comments will seem like nothing when you focus on the great stuff...family (yes I know..corny) Enjoy everything about this time, because it goes by way too quick!
Who made the rule on matte lipsticks? Because Sephora had gobs of gloss on Friday at Pentagon City, you know. Maybe I need to catch up on my W issues and get to the bottom of this.
And what do you think of that powder foundation? I tried it and it was strange, but I think I put on too much. (You know, the one from Bare Escentuals or something like that)
Whoops, I forgot to say that your mom and Noah are just too cute together. What a great photo.
I know I, for one, am not getting sick of hearing about Noah. I have baby fever pretty bad lately and this is placating that so that my husband does not go crazy over me trying to talk him into having one now.
I would be more concerned if your blog entries DIDN'T mention Noah! I mean, he's part of your life, and wouldn't you talk about him like you would Jason, or your parents, or Ceiba, or holiday shopping, or driving in DC?
And it's not like your blog was started with a narrow focus, such as "I <3 work" or something like that - it's a record of your life.
I get the same way when my boob is taken away. Some of us never really get over that stage, ya know?
And the post office? Woot! You wild thang you. Next you'll be going to the park or something.
That email was obviously from someone who doesn't have children and doesn't understand having to chronical their ever breath.
I get it :)
This site does NOT suck now. I love it. So you can tell whoever said that to just shut up!
Just think of the horror on Noah's face when he's a teenager and not only do you have photos of him naked as a baby but almost 200 comments from women concerned with the health of his butt!!
Umm...what do these whiners expect?? You just had the most adorable baby in the history of the world, and the internets is dying to know all about it...Why would we want entries about hair products when there is Noah to be discussed??
blog = writing about your life
noah = qualifies
hair products = can wait
love us some noah -what a cutie pie. almost as cute as my own eamon.... hee hee. Get thee to the post office, it is most awesome. actually to get anywhere with a newborn is awesome. wait until you figure out to grocery shop with a baby bjorn! rockin' good times.
Uh, last time I checked we're not paying you to entertain us. Your blog, we want to hear about your life. People who don't appreciate that can just read other blogs.
Besides, if you were still writing about hair products, people would be all, "we want to hear about Noah!" Can't please everyone. I think you should be proud of the fact that the vaaaast majority of us are still thrilled every time you post.
I was thinking about your mom all weekend Amy, surrounded as I was by 4200 (!!!) other people all crazy enough (and dedicated enough) to do the 3-Day. You'll be happy to hear that the San Diego 3-Day raised $10.7 MILLION for breast cancer research. I'm so glad to hear that she's doing well!! (And yes, I'm doing the walk again next year...but this time in Phoenix!)
I just have to (thirty-) second all the comments above. I don't think that Noah is going to be all you write about for the rest of your life - there will be more children, maybe? - and one day you will be dying to write about shoes again, but for now he is the single biggest and more amazing thing in your life, and basically 99% of your readers just want to hear about how he spit up this morning.
More baby pictures please!
P.S. Your Mum is amazing as well. You're lucky to have her with you, and tell her the internet is glad she'e there to protect Noah's feet from the cold. Is it as cold there as it is in Barcelona right now?
wait a second!! it does not suck around here!!
I love reading your take on motherhood. If people don't like it there is plenty of other stuff to read. Just google "porn" and keep yourselves entertained you damn whiner.
I don't think you're blog has changed at all--there was never a theme implied, just you wanting to share parts of your life with us. You write with the same grace and wit that you've covered vacation packing, medication, and credit-card theft. Go on with your bad self.
And now I feel like an idiot for writing "you're" instead of "your." Way to ruin a deep comment.
I. Love. Your. Site! I don't care what you blog about as long as it's something. I will say, I love the mother blogs! Please remember, just ONE reader made that comment (and I was so wondering how long it was going to be before you commented on her comment). The rest of us....love you! But, you know that.
I just discovered your blog - love it!! It brings back so many of the feelings that I had when I had my first boy 4 yrs 4 months ago. Especially the comment about your husband seeing you hooked up to the breast pump...hopefully when he saw you he did not greet you with an exaggerated "mooooooooooooooooooooooo" like mine did. Enjoy that precious little boy (the 3rd cutest baby ever - the first two are mine).
He's getting bigger by the minute! He must really love that Mommy's boobies are no longer purple.
Although he should know that this fall, purple's totally the rage in men's fashion.
Yay for the Gramalah, kicking cancer's ass like that! Woooo!
So glad that your mom is doing well. I know that takes a load off of your mind. As for "mommy blogging", I read your site (and I'm sure most people do) because you are funny and sharp and I like your writing, no matter what you write about. Besides, it is lovely to see how having a baby causes someone to change and grow.
Lord Almighty, I can't believe people are *still* making diaper rash suggestions! Hello, she said she's ready to move on...
ew- not the post office - you deserve so much better. Go to sephora, or Starbucks, or hell, even Target instead. Avoid the post offce - AVOID - but then again, they might make you feel pretty freaking good about yourself once you're done - at least my PO has that effect...
good luck
Your Mom looks so happy to be cuddling that baby. Lots of love to you all!
First of all, you already are awesome. I'm just sorry I found you so late in the game. I don't care what you write about (actually I'm partial to Noah entries) because the same humor and writing style is there. The only thing that has changed is the subject matter. :P
I saw that comment but you just let it roll off your magnificent shoulders. Funny how having a baby changes your life and your perspective and makes your blog change focus!!! Hello, anyway. You write as long and as much about whatever you want and the brilliant of us will lap it up appreciatively! Also glad your mom is doing so well!
To me- AGAIN, TO ME:
Blogs are like friendships, your my friend and you tell me about your life and things that are happening, yadda-yadda, every day (week, whatever) and if there is a time in our little "friendship" that your life has moved on and nothing in our "friendship" interest me, then i will simply search for "new friends/blogs" that DO interest me.
(I personally, love all the talk of Noah. He is just a handsome little boy, and as he grows, your humor will also. Lawdy, the stories parents can tell about their children! I look forward to them!)
I really feel it is that simple.
Again- this is the thought of one person, no need to come at me with weapons of any kind.
oopppss, forgot the moral-
People who are bitchen can just move on to something that does interest them.
I'm so glad to hear your mom is doing well and blog on about Noah, I can't wait to hear more!
Aw, I am glad your Mommy is there to take care of you (and baby Noah). I bet your heart feels good just having her around.
And I love hearing all about Noah. I mean, we all waiting a long time for this. I think it's very gracious of you and Jason to share him with us.
But, I do miss the Advice Smackdown. Sorry...but I do. ;-)