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October 2005
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December 2005

Wednesday Advice Smackdown

Today's Smackdown comes with a warning: The sleep deprivation thing has hit me SO MOTHERFUCKING HARD. Would you like to know how hard? This hard: Yesterday I decided to go to one of those Reel Moms movie screenings. I decided to see Walk the Line. I decided to see it in Virginia. Except: I did not correctly read the location of the theater and assumed it was playing at this one mall in Tyson's Corner called the Galleria. Except: The mall I first went to? Was NOT the Galleria. So I got back in the car and drove to the... Read more → Will One Day Not Stand For This Kind Of Crap Entry

GOD. Where in the sam blessed hill have I been? Well, mostly I've been sitting around the house all slack-jawed and useless, because apparently I have just enough natural adrenaline to keep me functioning on very little sleep for exactly eight weeks. The whole sleep thing, it has hit me so hard. Along with the return of all sorts of crap that went away during pregnancy -- crap that I didn't even notice had gone away because I was too busy whining about other things. Crap like migraines, zits, oily hair, cracked dry skin and menstrual cramps. YES. YOU HEARD... Read more →

Or As Some Readers Will See It: Blah Blah Blah Baby Photo Blah Blah

In lieu of the Advice Smackdown, I present the Greatest Parenting Lesson Ever Learned: Driving to Pennsylvania in the pouring rain with a husband, a seven-week-old baby, a slightly broken rat dog and a huge-ass cat may make you momentarily ponder abandoning one or more of them at the next rest stop, and this doesn't make you a bad person, it just means you're human, at least that's what I'm telling myself. So I'm visiting family this week, because THE NON-STOP PARADE OF FAMILY THAT HAS MARCHED THROUGH MY HOUSE THE PAST TWO MONTHS OR SO HAS NOT BEEN ENOUGH... Read more →

Fashion Riot

Or, The Bitch Is Back Dear Attendees of the Old Ebbit Grill Oyster Riot on Saturday Night, which was a Big Night Out for Amy, and Definitely Reason Enough to Get Dressed Up All Good and Pretty, Learn how to fucking dress already, okay? Now, I don't claim to be some kind of total fashionista who always looks awesome and who has never worn something unfortunate -- I mean, honestly, I spent most of this year in elastic waistbands and flip flops. And I was extremely confused after Noah was born regarding what clothing was acceptable and how to look... Read more →

Noah's Birth Story, Part Two

(Have you read Part One? Yeah. You probably want to read that one first.) The next few minutes were a blur. I stared at Noah, he stared back. I saw that he had hair and looked just like the 4D ultrasound. I'm pretty sure I cried some more. Everyone in the room was marveling over his size. My doctor talked about the nine pound, 10 ounce baby he'd delivered that morning (a scheduled caesarean) and how he figured that one would be the biggest of the day. Then he told the nurses that he didn't use staples -- he wanted... Read more →


My sincerest apologies for the lack of updates, but I've been kind of busy being driven ABSOLUTELY BATSHIT INSANE, THE KIND OF ABSOLUTELY BATSHIT INSANE THAT ONLY YOUR FAMILY CAN DRIVE YOU TO. I don't talk about my family all that much here, because 1) they know about the site, and 2) they are so crazy I would probably lose all credibility because y'all would say, "Whatever, she's just making shit up outright now, nobody's brother falls out of a helicopter in the army." Mine did. I also have another brother who has spent most of his life in and... Read more →

Six Weeks

Six weeks ago today, I had a baby. (Just in case you hadn't noticed.) Today was also my six-week postpartum visit with my doctor, where I was given the all-clear for: 1) Sex and 2) Exercise Hilarious! And at the risk of inciting the ire and hatred of...well, everybody, I learned I'm officially back to my pre-pregnancy weight. 30 pounds on, 30 pounds off. I don't have a clue how I did it, so don't ask. Besides, oh, giving birth to a 10-pound baby and then lugging around a 10-pound baby and feeding a 10-pound baby and going six weeks... Read more →

Wednesday Advice Smackdown

Oh man, I'm so torn. On the one hand, it's Wednesday, which means that logically, I should write an Advice Smackdown. On the other hand, I have a batch of what may be the most adorable, Internet-melting baby photos yet. I mean, for real: I wonder if I can somehow combine the substance of a Smackdown with the cheap thrill of a baby photo essay and create what could be the ULTIMATE ENTRY, one that would please the old-school readers AND the ones who curse any entry that is not a baby photo entry and who are still bitter that... Read more →

The Surreal Life

Or, My Life on the D-List Or Or, My Dinner with Antonin Last night I shared an order of fried calimari with Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia. I know! Even I was thinking, "The hell?" So about a week ago, Jason and I were asked to be judges at the 2005 International Wine for Oysters Competition at Old Ebbitt Grill here in DC. (For the non-locals, every year Old Ebbitt throws this huge-ass party called the Oyster Riot and holds the wine competition ahead of time to determine 10 wines that will be paired with the oysters and, I assume,... Read more →