This is Some Good Parenting Right Here
Familyalah

Six Weeks

Six weeks ago today, I had a baby.

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(Just in case you hadn't noticed.)

Today was also my six-week postpartum visit with my doctor, where I was given the all-clear for:

1) Sex

and

2) Exercise

Hilarious!

And at the risk of inciting the ire and hatred of...well, everybody, I learned I'm officially back to my pre-pregnancy weight. 30 pounds on, 30 pounds off.

I don't have a clue how I did it, so don't ask. Besides, oh, giving birth to a 10-pound baby and then lugging around a 10-pound baby and feeding a 10-pound baby and going six weeks without actually being able to sit down to a meal without a certain 10-pound baby suddenly deciding that gee, HE'D LIKE TO EAT NOW TOO WAH WAH WAH. That may have had something to do with it.

To offset this obnoxious news, I came very close to photographing my abdomen to show you all that it doesn't matter WHAT the scale says, this poochy, squashy stretchmark shit ain't right.  Pre-pregnancy weight does not equal pre-pregnancy shape, etc.

I have since changed my mind about that. Instead: I LOST 30 POUNDS IN SIX WEEKS. BOO FUCKING YAH.

Actually, I'm more proud of the fact that my appointment was at 9:30 IN THE MORNING and I got there less than five minutes late, with Noah in tow. And I arrived showered and with a fully stocked diaper bag AND I remembered to put socks on the baby.

Although I did walk out my front door and down one whole flight of stairs before I realized that I was not wearing any shoes.

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Oh my God! My mom is not very bright!

To celebrate the accomplishment of getting myself out the damn door, I took Noah and myself shopping, where I did not buy him a single thing. Instead? Clothes for meeeee. Shoes for meeeee. Stupid infomercial-quality miracle manicure set from one of those pushy people at those carts by the elevators for meeeee, because fat hot ham, my hands are a mess, particularly my right index finger which Noah has decided is MUCH better than his pacifier and is now permanently pruny and shriveled.

Then we went to drop off a deposit check at a daycare center, where I cried. Like, was-awkwardly-handed-a-box-of-tissues cried.

Then I went to McDonald's for a Quarter Pounder with cheese and fries.

It was delicious, almost as tasty as Noah's chunky little cheeks.

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Comments

Edsel

Was it the Seacret manicure set from the Dead Sea scroll secret for beautiful nails or some such thing? 'Cause I got suckered into one of those on a business trip in Chicago. Good news - it IS great! My nails be nice and shiny.

Big Gay Sam

There should be a law against babies being that damn cute. :P

Nancy

30 pounds off -- you rock! Every reason to go and buy stuff for you.

And I applaud you for just forgetting shoes. One time when I was headed out with my new babe I locked my keys in the house and had to go find the super secret emergency key. Definitely a "duh" moment.

minnie

omg! that photo of noah with the big-as-saucers eyes is PRICELESS!

Isabel

Prepregnancy weight = YEA!!

Daycare = CRAPPY!! (and so freakin' expensive I hate to even think about it...but I have to!)

Noah = the cutest baby in the World!

Kathryn

Amalah, that boy is illegally cute.

And you? The 30 lbs?? ROCK.

Trance

OK, he is just so damnn cute. And I will *try* not to hate you, Miss Thirty Pounds On and Off. Love, Miss Many More Pounds Still Not Off Although Her Child Is SEVEN. Or, Miss Lazy if you prefer.

Eulallia

I actually weigh LESS than when I got pregnant the first time, and yet my shape is still so messed up that I can't fit into a lot of my old clothes. Which just means I get to buy lots of NEW clothes! Oh, darn, too bad. :)

Lori

Fat hot ham! Still funny.

Also, hey. That's a cute baby you've got there.

Leah

Shiny nails! Me too! Ahh!

Missie

I want to gobble his little cheeks, too. What a cutie.

MelV

I too cried like a fool last week when I registered my little man for daycare. I cant even imagine actually dropping him off there!! I may have to do some practice days.

April

I am sooo happy for you, Amy!!
You go, girl.
Losing the 30lbs. is awesome news, gives me hope for if I have kids.
Also, I can think of one guy who's probably really happy about that go ahead for sex....

Lots of love and happy thoughts sent your way,
April

Karen

Wow, 30 pounds in 6 weeks. AMAZING. You belong on the cover of People Magazine, just like Denise and Britney. Here's what I had to say about that:

http://momhood.blogspot.com/2005/10/thanks-people.html

Rock on!

Kentucky_Kitty

Ain't nothing tastier than those chunky little cheeks!!

Congrats on your accomplishment in just six weeks Amalah. You lost 30 pounds and gained the cutest baby EVER!

Alexandrialeigh

Congrats!

And...I meant to comment on the Antonin post, but -- holy crap, that's awesome.

lissa

i obviously need to have baby to lose weight or perhaps i can just babysit a newborn for 6 weeks. i should really think about marketing this idea! umm... obviously without the breastfeeding.

Mir

Ohhhh you must be far too full after your Value Meal to eat those cheeks. I will eat them for you, because I am helpful that way.

Elizabeth

You know, if you do it right, sex and exercise can be the same thing! ;)

And as delicious as McDonald's is, Noah is just the yummiest looking baby!

Ninotchka

Sounds like a winner of a day!

(Except for the daycare crying thing)

Congrats on the weight loss!

(It's one less thing and also, the stretch marks, I hear you sister...and I DID post a pic on my blog because I hate myself like that)

Also, congrats on those yummy cheeks! He's such a cutie.

Sundry

Me too, sister.

Stephanie

I swore I would never comment and just lurk- but that rocks about the pre-pregnancy weight! My boy was born 6 days before yours (I've been reading since about my 4th month) I gained huge weight at the end- ALL WATER! Hope you don't ever have to go through that-Dr. prescribed bed rest is a VERY boring thing- amazing how the body can swell! All gone now though- back to pre-pregnancy jeans at 7 weeks. Weight? Well...we're not gonna talk about that now are we? My husband (love him!) hid the scale during my 7th month...haven't seen it sense....thankfully. Any typos=red wine

type a

amy, love? he is so, so beautiful. he makes the best faces. he is you and jason, 100%.

could
not
be
happier
for
you

kisses

natalie

Aww, preparing to go back to work and leave the baby is hard stuff. I am a nanny in the area, and I know how hard it is for working parents. Trust me though, you'll adjust quicker than you think and Noah will too. He is such a cute baby. Congrats on the 30lbs, shopping, and being able to have sex again! Haha.

Heather B.

OH MY GOD that is one adorable baby.
and yeah, you look damn good for a woman who had a baby six weeks ago.

Miss Ann Thrope

He is so damned cute.

I remember my mom saying that the worst post pregnancy thing...and this was blamed on me for being the oldest...was how her ribcage seemed wider. I can see that happening cuz they do kinda squish themselves up there, right?

Anyway, she said the poochy belly wasn't nearly as bad as feeling like her ribs grew two sizes bigger.

Scarlett LeANN

Alamah, your noah beautiful! Take care and have a great weekend...

cece

I can't believe no one in the comments is being honest about the weight issue. Really, you suck. Not for returning to your prepregnancy weight, but for telling everyone about it.

LCA

HAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh man, Fat hot ham. I adore that.

That aside, the wide-eyed Noah photo made me laugh, and hooray for you and your amazing shrinking body and your big day out. :)

Broad

Fat hot ham ... can I add that to my lexicon?

Amalah

Cece: Yep.

Amytoo

Since I weigh more than you did even when you were 9 mos. along, I really have nothing to say...

Except my mom once blamed her obsesity on pregnancy weight.

I was 18.

Kelly

Good for you! Glad you had a great day! I so understand that post pregnancy shape stuff - UGH!

For Joke!

What the heck were you doing to that baby to make him pull that facial expression in the middle picture???

Amy

Awesome! I lost 46 pounds in 8 weeks and the best part was, I still had big HUGE luscious cleavage. Sigh...I miss those girls, but I couldn't button my favorite shirts, and people always talked to my chest, so I guess there's a give and take. He's adorable, and as I always say, being a mom is the best job EVER!!!

wordnerd

I had two babies -- gained 14, lost 14 with the first, gained 11, lost 16 with the second. Years later, I'd kill for those numbers. But it was still cool when my doc bragged about me to his staff!

WIll

we had ours on the 14th of sept. 10lbs, 4oz. you have our sympathies.. and our best wishes, from one cuteling to another...

Nola

Word to the wise... daycare facilities usually have crappy kleenex, so make sure to take a box of Puffs Plus *the one with aloe* with you the first day you have to drop Noah off. Trust me on this one... you'll use them ALL.

And just wait till it's his first day of SCHOOL...

Buy. stock. in. Puffs.

joaaanna

That second picture of Noah just made my day. God how that made me smile. And honey, I really needed a smile right now. Thanks!

MandyGirl

Congrats on the 30 lbs! The loss of, that is.

Mmmm...McDonald's

Doodle

Can't believe it's been 6 weeks. Congrats on your weight loss, that rocks! Noah is just as cute as ever...see we all knew you would be a good mommy!

Jackie Joy

Dear Amy,
Have spent the last week reading all of your archives, sniffling and laughing out loud, and while I hate you for losing all of your baby weight, I wish you were my best friend.
I hope all continues to go (relatively) smoothly in your new life as a mommy. I have no assvice, though my daughter is 17 months old. My advice to all new mommies is the same--just follow your instincts. He is your babalah and you know what is best for him. :-)

God Bless,
Jackie Joy

Jackie Joy

Oooooh AND you are totally right. Just because you weigh the same doesn't mean your body looks the same. It totally sucks. I've always been a curvy sort of girl but I distinctly remember the BEFORE the baby I actually had, you know, a waist or something. And as the others said, the ribs, they spread. I SWEAR it.

Stephanie

Awww the pics are so cute. Oh yeah, congrats on having your privlages back. haha ;)

deb

LOVE the cleared for sex exam! It's either "oh, yeah RIGHT!" or "What? We were supposed to wait?"

Bodies. We're moms now, sisters! Nobody loves the kangeroo pooch. I think there is something REALLY sexy about a mom body that a girl body can't touch. I don't know, everyone has their preferences.

Amanda

I'd be bragging my ass off too.

But really? The easy weight loss is the true payoff for the really ouchy boobs.

Laura

Duuuude. amalah. it's back to sex for PLEASURE intstead of sex for PROCREATION. that's awesome :P

and also, you've inspired me to lose weight. 1 situp a day for the next month and a half should do SOME good, right? ;P

Heather B O'Douls

I feel special because I remember "fat hot ham" and have yelled it at my roommate before.

Claudia

That has to be the cutest baby of all freaking time.

30lbs = you are my hero!

VHMPrincess

fat hot ham!

Closs

i usually just lurk and read but i'm delurking to say..first off congrats on the wee one...he's adorable!!~!...do people in the US get a year off for maternity leave? or is that just a canadian thing?

Lisa Ann

Must.squeeze.those.cheeks.

Amanda

Lost all the pregnancy weight = Yay!
Daycare thoughts = Nay! But look on the bright side...he'll be well socialized. Plus those kids at the center will eventually teach him things & words you wouldn't even think of - believe me. I have a 3.5 year old who attends daycare, and those other kids are a bad influence sometimes. LOL.

I am seriously laughing at the middle photo though. What caused such an expression? Absolutely hilarious. He's going to be quite a communicator, I'd think.

Divaah46

Very cute baby! I found your blog through the "company cookbook" link---man that food looks scary. Does he get along with the little dog and the cat?

Hilary

??? Do I need to move to Canada? I'm still trying to figure out how to get some money while on six week maternity leave.
Enjoy the last half of your leave! I'm sorry to say but it will go by as fast as the first half did.
Congrats on the prepregnancy weight!
And McDonald's..YUM! You deserved it!

janet

I actually lost 30 pounds giving birth both times. That is because I had such excessive amniotic fluid and retained so much water, (and had big babies.) Of course, I GAINED more than 30, so I still had work to do . . .
Sorry about the day care thing. It sucks. No way to stay home a while? We didn't think there was any way possible to make ends meet on one income, but I am starting my 3rd year of being home and somehow we always make out okay!
(Wish I lived closer to you. I would volunteer to watch his Little Cuteness for you. I live in NoVa.)

Lauren

Umm I'm only 23 and not having babies for a long time BUT...no sex for 6 whole weeks? Is that for real?!?

Cagey

I applaud you for only being 5 minutes late AND for having a taken a shower during a period of time when shaving one's legs is a luxury rather than a chore!!

AnotherAmy

Fat. Hot. Ham. LOVE that more everytime I read it! Congrats on making to the doctors with socks on the baby! And on the 30 lb drop. Must google thrush again to squash baby envy.

Beth

Reason #2,456 why I LOVE my OB/GYN: At my six-week visit, he told me that I could have sex, but if I wanted to tell my husband that I had to wait a few more weeks, he would back me up lol!

Siobhan

Lauren sweetie believe me, after pushing a baby out your hoo-ha the last thing you want to do is have sex for a long time. 6 weeks is the minimum you should wait and not to overshare but it hurts like hell the first time you have sex afterwards. I'm not sure about after a c-section but with vaginal birth it was not fun trying to get back on that horse.

Real Girl

I'm hoping to lose five pounds after the holiday season. Clearly I need to borrow someone's baby. They should just let you rent them for the week or something.(Once they learn how to breed out the whole pooping thing, that is.)

Missie

I agree with Lauren and Siobhan. Six weeks is a long time to wait, especially if your guy is being even more wonderful than usual with your new bambino and making you fall in love with him all over again. BUT--It's not alot of fun trying to be intimate after a c-section, either. Won't go into details...just suffice to say...Owwwweee.

Siobhan

Yah, you totally misunderstood my post. My husband is great with the baby and I just adore him but I was in no hurry to have sex after my delivery. Mostly because I was black and blue and required quite a few stitches. I know that's not the case for most but it was for me.

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