The Post After The Post I've Been Dreading
Mighty Baby of the Amazon (Dot Com)

Booger

Noah has a cold. AGAIN.

But this the ultra-liquidy version. My God, we are awash in snot.

He leaves smears of mucus on my boobs after I nurse him and has blown some of the most impressive nose bubbles I've ever seen. I've spent all morning with wadded up tissues at the ready and have been diving in there with the nasal bulb thing at every occasion, usually shrieking I'M GONNA STEAL YOUR BOOOOOOOGERS or some variant thereof, and for anyone who thinks that I am going back to work simply because I cannot handle the MIND-BLOWING GLAMOR of motherhood is wrong, because I have dried baby snot on my neck and am PROUD OF IT, COME GIVE ME A CUDDLE.

Poor guy. While it's highly likely that I simply gave him the cold I've been suffering from for the past couple weeks, I'm blaming the three hours he spent in daycare on Monday. Gaarrrrghhhhh.

Anyway. The Wednesday Advice Smackdown is taking a brief holiday hiatus so that I may focus my energies on Nasal Cavity Watch 2005.

Now watch me distract the Internet with random shiny baby photos!

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You want to talk about daycare? Pshaw! That's like, sooooo yesterday.


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Instead, let's debate whether I am staring at an age-appropriate, developmentally-stimulating toy or the bad, bad television in this picture.


 

 

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Well, okay, it was the television. But look! Here I am pondering some plastic fish and thinking that I would like some sushi.


 

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AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.....

 

 

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CHOO!


And now, apropos of nothing, we present the Noah Storch American Idol Audition...

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AND I'LLLLLLLLLLL BE YOUR CRYING SHOULDER....

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I'LLLLL BE LOVES SUICIDE.

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AND I'LLLLLLL BEEEE BETTER WHEN I'M OLDER....

(And here's where I had the big plan to take a picture of the two of us together, all "I'm the greatest fan of your li-ii-ife," or whatever, but I think it would lose some of its impact today, what with all the snot. Also, that would be so totally lame.)

 

 

Comments

Incredimom

SO freaking cute. I love that baby

Incredimom

OMG, I was the first comment and didn't even say anything brilliant. So my luck.

Tom

HA! I love the American Idol bit. Throw in a little flash animation and a pirated mp3 of the original song and that has got "overnight internet sensation" written all over it.

Also, I know this kid who may or may not be going into the bag business, as an online retailer, and I totally suggested to him that maybe it wouldn't be a bad idea to maybe buy you off with a free coach bag. yes, it's a bribe - but you could be all "ooh look at this great bag they gave me for *free* and you should all totally go check out tomsfriendsdiscountpurses.com because they are great."

But then he sort of changed his mind about the whole thing, so don't get your hopes up. But it would have been sweet. Because you're totally into bribes....right?

:)

SortaBlonde

That is one happy baby, even with a cold. So precious!!!

JuJuBee

What a cutie, an I know how you are feeling about the baby snot-opaloooza 2005. It's grossing me right the hell out.

Megan

At least Noah's got his snot under control! I'm at work at "Sick Fest 2005," and I have a coworker who doesn't know about facial tissues.

Polichick

Best baby caption photos EVER.

Polichick

Best baby photo captions EVER.

Carrisa

I never thought that I, a single woman with no kids, would ever get such a kick like I do out of reading your blog... along with Zoot's and dooce's... I guess it's my way of allowing my ovaries to expand again. They tend to shrink up when I go to places like Wal-Mart and see hellions run around with no discipline. :o)

Karen

Oh my God, the cuteness. I have two kids and Noah just makes my uterus ache with the cuteness. Amy, he looks so much like you already.

Laura

No mom...not the snot sucker! Anything but that. NOOOOOOOO

Sorry Noahlah is sick. But even with a cold, he's one cute baby. Must look away, can't stand the cuteness.

MrsAnthrope

As a means of extending the virtual peace pipe and poking holes in the sanctimonious pose I may have appeared to be striking yesterday, I will readily admit that my kids spend way too much time watching TV and playing video games. I try to convince myself that there are cognitive, social, and psychological benefits to this (hey, De Nile ain't just a river in Egypt, as they say!). Indeed, I am just about to rent them a bunch of video games so they will be entertained whilst I finish the hacky ghostwriting project that is due by 12/31! It's the dark side of the "ideal" work-at-home-mommy, Gap-free lifestyle! So Amalah, you are right to start Noah off early! Just get him hooked on PBS shows, rather than those bratty NickToons, so that pesky guilt won't keep you up nights.

Your baby is soooo cute, btw. He is a dead ringer for your husband, imho.

Laura

And Simon Cowell says (for the first time in history), "Noah, that was brilliant, you should totally be the next American Idol!"

Good luck with the snot bulb thingy...my niece and nephew scream bloody murder the moment that thing comes out of the baby bag.

Hope he feels better soon.

Diana

Would it be too redundant to say how cute and gorgeous and handsome that boy is? I usually never comment because you have a million to read, but today seemed safe. Sorry he's sick- but he still takes great pics!

Erika

ROFL...Noah as Johnny Rzeznik...that is the funniest thing I've seen all week.

Mir

I loved the snot sucker when the kids were babies. There was something so satisfying about extracting that much, that quickly, from a creature as yet incapable of just BLOWING, dammit.

Also the ultra-suprised look on a baby's face when you release the bulb and it goes SHLORP and they act like their very brain is being suctioned out... that's good, too.

Liz

Just a news story I thought I would share. A 14 lb baby -- at birth!

http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2005/12/21/earlyshow/living/parenting/main1150910.shtml

Lisa L.

Get well soon Noah!

The American Idol sequence is hilarious. If I'd made a baby book for my kids, I would have loved something that great. But I don't have the wit to pull that sequence together...

Pamalamadingdong

HA! I mean really...HA HA HA! Brilliant

kalisah

omg, I can't get over how totally cute that boy is.

And I agree with you - it had to be the daycare. B/c you would've passed on the antibodies to your cold in your breast milk, no?

Jezer

I laughed really, really hard at Noah's American Idol audition. Good Lord that was funny.

Spencer

Hey! The kid's already an overacheiver if he's blowing super nose bubbles!

I seriously think his cuteness should be outlawed!

Boozie

I've never seen a baby with such adult facial expressions! He really looks like he's thinking hard about the TV, there. Either that or he was pooping...I'm not a mother, so I wouldn't have the slightest clue.

Anyway, happy festivus.

Lauren

Oh baby, have you got a cutie there! My sister is a big fan of the boogey-sucker (as we call it) and wishes they made em for adults. Much better than blowing. Snots!

missbanshee

The scowly thumbsucking pic is so hilarious and adorable I have not the words. And he totally got sick from daycare. Germ factories, they are.

missbanshee

The scowly thumbsucking pic is so hilarious and adorable I have not the words. And he totally got sick from daycare. Germ factories, they are.

Jenny

GREAT baby pics! Sorry about the snot. I tell my son it's time for a boogerectomy when I try to use the suction bulb thingie (okay, I'm lying, I totally use my finger, I am gross).

Heather B.

cute kid you've got there.

and the thumbsucking...oh the thumbsucking, I'm a sucker for the thumb/hand sucking.

Jessica

just have to say it again; CUTEST. BABY. EVER.

Ali G

love the american idol audition! you always have the best captions.

poor noah... it sucks having a cold.

jennifer

HA!

reason number 7 I am not ready to be a mother:
snot bubbles would make me hurl

Stacy

I'm actually glad to see a picture of Noah crying, er, singing...I was getting jealous that you had a cry-free home. And that's just not fair. And I'm glad no assholes emailed you about daycare. They can suck it.

Linda

HA-HA-HA. You made me smile on a totally suck-y day. Thanks to you for the inspired captions and to Noah for the wonderfully expressive faces.

MAX

These are so not pictures of a child who will wonder if he's the center of his parents' universe(s). I mean, come on, you're writing about his snot bubbles! Does that say "love" or what? You're a good momma; I can tell this and I don't even know you.

Hope his little nose feels better soon!

Corinne

Brilliant... I love the singing pictures... maybe you should take him on the road. :)

Lori

I missed the whole daycare debacle, but I just wanted to throw in another 'Daycare can be good'. (my son is ten months, in day care since 10 weeks). He loves the women who work there, he's healthy as can be (one cold so far), and he sits on the other babies to try and be friends with them. Okay, so he needs to work on that last one, but he's just doing it out of love!

Also, love the pictures of Noah singing! That's an excellent sign of relaxing mommyness, when you photograph the crying baby and put great captions on :)

threelittlegirls

Delurking to share that Noah really truly and honestly is an adorable little baby boy and he is oh so blessed to have you for his mommy. Thank you for being transparent to the rest of us - it is encouraging to know that those of us that are transparent and wear our emotions on our sleeves and, uh, blogs, are not alone. Tracy

Nicole

Oh the cuteness. Gush. Like the snot.

Well at least you're using the snot bulb, just this week on the early morning radio talk shows I heard women talking about how they use their mouth, to orally suck the snot out of their babies' noses. Eek.

wordnerd

Nicooooooole, say it ain't so.....

I'm loving me some Noah in those pics! YUM!

Silly Hily

Usually my "lol" means I'm laughing on the inside b/c I'm at work but THAT? The sneeze, the AI audition? That made me seriously LOL!
I've been sitting back the last couple of days just reading and reading and shaking my head at how judgmental people can be. I just want you to know that I'm such a huge fan of yours. I mean, after all, it's b/c of YOU that I was introduced to Petunia Pickle Bottom. I talk about you so much that my mom picked up on how much I loved your bag and she bought me one!!!! I just have to wait until the spring baby shower to get it. So....thank you!

Nicole

Mr. Noah is the most expressive baby ever! How freakin' adorable! And your captions are hee-larious.

feithy

You know, I have to thank you. My baby cravings have ceased since I began supping on Noah's adorable face every day. :) I get all the pleasure of your play-by-plays and none of the ACTUAL snot. Thank you, thank you, thank you. :)

Love your blog!!

F

Franci

what a cute baby Noah is!

Re: nose-liquid on Mommy's breasts: Oh, sweet memories :)

RockStar Mommy

Your kid does a killer Celine Dion impression.

Oh, but don't let him on American Idol. Paula Abdul would be all up on him.

Tree

Oh my God those pictures are freaking adorable!

Lisa Ann

Snot or no snot that baby is just so freaking yummy!

Isabel

Dang, that's one cute baby. I can only hope/pray that my litte guy is half as cute.

Hope he gets to feeling better soon!

sarah

He really is one of the cutest babies i have ever seen. no wonder you all are so taken with him!

pete

daycare dillema. feel you.

nasal bulb fear. feel you.

noah sleeping through the night. hate you.

penn state fan. hate you.

how much this blog helps my wife, 11 week old daughter and myself. love you.

pete

sorry.

i meant dileMMa.

Heather O'douls

my mom was a working mom?

and I turned out juuuust fine.

Noah will, too.

Erika

OHGAWD, the pics today! Funny&cute!

props from me, the random married but still childless woman from Chicago.

On the whole daycare/work thing - you're doing exactly what I would do, when/if we spawn. So, *cheers*!

heather o'douls

and baby sneezes are the cutest thing ever.

Peyton

I call it the Blue Booger Sucker. :-) Ella hates it with a fiery passion.

I hope your wee little one feels much better soon!

Big Gay Sam

baby snot rocket! :P

Big Gay Sam

baby snot rocket! :P

cai

Amalah--saw this post about the child care dilemma and thought of you--I think you'll enjoy it...
http://balefulregards.blogspot.com/

Arwen

I laughed sooooo hard at the American Idol audition. Thanks for that!

Jess

I couldn't comment on the last post but I wanted to ask- was Noah doing "Blue Steel" in that last post picture? I think so....

Ninotchka

a ha ha ha Love the American Idol bit. What a cutie!

Harper

Laugh-out-loud hysterical! Sing it, Noah!

We call it (the bulb thingy) the "brain sucker." Good stuff!

Hope you all have a healthy holiday!!!

cas

For the snot river: hyland's c-plus cold tablets.

You know you are in love with your baby when even the crying is recorded for cuteness.

Lisa B

Great song Noah. Hope you are less snotty soon.

Sarcastic Journalist

I used to make the booger sucking fun, too. Then my child decided she enjoyed sucking on the "business end" of the bulb.

Sometimes, if I'm trying to get her to be still while I'm changing her diaper, I let her suck her own snot out of the bulb. Yes. I'm serious.

Angie

Because I have been there to I wanted to share with you an amazing product called Johnsons and Johnsons vapor bath. I seriously think I have my 3 year old daughter addicted to it. She asks for a vapor bath every time she sneezes. Let me just say that it will totally unclog them and help get that crap out of their nose at least for a few hours of peace.

Beverly

Ha! The captions were a riot. Oh and I am a first time commenter, long time reader. So the captions were so great that I had to give a shout out! Thanks for sharing!

Real Girl

Feel better soon, Noahlah.

You love that l'il thumb, dontcha? Almost as good as boobies.

kelli

Oh, crying I am laughing so hard and the American Idol bit. He could have kicked Bo Brice's harry ass.

Frema

This act would totally turn me back on to American Idol.

...Who are we kidding? I don't have cable. I have no choice but to revert to the Fox.

lissa

Cutest. Baby. Ever.

Rebecca

First, cute baby! I've been out of town so I missed the "going back to work" discussion. But I wanted to say that I feel your pain. I am, or will be when we have kids, in the exact same situation. Your post put into words exactly how I have been feeling about my own situation. Thank you for putting your self out there and for making me feel not so alone in this.

Amanda B.

God that boy is cute.

Paula

Noah is just so adorable! Makes me really want another one....

laney

Hi Amy! I just read your daycare posts and I can honestly say that i don't even know you and I was crying. Not a full on sobfest but tears in my eyes. I live in Jersey where we are raped in taxes and housing but we have somehow managed to make it work so I can stay home with the (3)boys.

I would not presume to know your situation and I would certainly not cast judgment upon you. Ever. I admire your honesty and your willingness to let the internet trample on your heart. *grin*

Your son is just perfect and sweet and quite a good singer!

laney

Hi Amy! I just read your daycare posts and I can honestly say that i don't even know you and I was crying. Not a full on sobfest but tears in my eyes. I live in Jersey where we are raped in taxes and housing but we have somehow managed to make it work so I can stay home with the (3)boys.

I would not presume to know your situation and I would certainly not cast judgment upon you. Ever. I admire your honesty and your willingness to let the internet trample on your heart. *grin*

Your son is just perfect and sweet and quite a good singer!

Talix18

HA! Classic! Love. it.

mmf!

have you seen this article already?
http://www.slate.com/id/2132990/?nav=tap3

i am thinking your boy is going to be very tall when he grows up...

Anne

Only this kid could make babysnot on the boobs look good. He's adorable

Kate The Great

Noah is gonna be a totally lady killer when he grows up. What a cutie! You're gonna have to beat the girls off with sticks :-) I hope he feels better soon.

shannon

Aww, poor cold baby. I go back to work my my 3 month maternity leave on the 3rd. I have to say I'm really looking forward to it. I'm going to be working from home 3 of the 5 days, so that makes it easier. And my hubs is Mr. stay at home dad, so that rocks also. I must say I really think I need to feel a tinsy bit useful in a way that doesn't involve my boobs.

Sarah

Those last pics tottaly remind me of Jamie Foxx on "Golddigger"!

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