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November 2005
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January 2006

Wednesday Advice Smackdown

Oh Internet, I was so looking forward to the first Non-Sleep-Deprived Advice Smackdown today, as our sleeping-through-the-night streak was up to five glorious nights in a row, but alas, it is not to be. Noah has a cold and so do I. Now I get why I'm sick: I'm exhausted, I haven't eaten a full, hot meal in ages, and I have a 12-pound linebacker leeching calories and nutrients from me at every possible occasion. On the other hand, I've damn near killed myself to pump precious precious antibodies into Noah every two to three hours for nine and a half weeks and yet the kid still can't fight off the first cold that floats his way. I'm starting to feel like I have been seriously beaten with the short end of the breastfeeding stick. Anyway, last night involved lots of tending to a hysterical little baby who couldn't breathe and not so much sleep. (He's feeling just fine this morning, of course, while I'm warmed-over phlegm on toast.) (And that's THIS week's version of the same "why my advice sucks" song and dance that I preface every Smackdown with, blah blah, cough cough.) I have dutifully read your previous... Read more →


Jason's brother and his wife came to visit this weekend, and they were my favorite kind of out-of-town guests: The Kind That Stay In A Hotel. We went out to dinner at an infant-friendly pizza restaurant (translation: loud enough on its own to drown out any screaming) on Friday night. And we sat next to some...interesting people. This picture fails to adequately capture the full horror of THE HAIR THAT ATE PIZZA or the magenta lycra-infused velvet outfit. And her -- no lie -- GREEN-TINTED GLASSES are obviously not pictured, because frankly, I was afraid she'd spot me snapping the picture and like, turn me into a leprechaun with them. Noah started to fuss at one point so we gave him a bottle (of formula! stone me with crumpled up La Leche League pamphlets!) and Jason hoisted him up on his shoulder for a burp. The woman immediately grabbed her purse off the chair closest to Jason and her husband jumped up to move his jacket. When they saw that we'd noticed, she smiled and cheerfully said they were just "clearing a path for the little guy." Now, I'll certainly testify that Noah is capable of some tremendous projectile spit-up,... Read more →


December 2, 2005: Noah sleeps through the night. In his crib. (So much for the lamest co-sleeping assvice smackdown ever, right?) Of course, I did not sleep through the night. I was too busy doing the following: 1) Waking up in a panic because OH MY GOD, THERE'S A CAT WHERE THE BABY SHOULD BE. THE CAT HAS SMOTHERED THE BABY. 2) Fudging around with the baby monitor batteries and volume, because clearly, I should be hearing hysterical screams by now. 3) With each passing hour, whispering excitedly to Jason: "I think he's going to sleep through the night! Look at the time!" 4) Ignoring Jason's Glaring Looks of Glarey Death. 5) Sneaking downstairs repeatedly to poke and prod the sleeping baby to make sure he was still alive. He was still alive. He was just very tired. Read more →