Not Quite a Year in the Life of Amy's Camera Phone
Not So Much Boring As Brain-Numbing Tedium

Babies Are Boring

Or, more accurately, the parents of babies are boring.

Seriously, when this equals big-time photo-op excitement at your house...

Img_2275 are boring. Congratulations.


You can't really help being boring, because while babies are cute and all, they just don't DO very much. You spend your days wiping up spit-up and changing their clothes because poop shot out the leg holes of their diaper because they're right in between diaper sizes and can you believe he's wearing size two diapers now? But he's got skinny thighs so the leg holes kind of gap so yeah, he pooped on his outfit and maybe a little on the couch too and the next thing you know, you've just spent 10 minutes discussing the intricacies of disposable diaper leg holes with the cashier at the grocery store.


Having a baby means that your big Friday night plans involved a small bowl of rice cereal and this was ridiculously exciting to you.

So exciting that you probably spent the rest of the weekend telling everyone you knew about this small bowl of rice cereal.

Being a parent means you KNOW nobody cares, but you tell them anyway.


Having a baby means wall-to-wall plastic crap in primary colors.


Being a parent means you have no qualms whatsoever about sticking your finger up another human being's nose.


Being a parent means that sometime, someday, and no matter how strongly you swore you wouldn't, you will talk about yourself in the third person.

Probably in a really high-pitched voice, and you'll be doing something weird with your eyebrows too.


Being a parent means you spend SUBSTANTIAL chunks of your time trying to arrange the verses of "The Wheels on the Bus" into a logically pleasing order.

Like, obviously you start with the wheels going round and round. And then I like to sing all the other verses about inanimate parts of the bus first, like the wipers (swish swish swish) and the blinkers (on and off? left and right? blink blink blink?) and then I end with the doors (open and close) because I think this is a nice segue to the verse about the bus driver,  because he's who you see when the doors open and close, and you move on back, move on back, move on back to where the other passengers are, starting with the children and then the babies and then the mommies saying don't you fuss, and isn't there a verse about the daddies on the bus? Or are we to assume that daddies don't ride the bus because daddy is off having a mid-life crisis in his Corvette?

There should also be a verse about the no-good teenagers listening to their damn iPods on the bus or the homeless man with too many plastic shopping bags screaming about Whitey on the bus, but I haven't been able to come up with the right lyrics yet.


Being a parent means you are genetically unable to stop talking about how your three-and-a-half month old HELD HIS OWN BOTTLE, FOR LIKE, A MINUTE, or about how he found an old pacifier in his crib and mashed it into his mouth ALL BY HIMSELF, and these are the skills you are currently hanging your Ivy League hopes on and why does everybody look so bored?

Because you are a parent. And you are now boring.


Which is why it's probably a good thing that I don't get out much anymore, and why I have no idea what to tell people who leave comments about missing the "old" Amalah, because yeah, I miss her too, but I ALREADY KILLED HER WITH THE BORING.

Although she did sort-of make a reappearance this weekend, during a baby-less five-block walk in Chinatown on Saturday night, during which we got kind of trapped in a crowd of honest-to-God MONSTER TRUCK RALLY attendees, including one of the largest, craziest and most balls-out mullets I have EVER seen, which totally required a double-take from me, which totally caused the little kitten heel of my shoe to get stuck in a sidewalk grate, and then I caused all sorts of sidewalk traffic while I yanked it out of the grate and everybody was staring at me thinking, "Um, maybe wear sneakers next time? Moron."


Being a parent means there's only one person who finds you absolutely hilarious and fascinating.

Unfortunately, he also loves ugly plastic crap and farts.


But he totally gets your excitement about the cereal, and that's all that matters.



Surrender to the boring... it is life's greatest joy! And don't forget the horn on the bus. You know the one- it goes beep, beep, beep.

Love the adorable baby pictures! Noah is absolutely edible!


Noah has the most expressive face I've ever seen on a baby! Do you think it is cause his mommy is hilarious? Or is it the hooch in his bottle? No one will ever know!
Congrats on another great post. Just post more often and we'll forgive you for losing the old Amalah during the great Noah search of 2005.


I absolutely love the picture of him "thinking"! He is just down right adorable.

And you are not boring! Your entries are very entertaining, it's definitely a great read! Thank you for that :)


That was an awesome post. Great writing, great pics, great Amy.


Laughing hysterically about the diapers. I JUST put my 14.5 lb, 3 month old progeny in size 3s this week. Yep, a little too big, but the 2s were WAY too small to hold in all the poopage. Sigh.

Nothing But Bonfires

I've been trying but it's so hard because NOTHING RHYMES WITH IPOD.

Except tripod. But then that means there has to be a verse about the photographers on the bus too. And nothing rhymes with photographer.

Vicious cycle, I tell you.


"Being a parent means there's only one person who finds you absolutely hilarious and fascinating. Unfortunately, he also loves ugly plastic crap and farts." Hey! That perfectly describes every relationship I've ever had!

I love kids (even though I'm not going to have any) and have totally been on the floor with the rice cereal - ohmigod, semi-solid foods! - like it was the most exciting thing in the world. And, really, isn't it?


Cute post. I don't have kids. yeah, it can be boring. Actually people think I don't like kids, but really the kids are okay - just sometimes their parents stink. :) I also don't think all babies are cute just because they are babies.

So you should know that Noah is, in fact, the most adorable baby I have ever laid eyes upon. Really. I want one. (almost) ;)


Just wait till your daycare folks call to inform you that your son just had an "uncontained BM" and that you should come give him a far that's been the highlight of my week. You think you're boring? no no no no, my dear, I have you beat!
love the post, Noah is as always adorable!


delurking a week late (story of my life) to say I LOVE your blog. You are hilarious, not boring. Noah is seriously one of the most adorable babies I have ever seen. Love all the pictures of Noah's baby feet. I miss baby feet. Eventually baby feet turn into smelly big feet that you don't want anywhere near you. Oh, and, believe it or not, when Noah is 16 and hangin' with whatever the coolest gadget for teens is you will still think he is soooo cute, will still want to talk about him all the time and will cry big tears all the time -- I know -- "ohmigod this is the second to the last first day of school"; "ohmigod, in a year and a half she, er, I mean he, will be off at college somewhere and I will miss her, er him, so much, and I have no idea how I am going to survive my kids growing up and moving on, except, I am just so darn proud of them and think they are still adorable". Gotta go -- am crying big tears because my beautiful baby girl is leaving for college in a year and a half.


Ha! I gave my baby rice cereal at 2 months of age. Am bad mom? Maybe. Oh yeah, I also gave her her first taste of peanut butter at 8 months old. She ate eggs before one. And tuna. And nuts. And she totally never died or choked!

She just turned four in December and has no food allergies or other related problems.

Amalah, you know best when to feed what to your baby


This is your life, and it's anything BUT boring. Count me as one of those that doesn't have kids, but loves reading about Noah.

I also started reading your blog when you were pregnant with him, so I didn't know you 'before', except in going back through the archives, checking out the funny.

I like your comments and insights just as much now, if not more, than 'who you were before'.
Keep the boring stuff coming ;)


Oh, come on. You're not boring! I've never been one to gush over babies, and I don't have any of my own, but I've already looked at these pictures of Noah at least three times.

Typing that kind of makes me feel like a stalker.


I'm a speech therapist (and apparently as it turns out, an assvice-giver as of today) and as much as the baby talk can make you think, "I am a grown person and I can't believe those words just came out of my mouth!" it's totally the best thing for Noah's language development. You're a great mom!


You are never boring, at least not to me. Ok, I am a parent to 3 demons, 10, 8, and 23 months so I totally understand! I love baby pictures and cute baby grins.


Me again. I'd like to state for the record that in addition to not thinking you're boring at all, I am absolutely dying to get my hands on a snot sucker because now *I* want to try it.


Babies? Boring? No. They are fascinating, because they live their life, the first year of life, on a crazy speeded up schedule where they learn how to do more in one year than most of us learn to do in, like, ten. Like walking and talking and feeding themselves and WOW look at that butterfly and I wonder what will happen when i pull the kitty's tail.

And Noah is a cutie.

Lisa V

Can I have a picture of Noah, or maybe Max and Noah to post on my blog and get my hits up?


it's not really the old amalah so much as the photo collages and quick wit.

La Dieter

Today I shall finally de-lurk. You are HILARIOUS and oh-so-not-boring. I laugh out loud everyday and must, MUST start my day off with a dose of Amalah. Thank you!


I read this to my 3 and 5 year old children and they both cracked up at the end when you wrote "plastic crap and farts." If a blog can make them laugh, you are doing all right!


I read this to my 3 and 5 year old children and they both cracked up at the end when you wrote "plastic crap and farts." If a blog can make them laugh, you are doing all right!


I read this to my 3 and 5 year old children and they both cracked up at the end when you wrote "plastic crap and farts." If a blog can make them laugh, you are doing all right!


I too have become boring since having my baby one month ago, and perhaps that is why I find your blog so incredible un-boring. But hey, lives change. It's okay. We're bound to be boring to one group of folks or another at any given time in our lives. Noah's adorable and you're writing is great and almost anything can be entertaining when covered in the guise of good prose. Congrats on the rice cereal and good luck with the teething!


LOL... thank you for you advice in wednesday advice smackdown a few months ago :D

My friends are also still talking about babies mostly, but like these post of you, until now i can handle it as long as they have the ability to make fun of that themselves too :D


Not boring at all!! (to another parent...they understand!) Bless his total cuteness!


As I watched Regis and Kelly this morning they talked about their search for America's most beautiful baby, and while I don't have any babies in my life that would qualify, I instantly thought of you.

You should totally enter.

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