Drop in the Name of Love
January 27, 2006
One of my biggest parenting fears (besides SIDS, autism and dropping the baby into a volcano) has always been what would happen if I fell while holding Noah.
It's a valid fear, because I fall down a lot. Ahem. Cough. Yes.
After my c-section, I was given strict orders not to carry the baby while walking for a week. And no carrying the baby up and down stairs for a couple more weeks after that. I followed these instructions the best that I could, which is to say, not at all, because I determined pretty much five minutes after the surgery that I was Super Abdominal Surgery Recovery Woman, give me a couple Advil and I HAVE NO LIMITS, THOSE AREA RUGS WILL NOT VACUUM THEMSELVES.
When Noah was just a few days old, Lactaction Consultant v.1.0 told me to always keep a grip on his thigh when I carried him, because this would keep him secure if I fell. I followed these instructions to the letter and walked around with a vise grip on my son's chubby thigh for weeks, although I could never quite work out a falling-down-the-stairs scenario in my head that didn't involve me swinging Noah around like a cartoon, whacking his head a few times and then triumphantly holding him upside-down by one leg at the bottom of the stairs.
I also refused to ever hold him in the kitchen, what with all that hard ceramic tile and Siletone countertops and food processor blades and other assorted hard surfaces that I could smash his head wide open on.
I'm much better about that now, although I'm sure you see where I'm going with this.
I fell down the stairs this morning with Noah in my arms.
Also in my arms: a tote full of bottles, a shopping bag full of bibs and extra baby clothes, my purse and my damn breast pump.
It wasn't a full ass-over-teakettle fall, but my heel got caught in my pants hem as I walked down our building's stairs. I saw the landing a few steps down and realized there was no way I could grab anything or put my hands out to break my fall, but it was monumentally important that I not fall flat on my face and crush the baby (who, looking back on it, was wearing his ridiculously puffy jacket and probably would have been just fine even if I'd just tossed him blindly on the landing)...so I just sort of gritted my teeth and bent my knees and BAM.
Full force, right on my knees. And then I was so top heavy with everything I was carrying I lost my balance and fell forward, so I stuck my elbows out and BAM.
And I lay there for a minute, propped up on my throbbing elbows, with the breast pump bag now sort of on top of my head, wondering WHO THE HELL TAUGHT ME TO DO THAT.
Noah just sort of looked at me, like why are we on the floor, Mom? And then he farted and sighed contentedly.
Kids. I SWEAR.
Who's paying for Mommy's kneecap replacement surgery in 30 years? Who? Is it Noah? Yes! It is Noah! What a good boy you are, Noah!
And now, I present Noah Storch: The Hugh Hefner of Infant Room C.
Noah would like to invite you to a party at his mansion. Perhaps you would like to meet him in the Grotto? With sexy results?
Noah may have had a few too many champagne cocktails.
However, nothing gets in the way of Noah's swingin', relaxin' good time.
Oh dear. Where is Noah's blonde companion who is tasked with keeping him upright and dignified at all times? Perhaps he should hire four or five more.
The party is now over. Please get the fuck out, you freeloading bunch of losers.
Clearly, Noah is a super baby with a super, naturally protective mommy. No harm can befall him!
Oh my God, just reading that was painful. Hope all your two thousand parts are OK.
Noah makes the girls in daycare drool.
glad you have a super-power for falling with grace. the pictures are great, and the captions are HILARIOUS
Oh my word, I'm so sorry.
the problem with carrying all that baby stuff (oh, and the baby) is that when you fell, you couldn't immediately whip our your camera and take a picture of the damage
My knees and 'bows ache for you, but the real burning question is did anyone see you fall?
If a tree falls in the woods (or If an Amalah falls down the stairs)... If no one saw you, it didn't happen. Your dignity is safe for another day.
Woo woo!
He's even cute when he's pissed. Gotta love that in a man.
(sorry about the falling down thing, that totally sucks, but your cute baby pictures lessen the pain for me somewhat)
OWCH OWCH OWCH!!! I hope your knees feel better soon! Glad to know it is possible to fall and still keep a good grip on baby (one of my fears too... actually, more that my husband will drop baby...).
That is the cutest little housecoat for Noah!
Please keep the Playboy Bunnies away from that child. They will be unable to resist, and I think he is much too young to be exposed to silicon!
Anyway, SO cute. I hope you aren't bruised up too badly!
I cannot tell you how many times I've gotten my heel caught in my pants cuff/hem and tripped down the stairs. I've taken to walking with my legs ridiculously far apart and not buying pants with cuffs.
I've never been holding something important when I've fallen -- only a cup of coffee -- so I am mad impressed that you were able to take that kind of fall and keep Noah intact. Very impressive. But sorry about the knees and elbows. I can only imagine the pain.
My Dog, those FEET! (Noah's -- very big and very cute.)
As a Clumsy Girl myself, I can sympathize with your earlier anxieties and am so sorry that they at least partially came to pass -- though you deserve many kudos for doing an excellent job not falling on your boy. Yay!
Hope your kneecaps and elbows recover very soon.
That is all.
I fell down the stairs when I was a kid and broke my arm (badly) and now I too have big fears of falling while holding the baby. BUT, in the morning I am usually in a hurry and have to grab the baby and go(!)...At least you'll have a weekend to recover. Hope it's not TOO bad!
This may seriously have been one of the funniest posts I have read in AGES!!! I had to shut my office door so as not to disturb my hard working coworkers with my falling out of my chair laughter!
Oh, and Noah? A total stud!
If there was an award for cutest baby pix & funniest captions you would SO win it. Well you and Sundry.
"Noah just sort of looked at me, like why are we on the floor, Mom? And then he farted and sighed contentedly."
As sorry as I am to hear you fell, and hope that your knees and elbows feel better, that line got me laughing so hard I'm probably lucky I didn't lose my job for slacking off instead of doing paperwork.
I'm so so glad you are both OK. My mom fell on some ice when she was carrying my brother and broke her ankle. He was fine though. I think that mothers must have some super protective ability when it comes to their children!
Just like a man to fart when the chips are down. . . .whatever that means. Love the pics!
My mom once fell down the stairs with my brother in the laundry basket. Same brother, about a year later, went down the basement steps in his walker. He was fine both times. Although now he drives an ambulance and likes to jump out of airplanes. Coincidence?
P.S. Found that volcano cam website in one of your earlier fall-y posts... the picture is totally not scary today, as it features icicles and nothing else but grey clouds. Just so you know.
TIA.
I hope you're okay. That sounds pretty painful. Glad that Noah didn't really notice anything and just thought you were being weird.
My mom and I were talking not too long ago about the number of times she dropped us and the number of times I dropped my younger brother and sister. Suffice it to say that after hearing what I did as a wee child, I'm glad that my brother and sister are fully functional adults, because man, I dropped them a lot.
Oh, toes! LOVE TOES MUST EAT BABY TOES!
Sorry. I got carried away there, but they are so dadgummed cute.
And sorry 'bout your knees.
This calls for a relaxing massage to calm the frayed nerves and messed up muscles due to the fall. Tell Mr. Amalah to get thee booked to a day spa immediately! Or at least pout a little and get an Elmo bandaid or something :)
I'm sorry you fell, that had to be so scary while holding the little man. I'm glad you both are ok.
I'm terrified of falling with my daughter because I am a constant victim of the "carpet scuff." (You know...when you're walking and your shoe will scuff on the carpet causing you to fly forward. Maybe I'm the only one...)Anyways, glad to know that it is possible to fall and not squish the child. I'll just have to finetune my catlike reflexes.
Ouch!!!! Oh gosh Amy, I'm so sorry. That must have scared the ever living shit out of you. I hope your heart has starting beating at it's normal pace by now. I think you need to give us pictures of those knees and elbows in a couple of days when they turn all purple and green.
And AWE, on that last pic of Noah. Poor baby, but proof that yes, he does cry.
It amazes me how your body will instinctively fall the right way to avoid crushing THE BABY. My fall occurred while also carrying a shitload of stuff from the car, parked what seemed like miles from the front door of the building. I hit a large pebble and went down like a Looney Tunes cartoon on the knee and hip side NOT holding the baby. Major bruises and a fav pair of jeans torn when it was no longer cool to have torn jeans. But my sweet boy? Had much the same reaction as your Noah. Kids. Sheesh!
Ouchie!! I'm a clumsy one too, I don't even try *not* to fall anymore, just perfecting the landing. I hope you're not too sore!
And Noah is gorgeous as always! You're gonna hafta beat the little girls off him in no time!
I'm loving the gunboats on that kid. And the phrase "ass over teakettle?!" It's almost too much for one entry.
Remember RICE: Rest, Ice, Compression, and Elevation. Make Jason wait on you tonight while you put cold packs on your weary knees and elbows. Feel better soon!
Oh my god - I'm so glad you both are ok (well, most of your body is ok)...
My cousin's husband fell on the steps w/their 4 month old daughter and dropped her from several steps up - they took her to the ER and amazingly, she was just fine. The babies, they are durable.
Hope you still feel good tomorrow morning after getting some sleep and rest.
OMG... now I'M afraid of falling down while holding the baby...
and i don't have a baby. but now i am TERRIFIED since i am the most clumsy person ever.
I feel your pain (physical and emotional)! I fell down the stairs while holding DS2 once- I felt us falling and twisted myself in an effort to fall back instead of forward (in hopes of landng on my ass, since it's heft provides cushioning.) Baby's head bumped the side rail (hard) and I sprained my ankle as well as bruising various body parts. Stupid me did not realize that my ankle was sprained until after I had hobbled around the office on it for a few hours and then I had to wear a brace for weeks, causing none of my cute shoes to fit over my foot. The things we sacrifice for our children...
My little brother was a year old when my mother slipped on ice while walking into a daycare center with him in her arms. She says she doesn't know how she did it, and she did it without thinking, but she spun in mid-air to fall on her back (instead of falling face forward and landing on the baby). She ended up herniating three discs from the fall, so you be careful in the future! Awkward non-baby-crushing falls can be dangerous!
Okay, that little robe is like...PAINFULLY adorable. My ovaries are now throbbing. Much like your knees and elbows...take care of those. make Jason pamper you a bit...boys are good for that.
Ugh. I at least hope you get some really good bruises out of the fall, that way you can show people and they'll feel sorry for you.
Also, I've never seen bigger feet on a baby...doesn't that mean he's gonna be tall? Yes, tall like a basketball player who makes millions and who can pay for you to get new knees.
Those are the best baby feet ever. And I love your photo captions!
Ouch! That's gonna leave a mark, honey! Great post. I'm thinking of doing my own post on all the horrible, harmful, potentially therapy-inducing things I've done to my two Noahs -- just to make you new moms feel better.
Oh, and OMFG, is that child more adorable every day!!!!
Exact. same. thing. happened to me. Only I threw my weight back and landed on my tail bone and elbows and then proceeded to slide down six stairs with the baby on my chest. Took me about a week to breath normally again (or to sit down in a regular chair).
PS - You're going to Blogher, RIGHT!!!
From someone who has to ALWAYS look down at the steps and hold the handrail on stairs, even when I'm not carrying anything, you have just touched on my biggest fear.
I'm glad you guys are both intact. Must be all those mommy instincts you hear so much about.
Finally de-lurking to sympathize with you about falling, because I do it a lot, too. (People make fun of me because I often fall UP stairs instead of down them. Except I fall down stairs, too, generally in front of lots of people.)
Anyway. the bottom line is that I'm glad Noah's ok, and I hope you feel better soon!
ouch, i'm so sorry.
maybe noah's fart was a delayed reaction, a built-in baby defense mechanism to propel you back up the stairs instead of falling. too bad it was too late!
hope you're not too bruised up!
Damn, woman. I'm glad you and the boy are ok.
I once fell while holding Gabby, but um, haha. I was in a restaurant and was scooting over so Ethan could get out to go pee and I didn't realize the booth/bench I was sitting on ENDED and I just fell flat on the floor. In front of everyone. And held onto Gabby the entire time while she looked at me like "Seriously, mom, WHAT THE HELL?"
Ah, falls with babies.
Just to riff on the first comment...
Not only can no harm befall him, no fall can beharm him. (Groan...)
800 mg Ibuprofen should take care of your knee and elbow aches.
That Noah, such a stud.
Bully for you for keeping Noah safe during your fall. Hope your knees are feeling better soon.
The only time I've ever ridden in a limo, I got the heel of my gorgeous 3-inch pump caught in the lining of my also gorgeous full length coat, and then spilled my dressed-up self onto the sidewalk flat on my face in front of like, 20 people all walking into the opera. Which just goes to show, you can dress me, up but you can't take me out.
Oh, and I've also fallen carrying a baby, but it wasn't mine, it was a friend's, and I kicked a crack in the sidewalk and went down, realizing I was going to smush that baby and because I wasn't about to let go of her to catch myself, I somehow did this twist/turn/pivot thing so that I landed flat on my back with the baby clutched firmly to my chest, her neck supported by my other hand. And then I blacked out from the head inury.
An impressive fall and recovery, yes, but did I ever tell you about the time that I started to put my friend's baby on my shoulders? Did I mention the ceiling fan?
I'm sorry you fell and hurt yourself --HOWEVER, that was so funny!! I had tears each and every time I read it. Unfortunately, I'm one of those people who say, "Are you alright?" while laughing so hard that I would be completely useless if the answer was no.
On a serious note, I do hope there is no lasting damage to your knees or elbows. It's a good things babies are so resilient and also that designers realized the life-saving benefits of puffy coats. Who knew.
HAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.
Y'all are a bunch of klutzes, and I love each and every one of you.
Traumatic! I remember falling with my now 15 mo old son. He was 6 mos at the time.I just instictively cradled the back of his head and took it in both elbows. I'm missing a sliver of bone in one. The say God looks out for babies and fools. That day he was looking out for both! (Uh, me being the fool for not noticing the giant walker planted in the middle of the living room floor.)
Glad you both are ok.
Oh, man. I'm glad you're both okay. I've done a few spectacular falls with babies-in-arms - it appears that the instinct to protect the spawnlings allows for acrobatic moves in, like, fractions of a second. Which would be awesome, if it didn't result in major bruising.
Wow, I thought I was the only one who ever fell down the stairs with a baby! (Seriously, I was so ashamed of myself I've never told anyone until now!)
I also managed the quick-twist-in-midair maneuver, so that the child only fell one step, instead of down the entire staircase. I, however, was a twisted wreckage on the landing.
I also took me a while to brave the stairs again, which seriously impacted my TV-watching (upstairs) and bathroom-going (downstairs). I finally chose to live only on the first floor for several days, until my heart rate returned to normal.
My daughter? Completely unharmed, and in fact, laughed at this apparent new game Mommy invented.