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Drop in the Name of Love

One of my biggest parenting fears (besides SIDS, autism and dropping the baby into a volcano) has always been what would happen if I fell while holding Noah.

It's a valid fear, because I fall down a lot. Ahem. Cough. Yes.

After my c-section, I was given strict orders not to carry the baby while walking for a week. And no carrying the baby up and down stairs for a couple more weeks after that. I followed these instructions the best that I could, which is to say, not at all, because I determined pretty much five minutes after the surgery that I was Super Abdominal Surgery Recovery Woman, give me a couple Advil and I HAVE NO LIMITS, THOSE AREA RUGS WILL NOT VACUUM THEMSELVES.

When Noah was just a few days old, Lactaction Consultant v.1.0 told me to always keep a grip on his thigh when I carried him, because this would keep him secure if I fell. I followed these instructions to the letter and walked around with a vise grip on my son's chubby thigh for weeks, although I could never quite work out a falling-down-the-stairs scenario in my head that didn't involve me swinging Noah around like a cartoon, whacking his head a few times and then triumphantly holding him upside-down by one leg at the bottom of the stairs.

I also refused to ever hold him in the kitchen, what with all that hard ceramic tile and Siletone countertops and food processor blades and other assorted hard surfaces that I could smash his head wide open on.

I'm much better about that now, although I'm sure you see where I'm going with this.

I fell down the stairs this morning with Noah in my arms.

Also in my arms: a tote full of bottles, a shopping bag full of bibs and extra baby clothes, my purse and my damn breast pump.

It wasn't a full ass-over-teakettle fall, but my heel got caught in my pants hem as I walked down our building's stairs. I saw the landing a few steps down and realized there was no way I could grab anything or put my hands out to break my fall, but it was monumentally important that I not fall flat on my face and crush the baby (who, looking back on it, was wearing his ridiculously puffy jacket and probably would have been just fine even if I'd just tossed him blindly on the landing) I just sort of gritted my teeth and bent my knees and BAM.

Full force, right on my knees. And then I was so top heavy with everything I was carrying I lost my balance and fell forward, so I stuck my elbows out and BAM.

And I lay there for a minute, propped up on my throbbing elbows, with the breast pump bag now sort of on top of my head, wondering WHO THE HELL TAUGHT ME TO DO THAT.

Noah just sort of looked at me, like why are we on the floor, Mom? And then he farted and sighed contentedly.

Kids. I SWEAR.


Who's paying for Mommy's kneecap replacement surgery in 30 years? Who? Is it Noah? Yes! It is Noah! What a good boy you are, Noah!

And now, I present Noah Storch: The Hugh Hefner of Infant Room C.


Noah would like to invite you to a party at his mansion. Perhaps you would like to meet him in the Grotto? With sexy results?


Noah may have had a few too many champagne cocktails.


However, nothing gets in the way of Noah's swingin', relaxin' good time.


Oh dear. Where is Noah's blonde companion who is tasked with keeping him upright and dignified at all times? Perhaps he should hire four or five more.


The party is now over. Please get the fuck out, you freeloading bunch of losers.



Getting to the part where I see that you are okay really did make me feel better about laughing so hard I spewed Diet Coke all over my laptop in laughter. Ohhhhh the images. THe IMAGES!


I fell with the baby too. Somehow I kept him off the floor, but geez it hurt ME!


Granted, I didn't take the time to read through all of these comments, but why has no one mentioned the super-human length of Noah's legs? He's going to be a runner. I can tell.


that's quite a tale...hope you're okay.
I once fainted with my newborn in my arms, in Washington Square Park, in NYC, with a bunch of freaks around me.
Babies survive all kinds of crap don't they?

Am totally loving His Lankiness.


Funniest thing ever. I love those littel hooded towels.


Amy!!! What did Jason say??? I can totally picture what happened to you as I am a CERTIFIED klutz (sans baby).

Did you cry? Tears must have come to your eyes from the sheer pain/panic?! How did you manage to get up (in all that pain) and get all your stuff, baby and YOU to where you were headed?

Glad everything is ok!! The posts/pics/captions - TOO FUNNY!


Ow. *patpat*

Just wait til you have your second one and are faced with the first time the toddler takes a header while you're holding the baby. To save the toddler, you'd have to drop the baby... so you hold the baby (who is smaller, and squishier) and the world goes into slow motion while your toddler goes bumpity bump down the stairs. Yes, parenthood is even more wonderful than you'd thought. ;)


a mother's worst fear...

I thought I was the only one who got her heal caught in pant legs! I have SO almost fallen like that, but not with baby. I can't yet trust myself in heals.

Hope you are feeling ok and remain upright. :)


I think I saw Hugh make that cry face in the last episode of "The Girls Next Door." Oh wait. That was me.

(Hope your knees and elbows feel better!)


Melissa--blogger of "Miss Understood"--enable comments on your blog! ;)


I dunno why, but crying baby pics make me lose it. As in, cracking up laughing. I guess it's because my niece goes into a fit at such non-dramatic things (tonight, I gave her half of a cookie, instead of a whole cookie and BAM. A tantrum ensued. And I laughed.), and I'm like "you think it's bad NOW?"

Noah's feet look like those of a 3-4 year old. The hell? That boy is a heartbreaker.

Thank goodness, he's fine from your fall; you're fine from your fall. I could put that boy between two slices of bread, he's that yummy. Keep posting great pics.


Ouch, your poor bashed knees and elbows! Hope you're okay now. This reminded me that when my oldest son was 8 months old, I was pulling him out of his carseat in the back of our two door hatchback. As I stepped backwards out of the car, baby cradled to my chest, my foot got caught and I fell straight back, landing on the sidewalk and cracking my head open. So I'm laying there looking up at the sky with Ryan on my chest, thank God my neighbor came by and helped me up. But my head was bleeding badly so I had to go to the ER for stitches. The Doctor asked me what happened and just about died when I told him I was holding an infant when I fell.

Oh, and Noah is TOO CUTE in that bathrobe.Can Kaitlyn come and play with him at the Grotto? She's blonde!


Hey, where are all the people who like to try to make everything your fault??!

Maybe I should try to speak for them: You should have been wearing SENSIBLE shoes, and no pants. Then none of this would have happened. Or no! maybe your mistake was trying to leave the house in the first place!

Oh, and I really think you would be much happier without elbows. Look into that.


I hope you feel better. Good job keeping Noah safe!

Jen Eason

Hi Amy,

Ok, I've been a lurker for months now and post-party tonight I've had enough (delicious) wine in me to post. I'm a grad student in writing comp. at Purdue University and can i just say--you rock. Your aesthetic rocks, your voice is consistent, and if you want, at some time in the future, to try writing for yourself beyond this medium, well, i think that would be a highly-received idea.


I too have fallen while holding a baby, but I did it holding SOMEONE ELSE'S BABY. Not to mention that I was standing upright and NOT MOVING, and my ankle just gave the frog out on me. While wearing shorts. In a packed store that happened to have flagstone floors. So, I didn't pick up the kid for at lest a month after that, because I had a reminder. A big, scrape-y non attractive reminder.


I am totally in love with your child. He is just too cute for words. Seriously. And those feet are sooooooo beyond cute!

You make me laugh every time you post. I absolutely loved these set of pictures and the captions. Made me laugh like crazy!

Oh, and sorry about your fall, but I'm glad that everyone is alright and you can now laugh about it, even though I'm sure the elbows and knees are NOT laughing!


you? best. save. ever.

me? lauged so hard i peed. (breast pump on the head put me over the edge)

i fell holding my first too and it wasn't nearly as gracefully executed. i also once clunked his noggin on the door frame for no reason at all.


sorry, laugHed too.


Lydia, I may love you a little bit. Ok, more than that.

Jen? Thank you for the compliment. And to everybody else who has confessed to their own baby-falling incident. We are a very banged-up bunch here, aren't we? And yet, the babies all seem to have made it through just fine.


(I am actually not very bruised at all, although my knees keep making these wierd popping noises. That's...probably not a good thing, huh?)

Margarita Mama

I have fallen on the steps with 2 of my 3 children, and it's amazing how your body will instinctively contort to keep the baby perfectly safe throughout the entire traumatic event. The first time I fell, I slid on the hardwood stairs. If my daughter weren't in my arms, I could have used my hands to stop myself from sliding down the entire flight of stairs on my back, but instead I held tight to her and had an incredibly sore back and butt for weeks. Fast forward about 4 years, I went to ascend the same stairs and for some inexplicable reason, I stumbled up the stairs. My baby was a newborn, in my arms and I about to fall on my face. Instead I stuck out my shin, banged it against the stair, it only broke my fall a little as I twisted my body and fell full force onto my arm so as not to hurt the baby. I'm lucky nothing broke. I did have a massage scheduled the next day and it was a bit embarrassing to explain, no my husband was not beating me (yeah right, sure honey), but that I had just fallen on the stairs with my newborn baby.
Anyway, I think our instincts, especially with new babies, keep us from falling on top of them. And when you fall, it's a wake up call that you are trying to do too many things at once. And then you make a vow to be more careful and then you won't fall again, at least for a few more years.


So very glad there aren't stairs leading outside of my house. Just the two stair cases inside the house. Which, thanks to everyone, I will descend on my bottom henceforth. I'm terrified of dropping my babies!!!!


I'm delurking for the first time ever to say i'm so glad you're ok after the fall! Also delurking cause seeing another Purdue student made me brave enough to comment myself. And, as I was going through old family pics this weekend, I realized the true extent of my mother's Obligatory Infertility Dog problem before she had me. There were many more dogs than I remembered, tons of cats, geese, ducks, and several orphaned baby cows! So one small purse dog is the model of restraint, really! And now I have something else to be terrified of for when I have children....ahhhhh!

Laura B

Those pictures/captions of Noah as the Hugh Hefner of Infant Room C just is one of the funniest thing you've ever posted!

I'm so glad you and Noah survived the fall intact. That must have been terrifying! I have had the exact same thing happen to me with the heel of my shoe getting caught in my pants hem, although I thankfully was always able to catch myself on the railing since I had my hands free. It happened so many times with this one pair of pants (even after I tried to stitch up the hem to prevent my heel from getting in there) that I had to get the pants altered to just remove the damn hem already!

Lisa B

I hope you didn't break anything (meaning bones)! But I guess you're ok but that's a good story to tell Noah someday when your knees are acting up, preferably around your birthday, Christmas or some obligatory gift giving holiday. :-)

Carrie Jo

I am rather clutzy myself and fear dropping my babysitting harges let alone my own future children. But I have to keep reminding myself that these kids are stronger than they look and will (hopefully) come out OK.


yeah... fell downstairs while pregnant with my first. Carrying a basket of laundry of all the crappin' things! Later when she was barely three she fell down the same set of stairs while I stood at the top holding baby2 screaming "NO! STOP, NO!" Like she could stop herself. She was shaken and crying but I only ever found one wee bruise on her bum.

She kept saying, "I woahed down the stay-ohs mama! I woahed yike a snow-bahw aaaaaahw the way down!"


Poor you. But at least now you have fallen and gotten it over with - no need to be afraid now. His feet are huge, cute, but huge.


Good God, look at those FEET! Noah is going to be so popular in college and yes, I know you totally did NOT want to hear that.

*lalalalalalalala* I'm not listening!!!!

Heather B.

One day, I may eat your baby...seriously. That face kills me.
And I promise to make every attempt to not drop your baby and/or let him roll off the couch.


Oh my gosh - read this:

Not as precious as Noah, but could you imagine?!?!

That article just made me think of your post for some reason.
Enjoy! Brandi


If I was you, I'd stay away from museums for a while until you have that falling thing under control.


Cuffed pants + stilletos + stairs = Very Bad

I have made this mistake many times...although never with a baby in my arms.

Hope your bruises heal quickly.

LOVE Grotto Noah!

Heather O'Douls

that baby has the longest legs in the history of long baby legs.


Dear Amalah, I'm so glad you and Noah are ok. How scary! Whem my oldest daughter was about 3, i went into one of those carnival crazy houses with her. All was well until we had to climb through the rotating tube of death to exit. The rotating tube knocked us both down and ,while my tiny girl was pulling herself out,some evil force pinned me to the inside of this rotating tube. I started to go on a ride around the inside of this tube against my will ! somehow I managed to force myself to fall THEN because i was afraid if i fell LATER, it would have been on top of my daughter. I still shudder every time i think of it!


Oh bless you dear Amy! I have finally found someone who shares in my talent of getting my heel (or a pointy toe) of my shoe caught in my pants hem (constantly). I know, know, know its totally NOT funny that you fell with sweet little Noah, but I laughed when I read this entry. I'm sorry.


I've got to say, you all are just a bunch of klutzes! Not me though, nope, I'm the epitome of grace and balance.

Well, except for that one time I fell down a flight of stairs, basket of laundry cast before me in misguided hope that it would cushion the fall.

Oh! Or that one time when it was raining, and I was running, and there were the steps? With those damned slippery rocks? The umbrella didn't do much to save me there...

And I guess there was the time that I was jogging and went to hurdle a very teeny tiny cement pillar and instead caught my foot on it and very nearly went hurtling into oncoming traffic and exited the scene with far less epidermis than I had enterned...

Okay, maybe not "epitome" of grace and balance... but they're there, somewhere! I promise!


wow, that sounds incredibly painful! but you're both okay, so whew!

just had to say that "please get the fuck out, you freeloading bunch of losers." made me spit diet coke all over myself. high-larious.


oh, Amalah! I hope you're recovering nicely!

Like the poster above me, I've given up on pants with cuffs...I somersaulted down a flight of marble stairs at school last year ON.MY.MOTHERFUCKING.BIRTHDAY. (and in front of half my classmates) I realized that the cuffs were bound to get the best of me one of these days...

As a bonus, Stacy and Clinton say that uncuffed pants will elongate my legs...and my legs could use all the elongation they can get.

Also, I shared this one with Doxie the other day to help her feel better--I ended up throwing a bowl of raw scrambled eggs all over my living room chair, brand new coat, and floor last week when I tripped and fell over storage boxes from Ikea that were stacked 3 ft. high on the floor. Ended up with monstrous bruises all over my legs, a coat that looks like it's been starring in dirty movies, and no scrambled eggs. :'(


Ms. Amalah? Why, oh why, must we wait seven bajillion days for an update? It is cruel and unusual punishment. Oh, the pain.



Awesome... now that you are alright and all. Seriously lol. Noah is a doll... :)


I have those sort of visions in my head too. Sadly, both kids have taken a tumble out of my bed..without me. But they are ok.

I must say, Noah is so darn cute I would like to have more kids... I must now email this to husband and see if he agrees! :)

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