Not Quite a Year in the Life of Amy's Camera Phone
January 12, 2006
I made an extremely important discovery a few weeks ago.
I discovered how to get the photos I take with my camera phone OFF OF MY DAMN CAMERA PHONE.
Yes. I am not very bright.
I got the phone sometime last summer, and whee! Snappy! I figured out how to take pictures and store pictures and picturespicturespictures, but I could not ever get them off the phone. Emails timed out, text messages vanished, the USB cable taunted me and we are not even going to talk about that stupid Bluetooth bullshit.
To this day, I'm still not really sure what I was doing wrong or what I'm doing differently now, although I sort of suspect that I can only email a picture to myself if I shake the phone vigorously during the transmission process.
But the wait was WORTH IT, because now I have many MONTHS' worth of blurry, low-res camera phone images, ordered and captioned for your pleasure.
You can thank me anytime for my tenacity.
Here I present what may be the creepiest photo ever taken of my dog.
She glows with the white-hot light of hell, for you are kind of confusing her. And me, because how can a four-pound dog look so much like a horse?
Neeeiiigggh!
Yes. That is a dog in a rain slicker. Shut up. I really, REALLY needed this baby, people. All of Ceiba's little jackets and sweaters were actually cries for help.
SOMEONE KNOCK ME UP. PLEASE. GOD.
Luckily, a certain someone in a striped polo shirt HAD knocked me up, and good.
I think, when I snapped this picture, I said something about the baby probably being the same size as Ceiba at this point.
I think I was wrong. I think was deeply in denial about the size of my baby, but that's what you do when you really think you're going to be pushing said baby out your crotch.
My baby will be seven pounds! Only freaks have 10-pound babies! And I am not a freak!
Except that I am, in fact, a freak.
A translucent, lumpy freak.
Also, I had that bruise on my knee for almost my entire pregnancy, because pregnancy rendered me ABSOLUTELY INCAPABLE of closing this one desk drawer in my office, even though I hit my fucking knee on that fucking drawer every fucking time I stood up to use the fucking bathroom, and I had to use the fucking bathroom all the fucking time.
The fucking knee and the fucking drawer today, in a reluctant stand-off.
These are the feet of a very pregnant woman. A woman who is still a good four weeks from giving birth.
You can close your eyes, but that will not stop the burning.
Max. Just cuz.
This is a picture of a big creepy hole in a ceiling.
But not just ANY ceiling! This is a picture of a ceiling in a public restroom, at a CARWASH where I actually PEED, taken a mere five days before Noah was born, in an attempt to document JUST HOW LOW PREGNANCY WILL BEAT YOU DOWN.
Anyway, then this whole other thing happened.
That's right. I got BANGS.
Oh, you thought I was talking about that baby thing?
Yeah, he pretty much rocks too.
Amy's Phone thinks, "Well, now that she has that baby, at least she's not taking pictures of damn FEET anymore."
Ha! But I am! Take THAT, Stupid Phone!
The bangs are super cute, love 'em!
The bangs look awesome on you! And your hair in that picture with the bangs looked great!
wow i am like, second to post!
wow i am one of the first to post! amazing
and wow, I am a fucking idiot that keeps messing this up. can't you tell I was just recently a lurker?
You got BANGS? I can't believe this is the first I'm hearing of this.
cute bangs.
Baby feet! Beautiful!
I *so* have that Ikea coffee table (Leksvik, I believe) and baskets for three of the cubbies (not the same ones you have, though). The table is far too big for my living room (a good fifth of which is taken up by a woodstove that I've never used, but that's another story) but it is probably my favorite piece of furniture.
The bangs look fab. Actually, your hair looks really great. It's all flowy and wavy. A+
So you'll let us know if you figure out how four-pound Ceiba can look so much like a horse, right? RIGHT?
Man, that's freaky.
First time I've gotten here before there were 70 brazillion comments, so might as well use it as an opportunity to come out of lurkdom - keep the baby pictures comin'!
Oh - and cute bangs! :o)
Yeah, my camera phone is still in the stage where it's letting me down and filling me with rage and disappointment. I got one because I thought it would be so great, like I would be in TJ Maxx and find a nice stripey cushion and be able to take a picture of the nice stripey cushion and send it to my boyfriend and say "hey, can you check? is the red in this the same as the red in the border of the sisal rug?" and he would answer accordingly, and I would buy (or not buy) the cushion accordingly. But I can't do that! So I have to take a picture and then take my phone home and then HOLD THE PHONE UP TO THE RUG to check if the cushion in the photo matches and then go back to the store if it does. Which, you know, eh......I could have just taken a picture with a digital camera if I'd wanted to do that. Hooray for technology and everything. However YOU have managed to make it work. Maybe I could send YOU pictures of stripey cushions from TJ Maxx. Maybe they would even go with your rug.
Sorry bout that hole in the ceiling, we'll get it fixed right away. Didn't think it'd wind up on the freakin' INTERNET.
Oh, and cute dog/horse thing (dorse)
How d'you get your hair all wavy like that?
Yeah, de-lurking day is REALLY not for me. I lurk like Michael Jackson sunbathes.
Many thoughts are provoked by quite surprisingly good camera phone pictures! (May we ask what kind of phone it is? Just in case we're, say, thinking of getting a camera phone?)
Max looks gorgeous, Ceiba is so clearly adorable and needing of love at every second of the day! Your pregnant feet? Were more swollen than I thought when you were talking about how swollen they were. They were, indeed, swelled.
The baby feet though? Scrumptious. He is a cutie for sure!
(OK, also? That pic of you looking pensive on the couch with the blanket in your lap? Totally took me a minute to realize the burgundy bump was NOT in any way a pillow.)
I think we need more info about how you feel about your bangs (which are super cute, by the way). I am contemplating asking for some the next time I go in, but growing them out if I hate them? bleh. Been there, done that.
I know this has been asked about a bamillion times but seriously, I do not think I believe you truly do have fine limp hair. Every time I see you in a picture it is looking luscious and wavy and delicious while mine hangs back boorishly and sneers at me when I try to have it do anything but remain hanging in a downward direction from the top of my scalp. Blergh!
Anyway, obligatory baby is precious comment here. Because, you know, he is.
What's better than a cross-eyed cat, looking like the Lord Of All He Surveys?
Not much, I'll tell you that.
Monkey Toes!!!! :P
WTF!? Bangs!!!!! Did I miss something? Is this really the first time you have told the internet about bangs? Oh, that makes me want to cut me some b/c WOW they look great!
I just wet my pants...and I'm not pregnant anymore. (Laughing, just for clarification.)
Max looks cross eyed. Is he? He's awfully cute. As I'm waiting for my baby to come (14 more weeks), I'm obsessed with cats and want more.
I don't like the feet thing. Mine still look normal, but I know that will change soon enough. I'm trying to live in denial, but your picture didn't help me.
it's nice to see you got bangs recently too. i did too, but it was only because i agreed to be a HAIR MODEL (i know. but it was at a fancy parisian salon and they would cut my hair for free and i can't really afford good haircuts here otherwise). despite saying they would let me choose the cut and then just fix it in whatever experimental thing was in fashion after the serious, permanent stuff had been done, no, oh no, they *spontaneously* decided to give me bangs. also, they performed the entire cut -- even the layering or feathering or whatever it's called of the edges -- with an ELECTRIC RAZOR. i was so traumatized. it makes it no better that everyone likes my bangs, particularly my family, which has decided to unanimously inform me that the bangs are Good. even i think they are kind of cute, but i don't admit that. am liking yours too.
Super bangs, scary feet.
You do realize, do you not, that your bangs will spur a whole new hair revolution, not unlike "The Rachel" did all those years ago. Bangs are *so* you! And the waves are super cute. Love it. Oh, Max? Honey, uncross your eyes or they'll get stuck like that.
I'm a little frightened of cell phones. I can only make calls and change the ringer on mine. No address book, no video games, and sure as hell no pictures. But it doesn't take pictures to begin with, so there you go.
Love the bangs and baby feet. Also, Ceiba frightens me in that first picture. Possibly more than the hole in the ceiling.
Love the bangs! Love the cross-eyed Kitty Max! Love the Ceiba! Most of all, love those baby feet! *nibble nibble nibble* Delicious!
I love my cameraphone, but I'm like you. Scared of the USB cord and all of the scariness that comes with it.
At least your camera phone takes pictures in which you can recognize the victims. Mine? That would be a stretch. It's more like 'oh, look, there's a vaguely humanoid form with a light halo around it, all vaguely tinted green.'
Damned technology.
Oh, and it's a genetic imperative that one love baby toes. Cuteness at a cellular level.
Aaaarrrggghhh!! Must turn awaaaay!! Too much cuteness and I cannot handle the cuteness!!!
Okay.. turns out I can.. and just to throw my 2 cents in with everyone else's (this, my sweet, is how you get rich.. 2 cents at a time) the bangs look great!
Not the first to comment on your bangs but wanted to add to the host of compliments. You look faboo! Whenever I attempt to revisit bangdom, I end up looking like a fourth grader who got into her mother's sewing scissors.
You look GREAT in bangs!
Tenacious! Now I have to go back to see if Max is crosseyed...
THE FEET! Look so painful.
Aww! Cute pictures =D I especially love the baby toes. Makes me really want a baby...or three (Hopefully not all once =)
No celebrity sightings via the phone? I was hoping for at least one candid snap of Justice Scalia. Damn.
You know what's funny? I had a bear claw at the donut shop this morning and it looked exactly like your right foot in that picture.
Sorry I missed the comment fun yesterday.
LOVE your bangs! :)
Aw. That was an excellent wrap up! And the cuteness abounds. :)
I did not KNOW you could use a USB cord with a phone.. and now as I inspect it..I see there is, indeed, a plug for one. Amazing. Also, I'm in the 10-lb-baby-club too.. It's kind of echo-y and empty in here..all I ever meet are "Hi, My name is Tiffany and this is Brittney, she weighed 6lbs, 5oz at birth" kind of moms..(the ones who are a size 2 a mere 3 months after giving birth to their perfectly "50th percentile" babies. While I'm still struggling at 8 mos pp to get rid of the last 5 lbs and my baby is still off the charts. But enough about me...lets see some more about the adorable Noah! So cute! Makes me dearly hope that I have a boy the next time around..
I love, love love, my camera phone.
I whip that sucker out (ok, that just sounds dirty. Am I right? Is it just me?) at every opportunity.
Of course, the pictures suck pickles (Ok, now, THAT was dirty. No doubt about it.) but it doesn't matter. It's not about quality, baby. It's all about the quantity.
hey, props on figuring out the phone-to-computer thing. ;)
p.s. bangs look cute! but i know what i'm sure you know now. every time i think "I SHALL NEVER GET BANGS AGAIN! I HAVE LEARNED MY LESSON!", and i grow them all out, someone somewhere looks all cute in them and makes me say "um, yeah, bute these are CUTE! i must get some!" and the cycle just repeats itself.
...i am post-bang cut now. i like it. but then, i might change my mind next week.
Sister, you do not know what swollen feet look like! When I was induced with my daughter, they gave me so much IV fluids that I could not even fit into size 10 giant slippers ( I wear size 8 usually) 2 days after giving birth. I had to walk to the car in socks. My feet were scary. Took 1 week for the swelling to go down.
And on 10 lbs babies, hey at least you knew 1/3 of your weight gain was the baby. I gained 30 lbs as well, and gave birth to a tiny 6.5 lbs baby and it took 15 months for the last 10 lbs to come off. That, despite nursing, for 15 months.
I also had a ten pound baby and I also might be a freak, maybe. But I am pretty Amazonian and you're so wee, so really, there's not a comparison.
That dog is adorable.
why is it that even with all those cute baby and animal photos we are all so into the bangs?! they look SO good! are they new?
delurking to say I love your site, and regularly pop in to see what is new with you and yours. Keep up the great work. (Can you tell I am a teacher?)
I remember those feet. I had those feet.
Noah takes such great pictures (No shit, Sherlock)
Luckily my camera phone does the e-mail-this-picture-to-me-please thing pretty well. But now I must figure out how to please the digital camera gods...
Also, if anyone doesn't have enough ways in which to waste their day, come visit me! I'm fun!
(But--fair warning--there are no baby pics.)