When you find yourself flipping a coin with your husband to see who gets to go to the grocery store without the baby, it's safe to say that your weekend is not going as planned.
Also when you break your toe.
Oh, and the food poisoning. I definitely did not plan on the food poisoning.
So Saturday, Noah was sick. Another damn cold. This time with a little fever and some diarrhea, and my big plans for making Julie's homemade Pedialyte recipe disintegrated within minutes and (since he won the coin toss), I sent Jason to the store for the overpriced real stuff because I couldn't find my measuring spoons.
Later that night I dropped an attachment to my KitchenAid mixer (the very same attachment I purchased so I could make homemade baby food, HAR HAR HAR) on my middle toe, smashing it all the fuck up.
We didn't end up giving any Pedialyte to Noah, as the diarrhea was fleeting and temporary, and by Sunday afternoon he seemed to be well enough to take on a little errand to Babies R' Us, so we could make up for abandoning him at daycare with an overpriced exersaucer and lots of socks.
And then, in a decision I will rue for many, many years, we stopped for lunch at little Latin restaurant and ate SOMETHING BAD AND WRONG AND GOD, I DON'T EVEN KNOW, DON'T MAKE ME TALK ABOUT IT.
(Undercooked pork, we think.)
I got sick first, a few hours later, and Jason soon followed suit. And THANK THE LORD, Noah went to sleep and stayed asleep, so he didn't have to witness the non-stop puke-a-thon his parents embarked on for the next 10 hours.
Jason and I jockeyed for position over who got to puke in the relative sanctuary of the bathroom and who had to use the kitchen sink, or the little trashcan by the bed, or a stray shopping bag, and sometime around 4 am I broke out the Pedialyte for my damn self, desperate to rehydrate and fighting a losing battle because despite toxic pork poison shooting out both ends, I continued to produce goddamn breastmilk all night. FUCK YOU, BIOLOGY.
So yes, it's been a great couple days.
Yesterday Noah stayed home with us because the mere thought of going out in the smelly world with all its worldy smells made us sick, although if there was ever a day the poor child should have been in the care of someone else, yesterday was it.
I was too weak to hold a bottle steady and Jason put his diaper on backwards. And OF COURSE, this was the diaper he chose to poop in, and it went everywhere and it took both of us together to work up the courage and energy to pull our asses off the couch and change him.
I took him to daycare today, if only to save him from his loving, adoring parents.
We are up to Saltines and water now, and I'm hoping to eat some soup later.
Also, Pedialyte is hella gross.