Wednesday Advice Smackdown Special Thursday Edition
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From the It-Was-Bound-To-Happen-Sooner-Or-Later File:

(Y'all! Thank you so much for all the awesome diaper tote suggestions. I want about ten of them. At least. Oh wait, did I see that one before? Shit. Now I want eleven. And because together we've pretty much covered the Entire Universe of Cool Diaper Bags for the Non-Frumpy Mama, I'm going to pool all the suggestions and create a shopping guide. Because I have ALWAYS wanted to create a shopping guide of some sort, but have been too lazy to actually research it my damn self. So...thank you for doing all the work. Suckers.)

Last night we went out for dinner (u could save that $ and stay home! wh0RE!). Noah fell asleep during the car ride to the restaurant (if u loved Noah u would sell that car t00 and walk everywhere!), and Jason dropped me off while he went to find parking.

I went in, got our table and happily settled in with the wine list (OMFG!) and waited for Jason and Noah to join me.

Minutes later, Jason arrived. I waved and he casually strolled over and sat down.

I stared at him for a few seconds. I took a deep breath. I focused on keeping my cool. Also on keeping my eyeballs from exploding.

"Jason," I said, in a calm, low voice. "Where. Is. The. Baby?"

His eyes got very wide, and without a word, he jumped up and bolted back out the door.

When he returned, sleeping babe in tow, the table next to us applauded.

"DUDE." said our slightly horrified waitress. "DUDE."

DUDE is right, because I now have something to hold over Jason's head FOR THE REST OF HIS LIFE, and I couldn't be happier about that, since maybe now he'll stop asking if Noah looks a little cross-eyed because I sort of let him fall off the couch that one time.

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I am properly gobsmacked at your duncity and recklessness, dude.

Comments

Julie

Dude! Well, at least it wasn't midsummer and I assume that he locked the car?

My husband left the baby, in the stroller, in the middle of summer, in the middle of effing Disneyland! I will never let him forget, because I am a bitch that way.

christina

When my mom and dad were looking at houses to purchase way back in the late 70's, they totally left me, in my unsafe carseat at one of these houses. It wasn't until they pulled into the driveway of the next house and the realtor asked, "hey, where's your baby?" that they realized their blunder.
But, I'm glad this happened to Jason and not you. Holding things over your hubby's head is way better than having them hold something over yours.

Danell

Gotta say I think Lorrie's story is the funniest...because how slick was THAT??

MelissaL

My sister and her husband left their 5 yr.
old son at his own Chuckie Cheese b-day
party. They had taken two cars and assumed
that the other one had taken Nicky home. They
raced back to find the poor kid sobbing on
the Rat's lap!

Heather

I am a mean wife I guess, because my response would be to torment my husband to no end after this. Especially if he had been tormenting me about letting the baby roll off the couch (which my youngest did a minimum of three times). Every time the baby started to cry, I would turn to said husband and say with great concern... "Do you think he's crying because he now has abandoment issues from that time you forgot him in the car?". Poor guy!

Jem

At least you didn't go around driving with Noah on your lap! Haha. Ha.

This has nothing to do with children, but everything to do with stupid forgetfulness. Two years ago, before a violin exam, directly before the exam we went out to a restaurant to have a small meal and a drink (to help the nerves). We left the restaurant, and driving on the way to my violin exam, realised we had left my stupidly expensive violin in the restaurant. :(

Also, my boyfriend's mother was once putting her 4 or so kids in the car at the top of their steep driveway, and the car started rolling backwards. One of the kids jumped out, and the other two were just babies I think and although the car crashed into the garage at the bottom of the hill, they were alright.

Kelly

AWESOME! I loved this post! You couldn't be more real... or more like Britney Spears? Nah, just kidding. Everyone has done this once... EVERYONE! If they say they haven't, then they ar lying!

Dee

I'm laughing so hard right now.
Laughing SO hard.

Fey Wren

Oh, this is way too funny. Don't you love blackmail material???

FW

Barb

Sooo...I am still laughing over this. I locked our son in the car when he was 3 weeks old at the doctor's office. New mom, lot's of stuff to carry, set keys on top of baby to pickup purse, got purse slammed doors already locked. My husband has done nothing to hold over his head...just me. I'm still waiting though and our boy's almost 3, really it's only a matter of time....

katbliss

Just one of those milestones you don't read about in Parenting magazine. My husband did the SAME thing when our youngest was 3 months old.

Amy

I can't believe I actually read through all these comments - your blog is completely addictive.

Hilarious story and I agree these things happen to all parents whether we admit it or not. Eight years ago when my daughter was two we took the kids to a child-friendly haunted house that turned out to be not so friendly. Halfway through my Lucy started crying from fright. Just as I turned to go back out the way I came in a cop walked over and offered to take her out one of the emergency exits. She (the cop) said she would meet us at the exit from the haunted house. I said ok, handed her my daughter and watched her walk out the employee/emergency exit. Then I watched two "police officers" stroll past with various axes/arrows/knives protruding from their bodies. My husband and I looked at each other, screamed "OH MY GOD" in unison and took off for the exit. Some minutes later we burst through the door to find Lucy drinking hot apple cider and playing with the policewoman's badge. Every so often we talk about the time we handed our child to a complete stranger in a haunted house. But not too often.

And on the bag - I had two kids 20 months apart and a fulltime job that reqired a briefcase. I strongly recommend function over form (I tried both). My best bag was a knapsack that had zippered changing pad attached and cold storage pace for the bottles. Not very pretty but damn useful.

Amalah

Y'ALL! I AM SORT OF DRUNK AND WANT TO GIVE EVERYBODY HERE A HUG.

I JUST THOUGHT YOU SHOULD KNOW.

(I CANNOT FIND THE CAPSLOCK KEY. FUCKER.)

Lori

Awwww...posting under the influence.
Have fun! Drink lots of water before bed!
And thanks for the hug!

Jenn

DUDE, I was so in the mood for that. Bless you and that delinquent man.

Laura

Great story. I think the reaction of the waitress made it even more hilarious!

NattyChick

Um, actually Kelly, I've never done that. No lie. Left the baby on a bench in a seat without a buckle on so he could DIVE out of it and land on the floor? Yep. Left another baby SAFELY on our lounge room couch KNOWING that he couldn't roll and therefore VERY surprised (and sickened) when I heard the Thud. Yowl? Yep but never left the baby in the car. Yet.

Danielle

Wow! Tears came to my eyes! Although it's slightly comical, but ONLY because Noah is okay! I am the mom to a 14 month old boy (our first) and a certified freakazoid mother. I would have vomited and fainted (maybe not in that order?) if my husband had done that. And he'd have fainted too. Wow! So glad he's alright.

the kim half of glamorouse

A Sunday night? at 7.49? A SUNDAY night? That, my dear, is like a SCHOOL night. tsk tsk tsk. Because that is something I would never ever do.

not.

alexandrialeigh

Hi Amalah -- I just stumbled upon BellaBluMaternity.com, and their Leo bag is another suggestion for you. Sounds like it has everything you want. It's a little pricey, though.

(Is it weird that I am not pregnant nor have children, but I still find these web sites and make recommendations to people I don't even know?)

Amalah

Kim - Happy President's Day! Three-day weekend! Rock.

Jennifer

One time three of my friends and I went to visit our friend in Connecticut to see an outdoor Dave Matthews concert. After partying pretty hard on Friday night, we all went to the grocery store to get a few necessary supplies for the concert-- ice, beer, and snacks. I suffer from TERRIBLE hangovers, and I couldn't even go into the store, so my friends left me there to sleep in the backseat.

Well, they got caught up in the snack and beer selection and ended up being in the store for over an hour, completely forgetting that I was sleeping in the car. It was the middle of July and close to 100 degrees outside. When they came back, I was still passed out, literally drenched in sweat. They woke me up and I was dizzy, disoriented and really, really thirsty. If I had been a dog, they would have at least thought to crack a window or two for me! We had to wait outside the car while it cooled off and I came back to my senses.

Sure, I was about 20, you'd think I could fend for myself, unlike a poor helpless baby. But alcohol is a funny like that.

They felt so bad about almost killing me that they refused to let me chip in for the beer. So, all in all, it was worth it :) And hopefully leaving the kid locked in the car will be one parenting mistake that we will all avoid!

Floyd

Dude. Seriously Dude. Laughing too hard to breath.

merea

My parents have not told me their leaving-me-in-the-car stories. Nor do I have kids. But this post was a great way to start the day. MAYBE all those stories are enough to traumitze me so that I won't do it when I do have kids. Haha.

Once, though, when I was er.. just old enough to remember it happening, my dad had the three of us in the backseat and was racing to drop us off at Grandma's house. He was pealing around a corner and the door flew open. The door next to my 2-year-old brother who I don't remember being in a car seat (Dad was probably too much in a hurry). I had to reach my tiny body across 2 other kids and out the car to grab the door and close it (I'm not sure how I did it- not sure I could do it again). Dad never noticed.

Also, when I was learning to walk around and get in trouble, the women of the family were in the kitchen, waiting for water to boil for tea. I was curious about the noise and the great black stick I could see protruding from the top of the stove... turned out it was the pot with the boiling water in it. I went to the hospital for those burns... I still don't like tea.

Mabel

If it makes you feel any better I locked my infant brother in the car during a blizzard. Good news is that at least the car was RUNNING.

((((hugs))))

Jen

Too friggin hilarious!! I know I have similar stories...but unfortunately I have no memory left due to two kiddos who have sucked my brain dry...

Boozie

Reason #190343 why I shouldn't have any babies right now: an insane fear of leaving it (yes, I said it) "somewhere" (and by somewhere, I mean any place other than in my sight at all times, which is, duh, completely ridiculous).

M

Been addicted for a while, haven’t posted before and will probably get in trouble for posting this on the wrong entry, but I don’t know the “rules” yet.

I just read February 16, 2006 Wednesday Advice Smackdown Special Thursday Edition and wanted to tell Frizzy to get it straightened! I have the same problem and get my professionally (professionally being the key word) straightened a couple of times a year. If I didn’t, I’d look like Rosana-Rosana-Dana. Regardless of what anyone says it is healthier than straightening it with a flat iron every day. Go with someone who knows what they are doing and make sure they brush your hair while it processes and put a leave in conditioner in til you can wash it out. Another tip: Get it done on a Saturday. You don’t want to go to work the next day smelling like a salon.

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