Look! Posting! Happy now? FINE. Etc.
The Dress That Ate The Internet

I Don't Care, the Dress is Totally Worth the Hatemail

So you know what sucks about being a working parent?

THE WORKING PART.

Like, I am not allowed to just show up and collect paychecks while spending my day telling people about How Awesome Noah Is, I Mean Really Ridiculously Awesome, Look At These Pictures, Wait, Where Are You Going?

I am expected to WORK. BASTARDS.

The Wednesday Advice Smackdown has been demoted to the Friday Advice Smackdown, because today and tomorrow are going to suck, work-wise, and if the vending machine guy doesn't get here soon and restock the Cokes, I may have to kill someone. Hard.

Tonight we are going out for a nice dinner to mark the eight-year anniversary of our first date, mashed together with first anniversary of when we found out I was pregnant (January 23rd, by the way; would it kill you to send a card?) and also Valentine's Day.

We are combining celebrations to save our babysitter's sanity, because just wait until she sees the poops this solid-food-eating baby is producing these days. HA HA!

Also to save money.

Except for the part where I got so excited about our nice dinner out that I bought a new dress that cost as much as a week of daycare.

Oh yes. I did.

Between this and BlogHer, my savings account is very, very mad at me. "Why? Why do you abuse me?" my saving account cries. "I wanted to see you through retirement! I wanted to buy you a house with a yard! You went back to work so you could leave me to grow and compound in peace! These credit card statements, they burn! They buuuurn!"

And I spit on my savings account, because sometimes, you just need to be stupid and buy a dress that will make your husband ogle your boobs.

There. That is my advice for today: Impending financial ruin is no match for a flouncy out-of-season dress, so long as you also buy a sensible sweater wrap to cover your shoulders.

Waking_up

My boobs cannot handle all this ogling.

EDITED TO ADD THE MELTDOWN THAT I WAS TRYING TO PRETEND THAT I AM TOO COOL AND CAREFREE TO HAVE:

OH MY GOD, I am freaking out about this dress. This dress that Jason FORCED me to buy for myself as a you-survived-a-whole-month-at-work present, and it was honestly the cheapest dress in the store, so I had no sense of CONTEXT, and the numbers on the price tag did not really turn into actual dollar numbers until I was at the register handing over my credit card. And I looked at Jason with big, frightened eyes and whispered that the Internet is going to KILL ME, and he said fuck the Internet, you don't have to tell them about it, and yet here I am, telling the fucking Internet, because perhaps I subconsciously believe that I deserve to be punished.

I am totally returning the dress after work. And I'm going to ask for my refund in PENNIES, and I shall put all the pennies in my bathtub, and I shall sit on top of my bathtub of pennies with a shotgun and stare suspiciously at the bathtowels and rant about the government trying to steal my precious, precious pennies.
 

Comments

CathyHW

De-lurking (I commented once before, am I still de-lurking?) to say that your response to Laura is so well-stated. Have a great time tonight no matter what you wear-and maybe we will see a review of the place on dcfoodies?

Lucy

Oh, Laura.

Seriously?

Sadie

sounds like Laura needs a night out even more than Amy does.

JustLinda

Don't go out!! Just stay home and entertain me - you do it so well! More posts... more posts! You're like the blog version of heroin. I need the junk, I want the junk. I can't get enough of thee junk! Don't take the junk away from me!!!

madonna

I say keep the dress. I think you deserve it. You keep a lot of people entertained.
I also like the idea about modeling with the food
for the DCFoodies. That ways it's almost like an investment for work. Yeah. It is.

scoutsadie

I hope you guys have a great time tonight! Yay! And that you're feeling better about the dress -- whether you returned it or kept it.

Cheryl

Hey! January 23th is my birthday! So, in order to celebrate a fantabulous birthday along with everything else, that's four occasions! Which is even better. Keep the freakin' dress. And post a picture.

Noelle

I so love you.

I say keep the dress. Have a wonderful anniversary dinner!

Pam

Yeah, it does sound like Laura needs *something*. Maybe Amy can just send her the dress, and all will be well?

But seriously, I say keep the dress! When you and Jason are rocking on the front porch of your nursing home, waiting for Noah and his Noah-lets to drive up and take you to Old Country Buffet for lunch, there's probably not going to be a lot of boob-ogling going on, unless it's more of the "Oops, my boob got caught under the rocking chair, will you help me lift it back onto my lap, dear?" variety. So get it while you can!

Lori

Close the comments, Amy. Pam said it all.

mandy

how could you tell us all this and not post a picture of "THE" dress?? How could youuu?

The real question is, "how does the dress make you feeeeel???" Can we REALLY put a price on THAT?

nope.

I'd like to see the dress now, please.

mandy

oh and I SO, totally agree with 'justlinda'...

Kate

Don't you DARE return that dress! Why not? Let's count the reasons, shall we?

1. You carried precious Noah for 9 mos, then continued to be cut in half to give birth to him.
2. You amazingly lost all baby weight in 6 short weeks.
3. The boobs deserve to be displayed in all their glory. Haven't they already almost fallen off as it is? Celebrate their un-fallen-off-ness!!
4. Oh, last but not least...you suffered through keeping Noah in daycare and working everyday. Celebrate not running off to Mexico after all...and keep the dress.

There you have it. If I don't see pictures of you in that dress on the internet...well...I may be forced to heckle you for the rest of eternity.

Occidental Girl

If Jason wants you to have it, who are you to argue??

Hang in there, for the working full time doth suck. It's just HARD sometimes. I crave time.

JustLinda

Hey, did I ever tell you I spent nearly $400 on Christmas pajamas for me and my kids and YES a matching one for the dog too??? So, keep the dress.

And while I'm here pretending like you're an old girlfriend that I've known since kindergarten, let me tell you one other thing... a few weeks ago, I posted a comment on your blog and, I don't know, maybe I had toilet paper stuck to my shoe or possibly said something funny, because like 73 people clicked over from that post to my blog.

So ever since then, I've been thinking "hey! I'll just build my blog readership up by posting witty things at Amy's place!" Which is really a great idea but I've had serious stage fright and haven't been able to think up a funny thing ever since then.

Sheesh, this blogging thing is a LOT of pressure, isn't it? LOL (I would so hide behind the plant with you at BlogHer but then I wouldn't make eye contact with you, cause, well, you're AMALAH and who the hell am I? So maybe I'll just stay home with my own plants).

Cris


Chanting with the others to keep that dress! Will make for a very sweet memory of how much your
DH loves you.

Please post pics!

And Pam, you are hilarious!

Cristina

You look so thin! Keep the dress! It doesn't seem like it's going to bring you down to financial ruin, so do something fun for YOU (and for your husband, as far as the ogling goes). In 5 years, I'm sure having the dress for your evening will be much more memorable than returning it.

Joy

You DESERVE that dress! *gives you The Eye* You do. So keep it and wear it proudly! :)

Theresa

I'm skipping the whole, should she keep the dress or not debate that I am sure is ensuing above me to say, Wow, I just celebrated the 7th dating-versary with my husband this past Sunday! Someday, when we actually interact face-to-face, (which may never happen) I will tell you all the alarming similarities between your "How I met and married my husband as a child bride" story and my, "How I met and married my husband as a child bride" story. Seriously. Ask me. There are lots of similiarites, but your wedding hair was prettier.

Brandee

I guess I'll pipe up, too. I think if you can afford the dress, you keep it. You wear it, you look smokin' hot in it, you have a wonderful, delightful time in it. You're a working mother and you deserve to spend your money in any way that makes you happy.

But, I also think that if you are unhappy leaving Noah, and you *want* to stay home with him, then you return the dress and cut out whatever has to be cut out to do that -- for however long you want to stay home - be it a month, a week, a year, whatever. For me, and it's just me - others feel differently, the cost of the dress would include the cost of needing to leave my child in daycare, making the dress way too expensive for me. When we decided I would stay home, my husband's salary also = x-$1. So that's what we used the savings for that first year. After that, he got a raise and we got more flush. Every year after that has been the same. Largely, our lifestyle four years later is *nearly* the same as it was when I thought my leaving work was a financial disaster.
You've made it clear, over and over to all of us, that you LIKE working. You've never said you could absolutely not stay home. You've said you are choosing. I'm not sure why that is so upsetting and confusing to some of your readers. I'm not sure why people keep pointing out to you where to cut corners. You know where to cut them, you know you could stay home, and you are choosing not to. Why are people not OK with that choice? Why can they not accept that it is a completely valid choice. Why, oh why, do they want *you* to stay home with Noah so badly??? I just do. not. get. it.

C

I guess that's the double-edged share your life sword. Fuck the internets girl, wear and love your dress!

Sarah

I bid 380 dollars, and I vote for keeping the dress.

I have some big purchases in my wardrobe (big is always relative, but for me anything over €100 needs thinking over) but I can say that I have never regretted buying something nice. Not that my opinion matters, but from what I gather from reading your blog, you and Jason are responsible, and responsible means not spending money you don't have. You have money. You both work hard for that money. You deserve nice things, and even if you didn't deserve them you should still have them.

I have one golden rule. Feel free to adopt it if you like. If something makes me feel good, and I can afford it, and I want it, then I get it.

Besides, I never even thought about the miles....just for that I vote for going back and getting two more dresses.

Ivie

I'm with everyone else that said you should post a pic and then we can vote about you keeping the dress. Hehe :)

I about fell over in shock with the suggestion that daycare was maybe costing you $500 a week. I think that's what I used to pay for a MONTH for TWO kids full time! Of course that was in CA and not DC, so... LOL Glad to hear you aren't paying that much though!

And the point of this post? Keep the dress and enjoy your multi-anniversary/valentine's date! :)

Zoots Mom

Keep the darn dress. Jan 23rd is my birthday and I want you to have that dress, if you still like it, I want you to go out and have a wonderful dinner with your wonderful hubby and totally celebrate all of your occasions. I was raised to believe that for my birthday I could have/do anything I wanted to and I WANT YOU TO KEEP/WEAR THE DRESS!!!!!!!!!

Audrey

Chiming in to vote for keeping the dress! Remember how good it felt when you put on actual work clothes the first time after having Noah? (Okay, I know the going back to work and leaving Noah didn't feel good, but the non-sweatpants clothes felt good, right?) Just think how great going out in that dress is going to feel! It will be worth every shotgun-guarded penny, I promise.

Thora

Yeah, fuck the internet. You need a new dress because you just spent nine years being pregnant, and boobs were made for ogling (not just breast feeding) and *insert Thora-justification #554567653454687534543842423 here*

Kristin

Keep the dress!!! Here's why...You're combining a few occasions for this night out, so that's saving you money in food and your super cool babysitter right there. And you have to go out to eat for Jason's blog, so couldn't your dress be a tax deduction or something?? And finally, you work all day and are raising an adorable baby. You totally deserve it.

statia

Oh my god, you horrible horrible mother. You should have saved that for formula for Noah.

Ok, seriously. Keep the dress. You deserve it. And any dress that makes your boobs look that good deserves to be worn.

Also? I just bought a new Coach bag and a flash for my camera. Granted, I don't have kids, but we are spending 15k on IVF and also owe like $3300 in taxes.

What? I needed retail therapy? Besides, the bag is so cuuuuuuute, and I really needed it and it made me feel better.

Once again, keep the dress. Being an adult sometimes sucks, because we have to be all responsible and stuff, but sometimes, it's also fun because we get to occasionally splurge on something for ourselves.

Lisa V

Amalah, your bigness is scaring me. 128 comments already ? Jesus did ya change your name to Dooce ?So much for the theory that people wouldn't read you because you became a mommy.

So how many people above me have asked for pictures of the dress ? Cause all they really want to see is your boobs, the damn pigs.

I hope you bought really cute shoes to match.

Patchie

On behalf of all the women in the world who are married to Men Who Would Not Approve of Buying Expensive Dresses---keep the dress if you can afford to. If it's just the fact that you've never spent that much on something for yourself since having Noah, don't freak, 'kay? That's your Mommy Martyr Chip kicking in. Happens right after the placenta is delivered.

My own husband rolls his eyes when I point out the Pasta Express commercial, Only 19.95, and it makes cooking pasta easy! Also makes quick yummy hot dogs!

You can imagine what he'd say if I spent, say, 325 on a dress that I couldn't wear to mop the floor.

Christine

Brandee, I think some readers get confused because sometimes Amy gives out mixed messages. (Which she is perfectly entitled to do, but then, you know, ya gotta expect people to respond in mixed ways.)

Just my two cents.

katbliss

MILF! MILF! MILF! That's what your husband will be saying!

LotionBarBunny

Is this dress made of gold and diamonds? Or does it make your boobs look awesome? I prefer dresses that make me look like I have "porno-boobs." Then my husband just stares at them all night.

Who cares what the internet thinks....unless they are paying for the dress. ;)

slyeyes

Keep the dress.

I once bought a dress that looked FABULOUS on me. But, due to the price, I took it back and bought something cheaper. It also looked good, but not WOWSERS! kind of good.

I still remember how good that looked on me in the dressing room; but have no clue where the extra money went.

callistawolf

DON'T feel bad about the dress. I'm a firm believer of the fact you don't have to explain how you spend money to anyone, least of all, the internet. Anyone who tries to make you feel bad about trying to look pretty should feel ashamed of themselves.

Side note: (since I can't seem to comment on yesterday's post) I am SO insanely JEALOUS. I want to go to BlogHer. My parents LIVE in San Jose so built in hotel! But I have this dang inconvenient due date on the first day of the conference. The crazy part? Since I'll get a c-section at least 2 weeks before that, hubby and I have been talking about how we could make it work. INSANE. I want to go. *pout*

kwe

As someone who has actually been on the Price is Right, I bid $257 and say keep the dress.

The consolation prize was a year's supply of frozen pizza, which as it turns out does not travel through the mail very well. Also, Bob is a strange glowing color of orange.

Paige

Seeing as 129 people above me, minus Laura, gave you lots and lots of really good reasons to keep the (my bid) $300 dollar dress, I agree with them.

Also? I think the Internet wants to ogle your boobs too. Many of us want to see pics of you in boob ogling dress.

the kim half of glamorouse

As I brace for the return-to-work-leave-my-baby routine, I am facing a wardrobe where nothing fits. Not only is clothing purchases necessary, they're going to be in jumbo sizes as my body's way of saying "take that!" while my bank balance mutters, once more, "Sucker."

JP

It's your life, your boobs, your decision. Although it's really to late for my comment to matter, do whatever you feel is right. Your natural beauty will make you look stellar no matter what clothes you wear. I hope you had fun!

Real Girl

I'm currently denying myself a necklace that I REALLY want. And it's my birthday next week. And it's a BIG birthday. And I would love the necklace. But it is just about too expensive.

So what do you think? Clearly, I don't have the kid involved, but does the guilt outweigh the glee? Is one able to love something they feel kind of bad about? I mean...will you be able to stop regretting the dress and just enjoy it?

I don't know the answer for myself.

kathy

No need to make excuses for a dress that makes your husband hot for you.

Besides, the study of retail therapy has proven it to be legitimate. It's true. It's been in the Journal of somethingsomething Medicine.

Lori

Don't forget to have you pets spayed or neutered.

Janet

Keep it. Wear it. Proudly! The dress obviously makes you feel good about yourself. What's not to like? You had a baby, lost the weight, you're Noah's hot mommy. And Jason's gorgeous bride. Treat yourself and Jason to a great dress. (Eh-uhm. And great shoes!) Seriously? Knock yourself out woman!

Manda

So... did you actually return the dress, or did you keep it? :)

Janet

and when you're done with the dress, stick it on ebay ;)

k

Please keep the dress - to stand up for all of us who want to have kids and work too - not to mention all of our mothers who spent NOTHING on themselves! If someone decides that they want to stay at home with their kids and live on that dollar - fantastic! If they would rather go to work and stash some money - still fantastic! I know that I am going to be the latter, even if I wasn't stashing money - just because my mother never got over losing her job for being pregnant, and twenty-five years later, is still trying to regain her personal sense of worth. Keep the dress.

nerwenfaelvirin

Keep it! Keep the dress! You totally deserve it.

Jem

If Noah could say "Keep the dress, mum" I'm sure he would. (Although you'd have to ask why he picked up the word "mum" rather than "mom").

Seriously though, if you get home and it looks as good as you remembered, keep it. If you don't like it as much, return it. It doesn't matter either way :) No ones judging you, except apparently Laura. I have about $200 left in my bank account, I'm now pretty much jobless and a student, and I just spent about $100 getting my hair done. So you know, whatever. :)

Jem

Also, I guess $240.

Terry

Why isn't there a picture of you wearing this dress? (Which you are keeping by the way) Loved Noah ogling your boobs & all, but when I got to the end I was SO BUMMED that I didn't see you in the dress.

Seriously. If you love it, keep it. Money is just, well, money. You should not feel guilty about having nice things.

God, I am just so happy that you got to go out shopping for something new & HOT. Rock on!

Beth

I HAEV DECIEDD TEH DR3S COST $50 THROUGH COMPLICAETD MATH FORMULAS U BTER RETURN IT!!!11!!!!

U R A BAD WOMAN IF U DIDNT BUY SO MANY DRESES U CUD SAEV 5 HUNDRED THOUSAND DOLARS AND THAN STAY HOME WIT UR SON!!!!11!!

My god people. LISTEN to yourselves.

And Laura, seriously, what kind of sense of entitlement must you have to think you can tell Amalah what to write in HER blog? Has it never dawned on you to just stop reading the gd thing?

dawn

I daresay you deserved the dress after surviving a DAY at work! :) Glamour knows no price, and seriously, anything that makes men (over the age of 5 months) ogle your rack, well, should be a tax write-off. Wear it proudly!

halloweenlover

Justice Scalia told me to tell you to keep the dress.

For the next social function.

Jonna

Amalah.

Keep the dress. You may be a mother, but you're not DEAD. You will all survive the dress setback and BlogHer. A happy mom is a good mom and Noah is a lucky kid.

Anyway, I guess I don't know why people care what you do and judge you. I mean, it's your life, and your kid (your LOVELY life and kid! Really!). And if it really bothers them (ahem, erm, Laura), then why do they keep reading? I don't read bloggers that I don't like. I like to hope that people who don't like me don't read my blog. And if they do, then they have a problem and should stuff it.

Laura can put two and two together. And you know, maybe, go stuff it.

kim

you have a savings account? whoa girl, you're already way ahead of me!

Spencer

You KNOW I don't have much to say on the matter (except that I am a proud member of the tie of the month club).

My only comment is to the vending machine guy at work.

STOCK THE COKES ALREADY!!!!!

I stood in front of the machine for about a minute trying to make a decision!!

aly

KEEP THE DRESS! This is too late isn't it? You've gone and returned it already! Go buy it again

Brandee

Christine ~ I totally understand what you are saying - I've tried to clumsily clarify myself for like 20 minutes, and I'm going to go to bed now. But, yeah, what you said, I agree with. (gah! still very verbally clumsy - night)

Melissa B.

I second Anthropologie! Go! Cute! Cheaper, but not cheap!

Angela

Perhaps the reason Amy sends mixed messages is because she feels different ways at different times? Makes sense to me...

Jennifer

Keep the dress. Totally. If it makes you feel hot, and your boobs ogle-worthy, priceless. KEEP IT!

Amy Again

Ok. I know I said I wasn't going to comment again. But now I have to. Because there are a few more things that I think are worth saying (I'm just sayin) . . .

1. I've noticed a lot of people wholeheartedly endorsing the notion of keeping this dress. Some (not all) have thrown in for good measure that Amalah should not care what anyone thinks about the matter. More than a few people have basically stated that anyone who is not 100% behind keeping this dress should go fuck themselves. I'm not sure that this is intelligent dialogue. If Amalah (or anyone) walked into a store, bought a dress, and kept it to herself, I would certainly agree that no one would be justified in questioning how she spent her money. The situation is altogether different, however, when she posts about it in a public forum and asks for comments. Then, people should feel free to voice an opinion, provided that they do so in a respectful way, WHICH

2. Laura did not. She is not polite at all. This blog is on Amalah's server and, as such, it is her property. When you comment, you are kind of a guest in her home. Either behave yourself or leave.

3. To comment a bit on Brandi's question as to why some people care so much about Amalah's decision to go back to work: I think that women, such a Laura, get all pissy about someone like Amalah going back to work because they are jealous. I'm guessing that if Laura went back to work, she wouldn't make enough extra money to justify it to herself. And I'm betting that Amalah does. Yes, she could probably quit her job, live like a pauper, and not end up on the street. But when you take Amalah's salary and compound it over years and years of what will be wise decisions, Amalah and her family will probably be much, much better off than if she stayed at home. That's why I think Amalah works, and that's why I think women like Laura have a bee in their bonnet about it. I note that Laura stated in her comment that Amalah's decision to go back to work was something she would have to live with. As though she committed a hit and run or something. I personally do not think it is hard to figure out what motivates someone like Laura.

4. I am a working mother. Unlike Amalah, I must work full time to support my family. We cannot make it without my salary. If this were not the case, would I still work? Probably. Because I look at the big picture: being able to stay home with my child for a few years is not the prize. I want to be able to send him to any college he wants to go to, no matter how much it costs. I want to be able to send him to a good camp when he is ready to go. For as long as he wants. I want to be able to take family trips abroad, because I think this will be good for him. I want to be able to help him financially when he gets out of college (because lord knows I sure needed help from my parents). And I want to have enough money in my old age that I will never have to be a burden to him. More than that, I want to leave him a substantial sum when I die. And yes, when it comes time for me to retire, I want a nest egg. I am living my life in a way that should enable me to achieve these goals.

I do not think these are selfish reasons for going back to work. Staying at home and just scraping by could be seen as selfish. Who is to say that a child needs to have his mom at home with him for the first few years more than he needs a greater safety net that will last throughout his lifetime?

I realize that this comment has gone far beyond what most people post as a comment. I hope it is worth mulling over.

Jaime

Hi, officially delurking here... keep the dress.Let Jason ogle your boobs and have a fantastic night out. I spend 190.00 a week in daycare costs for my 10 month old daughter and only wish I had a dress for some one to ogle my boobs in...

Karen

You should keep the dress. (Post pictures of course.) And then justify the dress by wearing it more than once. If you wear the dress out to dinner or events twice, the price cuts in half. Because if the dress is a fabulous as you say it is, then you should want to and get to wear it as much as possible (without looking like you own nothing but that dress).

So, the more you wear it, the more the cost (economically speaking) goes down. That way on night of the second event, you won't have to buy a second totally new and smoking dress. It kind of breaks down like this. If the first dress cost $500 and you wear it twice, then in theory you have two $250 dresses. And the more you wear it the cost decreases. It's like a pair of jeans. If you spend $50 on them and wear them once a week for two years, you have spent about $.50 per wearing. Totally worth it. So, keep the dress and wear it twice.

And sorry for the economics lesson - my dad is a professor of economics at the college.

mama speak

Dude, you're younger then I was when I had my first baby, but 2.5 years later I'm just now loaing the last 10 lbs of baby weight. (I don't look bad, I just don't look as good as I used to.) We won't get into what it did to my sad little boobs (which are looking pretty good right now cause I'm preggers again) but ANYTHING that would make me feel like a MILF, especially if it made my boobs oggle-able is worth the money.
I know, late to the game on this one. But had to put in my 2cents.

Amy-again -- loved your comments!

I'd bid $200, but I want to save it so I can go to blogher and hide behind a plant w/you drinking apple-tinis.

And for the love of all that is holy--post a pix of said dress!

bon

I was gonna say keep the dress till you made me WEEP! WEEP, I say with laughter at the picture of you with a shotgun atop a mound of pennies.

Pennies, dress... like you care what I think. The important thing is I am still wiping my eyes.

Lisa B

Keep the dress! Keep the dress! Especially if Jason will oggle your boobs and is totally on board with it.

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