Noah's Birth Story: The Director's Cut
Attack of the Blog Babies!


Oh Internetweb, I know. I know!

Work is crazy, home is crazy, and today I'm home with the boy in some kind of horrific work-from-home scenario that combines the craziness of both home AND work to create a SUPER CRAZY, and the crazy, she is me.

For example, I call this photo Me Learning My Damn Lesson:


Parenting Lesson #2847997: Three seconds after you lay your child down on a specially-created expanse of blankets and surround him with toys, he will immediately hurl himself in the opposite direction towards the hardwood floors, upon which he will smash his head and scream. And screeeeeam, and his screams will hurt your HEART because you are a very, very stupid person.

Solution: couch cushions! There is no way he will break through their impenetrable seal, leaving you free to hit the bottle in another room.

(Now, if anyone has a solution to Parenting Lesson #2847998, which is that three seconds after your child smashes his head on the floor, you will smash his head on the refrigerator handle in a frantic dash for a bottle, causing more screaming and the feeling that Jesus Christ, this kid is really better off in daycare, I would be grateful.)

In sum: The Advice Smackdown is coming, but probably not today. Because I'm too busy crackin' skulls and takin' names over here.

In the interim, please to enjoy the delicious yet sort-of disturbing Turtle Crawl.


His head-holding-up skillz, they are mad.


Although he would kind of like to smear mucus on that toy over yonder.


The turtle, having spotted a delicious firefly, attempts to move towards it.


There is no need for him to look at his prey, for he moves entirely on instinct.


With much effort comes much drooling.


So close, yet so far.




And for a nearby hyena, dinner.


Dr. Johnny Fever

Those pictures of Noah doing a header remind me of the night I drank too much Meister Brau at a frat party and couldn't keep my own head off the floor. This is good practice for his college years.

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