MoveOn.Now
February 02, 2006
I am posting just so we can all move on and talk about something besides the dress. (From BCBG.) (Ta da!) I am very tired of talking about the dress.
This happens to me a lot -- I post something, anything, whatever stream-of-consciousness claptrap that occurs to me, without really thinking it through and within 15 minutes of go-live time, I'm sick of it. So I'm all, "Okay! Shut up now!" But the Internet does not WANT to shut up, and why should it, because hell, I started it.
I need a little pre-post checklist, I think.
Do I really want to think about this topic over and over when I monitor comments?
Do I really want to read what a hundred other people think about this topic?
And then what another hundred people think about what the first hundred people think?
Am I, in fact, writing a check my body can't cash?
And another good question in life: Is it really a good idea to stay up until 1:30 am the night before an 8:30 am pediatrician appointment, and WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK was I thinking ordering a nine-course tasting menu with the wine pairing, which: NINE. NIIIINE.
I am on about three hours of sleep, and have approximately 13 more hours of hangover to go.
I also have no clever transition to Noah's four-month appointment stats, so...
Do-it-yourself Amalah: Insert your own witty segue here!
Noah weighs 15 pounds and is (wait for it) 27.5 inches long.
TWENTY. SEVEN. AND A HALF!
If you're anything like me, you will see that number and shrug, because...well, it's inches, and inches are small.
And then the doctor will show up and make the nurse RE-MEASURE because "that can't be right," which is exactly what my OB said when he saw 9 pounds, 15 ounces on the delivery room scale.
So there's this growth curve chart, and...I don't know, it curves, and they plot your baby's growth on it, and then they talk about percentiles and stuff. Noah is smack dab in the 50th percentile for weight and head circumfrence, and way, WAY off the curve for height, and will probably be seven feet tall in preschool.
There is no growth curve chart for foot size, and you know that I totally asked, because his feet are enormous and I am so proud of their enormity.
My pediatrician also ordered me not to tell other mothers about Noah's sleeping habits.
*smiles smugly and annoyingly, yet does not say a word*
I also returned my rented hospital-grade breast pump. I prefer the Avent Isis manual pump and never saw a bit of difference in what I could pump between the two, except that the Avent pumps faster and is way, WAY easier to carry around and deal with, plus I can pump with one hand while cutting lines of cocaine with the other. The entire world disagrees with me on this, and I'm not talking about the cocaine part. You are fine with the cocaine, but the fact that I am not using a $300 Pump In Style shocks you to your very CORE.
AND, since I enjoy the drama of a good motherhood hissyfit, I present to y'all this article, sent to me by alert reader Kathleen. Which I discussed with the doctor, and he wholeheartedly agrees with it and thinks that rice cereal, applesauce and bananas are about the WORST foods you can start a baby on, because they digest too quickly and can cause constipation.
(He's known in the practice as Dr. Poop, because he thinks the whole "it's okay if your baby only poops once a day or every other day" theory is a crock of well, shit, and that we're just breeding an army of chronically constipated kids, but he admits that he's alone in his belief that all babies, regardless of age, should be pooping several times a day and we shouldn't put up with the BIG HUGE BLOW OUT AND BEYOND THE DIAPER POOPS. He's...kind of crazy about the poop, but I love him.)
Anyway. He wants Noah eating more solids, since the kid clearly is growing like a damn weed, nursing and chugging bottles like they are going out of style, and came out of the womb about a month ahead developmentally. (My uterus grows babies in dog years, apparently.)
His words: "You feed this baby whatever the hell you want to feed this baby. You aren't going to hurt him with FOOD."
(We have no family history of food allergies, however, so it's obviously a different story for anyone who does.)
So we're ditching the rice cereal for barley, adding prunes and yellow vegetables, and getting out the Cuisinart to puree up anything else we feel like giving him. And yes, we're adding some damn spices, because if you had seen the look on Noah's face when I snuck him a couple tastes of grown-up polenta (gasp!) with garlic and herbs, you'd understand that the Noah, he loves the flavah.
Now. Everybody yell at everybody else about all the horrible things that will happen now. And I promise to not get sick of this topic for at least 10 minutes.
OMG! His face is totally going to get stuck like that! I blame the yams!
Oh ya, bring on the spices! Why should adults be the only ones who enjoy good food? Your child, he is tall and super-duper cute. Just in case you didn't already know :)
You rock. Noah rocks. Yay.
Dr. Poop! That's one for the business card.
Did the doctor say nothing about him being totally off the curve of cuteness cause OH. MY. GOSH! Glad the appointment went well!
He's like his parents! He loves good food! Sounds like some fab advice from the doc. :) Go Noah! Now just get ready for the "Is he going to play basketball?" questions. ;)
OH...that reminds me. I was 15 when my sister was born. Mom, followed the Rice, veggies, fruit nonsense. I gave my sister pickles as a teething soother...my mom lost her shit, for all of 30 seconds. Then realized it was the first time in a month the baby was content. All because of a cold dill pickle. To this day, the kid (16 now) practically lives on pickels.
I LOVE reading the Amalah! Plus, I am getting so much interesting reading material and research goodness that once my baby is born it will be well adjusted and loving of the spicy! I'm going to keep hitting refresh to see how this goes.
That picture makes me smile.
Also, just because he's a baby does not mean that he likes bland food. Spice away, I say.
Finally, Dr. Poop? HA!
It is 4.30am in Australia. I have been up since 3.20 with Wriggling Baby and am still trolling through the amalah.com archives (no, I don't have something better to do right now, so shove off tooly). I just wanted to heap adoration (which yes, i know will get all lost amongst the other heaped adoration but you can't say I didn't try) and let you know that you inspired me to blog.
Oh God, I know that is possibly not something you want on your conscience but really, I have to blame someone for my pathetic attempt at wit and humour. Anyways. Hi from the land for which you can blame the Ugg boot (yep, thats right, just done did those in the archives).
Schmooches
Natalie
Holy shit - where around here can you get a nine-course meal with wine?!?! I am so all over that.
(If you care to respond, feel free to email me so that not everyone know where The Amalah cares to eat her special dinners, because you know you're such a web-celeb that then someone would probably start stalking you!...Not me, of course. I'm not a stalker. I'm just a fan. A normal, not-crazy at all fan.) :-)
Man, I *love* the fact that Riley poops once per day. Sorry, Dr. Poop. Also, PRUNES! Instead of posting a picture of the overly-discussed dress, please share what happens to a baby's diaper after a prunefest.
Thank God we are done with the dress. Sometimes your comments section makes me hate others, and that's not nice.
Tell Noah it's cool to be tall - tall guys get paid more; they did a study.
Boy, he sounds like a really SHITTY doctor. Heh... I just couldn't resist!
Dr Poop rules! Feed the Baby what you want and watch him poop. Yeah.
Congrats on giving birth to a future NFL line backer who will so support your cocaine habits! And after winning the Superbowl will hold up the trophy and declare "this is for you mom!"
I was eating salad at like 10 months old, so I'm not surprised Noah already has a superior palate. Apparently I was like that too. (I tell stories about myself because I have no children of my own. And I'm odd, so there you go.)
Wine paired tasting menus are very bad for me because they give me more wine than I can handle. But I can't give them back an unfinished glass, so I HAVE to drink more than I should. I'd be in a coma if I tried nine courses.
e loves food and spices. so at almost 10 months, he likes what we are eating pretty much, just mushed up. which is easy and makes for a nice mealtime.
It may be something about those big boys! My Brady is way off the charts and has been since birth and he wanted nothing to do with the baby food. He towers almost a foot taller than the next biggest kid in his toddler class. We only tried it for a month or two until we started giving him table food. It is so much easier to get them to eat what you are eating and saves on time and money spent on baby food they don't like.
Oh a forewarning... you may end up in a "your kid couldn't possibly be only [insert age]" argument with other mothers at some point if he continues to grow at his present rate for height. Ah the joys of motherhood!
How about I went to bed at 1:30 and then tried to get up at 5:30? But I was sober.
And your first three paragraphs are eerily similar to what I just posted. Weird.
And giant baby indeed. But the cuteness and the smiling kills.
My child enjoyed the ground-up hot dogs, because back in the dark-age 80s, if he'd eat it, he got it.
Thank you, Amalah, for providing us with all this wisdom! I love knowing that it's okay to feed spicy food to babies, and learning the mechanics of baby poo....
Thank you for posting that article and talking about what Dr. Poop said. My babe will be four months in two weeks and he is totally eager to start eating. I have felt in my gut that we should just let him eat what we eat as long as he couldn't choke on it. The whole rice cereal/pureed crap really doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me. My husband thinks I am insane when I tell him I am going to make our own baby food using the food processor and our meals.
Man, I love reading you. :-)
LOL So true that everyone has an opinion on the pump but most are ok with the nose candy, huh?
My babies all started eating dog kibble about Noah's age. Strong teeth and bones and they could really fetch things well. But I got tired of them scratching at the door so we ended that... (what is it with these kids, always wanting IN... go run in the yard, Mom's on the internet!)
MAN. Y'all are boring today! With all this agreement and relaxed, instinct-based parenting and shit.
You'd think we were grown-ups or something.
Although I do kind of want a hot dog now.
Isn't "Dr. Poop" going to be the bad guy on Spiderman VI?
I have no opinion on the pump, that I can find. Apparently guys could care less about breast pumps, because we are rather fixated on the breast itself, and at the same time kinda cross our legs funny at the thought of hooking ourselves to a milking machine.
Carry on.
If I knew then what I know now, I would definitely have started spicing up the food much earlier for my boy (now a year old!). I mean, have you tasted baby food out of a jar? it's pretty gross. Then he had some of my cinnamon applesauce and looked at me like "what the HELL was that other crap??" And pureeing up foods is a great idea -- really easy in a cuisinart, I never bothered with one of those special baby mills. Avocados are great too, babies especially enjoy them for the finger painting they can do on their food tray (plus they taste great too and are very nutritious).
Ummm... hot dogs. My daughter also enjoys the finer foods in life, such as buffalo chicken strips, bleu cheese dressing, Starbucks frappichinos and cat food. No wonder she's 32 inches and 22 pounds at 10 months.
For the record, Noah is beautiful. Love those feet!
Well, I'll try to be a rabble-rouser and suggest you still be somewhat careful about nut products (peanut butter and such) despite no history of food allergies because the nut allergies, they are sucktastic, and also this is a long sentence so I'm going to stop now.
Also I'm just CONTINUE BEING ALL CONTRARY and point out that Chickadee was a Giant Baby for quite a while and then just slowly fell back to the middle of the curve. So. Do not be alarmed just yet. You and Jason aren't giant people so it's unlikely that Noah will be huge.
(Also: I skipped right past the dress debate. But if you keep/kept it, please bring it to BlogHer.)
just so long as you share your hot dog with Noah, i say go for it :)
i work with kids and I have a mom who says when her two year old gets sick feeling and refuses to eat, she can only get her to eat Kung pao chicken.
I am seventeen, slightly afraid of babies (I'm afraid I'll inadvertently hurt them) and I wasn't grossed out by the poop. I think it's because I've been puked on, had diapers explode on me and had to pick up other kid's poop. Off the floor.
I am officially ready for parenthood.
Except for the whole maturity, responsibility and financial independence bit.
You can rent a breast pump...? I'm not really sure why but that seems kind of odd to me...
What is maybe more strange is that out of curiosity I just looked on eBay for "breast pump" and there are 793 breast pumps for sale on eBay. Squicks me out a little...
Oh, and also? The Noah? Is way cute and should totally eat the garlic because the vampires? Would probably love the cuteness...
The ebay breast pump thing makes me want to hurl. Sorry.
Noah's awesome. Spices rock. A (my little brother) was eating japs by his 1st birthday. Lurved them :)
PaintingChef: You just rent the mechanical/motor base part...then you buy your own tubing and funnels and anything that actually comes in contact with your skin and milk.
Still doesn't do anything to lessen the mechanical-milker-moo-cow squick factor though. Ugh.
well that's not as bad as the whole things being rented. And the eBay breast pump thing turned my stomach a little too...
Glad to hear he's sleeping well! And I found the Avent pump just as good as the monster I carried around for months. It's cool that we're finally hearing more on the first foods conversation. We started with carrots and it worked out. Plus, yes, spices. I mean, what do you think they feed babies in countries with spicier foods? Yeah for spices! Hope you feel less hungover soon.
Bravo to Dr. Poop.
You'll have fun feeding him that's for sure...now, about that dress...
The whole breast pump thing is crazy. You do feel like a cow with it. The noise the mechanical one makes is kind of rhythmic and soothing after a while though. When I came back to work and I was still nursing I lugged my rented hospital pump in every day. I would sit in a locked conference room with that thing three times a day feeling like a bad employee. So eventually I started multi-tasking and making calls, etc. That all stopped the day someone on the other end of the phone said, "Wow! You sure get a lot of faxes!" They thought the rhythmic sound was the fax machine printing out pages. Whoops! Perhaps non-phone related multi-tasking would have been a better choice. : )
My friends used a "baby mill" when they had their daughter start eating solids. They would bring it with them to restaurants and just grind up parts of whatever meals they got. Their kid is awesome and will try anything now- a budding gourmet!
*reading*
Blah Blah...dress...blah...9 course dinner...wine..hangover...blah blah...big honking baby...blah blah...article..Kathleen..blah...
(head whipping up in excitement!*
Kathleen! Hey! That's me!
*waving to everyone!*
Hi Internet!!!
BTW...Amy said she wasnt' gonna tell ya'll about the polenta...I mean...after yesterday, if a dress can get ya'll worked into a damn lather, imagine what giving polenta to an infant might bring on.....
But that is a great article and it makes perfect sense.
Baby cereal. Ick.
Yay food.
Good luck with that home made baby food thing. I was all Mrs. Mom organically grown, steam it, puree it myself and feed it to the princess. Alas, she had No.Interest.Whatsoever. in what I made.
She did love non-fat plain yogurt and would eat anything if you put yogurt on it--sweet potatoes, ravioli, pancakes, eggs.
And my daughter's first non-baby food meal: dim sum. She was mad for bao. And we got better service because all the ladies with the carts were fascinated by someone so little and non-Asian eating whatever we put in front of her.
amalah! I too am dying to know what restaurant it was - my boyfriend and i are big foodies and love trying new places in DC
I wouldn't worry about your child being off the chart just yet. My child was always in the 95-100% for heigh and weight. She just turned 3 and is 3'11 and when I pulled the chart out that puts her WAY above normal. But she just doesn't seem any biger than the kids at her school. It may be time for the Dr.'s to get new charts. :)
Love the dress btw. Very pretty!!
He was 9 lbs 15 oz? Holy cow you beat me by 2 oz! LOL Mine was 27 1/2 in long at his appt to. Just think, if our kids are both freaky tall maybe they'll be in the NBA and we'll be set for life. That'd be nice.
Please keep all this parenting advice coming... Or write a damn book already! With no close friends at the baby stage, your advice and experiences are golden. (I am writing down the Isis breast pump thing for future reference as we speak...)
Yay for happy, healthy, big-footed, tall (right now, long) Noah!!
My husband is 6'8" and, as a 5'11" gal, I can tell you, it rocks the universe!
That is all.
Our daughter (she's one) loves curry and falafel and hummus. Hot Thai chicken soup. Crystallized ginger. Hoo, she loves that stuff a LOT. Straight up. I made her pancakes with oatmeal and strawberries the other day. She threw every single piece on the floor. She demands food that TASTES like something. Can't say I blame her.
I just bought a grinder/strainer attachment for my KA mixer (which is badass, btw) and plan on giving my kiddo all kinds of goodies. He had a little taste of teriyaki in a restaurant and almost jumped out of his carseat/stroller/thingamajig and started clawing at our food.
He hates rice cereal, who can blame him?
thank you. thank you. thank you.
while i did thoroughly enjoy the craziness caused over a damn dress, i enjoyed that article (and of couse what you had to say about it) even more.
my little man has been eating cereal for three weeks -- he loves it. i think it tastes like shit and hate myself every time i fix some for him because at nearly 20 pounds at four months, this kid obviously loves food, but has no idea what the world has to offer. my pediatrician told me to start veggies at 5 months and fruit and juice at 6 months. i love her, i really do, but i'm gonna have to follow the advice of amalah, not the doctor, and feed this poor baby something other than nasty cereal.
oh, and i'm pretty sure honey is still a no-go until they're a year old . . . though that article never mentioned anything along those lines.
Now, see, I thought that picture was saying, "Down with rice! Power to the Spice!"