The Dress That Ate The Internet
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MoveOn.Now

I am posting just so we can all move on and talk about something besides the dress. (From BCBG.) (Ta da!) I am very tired of talking about the dress.

This happens to me a lot -- I post something, anything, whatever stream-of-consciousness claptrap that occurs to me, without really thinking it through and within 15 minutes of go-live time, I'm sick of it. So I'm all, "Okay! Shut up now!" But the Internet does not WANT to shut up, and why should it, because hell, I started it.

I need a little pre-post checklist, I think.

Do I really want to think about this topic over and over when I monitor comments?
Do I really want to read what a hundred other people think about this topic?
And then what another hundred people think about what the first hundred people think?
Am I, in fact, writing a check my body can't cash?

And another good question in life: Is it really a good idea to stay up until 1:30 am the night before an 8:30 am pediatrician appointment, and WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK was I thinking ordering a nine-course tasting menu with the wine pairing, which: NINE. NIIIINE.

I am on about three hours of sleep, and have approximately 13 more hours of hangover to go.

I also have no clever transition to Noah's four-month appointment stats, so...

Do-it-yourself Amalah: Insert your own witty segue here!

Noah weighs 15 pounds and is (wait for it) 27.5 inches long.

TWENTY. SEVEN. AND A HALF!

If you're anything like me, you will see that number and shrug, because...well, it's inches, and inches are small.

And then the doctor will show up and make the nurse RE-MEASURE because "that can't be right," which is exactly what my OB said when he saw 9 pounds, 15 ounces on the delivery room scale.

So there's this growth curve chart, and...I don't know, it curves, and they plot your baby's growth on it, and then they talk about percentiles and stuff. Noah is smack dab in the 50th percentile for weight and head circumfrence, and way, WAY off the curve for height, and will probably be seven feet tall in preschool.

There is no growth curve chart for foot size, and you know that I totally asked, because his feet are enormous and I am so proud of their enormity.

My pediatrician also ordered me not to tell other mothers about Noah's sleeping habits.

*smiles smugly and annoyingly, yet does not say a word*

I also returned my rented hospital-grade breast pump. I prefer the Avent Isis manual pump and never saw a bit of difference in what I could pump between the two, except that the Avent pumps faster and is way, WAY easier to carry around and deal with, plus I can pump with one hand while cutting lines of cocaine with the other. The entire world disagrees with me on this, and I'm not talking about the cocaine part. You are fine with the cocaine, but the fact that I am not using a $300 Pump In Style shocks you to your very CORE.

AND, since I enjoy the drama of a good motherhood hissyfit, I present to y'all this article, sent to me by alert reader Kathleen. Which I discussed with the doctor, and he wholeheartedly agrees with it and thinks that rice cereal, applesauce and bananas are about the WORST foods you can start a baby on, because they digest too quickly and can cause constipation.

(He's known in the practice as Dr. Poop, because he thinks the whole "it's okay if your baby only poops once a day or every other day" theory is a crock of well, shit, and that we're just breeding an army of chronically constipated kids, but he admits that he's alone in his belief that all babies, regardless of age, should be pooping several times a day and we shouldn't put up with the BIG HUGE BLOW OUT AND BEYOND THE DIAPER POOPS. He's...kind of crazy about the poop, but I love him.)

Anyway. He wants Noah eating more solids, since the kid clearly is growing like a damn weed, nursing and chugging bottles like they are going out of style, and came out of the womb about a month ahead developmentally. (My uterus grows babies in dog years, apparently.)

His words: "You feed this baby whatever the hell you want to feed this baby. You aren't going to hurt him with FOOD."

(We have no family history of food allergies, however, so it's obviously a different story for anyone who does.)

So we're ditching the rice cereal for barley, adding prunes and yellow vegetables, and getting out the Cuisinart to puree up anything else we feel like giving him. And yes, we're adding some damn spices, because if you had seen the look on Noah's face when I snuck him a couple tastes of grown-up polenta (gasp!) with garlic and herbs, you'd understand that the Noah, he loves the flavah.

Now. Everybody yell at everybody else about all the horrible things that will happen now. And I promise to not get sick of this topic for at least 10 minutes.

Img_2324

OMG! His face is totally going to get stuck like that! I blame the yams!

Comments

dawn

Ever since my baby girl was given the all clear to start eating meat, I have been just pureeing up whatever it is that we've had for dinner. It's easier, cheaper, and honestly makes me think more carefully about what I am going to make. She loves the flavour of herbs and garlic as well. It was funny when I realized that the garlic breath I was smelling was coming from my baby! haha There was one day that I didn't have much else to offer her for lunch except 3 types of vegetables, and I just cooked them up, pureed them and gave them to her. She was disgusted! How bland! How boring! Give me flavour, man! So I had to add some seasoning and just a couple of grains of salt to make the baby happy. I won't be making that mistake again. Like you said, if there isn't a history of food allergies in your family then you can take a lighter approach to food experimentation. My doctor said that it was good thing to use our regular food for the baby's food because adjusting her to our family's diet later on won't be a big issue. She's been exposed to all the regular fare already. I did this with my son as well, and we have no problems getting him to eat "adult food": chili, spaghetti, roastbeef, chicken cacciatore, curry, ect.

I have to laugh about the Poop doctor! I'm glad to hear that my daughter is normal then. She poops somewhere around 3 times a day, if not more. I thought this was a bit extreme, but Dr. Poop would be proud! Thank you for easing my mind, Amalah!

for Joke!

I'm marrying a Hindu dude in four months. I am pretty damned sure our future babies will be eating mushed up hot peppers within their first few months :o)

the kim half of glamorouse

I'm sorry, you left a window there to talk about poo. Jasper is currently pooing every 10 days. That is a direct change from about 3 times a day. Which all exploded out the top and the legs in a frenzy of curdish excitement.

Think opening a lid on a vat of hot English mustard. In colour and consistenty. I can't even begin to describe the smell.

I am leaving it to your imagination to conjure up any concept of the smell of his farts in the long lonely days between oblutions.

de

We jsut switched Owen, and he loves the Oatmeal,dude! Never had a prob pooping though.. then again he is an IKE. heh.

Our Ped is really cool too, I was all scared when I went and was like.. ummm I started him on cereal already. Like I was guilty or something! She was then all like GOOD! COOL! And went on about how we can feed him food.

The pump though, my GOD I almost died when my pump died.

Nikki

Egads, I had forcably repressed the toddler eating memories. My child went from an Emerilesque "I'll try anything with 40 cloves of gahhlic" to nothing but tuna quesadillas. Yes, I said tuna. I found a recipe for it in a parenting mag and thought it sounded good & healthy, made it for her and that became the sole food of her existance. 3 meals a day, 7 days a week for 2 months. I thought the fish smell would never get out of my house. After that, her palate returned to its original breadth but that was an interesting two months.

diane

Noah is beautiful!

Yes, definitely go ahead with the normal food. My kids ate our food from infancy and are fine now.

Small bit of assvice (sorry, but this bit of info is now well known in my area and its a safetey issue).

Check your infant car seat height limits- most bucket style seats are outgrown by 26 inches in lenght and then you need to move the baby to a full size car seat facing backwards!

HBT

When my son was 10 months we ordered him vanilla yogurt at a restaurant. He had a few bites- was enjoying it when I noticed it looked lumpy. So I tasted it. Turns out he was enjoying bleu cheese dressing. As a first time Mom I freaked since I = pregnancy with no bleu cheese and assumed that meant for babies also. I will even admit that I called the dr. and did so as my husband shook his head and said I was crazy. Baby=fine. First time Mom=lunatic.

Stacie

Ohhh, I love reading about your little (or not so little) doll faced baby!

We have friends from India, and they regularly feed their babies curry, etc, just normal old foods.

I agree if the baby likes it, then ok, as long as it isn't packed with sugar and full of weird things I can't pronounce. Last night I gave my 14 month old niece (oh the things we do when the parents aren't around) hummus for the first time, on crackers. She was WILD for it. Couldn't get enough. (Although her garlic breath was killing me...) I had to take it away from her to stop the madness!

Stephanie

First... I just found your blog - I'm addicted :)

Anyhoo... My son was 10lbs/21 1/2inches at birth (and has never stopped!)... and yes, the breastfeeding did wonders,(and, yes, i was one of those that was lucky enough to never have to supplement... G-d got me back for my smugness though, my second was allergic to my milk! I had to wean him completely at 6mos) but after 4 months the boy so needed more.

So we had at it... i made most of it myself, and easy-peasy... he loved those avocados! didn't have to do much to them!

Ellen

I'm with you on the Avent Isis. I still have my electric pump from my first baby and I use that at work so I can type and double pump at the same time, but the Isis is just as effective and fast.

Way to go, Noah! Really, was there ever any doubt that he would love good food?

Lori

great book about feeding kids: Super Baby Food. I have used it with both of my kids and they eat everything. the author is a little off her rocker about some things so as with all baby advice, take what you want and leave the rest for the extremist and righteous. My two year old asked for sweet potatos and tofu the other morning for breakfast. feed the baby!

Kate The Great

My mom has pictures of my little brother sitting in his bouncy seat at 4 months eat fistfuls of mashed potatoes and mushed spinich. People were HORRIFIED because she was obviously trying to kill her baby with food! He's now 17, 6'1, 170lbs and has absolutely no allergies. Living proof that semi-solid foods don't kill babies (or at least baby boys who believe that strained beets are just simply not enough food ;) Do what you think is best for Noah. You're the only one who will ever really know =) You're a good mama Amy. Keep it up =)

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