The Vomitorium Strikes Back
In the Pink. Again.

She's Come Undone and Also Unhinged

Yes, I'd love to post an entry too. Would LOVE it. Would find it DELIGHTFUL.

But it's kind of hard, what with all the sobbing helplessly at my desk and the stress and the let's-not-get-fired nonsense and also, I found out this morning that my daycare center requires a doctor's note for Pedialyte.



What, is the yelling a bit much?

Now, before anybody dares jump on me about sending a baby with diarrhea to daycare, I would like to tell you that 1) he's totally fine now but I was just trying to be Safe with the Precautionary Measures and the Just In Case-ness, and 2) you can suck it too, I'm cranky.

I'm going to look at some baby pictures now. You can look at them too, I suppose.


Noah loves Ceiba all of a sudden. He tries to hug and kiss her and everything. I think she likes him too, and I will not spoil this sweet caption by telling you what exactly I caught her licking off of Noah's bouncy seat cover last night, although if you read the beginning of this entry a few dozen times I think you can guess, and yes, we do remember to feed her real food, at least most of the time.

(Also, look! We have matching chins!)


Noah, seen here taking a break from gouging out chunks of flesh with his fingernails. And rehydrating.


Yo, why you gotta be all up in my grill, beyotch?


I would like to state for the record that this child? Smiles and laughs all the damn time. Look at him, and behold the dimples. Talk to him, and watch him laugh like a loon. Point a camera at him and be rewarded with a blank, drooly look at simply says, "a-durrrrrrrrrr."


Close enough. I feel mostly better now.



What's up with the Pedialyte? My husband brought home a jar last night and it says you should use it with doctor supervision -- why sell it at the friggin grocery store and then slap on a notice like that? It doesn't make any sense. I found myself questioning whether I should give it to my son, but then I read the ingredients and was seriously like what the hell?


I'm sorry things are so rough. I hope your annual review goes well and that you get a big fat promotion and ginormous raise.


He is so sweet.


Want me to write you a fake doctor's note?


If you'd rather I forge a doc's note for you I am totally cool with that. Then you don't have to be guilty, but you also don't actually have to go to the doctor. Problem solved!


I say you make the stuff Julie made and call it "baby beer."


The world is going effin' cuh-rayzeeee!!!

Give the kid some Pedialyte and shut up already. I mean, you want to take precautions and they mess with you just because you're trying to be responsible and have some peace of mind.

On another note, dog-and-baby-hug is way more cuteness than the internet can stand.

And I'm glad you guys are doin' better. Hugs from the distance to you!


My baby and the camera? Yeah, exactly the same. He smiles so hugely it seriously looks like his face is going to break, but get out the camera and he becomes Mr. Serious.

OK, daycare? Can bite my ass. Just wait until Noah's teething and they won't give him Children's Motrin without a doctor's permission. Ridiculous.


Frema: HA. HA HA.

Oh wait, that's coming dangerously close to talking about work on my website, so instead I will pretend that my annual review has not already happened and that I hope all that good stuff happens too!


I did not know daycare could be so anal. If he's drinking his regular formula even when he is sick, don't torture yourself about the pedialyte, he'll be getting enough fluids anyways. Can you not visit him during your lunch break and give him some yourself?

Nothing But Bonfires

What the hell? Do you have to get a note from your MOM too?

Heather B.

I think the proper remedy is for you and Jason to have a night out.
Ok mostly because I want slobbery kisses and the smiles..oh my god! the smiles. And so I can make him wear that hate and dance to a little Sean Paul.

Not that we've ever done that. Ever.


Lolismum - that's what kills me about the whole thing. Yesterday I went to pick him up and they told me that he refused to drink his formula all day (!) and had a little diarrhea (!!) and they did. not. call. me.

And yet today, I ask them to maybe keep an eye on the whole rehydration situation and give some goddamned Pedialyte if he needs it and you'd think I was ASKING THEM TO DO SOMETHING IRRESPONSIBLE. LIKE SAY, NOT ALERT A MOTHER THAT HER CHILD IS NOT EATING AND IS MAYBE A LITTLE SICK.

Wow, there I go with the yelling again. Ahem. Scrolling up to look at baby pictures again.

Irony Queen

What is this world coming to? Don't even try to buy Sudafed...they monitor the stuff even more carefully than the hall pass in my high school. Crazy!

Also, love the new rules for leaving comments. You're Queen for a reason!


So. completely. adorable.


Totally send the pedialyte in as apple juice. Screw them. How incredibly stupid!


So, wait. He was dehydrated and they wouldn't give him Pedialyte?!? That's terrible. I am sure there is some legal reason as to why they can't, and it's 'not their rule in the first place,' it still STINKS!


Your Valentine's roses sure are holding up nice.

What is that alien spaceship thing that's going to steal Noah away to the Mother ship? A little activity chair, perhaps? He's not smiling for a good reason, he's probably just really dizzy from the busy-ness of it all.

Hope you and the fam are feeling better!

Amanda Cowan

My daughter does the same thing with the video camera. It's like the damn tree making noise in the woods.. When no one is around she laughs, talks, crawls, stands..and tries to mimic everything I do, but the minute I try to catch it on video for her daddy..Nothing but a stare. wtf. So Cute btw!

Real Girl

I'm preparing myself for another couple years of ADORABLE KID WITH DOG photos. Because this one already turned me into a puddle of goo. With that little arm hugging that little dog...

Can't wait to watch Noah grow and watch Ceiba become very confused about that.


I bet our daycare would be that anal too - after all, I have to bring in pre-mixed, pre-measured bottles (the contents of which they will throw away after a feeding rather than refrigerate).

I hope things get easier. Also, Noah is pudgening up quite nicely. What's he gonna do with all that cute, all that cute?


Oh, and the Golden Retriever picture on the Busy chair? Way cool. I have four of them. (Goldens, not Busy chairs.)


I had the same issue with the pedialyte and the doctor actually laughed when I went in and asked for a note. He handed me a pre-printed form they have for daycares that says it's ok with him to give them over the counter stuff like tylenol and pedialyte based on their age and weight. Seems like way too much butt covering to me!


That is terrible Amy (regarding your response to me above). I cannot believe they did not call you. Babies are resilient to many things but not to dehydration, that's extremely irresponsible of them. Call up the pediatrician, see if they can send you a fax with a note that says, "Hey dumbass daycare, better give the baby some pedialyte when he's sick and won't drink anything else, or the whole internet will kick your ass, you unreasonable bastards." How about that?


$20 co pay, plus $15 form fee?? Holy fuck!!
Our co pay is $15, but Matthias has to go to a speacialist tomorrow :( and that co pay is $50!!!! GRRRR!!!!

That must totally be a conspiracy among babies, cause Matthias does the same thing... I have yet to get a really good smile on film (er... digitally.. whatever!)

Hang in there chica!


good god. do they think parents will somehow ABUSE the pedialyte priveleges if left to their own non-doctor-approved devices? strange.

hope tonight is much better than the day. ;)


I agree with lolismum. Try to get a form to cover anything OTC, including diaper rash cream and maybe forbid kisses from anyone stupid enough to watch Noah dehydrate. Maybe put some food coloring in the pedialyte so it LOOKS like juice. I would consider that homemade stuff, but I'd be curious to know if they'd even give it to him.

Another thought, sign all notes/instructions left at Daycare as Amy Storch, M.D.


What a DOLL! I want to touch his nose - it's so pokeable.

Smuggling in the pedialyte sounds like a great idea: down with the fluids nazis!


What a DOLL! I want to touch his nose - it's so pokeable.

Smuggling in the pedialyte sounds like a great idea: down with the fluids nazis!


kay, i know i may be saying this at a bad time, with the dehydration and the crankiness and all, but damn girl, i am so loving your blog! nothing like a mother who says it like it is...and yells, and uses profanity and then tops it off with adorable pix of the babe and the dog...come on! i love you miss amalah! you're my new mom-hero and i don't even know you.go figure. and my advice for sure is to slip the pedialyte in with just enough juice to make it look like juice! stick it to the daycare man (or woman)!


Oh God how ridiculous... please send in a little ziplock bag of dried sage with him next time, and be all, sorry, but this will have to do because I couldn't get a doctor's certificate for the CRACK COCAINE I TRIED TO GIVE HIM.

People are retarded.

Except for Noah. He's awesome. And totally pimpin' it in that hat! How gorgeous!

RockStar Mommy

OBVIOUSLY they need a form to give your kid some juice. Duh, Amy. I think any sensible daycare would have also asked for a blood test and perhaps a few of his stem cells, too. You know, for precautionary measures. So, you're getting off lucky here, quit bitchin. You're so unreasonable.

Ali G

do they work for the government? b/c the last time i asked for a mousepad with gel to cushion my bad wrists WHILE TYPING TYPING TYPING AWAY WHILE COMPLETELY UNDERPAID... they waited 2 months, then told me that i needed a doctor's note. yes, i needed to pay a $20 copay before they'd even evaluate my request for a $5 mouspad.

damn bureaucrats... just tell them it's apple juice.


THIS is why I always had my kid in home daycare. Lovin', huggin', and lotsa common sense. But then again, we lived in a real small town, so that makes a diff.

Noah is some adorable preciousness encased in a colorful plastic shell.

(and can I just say this before Y gets a chance? You think you invented getting mad at daycare. Yes. Am. Big. Dork. )


Why would you let someone else take care of your baby? Would you give them your car to drive all day? Wear your clothes? Crash in your house while you are gone?


That's crap about the note. And poor, poor Ceiba. Although if she didn't like it, she wouldn't lick it.

Ew. I'm going to go throw up now.

Amy Again

Not one day goes by -- not one day -- that my dog does not eat shit. Or at least try very, very hard to do so.


Oooh, a slam about how daycare = bad parenting! BUUUUUURN.

Man, the trolls aren't even TRYING anymore.

Big Gay Sam

Dogs are not my forté. I do, however, have two cats. They don't eat shit but they're not adverse to licking their own asses. Pets are gross when you think about it. It's best you don't think about it for your own peace of mind.

and Noah! cuuuuuuuteeee!!!!!!! :P


I'm not going to say exactly which gross thing my dog eats due to your recent stomach troubles. However, I will give you a hint -- we had to get a special impregnable bathroom garbage can.


Sorry, Amalah, that all sucks so much. :-( I'll have a glass of wine in your honor tonight. I hope you get to have one (four) too.


Is that a green article of clothing a bathrobe? Like he is a mini-Heff?

You should just put the Pedialyte in his bottle/cup and say it is juice or gatorade. I never heard of such nonsense as a dr.'s note for pedialyte--its not like its a prescription or anything.

I hope everyone is feeling better!


So sorry to hear things are so rough... Stupid day care center. TOTALLY tell them it's apple juice next time. Hope you're all feeling better (physically) and that the mentally part catches up soon!

Her Bad Mother

"Yo...beeyotch"? Get them in a pimped out ride and they go all ghetto on you.

Laughed. Out. Loud.

Beck's mom in Vail

Ok... I've been lurking for far too long. Today I represent because I am passionate about your plight. Quit and go freelance... you know you can do it. I did it Friday because I CAN'T EVEN FIND FUCKING DAYCARE... so there. Now it's your turn. The babalahs are far too important. Feel the fear and do it anyway.... it is an amazing feeling.

Now, I just gotta get some work!


at our kiddo's daycare center, they required a doctor's note to apply sunscreen. not every time, mind, but a blanket permission once per year.



The note thing about aspirin and the like happens when they get to big kid school too. I remember when school nurses would practically perform surgery in their offices. (I am also old enough to remember when I walked to school uphill both ways.) Now they just have a cot for sick kids to lay on until a parent comes for them. And you still have to have a note from the pope on file for that!

I hope Noah feels better! Excess poop is just no fun.


You should be ASHAMED of yourself! How on earth could you possibly subject your poor, poor, abused baby to responsible parenting like that? I mean REALLY Ms Storch you should take a long hard look at yourself! Expecting the daycare population to actually REHYDRATE your child. You are a bad, bad mummy expecting that!

Sheesh, thought you must have been missing the trolls.


I'm impressed that he drank it. CJ was shitting her brains out (thank you, Zithromax) and refused to drink anything, including Pedialyte.

Next time, get the clear Pedialyte. They'll never know the difference.


You? are the best. mother. in. the. entire. world. period.

So there. Feel better now?


I have a Noah too! They're great aren't they? Much better than, say, all the Edwards, Ryans, Jaspers, and what have you. Noah's are quality. I was recently giving his twin brother some Pedialyte in public, and a woman walked by and huffed "that baby is too young for CoolAid!". I'm still sorry that I didn't get a chance to explain that it was really a wine cooler, so she needn't worry.
I bet you don't need a doctor's note to give your kid Lunchables.


That was a troll?

I thought it was sarcasm masquarading as advice.

And yes, I do let someone crash in my house, drive my car and (while not my unmentionables) my clothes. That would be my husband.

sticking tongue out. Be ye gone Troll.




just wait until they're older... and you still have to go to work... and they had a fever the night before... but they're fine this morning... really they are... so you throw some advil down their throat and hope for the best...

oh yeah, it gets so much better. really. i promise :)

they are so lucky that they're cute ;)


A doctor's note for Pedialyte? That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. I don't blame you one bit for yelling.


Cutest. Baby. Ever. What a little ladies man in the making! I'm curious to know what you're watching on tv in that pic, lol. He seems fully enthralled with whatever's on.


Missie beat me!

But I was going to say...

You think you invented pedialyte.


Would you let your baby smoke The Marijuana? Would you let your baby get "Grills" and pimp out hos?


Must. Eat. The. Baby. Now.

STILL laughing at the "grill" caption.


We had our kiddo in home daycare. When he was 6 months old he got a little bronchialinfection and had to have breathing teatments.

The wonderful lady who took care of him did 3 breathing treatments a DAY for me so I could go to work at my (brand-new, therefore no leave time accrued)job.

And for God's sake, why would you let your baby near a dog?

Kidding! I have pictures of my youngest lying on the floor surrounded on all sides by furry critter.


I think Y's on to something here. Would you let wild dingos in your house to feast upon your baby's adorable snout? Would you strap your baby to a rocket and blast him into outer space with nothing more than a small container of grape Pedialyte? Would you let your baby grow up to be a cowboy? WOULD YOU?

Please, won't *somebody* think of the children?

the kim half of glamorouse

I went back to work on Monday and am sure I would be less tired and stressed if I could just.stop.crying.

about everything.


Oh, I LOVE your paint!


Could you please send turtle over to me for a few days? I promise to clean his poopy diapers and give him pedialyte, if only I am allowed to squeeze those cheeks. Actually no, I want to eat him starting with the cheeks all the way down to the monkey toes. He looks delicious.


i'm a writer for an ad agency (aka: a sellout). I think you're pretty hilarious. You're not like a lot of I'm a mommy look at me in my holiday sweater chick(Ri-hic*cough*ki*cough)writers. I admire your honesty. I'm like the, oh...15,000th person to tell you that, yet still I feel compelled to hand you a compliment. I'm 26. That means my eggs are shriviling quicker than Nicolette Sheridan's ass. I got married at 22. I've been thinking of baby names since 22 1/2, but i'm still not ready to have kids. I used to live in Dupont with MY hottie husband, but I got a job in Ellicott City and moved there. (the historic part, not the gross, suburby part) Sometimes I read your blog and I want to cry. I want to raise my future babies in the city, cause it's cool and fun.I'm jealous. OMG. I'm going to stop rambling. Right. About. Now. Anyway,thank god for your truisms.


These comments are -almost- as funny as your posts, Ms. Amalah!(Yes, I'm a refresher-a-holic.) People are dissecting your baby boy from head to toe, eating every last delicious inch of him. "Can I have his cheeks?" "I want to nibble his toes!" I'll take the chubby legs. With fries. And a side of Pedialyte. Dr. approved, of course.


Okay, I don't want to be all: "hey, Canada's really great, 'cause we have curling, and all those gold medals in, like, sledding" and stuff, but OMFG on the doctor bills. Up here we got tha nationalized health care, baby, and you just don't pay. I'll say it again: No Pay. No money passes hands. When you go to the hospital...again, no money. I love it. Also: my appropriately coloured chocolate Lab likes to peel diapers like they were oranges, leaves the "rinds" lying around the house. Talk about bulking up your stool! But that's why we have dogs: so we'll never have to wipe up a (insert food/fecal matter/bodily excretion) mess again! Love 'em, wouldn't want to be 'em.

Wacky Mommy

At my daughter's school the teachers are forbidden to put sunscreen on the kiddos cuz what if they had an allergic reaction? Yet five kids in her class alone turned up itching with little liceys (I'm frickin' obsessed with lice this week still, sorry) and the teacher didn't call the parents WTF WTF to infinity. Hope baby boy is all better and you guys, too. He sure is cute.


Do they freaking GET that YOU pay THEM? If you want them to give him guiness in a bong they should do it! I would remind them and strongly of that! INSANE! Is it too late to find a wonderful nanny who would listen to your every instruction; or has day care made you pay for about eight years up front?


As for the pedialyte? Get the clear , unflavored one and put it in a bottle and call it water. As for the doctors note, I need to get one for DIAPER CREAM. WTF??


Are ya kidding me? A doctor's note for Pedialyte? Sweet jeebus. What's next...

Glad to hear you're feeling a little better.


hope he feels better. poor little guy!

Mrs X

Neaking Fruts!

He is absolutely adorable :)


Last summer at a camp where I worked a little boy ATE his sunscreen. I found a note attached to the bottle saying "Billy is allowed to eat his sunscreen whenever he is feeling homesick." Just kidding. Except for the sunscreen-consuming part. That part was true. And pretty funny. I'm sure that this summer his mom is sending that bottle of sunscreen via a locked box complete with instructions to keep it away from his mouth. That ought to be a fun note.

Also: I heart that colorful contraption in which Noah so happily sits. I mean, who wouldn't smile while sitting in THAT? :)


Everytime I try to take a picture of Felix he stops whatever he is doing! He knows!

(And...I don't really think you have matching chins but I think the same thing about Felix and I.)


Man. That sucks. But if it's any consolation, Noah looks pimpin.

the kim half of glamorouse

Let's face it.

NONE of us care about how you are, or griping about daycare, the bag, the BAG - what did you decide on? which one has revolutionised your life?

and why on GOD'S EARTH would anyone sack you? Oh ye with flicky flouncy hair, great shoes and a big grey baby bag with a teddy tag hanging of it.

I'm going to get sacked when they discover on my first day of working from home I fell asleep on the lounge at about 1.15.


My. God. Do they not know at this daycare that there are hundreds, nay, thousands of people depending on non-dehydrated Noah pictures to get them through their day?!?



Stupid daycare. I agree with the above commenter that "don't they realize that you pay them?" Plus I hate being told what to do so I would totally sneak in the pedialyte calling it something else just so I could smirk at the fact I was getting away with it.


I don't know much about dealing with a daycare, but I totally feel your crankiness. People should just do what YOU WANT because YOU. ARE. THE. MOMMY. DaymiT!

Hope Noah stays healthy... seriously can you not wait for summer? I can't. I've been sucking snot out for weeks now.


Just to be better than everyone else, my daycare requires an f'ing dr's note for bug spray. Yes, that's right, bug spray. Not that they ever put it on.


At least your daycare would give it with a note. When I brought in a note from my doctor, well that's when the daycare decided to inform me that their status had changed and they are no longer allowed to administer medications (or sports drinks) of any kind.

Hello? What?! I'm sorry. Are you just telling me NOW, when my child needs her medicine and I can't be running over here during the day because I have back to back meetings, that you can no longer give medicine? Don't you think that might have been something you would have mentioned in the newsletter? Jackass!


All I have to say is


I feel your pain.


off topic but, love the new comments policy!! Also, nothing wrong with a little cranky every once in a while, keeps ya sane...
I would love to see the scene where Ms. daycare catches SupahMomma (that's you, Am) sneaking in the Pedialyte, talk about being all up in one's grill


The picture with the hat is my new favorite- hilarious. I hope things get better for you.


I did not know that Pedialyte is now a controlled substance. Are people using it to make meth now?

weaker vessel

As a weiner-less female, I would just like to affirm, as Amalah clearly already knows, that there are few phrases in the English language that are more effective for venting the crank than "SUCK IT!" You should all try it sometime. It has to be loud and all-caps to work right. Optional variation for emergencies: SUCK IT, BITCHES!


Don't feel bad, i needed a dr's note when i sent my stepdaughter to school with halls for a sore throat. The conviscated them and wrote me a nasty note. Oh, well guess she can suffer, let them dear with the whiny kid then.

Wacky Mommy

Recharge is yummier than Pedialyte and does the same thing. Looks like juice, tastes like juice. My kids spit out Pedialyte and look at me like I'm trying to kill them.


That's just ridiculous. Call your Pediatrician and ask if you can just pick up a note for the daycare center. I'm willing to bet they'll just give you a note with no appointment.

Just so you know, I only lasted 7 months at work when my oldest was born. I've been home ever since and it's been good for all involved although I am looking forward to re-entering the workforce next year...

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