She's Come Undone and Also Unhinged

The Vomitorium Strikes Back


Except yes! Jason and I are sick as very sick dogs again. With the puking all night and whining all day.

When I posted about the Food Poisoning Adventure, a couple smart people suggested that it was maybe not food poisoning at all, but a stomach virus Noah brought home from daycare. I read their suggestions and nodded and filed that away as a likely cause, but for narrative simplicity I stuck with the food poisoning story online, because I am lazy and it was just deliciously poetic that the foodies got food poisoning and are still to this day absolutely terrified of pupusas.

Now I'm thinking that virus thing was a good call, because Jason and I made our own damn non-pupusa dinner last night with just-purchased ingredients and once again, one of us got sick and then the other followed suit about an hour later.

This time it was Jason who got sick first, around 1 a.m., and I lay in bed in terror because I'd been fighting some nausea for about an hour by then, and when I heard the hideous sounds of retching coming from downstairs I knew I was getting a glimpse into my very near future.


I am very tired of paying lots of money just to widen my circle of germ exposure to include a bunch of mucusy, spit-uppy brats.

Also, I am tired of not having any sick leave and having to drag my diseased ass into work.

Also tired of the dark circles under my eyes because I'm running on less than two hours of sleep and now know first-hand that NBC reruns the previous evening's Olympic coverage in the middle of the night, LIKE I HAVE NOT WATCHED ENOUGH CURLING ALREADY.

(Shuffleboard + bowling + billiards + housecleaning = WTF)

(I love it! I want to join a league! I maybe got out the Swiffer and went around my house Swiffering in a suspiciously curling-like fashion! ! I also maybe pumped my fists in the air after perfectly placing some dust bunnies on the imaginary curling rink I decided was in my kitchen!)

Anyway, I am probably going to go die now.

(My dreams of Olympic gold! Dashed!)


However, if these are not the legs and feet of an Olympian something-or-other, I will eat my Swiffer.



Am first! yahoo! Get better soon and eat those toes for medicine.


SO sorry you guys are sick AGAIN! Feel better soon!!


So sorry about the sickness...viruses are a bugger and can sometimes take a few weeks to leave your system. I got one from my goddaughter a few years back, and I think I went through 1.5 rounds of it.


So sorry! Hope you two feel better soon. I have yet to get a vomity-virus from my 16-month old who's in daycare, but have had plenty of non-vomity problems, like flu and colds. And I hear you on the whole no-sick-leave thing! It completely sucks.

Meanwhile, have you bought a Shark steam cleaner for your floorboards yet? Beats the Swiffer hands-down!!


Damn the vomitorium! I hope you are feeling better soon!


I feel your pain! I used to work at a Boys and Girls Club. Damn kids made me sick pretty much every week. The best was when I caught the stomach virus that sent several of the kids to the hospital. That was not a fun night.

I hope that you feel better soon! And just remember... even if you don't have sicktime left, there are very few people in this world who would choose to spend the day working with someone with a tendency to projectile vomit. :D


we are all sick over here too! and my daughters not even in daycare (shes 2) the pedi said the virus can last 8-10 days! so she got it, we all got it, we got better, then we all got sick again a week and a half later! :(


I'm curently living on a diet of Airborne and soup all the while hoping and praying I don't get the nastyness that's going around.

(((hugs))) I hope you and Jason get better very soon and I REALLY hope that little bit doesn't come down with it.


Oh yes - the daycare buggies are virulent. We mostly get the colds around here - not so much the flu. But when one of us catches it, we all catch it! What's funny is how differently my husband and I handle puking. I dislike puking as much as the next guy, but I figure I may as well get all that crap the hell out. My husband will do anything to not puke. So, while I puke violently for a few hours, I start to feel better. He doesn't puke and is sick three times as long.

I am glad that this last pregnancy was much kinder to me puke-wise. Maybe third times a charm?


My husband and I used to teach the three year old Sunday school class at our church and my God Almighty, we were sick every. damn. week. We had a set of triplets and they were always coming in sick, at least one of them with a huge runny nose. It was digusting. When we resigned, we immediately realized how lovely it was to NOT be sick all the time. Gah.


I think the Pukefest 2006 we experienced two weeks ago was from LilZ's school. Moral of the story? There is no end to the excess germs.


I am not afraid to admit that I am addicted to curling also. Sign me up; it may be my only hope of ever becoming an Olympic athlete.

Hope you feel better soon!


Since you didn't mention His Preciousness, I assume he was spared??? I am keeping my fingers crossed, for your sake. Feel better soon.


I've had food poisoning FOUR TIMES. To me, it feels totally different than those damn tummy bugs. Are you guys restless in the legs, can't quit moving, seriously feel like you are going to die? Even feel like a steamy turd after you've puked? That sounds like the poison. If you get relief for a small while after puking, that sounds like the bug. Not that it matters anyways, misery is misery is misery. Hopefully though, when it comes time to potty train, Noah will sit on the toilet instead of stick his head in it!

Wacky Mommy

Sorry ya'll are sick! Rockstar Mommy and their nightmare, you guys, we have a feverish kid over here -- too much sickness in our blog community dammit. I am just not buying the whole "building up immunities" crap. My kids weren't in daycare and we were (and continue to be) SICK ALL THE GODDAMN TIME. So that's what staying home gets ya, too (if that's a comfort?). Flu, fevers, rashes, asthma, pneumonia, sinus CRAP, colds, etc. So when does this immunity start? I want off the island. Hope Noah is okay, the little cutie.


Sorry to hear about the return of the vomitorium. Hope you feel better soon and that Noah escapes getting the bug.


I'm sorry you're sick! That sucks.

I have decided I want to go to the Olympics in bobsledding because really, how hard could it be? I've sledded before.

Then I saw the bobsled flip and slide down the track upside down at 75 mph, and suddenly, curling looked pretty awesome.


soocer! olympian soccer! they have that, right? ;)

that's what i think the legs are for, anyway. soccer players are rad.

did i just say 'rad'?


Oh, you poor thing. I am so feeling for you here. Sick leave be damned, you should really go home.


Sorry you are ill.

Cute toes.



I hope you and Jason are feeling better.

And don't worry; with those legs, you'll be living your Olympic dreams vicariously through Noah in no-time!



Oh, I am sorry for the return of the projectile pukeathon. As for the virus vs. food poisoning question, many cases of food poisoning don't start until a couple of days after the meal was consumed. It depends on the germ that's responsible. If it was something that produced a toxin that built up in the food, you'll likely get sick within hours. But if it's an infection with the bacteria itself, like salmonella, it can take a while for it to kick in. So the culprit meal can be misidentified. Given that Noah didn't get sick either time, food poisoning might still be a decent guess. Ok, that's way too much pseudo-medical babble for now. Here's hoping you both feel better soon.

Silly Hily

I am currently hurled over holding my stomach! Not from being sick but from laughing SO HARD at the image of you with the Swiffer, Swiffering away as fast as they do in Curling. THAT is just hilarious. Thank you for that image! It made my day.


Oh, yuck. Feel better and may you develop an immune system of steel!

Big Gay Sam

cilantro. We use a lot of cilantro in these parts. What most people don't know is that cilantro is more effective in combatting stomach ailments (including food poisoning) than most over the counter and prescribed medication. :P


Don't you hate it when people list as one of the advantages of day-care that "it will help your little one build his/her Immunity Library!!"?? I bet you're thinking you'd rather he just be illiterate. :-)


I have now been sick with a stupid cold from the stupid kids at my stupid new teaching job for over a whole stupid week and just got stupid pinkeye on top of everything else stupid. So I'm calling it a stupid week and will spend hours upson stupid hours on the computer and watching stupid daytime TV without stupid cable and I will probably become, well, stupid.


My daughter was invited with her Girl Scout troop to participate in an afternoon of curling, so she washed and carefully blew dry her stick-straight hair. I didn't have the heart to tell her that curling was possibly the stupidest sport on earth, except for NASCAR.
Sorry about the puke. Noah is gorgeous.

Lizzie P.

EEK!! I thought that horrible wretched disease that caused my baby her breif (and minor) hospital stay was only a "southern thing." Sorry you guys are having to deal. My house was sick, sick, sick last week with the same crud. Just be sure to stay hydrated and watch plenty of curling. It will make you feel better. Promise.


Seriously, the husband loves curling. I don't get it. It's not a sport. It's people moving a brush in front of a giant ice cube.


Bahahaha...I love the giant ice cube comment! Best analogy yet. Though I do have to say, as the wife of a previously avid curler who was just a couple games shy of the Canadian Olympic curling team (Then we moved to FL, curling or sunshine=FL, of course), the sport is actually much more demanding than it appears on TV. Those ice cubes (read:rocks) weigh 40lbs each and it really is both an art and a science that requires skill and often some fancy sweeping to get them to do what you want. As well, every curling rink known to man has a wonderous upstairs lounge with fireplaces and a huge glass observation area for wives to lounge about drinking their faces off whilst husbands play their beloved game. What could be so wrong with that?!

Curling, yes...ah the good old days of Canadian winter sports. Beats hockey and most curlers keep their teeth!

Still, I choose Florida and wearing shorts almost year round.


p.s. Feel better soon Amy and fam!


Oh, I have been where you are and it's not pretty. Not pretty at all. I wish you the best in making it through the day.

The only good thing about pucking up your guts (at least for me) is the weight loss that comes from it.

And curling?? I guess I need to give it a chance.


In hopes of cheering you up and making you feel better, I give you:
Rules and a league to join! You won't even have to bring your Swiffer.


Yikes. When my oldest son was in daycare he always brought home tons of happy germs that liked to make their homes in us. My job was none to happy with all the time I was always taking off from work. (It's hard to be puking while talking to a crying client about their child's issues.)

As for Noah's adorable Jason tall?


This story has just reaffirmed my choice to stay home. My youngest is almost 4 and the others are in school. The lack of 2 incomes stinks, but not as much as a pukefest. I'm really sorry you guys are sick again. And, I hope you know that was not a "judgment" comment about your choice to work. It is merely a reflection of my own weak stomach that pukes at the sound, sight and/or scent of puke that makes me happy I stay home.


Sorry that you two are sick. . .TOES! Whoa! Look at those cute little feet!

I'm sorry, what was I saying?


Ah, the lovely pukefest 2006. We've had those rounds too, since my daughter was in daycare. She'd get it, I'd get it, then hubby. Fun times I tell ya.

The bad part? I was eating reading this blog. Yep. Eating. It didn't bother me at all. I think I've developed the mommy stomach of steel. After cleaning up bodily functions for years, I think it's really hard to gross me out now.

Anyway.....hope you all feel better soon, and Noah doesn't get it. Order a case of Clorox wipes, hand sanitizer, and Lysol. Works for me. :)


man, that bites.

and let me put in a vote or several for OCD handwashing, hand santizer, lysol, etcetera. i know its all semi-noxious, but desperate times and such...

fluids, rest, lather, rinse, repeat.




want some little toes-y's

hee :)

hope you're all feeling better - stomach flu sucks worse than anything!

Vaguely Urban

That bit about having to go in when you're sick? Because you are lacking in the sick leave? That's the kind of thing that gets me Irish blood boiling. Seriously. Is it really to your (anyone's) workplace's advantage to demand that you bring your germs in to share? I'm sure you're extra productive, feeling like ass and all. Stupid, shortsighted policy. I hope they send you home to bed!

Bozoette Mary

Get well soon!


So sorry you've all got the Creeping Crud - may it go away asap, so you can nurse something besides an Airborne cocktail. Those toes are edibly delicious - I actually was lucky enough to have my own little toe-snack via my neice this morning. What is it about baby toes that is just so damn delicious?


I was going to say something along the lines of "Dude, that blows," but I think you've had enough visual images in the past day.

So is your next post going to be "hurling while curling"? Sorry, I couldn't resist. :)

I hope you and the household quickly return to a state of stable intestional tracts.


My heart goes out to you and your barfiness. The first year my daughter was in daycare my husband and I battled all manner of cooties we had never before experienced. Barfing, retching, rashes, mucus-related things. You name it--we got it.

As I've said before and I'll no doubt say again: it gets better. I.ABSOLUTELY.PROMISE.

Just think, after a year of daycare you'll be ready to brave the jungles or Borneo since you'll be immune to nearly everything in life.


Send that baby to me now, and I'll take good care of him and those yummy toes until you are better. It's a perfect plan!

weaker vessel

Dude, if you ever want Noah to have a shot at winning the gold in the Picking Small Objects Up Off the Floor With Your Three-Inch-Long Prehensile Toes Olympic event, you have got to get him in serious training like ASAP. It's a long, arduous road (leaving your family at age 6 to train in the special high altitude facilities in Colorado, the other kids always calling you "clown shoes", etc.), but the payoff of never having to bend over to retrieve dropped keys or coins again, not to mention the lucrative Wheaties endorsements, make it all totally worthwhile.


I am actively looking for curling coverage and can't find it. I leave it to you to decide which of these is more sad.

Erin O'Brien

I like the running-with-hand-over-mouth barf. They are trying to hold it in, but cannot. And, of course, depending on the force of the hurl, the puke squirts from between the fingers. The resulting running barf-fountain is almost an art form.


Ugh ugh ugh.

This is why I'm afraid to have children. I am SUPERDUPER SUCEPTIBLE to the shitpuking germs. And I would spend entire days fighting the urge not to disinfect the baby with Lysol when he returned home from daycare. AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH.

So sorry you are sick again.


Ugh. The dreaded vomiting virus. Please oh PLEASE tell me there's only one going around. We've all had that one, the pooping virus and I had the headcold from hell. Feel better soon.


Those look like the feet of a swimmer to me! Michael Phelps has size 14 feet. (How sad is my life that I googled that, so I could post this, knowing my info was accurate?)

Sorry about the puking. I hope it's a hit-and-run type of virus, not one of those that lingers past its expiration date.


4 words: bananas, applesauce, rice and toast. Don't know exactly why but those four words have hung in since nursing school. Hope you all feel better!

And now I'm off to see if I can't locate my Swiffer.


We have managed to escape with only a few colds around here this year. I hope to God it stays that way.

Remember, lots of fluids so you have something to hurl up later! Nothing like the dry heaves to make you feel even more like ass.


Indeed, hearing, seeing, or smelling someone else in the act of puking is a terrible thing--you really can't avoid contributing something yourself, after that. Sometimes even my own puke makes me puke again.

I have now typed the word "puke" and its derivatives far too many times. I hope you feel better soon!


Presently, I have the shards of glass in the throat disease.

Tonight is women's figure skating - it could be good...if they fall down a lot or have hideous costumes.

These have been public service announcements as I wished to make contact, from my diseased bed, but had no natural segue from the puking or baby feet.

which are large.

but not in a disfiguring way.

Another Amy

Even Google is addicted to curling! The logo has the stones as the O's in google.


ugh, I worked in a daycare for 6 months...its amazing the immunity you can develop! Anyway it was the curling I wanted to commment about. Rent "Men with Brooms" some of the humor will be lost because of the no translate Canadian weirdness (beavers, bagpipes) but it will definetly fulfill your curling cravings post-olymipcs.



Wow I just de-lurked.



I'm sorry you're sick. I hope you get better soon! (Even though, the eating disorder inside of me is jealous because, why can't I get a stomach virus and drop a few pounds? Which I realize is digusting of me to think, but, they don't call it a "disorder" for nothing.)

p.s. you think you invented the swiffer.

p.s.s. If at any point it becomes Totally Not Funny, shout your girl a holla (HOLLA) and I'll stop.

Lisa B

Oy. So sorry to hear that. Since I've been taking a Vitamin B with extra C and Zinc, I haven't been sick nearly as often.

Little guys get sick ALOT that first year. And I think parents must too...

Hope you feel better soon.


Oh. Yeah. 'We strive to give that little extra' from that daycare brochure now has some very evil and dastardly connotations doesn't it?


I'm right there with you sista. I'm in the Dr's office with my 2 year old every other week. I finally asked the Dr if I pay in advance for 10 visits, do I get the 11th for free?

We're going BACK tonight. The germ du jour? CONJUNCTIVITIS. Oh, and he got bit today also.


Ali G

i think you should practice your curling. in fact, you should bring a swiffer with you always!

and then maybe, you should shake it threateningly when some harried mother looks about to drop off a suspiciously snotty brat at the day care...

b/c when she gets a load of the Crazy Swiffer Mother, she'll probably think again about working from home and take that diseased offspring with her. then yay! healthy day care environment = healthy parents! even better than the gold medal!


As well, every curling rink known to man has a wonderous upstairs lounge with fireplaces and a huge glass observation area for wives to lounge about drinking their faces off whilst husbands play their beloved game. What could be so wrong with that?!

Hahaha Deanna.

Sooo.. umm, like where does my husband sign up for curling?


Y is funny, although it took me a few minutes to realize the sarcasm in a previous post.

Also, the reason I was posting was to say, I'm so sorry you and the man are sick. I got vomit-sick last week for the first time in a while, no fun. Feel better soon!


Y is a whore and we should not encourage her in any way.

(She thinks she invented streetwalking!)


There is, of course, no such thing as too much curling.


I think 64th position is as good as any to wonder why I have survived 6 months with a baby and I don't know what colace is.

And also Noah has very cute feet.


oooo Best of luck and feel better soon!


(sigh) Welcome to the club. This is pathetic, but I was too lazy to take vitamin C for years, and now I have a little athritis, and now I have to take Osteo-Biflex every night so that I can type and keep my job and not scream bloody freaking murder when a small child affectionately grabs my hand, so I now shovel in a multivitamin and extra C, and so far I'm riding the healthy wave this year.


Know where you are coming from re. the puking: when i got pregnant for the third time (my first are 8 and 10, 3rd is 7 months) the thing i most dreaded was having to go through a third round of "immunity library building". That is one fucking horrible library and i wish never to go there again. There seems to be some kind of fibonacci series with regard to acquiring puking viruses, so hopefully it will taper off as mr cute toes gets older. There was one year when we had full-on glad-i-got-leather-in-the-brand-new-car and time-to-get-rid-of-this-carpet/sweater/couch spewing episodes at least 4 or 5 times. Oh, i do not look forward to that. Maybe if i home-school this third one, and focus on turning her into a world curling champion, spending days at the curling rink, i might have a chance to avoid the years of puke-a-thon that lie in wait. The lying in bed waiting to puke so resonates. ick.

Nicole P

It cracks me up that you could post a single word post and immediately have 100 comments. You - pro.

Hope you guys get over the plague soon.

Bring out yer dead!!!!



I am SO sorry you have been obliterated by day care bugs again. Have you thought of a nanny to come and keep Noah in your home? I found one to come for the same fee I was to be charged by a day care. I put an ad in the local paper and got a zillion-kagillion calls. I look forward to going back to work and NOT having to pack up baby and drive her to a day care where I would dread to leave her. But really, not to have to pack up baby when I already have to struggle to get myself out the door, ya know?

Good luck

Jay Gatsby

...have the good daycare people tried the explaination that it is building up your childs immune system...that if not now you would get this when he enters school....we are on year 3 of daycare and we are all frigging sick again...including the damn dog....embrace it...working from home isn't that bad...I can talk to a client while my son pukes down my back, not hanging up until it hits my shoes...Good Luck - Gatsby

Her Bad Mother

Homemade Ginger Tea. Do it. Drink it.

Boil a few big hunks of fresh ginger (really should be fresh) for a good long time (two hours if you can wait that long). In a pot of water (duh). Season with honey and drink buckets of it. It WILL TOTALLY HELP. And if your tummies can handle it, add fresh-squeezed juice of an orange and a lemon, and the rinds, and boil with (this is especially effective if the ickiness travels into throat and/or nose.)

Toes: Spider Monkey toes. The Baby Daughter has them too. Train him now to use them for channel surfing, cigarette rolling, etc. Very convenient.


I know this is geeky and all, but isn't curling one of the coolest sports. Ever. Not only that, but it looks like something I might actually be able to DO. I wanna be on Amalah's team! LOL

Big Gay Sam

Anything that involves being out in the snow and ice should be banned from human existance. I've been asked over and over again to go skiing. My standard response? If you ever see me hurtling downhill at a high rate of speed? Run. Something big and ugly is chasing me. Like Bigfoot or Rev. Phelps.

R. Robyn

I certainly hope you feel better. If I were my mom, I'd tell you to drink warm ginger ale and eat saltines and pospicles. I don't know if that ever worked, but it sure did make me pretend I was sick!


Aww. Gross. You poor things!


I'm betting on Norovirus which could've been picked up anywhere. I know that doesn't make you feel any better and possibly you are considering carrying those bleach wipes in the diaper bag so you can wipe everything before you touch it.
Hope you feel better soon so you can begin training for the 2010 games.


So sorry about Pukefest 2006. Maybe you could sell tickets to help recoup your lost wages and help pay for the doctor visits? Just a thought.

Real Girl

Feel better!!!

(And maybe tell Noah and Ceiba to start cleaning up after you for a change?)

(Damn useless kids and pets.)


So sorry you're sick--hope you guys feel better soon.

But I am happy to know, both from your entry and the many comments, that mine is not the only household struggling with near-constant illness thanks to daycare. It sort of helps to know it's not just me, even if it doesn't make the conjunctivitis and constant sinus infections go away any faster.


DID YOU NOT KNOW? There's a Curling place here in DC (if you count Laurel as "in DC", which I most definitely do not). You can try it out and then join a league when you discover that you love doing it as much as watching it! My best friend and her boyfriend went there once, that's how I knew about it.

Potomac Curling Club

Sidenote: After I ate dinner at Artie's out in Fairfax last night, I thought I was going to DIE. I posted about it today, if you've got time to read the story...


I agree as I am now sick as a dog and feeling like death warmed over. Cursed be the MTA in Baltimore that carries dirty ass people.

I say Noah has the 2030 Olympics in his pocket.


I'm so sorry to hear about you two being sick! That's something I'm not looking forward to (i.e. the daycare germs). And regarding a previous post, feel free to run to Canada. You and Noah can stay here! :)

And I'm so glad the olympics are on. It gives me something to watch at 5:00am when my baby is feeding. Something other than infomercials!


oh sorry to hear about you sickies....there's nothing worse than the barfs. feel better soon!


Hope you are feeling better and back to your Olympic training by now...


the only advantage of being sick and forced to stay home: more opportunities to watch Starting Over.


My daughter has been in daycare since she was an infant (she's about to turn 4) and even though it seemed like she was sick nonstop for the first two years, she now has the most amazing immune system -- if the adults get sick, she barely feels it.

Stomach virus: assvice time! Try the BRAT diet (bananas, rice, applesauce, toast). Use Minute Maid brown rice with nothing in it, unsweetened applesauce and dry toast. Eat nothing but those four things for 24-48 hours. Works like a charm for me EVERY TIME.

Are we talking about the regular Swiffer or the Wet Jet? Because it could be two different events... I just need to know which to train for.

Nothing But Bonfires

Oh, Amy. You know what makes vomiting just a tiny bit more bearable? If you pretend like you are German and call it womiting. You can make whole sentences! "Weronica, are you coming to the Womitorium this weekend? There'll be wats and wats of wodka, and I'm on the werge of wearing that wintage Wersace dress I have."

You know, kind of like that.


Aren't the W's and V's reversed in German? Wouldn't it be "Weronica, are you coming to the Womitorium this veekend?" Or is that more Transylvanian?


I wanted to show you this website because you probably want to know if there are any child molesters in your neighborhood (not to scare you, but for your protection).

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