My middle school composition teacher would be so proud! Except that this entry never made it past the outline stage, because I got bored.
I. My Weekend, Which Interests You Because I Said So.
A. Two amazing new tricks that Noah learned how to do, both of which caused my mother to remark that he is a much smarter baby than I ever was.
1. While I was attempting to use the dreaded Snot Sucker on him, he rolled over and away from me, while distinctly howling "MA MA MA MA MA." This probably means:
a. NO NO NO NO NO, or:
b. MAMA, I HATE YOU NOW AND FOREVER.
2. While surrounded by his parents and both sets of grandparents, he rolled over, pulled his knees up under himself and to everyone's horror and amazement, propelled himself forward a good six inches towards his favorite rattle in some kind of armless tadpole-crawl.
a. I may have cried.
b. Jason too.
c. We're doomed. DOOOOMED.
B. The stupid new trick that I learned how to do.
1. I recorded over most of the tape of Noah's birth and first day at the hospital with hours of exciting footage of Noah staring blankly at the camera while I try to convince the folks at home that seriously, he WAS just laughing and smiling and being adorable, despite the fact that he is now just lying there like a slug.
a. I hate my voice.
b. But I hated the footage of me at the hospital more.
c. Still. Crap. Now I have to have another baby just for the video.
C. The stupid thing we are not talking about.
1. Hey, remember my kitchen?
a. Guess what! It was finally finished this weekend. We think.
C. And now, a tip for the guys in the audience, who may need ideas as to what to get their woman for Valentine's Day.
1. Agree to rearrange the living room furniture with her. She will love you:
a. Long time.
b. Or at least until she trips on the corner of the area rug for the fifth time and wants to move it all back to the way it was before.