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Noah's Birth Story: The Director's Cut

Yes, I'm a Dork Who Likes To Outline Her Entries

My middle school composition teacher would be so proud! Except that this entry never made it past the outline stage, because I got bored.

I. My Weekend, Which Interests You Because I Said So.

    A. Two amazing new tricks that Noah learned how to do, both of which caused my mother to remark that he is a much smarter baby than I ever was.

        1. While I was attempting to use the dreaded Snot Sucker on him, he rolled over and away from me, while distinctly howling "MA MA MA MA MA." This probably means:

            a. NO NO NO NO NO, or:
            b. MAMA, I HATE YOU NOW AND FOREVER.

        2. While surrounded by his parents and both sets of grandparents, he rolled over, pulled his knees up under himself and to everyone's horror and amazement, propelled himself forward a good six inches towards his favorite rattle in some kind of armless tadpole-crawl.

            a. I may have cried.
            b. Jason too.
            c. We're doomed. DOOOOMED.

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    B. The stupid new trick that I learned how to do.

        1. I recorded over most of the tape of Noah's birth and first day at the hospital with hours of exciting footage of Noah staring blankly at the camera while I try to convince the folks at home that seriously, he WAS just laughing and smiling and being adorable, despite the fact that he is now just  lying there like a slug.

            a. I hate my voice.
            b. But I hated the footage of me at the hospital more.
            c. Still. Crap. Now I have to have another baby just for the video.

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C. The stupid thing we are not talking about.
   
    1. Hey, remember my kitchen?
        a. Guess what! It was finally finished this weekend. We think.
        b. Grrr.
       c. Hate.

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C. And now, a tip for the guys in the audience, who may need ideas as to what to get their woman for Valentine's Day.

    1. Agree to rearrange the living room furniture with her. She will love you:
        a. Long time.
        b. Or at least until she trips on the corner of the area rug for the fifth time and wants to move it all back to the way it was before.

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Comments

Liz

There's no way he's only 5 months old! Look at that huge kid!

Amalah

You're right, Liz! He's not five months old.

HE'S FOUR MONTHS OLD. OH MY GOD. HOLD ME.

Loocy

Damn you for having a gorgeous baby! After reading your archives (and finslippy's) I unsuccessfully tried to convince my boyfriend to let me have a baby.


He agreed, as long as it wasn't with him. I will wear him down!

Such a cute baby though.

Megan

He looks so adorable with the sauce all over his cute, chubby baby cheeks!

Heather B.

I LOVE the new living room set up. It looks a lot more spacious now. Oh and I keep forgetting to mention this, but I love the way you all have your living room painted, it's very cool.

Mabel

1. I was THIS close to being first. Damn.

2. I have a mad urge to reach through the computer and play with Mr. Thangs wee (or not so wee) little piggies.

3. Very familiar with the aspirator. In fact was using one at 2:38 this morning. On my cat who insisted on snarking on me. repeatedly.

4. What photo editing software do you use?

ambrosia

after the huge baby food discussion the other day, i cooked up some green beans, made them mush with the food processor and introduced my little man to the wonderful world of food.

he looked a little like that picture of noah -- only nowhere near as cute because my baby was covered in green spit-up, not rich orange paste that simply didn't make it into his mouth.

green beans might not be the best first food.

Amy

The kitchen remodel...my God, I have lived through one myself now that JUST ENDED THIS WEEKEND and I kept saying NEVER AGAIN. We had no stove, a dorm fridge and me on bedrest for four months. All told, a six-month process with two hard months of living in it.

And now? It is done. And I look at it and weep and forget all the pain and it was so worth it. I hope this is how I feel about child birth.

Cagey

My kid has been rolling over for a good month now, BUT it only shows what an utter pig he is. We are co-sleeping and he learned very quickly that if rolled over, the "goodies" were easily accessible to him. However, he is NOT crawling or anywhere NEAR it. Perhaps I should just lay on the floor across from him and stick my boob out to provide the proper motivation for him? The ugly Lamaze cube thingie just isn't cutting it, apparently.

Anyway - congrats on the first crawling! That is so very cool that you and your husband got to experience that together!

Stephanie

i so miss the days of footie clothing. they just look so darn cute in them.

but, then again, it was always annoying that they only seemed to fit 100% correctly for about a week. then the legs were again too long and they looked like a frog!

not that noah looks like a frog... after my 2, he is the cutest baby evah! :)

Big Gay Sam

Baby!!!!

Pictures of Noah always make my Mondays a little bit better. For me that is. Not my co-workers. I tend get all squishy and pinchy.

Like I said earlier, you two do good work. That's a gorgeous baby. :)

EJW

We have that wine rack!

Unfortunately, we chose to hang it directly over the cat's food, so every time I bend over to feed the little bugger, I have to step away slowly before standing up, as I have learned that bashing one's head on wine and/or wrought iron is not fun. It's a trade-off, excrutiating pain or looking silly while walking backwards and bent over.

Ninotchka

OMG that food one kills me. We haven't ventured forth into solids with Anna Sofia yet. Mostly because I'm lazy. Isn't that horrible?

Amalah

Mabel - I use Photoshop, but really only use it for adding text to photos and maybe some lighting correction. All my photos are 100% un-mucked-around-with, mostly because I don't know how to muck with them.

Spencer

I see at least a few extra sessions of therapy for the picture of Noah and the food!

I can see it now:

"You see doctor, my mother had this website when I was born...." (doctor runs from the office screaming)

Mabel

Amalah - Thanks. I would like to be able to add text, but more importantly I'd like to be able to crop. I have a bad habbit of taking a picture of one of the cats and including Finn's big toe or a pile of junk or some other loveliness I'd prefer not to share :)

Sarcomical

aww...look at that mushy-food face. ;)

Mabel

Wooo Holy poopy diaper batman! I just looked at the price on that software!

zorgon

Oh, the wires. I laugh.

Johanna

I don't want to start a debate... I'm just wondering why you choose to feed in the bouncy and not a high chair or booster seat...?

LOVE! your site, LOVE! all the cute baby pics.

I have a son who's 2 weeks younger than Noah and can sympathize with so much of what you say!

Boozie

Babies with food all over their faces (and hands and feet) are so cute. Adults in the same situation: not so cute and also possibly drunk (as in Me this weekend, at a place where you cannot eat with forks. I blame the wine.).

Amalah

Johanna - We use the bouncer for now just because Noah slouches too much in his booster. He can sit up with support just fine, but for some reason he gets in his booster seat and sliiiiides off to the side and ends up gumming the tray.

The booster supposedly reclines for a younger baby, but we lost the instructions and I'll be damned if I can figure the thing out.

Nothing But Bonfires

The back of your husband looks like Johnny Knoxville. I am really not sure why I think this. Maybe it's the shirt. I've seen (pictures of) Jason from the front and not thought of Johnny Knoxville, but for some reason he resembles him from the back.

But I AM on some awesome pain meds (at work, no less!), so who knows?

Starbuck

I always started out feeding my kids in the bouncy seat or saucer with the braces down so they couldn't rock and end up with peas in their eye.

As for the crawling, life as you (and Jason and Ceiba and Max) knew it has come to an end. I just hope you don't do what I did and pick up my precious baby for a smooch and realize that hideous smell on their breath is the cat food they just ate!! GAG!!!

Contrary

My oldest son weighed 9 lbs, 12 oz at birth. I had the prettiest bassinet all set for him so he could sleep next to my bed. The first night he came home, he lifted up on his arms enough to peek over the edge of the bassinet.

Lest y'all think me a bad Mommy for putting him on his tummy, this was back in the day when you were *supposed* to put them on their tummies. Yeah, so no more bassinet.
He's 18 now and *still* doing things I have not expressly approved of. Kids!

I feel your pain (and remember my own!). Have fun!

Audrey

My husband and I just finished a do-it-yourself kitchen remodel, and, dear lord, I will never do that again (until I can afford to pay someone else to do it, that is). The end result is gorgeous and all (see my livejournal for proof in the form of before-and-after photos), but having to spend a month with my fridge and non-functioning oven in my dining room was not fun. At all. Also, it will be a looong time before I'll eat another frozen microwave dinner.

baileyswedishfish

Somehow, when I look at the picture of gooey-food-face baby...I see this caption:

"And that was the last time Ceiba got too close to Noah at feeding time."

The Muse

No matter how many pictures you post of that kid with smush all over his face, I still think he is one of the cutest babies out there (2nd only to my sister who is much younger than me, and I got the benefit of practically raising the little tyke...). Thanks for the Monday smiles!

Kate

Sigh. . .look at that baby boy.

I always fed my kids in their bouncy seats when they were little.

Sharon

I know that I should be commenting on how excruciatingly adorable your little guy is (because, goodness me, he is), but I am transfixed by the awesomeness of your wine rack…where oh where did you find that?

Muffy

I have the exact same carpet. Does it shed for you as much as it does for me? I've had it for 2 years now and the PB people told me it had to shed the top layer and then it would be fine. Yeah right!

Its sucks pulling bits of wool off your babies face when they keep face planting into the carpet while trying to crawl.

Amalah

Sharon -- Wine rack was purchased in Annapolis, but later Googled and purchased randomly online for a friend. It's called a "climbing tendril wine rack."

Muffy -- Fuck. We just bought that rug YESTERDAY. We figured we better replace the one that Ceiba peed on about a million times before Noah really starts crawling.

I guess wool fuzz is better than dog urine, but seriously. FUCK.

zorgon

Oh and I have to say as a native Californian I really love your homey cracks-in-the-wall look in the living room. Seismorrific.

Sara

Love the furniture moving husbands...and cute babies. I can't believe how tall he is; no wonder he's eating so much!

AnotherAmy

If Ceiba and Max have issues with Noah now, wait until he's crawling after them! Congrats on the Ma ma ma ma and the tadpole crawl!

Jenn

Every time I see pictures taken in your living room I get all slobbery because I looove the color of the walls.

And Noah *crawled*? Holy crap! I saw pictures today of a baby who is 3 weeks younger than he is and I can't believe how much older he looks than this other baby. Such a handsome little Noah.

JustLinda

Did you ever see the Everybody Loves Raymond episode where he tapes over their wedding ceremony with the Super Bowl? hahahaha

How pathetic am I that I live vicariously through the people in the TV?

Dawn2

Cracking me up with the last picture.

Your poor hubby had to do that while "sporting event of some kind" was on TV. No wonder he was cussing.

My hubby probably would have divorced me if I asked him to do that! ;)

sar

it took me 'till 6 months to get a picture of Youngest Nephew smiling. he'd smile, laugh, giggle, generally enjoy life. then i'd get the camera out and he'd be all "AW NAW HELL NAW!" pffft.

Imaginary Grownup

Watch out for little boys who can propel themselves anywhere quickly. Today it is the floor... tomorrow, Noah is flying through the air after climbing up the kitchen counter and propelling himself off. Broken legs on 2 year olds are no fun according to my aunt and uncle. He is darn adorable though!

Theresa

There are men who rearrange furniture... with you? Uhm. *shakes head in amazement*

Ava

What a darling baby!

Hey did anyone see SNL this past Sat? Hilarious fake commercial, a take on the diamond commercials...using the same music and imagery, this one was for "The Valentine's Teddy, Holding A Heart"

Hilarious...I'm hoping guys get that it is NOT a good thing to give a woman a bear holding a heart for Valentine's day.

Lisa B

Stop making my uterus throb. Everytime I see your little man, it does that. heehee.

Also, the exposed brick in artistic chunks is so very, very cool. I've never seen that before. Can you come over and decorate our house?

Ali G

should probably ashamed that those pictures of noah while eating resemble me after tackling a plate of spaghetti?

gah. except not even close to as cute. also usu wearing dry clean only clothing.

hope the new room arrangement works out for you!

kathy

the best thing about the snot sucker? when Noah is 16 and REFUSING to leave his bed to go to school in the morning? You can use the snot sucker story as blackmail, as in "Do you want me to tell (insert perky, way too scantily dressed girlfriend's name) the snot sucker story? Voila! He will awaken!

Lydia

Oooh, Noah is doing, um, exactly the stuff my Sophia pulled at that age. Like yourself, i was utterly gobsmacked. I would go to LLL meetings with her (shuddup) and all the OTHER little 5 month old babies were laying like slugs on the floor or in arms, or breastfeeding the world away. But nooo, not MY kid. She was scooching all over, stealing other babies toys, dear God. Then, THENNNN, just for funsies and to push mama totally over the precipice of sleeplessness, she learned to: pull up, sit up unassisted (and GET herself there), and properly crawl... in a six week time span. Worse than fucking boot camp i tell you, i thought i would die. Noah is so alert and bright looking as always. You'll make it, i swear, seriously you will.

nerwenfaelvirin

Baby! Love babies! Now, if only I can convince my boyfriend to start a family with me.....

Janet

i want a baby!!!!!!! instead i just get more cats....

Isabel

New tricks? Awesome.

And don't worry, I'm ready to give in to the plastic!!

(love how messy he gets when he eats. Does he get that from you or Jason?! Because I can't eat without spilling on whatever new top I'm wearing!)

Patchie

I see your house, like ours, is being taken over by the Great Plastic Overlords. You really need a Little Tykes Activity Garden, though. Your living room does not yet scream, "We do it all for the children."

Wacky Mommy

He said "Mama!"???? He is the smartest little fella. (ma ma ma ma = mama deux plus an extra "Ma!" for good measure.) Did you write it in his baby book, along with "crawled at four months"? Hello, yes it counts! He is scrumptious. I wish he was here so Wacky Boy could feed him french fries. Okay I have to go watch "Grey's Anatomy" on tape now.

Melissa B.

Finally! Dipped in barbecue sauce!

So cute.

I feel the arrrrghhh for you on that kitchen. Perhaps the Great Plastic Overlords can be of service?

Bella

Ok, so I know I am like the only person on the planet who doesn't get a chance to read your blog EVERY flippin day and for some reason I can't comment on a previous post, so please don't bite my head off, mmkay?

BUT, I just read your post about feeding Noah and the article about spices and stuff and was curious, what formula is Noah on?

BTW, after seeing that picture of Noah, I honestly thought you fed him spaghetti!

Amalah

Bella - No problem! Noah is on Similac Advance. The stuff with iron and DHA and ARA and a lovely putrid smell.

For everybody who wonders why they can't comment on past entries: I unfortunately have to close down comments on everything but the current post to combat the spam and trolls.

But! If you ever have a question about something in a past entry, please feel free to email me. I'm MUCH better about responding these days. In fact, it was my New Year's resolution.

Real Girl

You didn't need the birth video anyway--you've got two extensive, photo-filled entries all about the birth that are more rewarding than any video of screaming and pain could ever be.

Hello messy baby!! Can you believe Real Boy's nephew was about that size at 3 months!? His head alone was in the 105 percentile.

J

Here lies Jamie, who perished at the sweet hand of Noah Storch's cavernous dimples.

Sister, Daughter, Friend.

Rest in peace. 1979-2006

Silly Hily

You should not have just said that about the e-mail b/c now I might have to bug you every hour on the hour today until you agree to watch a certain TV show that I just realized from another blog that you don't watch! Did that make sense? Maybe not.

Obvious: Noah is just adorable!!!! They grow so fast! My 19 month old just told my hubby this morning that she "farted." And she did. I know, she's genius!

Ellen

Did you try other formula's too and this was the one he liked or did he just get with the program right from the start?

You are doomed. Doomed to be the parents of the cutest, most accomplished four month old out there.

Erica

Are you feeding him ribs now?

Ida

You may not be totally doomed yet, my son did the same crawling thing right around 4 months, but didn't officially start crawling until a little after 5 months. So give yourself a month and he'll be everywhere I'm sure.

Jenny

Hahahaha. Rearranging the furniture. I have to do this by myself, while husband is out of town, because he freaks out if I mention it. Change, oh how the boys don't like it.

And also, how much hate mail have you gotten about that baby who has learned how to roll over laying on the couch behind daddy's back? I bet lots. You are so brave, posting that picture for the internet. Either brave, or you are exceptionally bored, and actually hoping to get the Mommy Police all worked up in a tizzy. Which, lol, that sounds fun.

Kind of like when i was pregnant, I used to pour my NA Beer into a mug at the bar and then walk around the restaurant slugging it back, and grin madly at the Mommy police glaring at my while I wiped the corner of my mouth with my sleeve. Heh. Bring it Bizzatches!

Leah2

Is it possible we may be related? I too taped over my first baby's birth, but not with anything as cute as slug-lying baby stuff, but with (wait for it) and EPISODE OF X FILES (the truth IS out there). As you can surmise, it was a long time ago (10 years) when everyone had those GIANT camcorders that used regular sized video tape. thank god that's over with, but i think it earned me worst mother ever honors. Also, I too have a now 6 month baby (Zoë, red hair) who has decided to destroy my life with early rolling, crawling, blaming (MUMUMUMUMUM), and general electrical-cord-eating type attitude. but i luuuuuuurve her because she is so cute. also, i grew up in Alexandria. there was no IKEA (hatehatehate) there then. by the way, just to have something to look forward to, my first 2 girls crawled early, and then followed it up with WALKING AT 8 MONTHS!! Cute for 1 minute, hell for much longer. maybe a harness, tethering them to the couch....do you think this would alert the mommy police?

Kate

I echo whoever else mentioned the way your living room is painted. Did you make faux bricks? It's really remarkably well done.

Leah2

oh, and one more thing: started our home reno (kitchen, bathrooms) THE DAY AFTER ZOË WAS BORN. Ah, those blissfull first months. We didn't even have a microwave, only a toaster, I couldn't even make myself a freaking cup of COFFEE.

LotionBarBunny

Now is that the same sweet potatoes from the previous post's picture? Has he taken a bath since then? ;)

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