The Babies Like the Bandwidth
Number Five

HA! And Also, Shit!

So I take it y'all really liked the Noah video?



Anyway, I'm in meetings all day today, and am actually supposed to be in a meeting RIGHT NOW, but I had to escape to blow my nose because I am still dying of the deathly head cold. This morning, right as the meeting started, I forgot about my cold for a few minutes and breathed in through my nose and it made a squeaking sound and everybody looked at me, so all day I've been breathing through my mouth and obsessively trying not to sniffle or make ANY OTHER NASAL-RELATED NOISES, which means I've bailed on the meeting about a dozen times so I can snorf and sneeze in the relative privacy of the ladies' room.

It's been a great day! And tomorrow? I have jury duty!

Yes. That will be fun. So if any of you have committed any crimes in the District of Columbia recently, please let me know so I can claim to have a bias against you.

Also, bring some tissues. And possibly some kind of mask and antibacterial hand gel.



:( Jury duty sucks. I get called for it all the damn time. (Although I've never been picked to serve - I wonder what that says about me.)

Hope you feel better soon!


Lie and say you're still breastfeeding. My friend told them if she had to be on a jury she would be bringing her baby with her to nurse so they promptly dismissed her.


I hate (HAAATE) head colds. There's this nose spray stuff called Xlear, that is amazing. It's not a medicine, so you can use it all the time, and it clears your head right up!


Since I was totally shut out of commenting on the video, let me say I more than likely contributed, oh, about 150% of that bandwith exceedage. That's how friggin cute that damn kid is. Plus, my two LOVED seeing another baby on the computer.

Totally lie and say your breastfeeding. Or, tell them you're the primary caregiver for a newborn/infant. Go with whatever might work.

Head colds suck big dirty moose Paris Hilton ass. Here's to hoping yours subsides right quick.


I think Snorf and Sneeze should be a brand of children's clothing or a dusting agent.

Have you tried to master the nose whistle? You could go places with that, I bet. :)

Hope you feel better soon.


I agree with the breast-feeding excuse for your jury duty. If you're hearing-impaired, you can get your doc to write a note excusing you from jury duty (mine did!).

Hope you feel better soon.


Try putting Vicks vapo rub on your feet tonight. Vapo rub and then socks and heavy drugs. I am not kidding. I am from Kentucky and have family that has lived in the sticks forever. The "old timey" remedies work sometimes. If the vapo rub doesn't do it for you try swinging a dead cat over your head... and please video that one because I would like to see it. You rock.


You should live blog jury duty selection!


Try putting Vicks vapo rub on your feet tonight. Vapo rub and then socks and heavy drugs. I am not kidding. I am from Kentucky and have family that has lived in the sticks forever. The "old timey" remedies work sometimes. If the vapo rub doesn't do it for you try swinging a dead cat over your head... and please video that one because I would like to see it. You rock.


Try putting Vicks vapo rub on your feet tonight. Vapo rub and then socks and heavy drugs. I am not kidding. I am from Kentucky and have family that has lived in the sticks forever. The "old timey" remedies work sometimes. If the vapo rub doesn't do it for you try swinging a dead cat over your head... and please video that one because I would like to see it. You rock.


Tell them you support the death penalty. You'd be amazed at how quickly you are excused. This works not only in murder trials, but is especially effective for non-violent crimes such as speeding tickets.

Silly Hily

HA! How can you NOT love that video of Noah? I hope you feel better and I hope jury duty isn't too horrible.


I can't get the video to download. Sadness encompasses me.


I have an unpaid parking ticket for parking on Mass Ave in Dupont during "rush hour". Lame. It was 7:04am when I got the ticket. There were maybe 3 cars driving on the road. Rush hour my ass!


Except for the slightly skeevy location of the courthouse, I enjoyed my day of hanging around waiting to be called for jury duty (which I never was). It was quite restful - I got to read and watch Maury Povich and generally use my brain for nothing more exciting than looking for the ladies' room. But bring your own coffee. The vending machine coffee was not so tasty.


bandwidth. that sounds like something i should know more (something) about. and yet, just as i should know about things like saving for retirement and how to change a tire, i do not. interesting.


Re: Siobhan's suggestion -- I WAS breastfeeding when I got called for jury duty -- I told them it would be a hardship because I'd have to take long breaks to pump every three hours, and they practically laughed in my face -- like, "You think that we do more than three hours of work in a row around here? HAHAHA!" So I got put on a seven-day trial. They did give me a nice office to pump in, though.


Tell them you are the Inventor of Motherhood and also? That you are a Very Important Blogger and that the internet will DIE if you are taken away from your posting duties and that YOU WENT OVER YOUR BANDWITH SO SHOW SOME SYMPATHY AND LET ME OFF, BITCHES.

Or, you could just do what I did and answer all of their questions and actually get on the jury and get a week off of work, two hour lunch breaks and get to go home to your spouse and act all important and say things like "I CAN NOT AND WILL NOT TELL YOU FOR THAT WOULD BE JURY MISCONDUCT!"

Or something like that.


oops - i watched that twice. was that greedy?


OK- if you have anyone in your extended family in law enforcement (even on Jason's side), play it up for all its worth (defence counsel will dismiss you).

Alternatively, dress VERY creatively (think street person on heroin) and improvise some interesting tics and I guarantee you that neither counsel will want anything to do with you.

Good luck!

Vaguely Urban

I think if you snorf wheeze through your nose in response to the questions while going through jury selection, the attorneys for both sides will vie to use their peremptory challenges to dismiss you.

Two negatives = one afternoon home with the Bandwithinator!


maybe if you just sneeze all over the prosecutor they'll dismiss you.


Hey, you! I have jury duty tomorrow too. In Oakland, CA, though, so not such a small world after all. :)


Can you link to YouTube or some such site for the video so as not to hog your bandwidth?

first time commenter, btw - love your blog!


Ok, you can blame some of that bandwidth on me. Yes, I'll admit, I had to watch the video of Noah several times. How could I resist! He is SO CUTE. And as I was watching it I had to rewind it every now and then because I was laughing so hard I was crying and I needed to see his cute little facial expressions.

But now you've created an even bigger problem for yourself. Now we'll be demanding baby photos AND videos. :)


Last time I got called for Jury Duty I had purple hair. I was the first person that the prosecutor struck from the panel. Hee.


I second playing up the family law enforcement angle - works for me every single time. And, it also happens to be true so, double bonus. Don't forget to bring lots of stuff to read - god only knows (don't you love that song?) how long you'll be stuck there.


My office has a theory that if you say anthing -- anything at all -- about your bias or your opinion, the defense knows you think and they don't want you. Seriously, my boss swears by this.

Yet Another Amy

I have jury duty next week! Two years ago when I was called for jury duty, I was picked for a rape trial in which the victim/survivor was 13. It was heartbreaking. And yes, while the courthouse location is skeevy, it's also close to the National Gallery of Art, so you can go there and see the Dada exhibit (read: sit at Cosi and people watch.)


Delurking to say:

1. I love your blog.
2. Noah is beautiful.
3. You can load your videos at
4. I hope you feel better soon.


'like' doesn't quite cover it... that was awesome! The urgency! Hehehe.
I just got over a two-week cold. Maybe a sinus rinse would help?


I only wish I had committed a crime in DC, unfortunately I keep all my crimes contained to the greater Twin City Metro area instead.


Yay! I have jury duty starting on the 20th so likewise for Augusta, GA please...


Hope you feel better soon and all but where are the baby pictures?
; )


I have the family law thing, too. My mom works for the prosecutors office in Child Support Enforcement. Apparently the fact that she witnesses blood draws for the establishment of paternity makes me more likely to convict a drunk and disorderly person.


Hiya - you can use VideoEgg with the TypePad service in order to decrease your bandwidth. Just file a help ticket with TypePad support to find out how.

Also, cuteness!


Ok so I watched the Noah video. Adorable. I downloaded it last night and watched it this morning and it briefly cheered me up. Until I realized that I still have midterms *sigh* but Noah is a doll. And you of course know this :)


Am I the only Amalah fan that thinks jury duty is NOT something to get out of? In the past when called, I was either pregnant, nursing or excused because of the NY teacher deferment because god forbid the immigrants be taught by a sub who couldn't understand wtf they were saying. I may not be the brainiest sheep in the flock, but if I am ever lucky enough to get a summons, I am going to be the most vanilla candidate they ever called and when I am selected, I shall release my razor-sharp wit on them.

Anne Glamore

Jury duty is much better if you buy US weekly, etc and pretend it's a girl's day out. In a stinky room with strangers.


So what you're saying is we should go download the video seventeen more times, right? Right?


Totally try to be a freak. Last time I had jury duty, they dismissed all freaks and most college students. Tell them you are taking a class, or try very hard to think of a very long-winded personal anecdote (no matter how flimsy the connection!) for every question they ask you.


IF you want to get excused, this is how you do it (courtesy of my prosecutor husband): "well, your honor, i KNOW that person is guilty. I mean, how many times have YOU been arrested for, say, murder, or assault? NONE? Thought so. People don't get arrested who aren't guilty; you know it, and I know it. So please PUT ME ON THAT JURY, because I want to make sure that fucker gets what he deserves". Or you could tell them your husband is a prosecutor. Or you could look at the jury duty as AMAZING fodder for the blog (although, realistically? Trials are realy fucking boring, not like on tv. )


As a law student, I must de-lurk to say *please* don't try to get out of jury duty. We need smart people like you on juries. I mean, if I were charged with something or if I were being sued or something I would want the brilliant Amalah on my jury. One of the founding fathers (Adams?) said that the right to a jury trial is more important than the right to vote. It would kinda suck if the only people on juries were the ones that were dumb enough not to get out of it.
That said, you'll *definitely* want to bring a book in case you have to spend hours waiting to get called into the jury room.
Oh, and I watched the video twice. Holy adorable baby! Sorry about the bandwidth problems.
Please. Don't. Hate. Me.


I just had jury duty last Thursday in DC. Too bad we weren't there together, although I don't know if I would have wanted you sneezing and snorfing all over me! I tried the breastfeeding/I have a baby excuse and got basically no sympathy - i was told to get a sitter and bring my pump. Just be prepared to sit on your ass all day, and watch dumb movies. I got to watch the history of baseball and "Michael." There was a brief rush of adrenaline when they said that there would be some felony cases in the afternoon, but after I got called and lined up, my group was told to leave. Oh - but there is a Cosi across the street for your 1 hour lunch. And don't forget to collect your $4! Hope you feel better soon!

Amy (the 10th? 20th?)

Jury duty isn't so bad if you work for a place that gives you paid time off....great for people watching. However, it sucks going in when your company doesn't pay for it and you end up sitting in a stupid room every day & never even get the chance to possibly be on a jury. I just want to get into the jury selection room someday.

And, of course, cute baby.


Jury doody. That's gotta suck. I really don't know first hand, 'cause we don't have that in these tropical latitudes. Although, time off from work! Yay!! Or at least that applies to those whose jobs suck. Of one thing I'm sure: you'll be the most stylish jury there. Maybe they won't pick you so you don't out-style everyone else. Plus, I'm pretty sure you smell nice. (Can't... get... lips... off... Amalah's... ass...)

And I hope you get better. Soon.


(I had to comment on this one because the comments were full on the previous page)

I don't know which was cuter. Noah seeming so damn serious while he was babbling or just the incoherant melody of the whole thing.

He's a beautiful baby. I don't have to tell you how blessed ya'll are.

(how do you not constantly kiss that sweet little head of his?)

Feel better too!


Why all the hatin' on jury duty? I can understand if you don't get paid to be there, but if you do, feel proud you live in a country where people can serve on juries. You never know who you can help. Just bring a good book.


hey, I didn't get notified of this post. :( I feel slighted Amy!

Hope you feel better soon.

I totally LOVED, LOVED, LOVED the cute!


I had jury duty in DC on Tuesday. Like 50 people were actually called to be screened for a jury, the other 200 of us watched the history of baseball 3 times. Which you may enjoy the first time or so.. On the plus side, we all got to go home at 2:00 - free afternoon off. Totally bring reading material. They also have a really small computer room where you can hook up a laptop if you're early, so you could give us live commentary :)

Love your site - and your blogroll !


Much like the germs in your household, I think jury duty is going around. Both my boss and my fiance just got called for it too!


Noah is just too cute, but I know that you hear it all of the time. I cannot be believe that he is only 5 months. My Jonah is almost 8 months and I was guessing that they were the same age. It's not that Noah's big, Jonah is tiny. That's what happenes when you have a body that refuses to cary a baby full term. I love reading your blog and I check it everyday. It's right up there with checking my email!

Irony Queen

Ohmygosh, they're still showing The History of Baseball??!?!?! Cuz I saw that one sixteen times on my day of not-jury duty. In 2004.

Seriously, bring a book and your iPod because other people's conversations are entertaining for only the first ten minutes or so. After that, it's just as annoying as sitting through a meeting at work.


I've never been called to jury duty. I'm not going to lie, I'm mildly curious. (Feel better!)


Actually now that I think about it. Noah really has your eyes. Esecially in that last post, like the fourth pic.


My favorite for watching someone get out of jury selection (as we were all sitting there watching the 19yr old murder "suspect" watch us state our names/addresses/children's schools/churches/etc-yes I'm NOT kidding) was hearing the ghetto-fab, platinum grill woman next to me tell the attorney "hell yeah I know when the mudder-f'er is guilty- I got my momma's sense mayne, I can tell from lookin at him, he done it, mayne, he done it" Whereupon I quickly started nodding my head and squinting my eyes at the "suspect" just like she was. (What an opportunist I am) Then she blows it and says "hey G (apparently the suspect's first initial) how you been mayne? How yo momma doin since you bumped that mayne?"

Needless to say, they dismissed most of us that were in there for that. I think the priest, the SAHM and the cop were the only ones that stayed.

But the jury duty waiting room is an excellent place to gather research info for a craptabulous novel! Enjoy

Ca-Ca Hewes

Well, I think jury duty is kinda nice- you dont have to go to work but still get paid - and you get paid by the court system on top of that...and the most of the time you can read or look at magazines or anything you want to do.
Ahhh - relaxing!


I loved the adorable pictures and the video- that nonsensical babling phase is wonderful. It dies pretty hard when they start talking. :)

Random question: I heard that Dooce will be a keynote speaker during a discussion at SXSW next week and she is having a meet-up. Are you doing anything like that in the near future? You totally should because I know we'd all love to meet you in person!


I just saw this video link online- what a riot- has anyone seen it? It is quintuplet (babies) all laughing at the same time.


My secretary was on an indicting Federal grand jury panel. She had to serve the last week of every month for a YEAR!! Talk about doing your civic duty - I don't think she will ever have to do it again. Poor thing. Good luck Amalah! That courthouse is Sooo much fun!


De-lurking to say you should go all legally blonde - Take Ceiba to the courthouse in a fabulous pink purse!


Why not snort and sniffle and sneeze throughout the jury duty thing...they will be likely to send you home because you will be more like a distraction, like that lawyer on Ally McBeal who used to whistle with his nose during a trial.


Hi - I have to tell you Queen Amalah, when my 6-year-old was in the tub last night, she made herself a crown of soap bubbles and told me: "Momma, I am the queen of everything!"

I swear to god she wasn't prompted.

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