I am Utterly Obsessed with HBO's New Series Big Love But Was Unable to Seamlessly Weave That Into This Mess of an Entry
March 24, 2006
amalah: my readers wanted me to pass this article on to you.
jason: heh. funny.
jason: wait, why did people want me to read that?
amalah: *realizes he doesn't know she posted the story about leaving noah in the car that time*
amalah: um. no reason. crazy internet people, is all.
Also does not read this site. Will one day send me a cease & desist order regarding the Non-Stop Discussion of His Bodily Functions.
Is anyone out there brave enough to use the iPod shuffle mode in their car when they have passengers? Because I am not.
When I'm alone, the playlist is bound to be some kind of awesome Davie Bowie/Modest Mouse/Ben Folds combination, but I'm positive that if a friend or coworker is in the car it'll be all William Shatner/Iron Maiden/Chumbawamba* and there's just NO EXPLAINING THAT. It's like having Tivo -- you can no longer claim to have just STUMBLED on Flavor of Love or Jerry Springer because there was nothing else on. Bad music does not just leap onto your iPod, even when you're drunk on iTunes. You still make the choice that you would like to pay 99 cents for some Britney Spears, and it's a choice that sobers up the best of us.
The only thing I think I could get away with was claiming I'd accidentally taken Jason's iPod instead. Whoops! That husband of mine! With his crappy music! I'm telling the Internet! He'll never know!
*This is not to say that I actually have any of these artists on my iPod. Not at all.
**Okay, I will cop to the William Shatner. William Shatner is on my iPod and I enjoy him immensely and even non-ironically. This does not mean I am a nerd.
***What does make me a nerd is the fact that I ENJOY STAYING HOME ON FRIDAY NIGHTS TO WATCH BATTLESTAR GALACTICA. THERE. I SAID IT.
****That felt good to admit, actually. Am glad we had this chat.
*****Although if anyone asks, Jason is the one who set up the Tivo season pass and therefore, it's his fault.
Is not a human/Cylon hybrid, at least not as far as we can tell.
STUPID THINGS I HAVE DONE RECENTLY:
1. Took sip of beverage through a straw right as the elevator stopped on my floor with a not-so-gentle jolt, sent straw piercing through the soft flesh of the roof of my mouth, made loud gagging sound in front of four people I do not know.
2. Missed the deadline for applying to be on season 10 of the Amazing Race. Fuckity.
3. Bought a box of Girl Scout cookies before 10 am, consumed 3/4 of said box before 11 am.
Yes, I know this looks just like the other picture I posted but COME ON. There are also about 47 others in this series, so honestly, so I'd count yourselves lucky that I'm stopping with two.
THE FOLLOWING PHOTO ESSAY CONTAINS GRAPHIC CONTENT. PARENTAL DISCRETION IS ADVISED.
I came home yesterday to a rather horrific scene.
The trail of polyester stuffing began in the foyer. I immediately realized that somewhere in the house, a toy was suffering. Was I too late?
The floors are always pretty dusty, but even I knew this was excessive.
The carnage continued. My hopes sank.
OH THE HUMANITY!
That's Puppy. Max's Puppy. Max has had Puppy all his life, and likes to carry him around by the neck while Max sings him a song, which used to be the most preciousest thing you'd ever seen until you saw every picture of Noah ever taken.
Puppy used to look like this. Now Puppy has no neck, eyeballs or innards.
Ceiba swore she was just in the wrong place at the wrong time and had nothing to do with the massacre.
Unfortunately, there is no such thing as the perfect crime.
Okay! Three! I will stop at three. But see his outfit? How he looks like a little jailbird? So it fits in with the whole Crime & Punishment theme I had going there? Like...Noah went to...jail? Like...ha...ha? Stuffed animal murder is funny? No?
Fine. Frack you then.
I'm with you on the Big Love issue. I can't get enough, and OnDemand Cable has episode 3! Before it airs! I'm in heaven.
My tiny dog has lots of beloved toys that look just like Puppy does now. It's his way of showing them that he cares. Also that he's evile.
Not like you don't already know this, but Noah might be the cutest child EVER.
...definitely digging Big Love too. Behind an episode and a half though. Praise On Demand (leaves all kinds of extra room on TiVo for shows whose names I refuse to reveal).
oh GOD.
i have seen many a massacre such as this at my house. and also? i know that kitty sing-song you are referring to. my kitty has a crinkly-noise heart that he carries around in his mouth singing to. aw.
my GOD ceiba! what has become of you?!?
Is it me or is Noah's hair suddenly growing much more quickly? Love it! Um, yeah, my husband doesn't read my blog either, but it could be because I offended him (and his family) in my first post. Jason is missin' out!
We came home to multiple houseplants knocked down and soil scattered all over the place.
The actions of the cat responsible for said mess freaked out the rabbits, who then destroyed the inside of their cage. Which doesn't sound so bad, except their cage is ginormous.
I guess I should be glad none of my pets have stuffed animals to be murdered, though.
P.S. Driving to dinner last night with my iPod on shuffle and Boys II Men comes on. So embarrassing! I feel your pain.
P.P.S. WILLIAM SHATNER?? And to think I had so much respect and admiration for you!
I love the bit of fur sticking out of Ceiba's mouth. Too funny. I have not yet gotten to watch Big Love because we are on a "budget" (also known as torture) and do not have HBO at the moment. I am totally having it reinstated when I get pregnant though. I told my husband that I will be less moody if I have constant entertainment. He fell for it.
All that was to say that I'm going to have to wait for Big Love Season 1 DVD to see the series and will be far behind the current coolness curve by that time.
The piece of fuzz on the side of Ceiba's mouth is priceless!!
Everyone thinks I'm weird anyway, so Shuffle it is. And I love you for the William Shatner. Did you draw a chalk outline around Puppy's body??
OMG! You love Flava of Love too? Dont you want to know where the hell they found the "women" the biggest whores ever... and how did they tell them "dont worry your Mom and Grandma will never see it, go ahead wear that headband as a skirt, flav' will luv it" Whats up with New York, she thinks Flav is attractive becuse she NEVER OPENS her eyes... I must stop. Could go on all day.
Love that there is stuffing in Ceibas mouth in that lost shot! Poor Max, I hope he dosen't miss him to terribly.
I would like to clarify that it's the William Shatner album "Has Been" that was produced by Ben Folds and actaully has cool people like Aimee Mann and Lemon Jelly on it.
So...um...I'm actually a super-cool hipster type and watch the Sci-Fi channel while wearing a beret and smoking clove cigarettes while my biting commentary brings the house down.
The picture of Ceiba is too funny! The look is typical dog that can't understand why you are blaming her... but alas the "inards" are dripping from her mouth... heeheee haha!
I don't have an iPod yet (...I know), but I do have some VERY embarrassing iTunes on my laptop. Let's just say that while hilarious, some of Prince's B-sides are not fit for public consumption.
As always, I love the pictures of Noah.
When I I tried to return to work after reading this post, the Law & Order theme music kept playing in my head. I'm pretty sure my co-workers think I'm crazy!!
I think that first picture of Noah looks like he's blowing kisses to the Internet.
Heh. My husband doesn't read my blog, either. Well, he sometimes does, but he always forgets the address. I'm always kind of in fear that some day, I will run into someone I know online, and they will berate Josh for something his family said to me, and he will be freaked out (understandably so, too).
Ahhh, Ceiba. You're caught with stuffing in your mouth. Don't lie, you were jealous of Max's Puppy. You wanted to be Max's Puppy. And so you destroyed Max's Puppy. There, there. To quote Chicago (because, oh yes, I was watching it on Bravo last night), "It was a murder, but not a crime."
*sigh*
I confess to watching every second of Flavor of Love, though I will include the disclaimer that the only reason we got started with it is because by some bizarre coincidence, my in-laws took our family to the same resort in Puerto Vallarta where the show was shooting AT THE SAME TIME. So we unwittingly got some behind-the-scenes observations and naturally, had to Tivo the whole series to put it all in context.
You have to have heard my lily-white Midwestern mother-in-law trying to explain to us who the star of the show was to really appreciate the humor. "He's some kind of rapping star, a black man who wears a very big clock around his neck all the time ..."
Priceless.
I have stated MANY a time that little boys were put on God's green earth to wear horizontal stripes. They just ARE. Monkey is 6 and I still make him wear stripes. It's the law.
I have the solution to the shuffle problem. I came up wih it because 63% of the stuff on my iPod is stuff I don't want anyone to know I hav on there. I created a Smart Playlist called Everything, and I specified that I don't want it to play anything in the Country genre, or anything where the Artist contains Phil Collins, the Backstreet Boys, or Celine Dion. I can put it on and everyone thinks I'm on shuffle, and I can save the real shuffle for when I'm wearing headphones.
OH! Is this the MYHUSBANDDOESN'TREADMYBLOG post? Cuz I totally wanna get in on that...
I could be slagging him off left and right or confessing to the wild affair I am having with the neighbor's yard man and he'd never know... hmmm, an opportunity perhaps?
Like the many before me, I love your blog and your son is just adorable!
So, at what point did Noah become brunette (and copiously so)? because I am pretty sure that happened overnight, or you got a better flash or finally replaced all those burned-out overhead lights or something.
Also, I *may* still own one of those Taco Bell stuffed puppies that talks (and looks a lot the deceased puppy in your crime scene montage). I'm just saying, you know, in case Max starts mourning.
You should replace Puppy with this guy: http://www.wonderfullywacky.com/cahonesdog.htm
You'd never have to worry about stuffed animal carnage again.
My dog chewed up a hot pink boa six months ago (lets just say it was part of a halloween costume...), I still to this day find little pink feathers every freakin' where. He did the deed in our living room and I found a feather in our master bathroom last week, the two furthest distances in our apartment.
You're just lucky that Puppy wasn't a Beany Baby. There's a lesson I won't have to learn twice.
And I'm totally down with the BG too. Because I rawk like that. You know. Like a total nerd.
So how do we feel about the BSG season finale?
I was mad for three days. I swore up and down I was never watching that show again. Also, never trusting the TV.
I've recently come to believe that I can allow myself to watched the first couple of episodes of the next season. I'll give it a chance. Provisionally. I'll just have to maintain healthy boundaries this time.
Thank you for bringing up drunk ITunesing! To me it's the new drunk dialing but everyone just looks at me funny when I say that.
Not that I bought John Cougar Mellencamp last time I was drunk. Not at all.
I thought I was the only one who took pictures of stuffed animal murder. My dog likes to rip apart toys, but generally only the ones that my roommate's dog really, really, really likes. She's an evil bitch, but like mother, like dog-daughter.
OMG. I'm a crazy dog lady. Gah.
That look from Ceiba with the stuffing hanging out of the corner of her mouth is so darn funny. And to your questioning the multiplicity of the baby photos I say, BRING IT! Love that kid. He is too cute.
Hell, I have P.Diddy on my iPod. AND Beyonce. AND Chopin.
Oh, wait.
Anyhow, Shatner's "Mr. Tambourine Man" is also dear to my heart.
All I have to say is that I LOVE that you are posting like every day!
our dog used to get into the cupboards and pull down every single box and devour everything inside those boxes within seconds. i would then have to clean up the resulting "mess", which was really quite nasty.
needless to say, that dog has since been given away.
An untimely comment because I am behind on everything--I just read 3/21's "Both Sides Now" I had a morning like that, and your enrty made me teary. Granted I am over-tired, but thanks for writing that.
I am posting mid-way through reading your post to say that my husband and I heart heart heart Battlestar Galactica and are sad the season just ended, cos now, what will we do with our Friday nights? Also, that Jamie Bamber (Apollo) is so crazy freakin' hot, and his real-life British accent is even hotter.
The end.
I have that problem with GS cookies too. I once ate a whole box and then called my boyfriend to show off. He wasnt impressed.
Big Love plays with my emotions. I am totally into too.
Oh that crime scene is so funny! I bust out laughing while drinking from my Nalgene with a straw, and yes, hit the top of my mouth. Karma's a bitch.
Oh man, I was afraid that a beloved stuffed animal of Noah's was the victim. That was always my mom's worst nightmare, beacuse she knew I would be heartbroken and horrified. Not that I'm not heartbroken and horrified for Max. And Puppy.
Oh, and about the iPod shuffle in the car? YES. Aand I just made a mix chock full 'o indie goodness, and there's also a Britney song that I put in on purpose.
Lastly, I never know when my boyfriend reads my blog and when he doesn't. It's dangerous.
Okay, I read the rest now. Poor Puppy. I wonder if Max would notice if you re-stuffed him.
All was funny, as usual. As is the word "talkiity" itself. But I was sad to get through all that talking and find no actually comments about "Big Love." We don't have HBO and don't want it, but I have a morbid curiousity about all things LDS (though I know the LDS Church doesn't (openly) support polygamy or this show), so I'm dying to see it. Though I dislike that Chloe woman very much, and Go Fug Yourself has only made that worse.
...I think I might be high right now... I took a new type of allergy pill and, while I'm not feeling itchy, etc., I am feeling hyped up and very...talkity!
But I will end this now because really, no one else cares, and this is your talkity blog, not mine.
That is all! (Except "have a good weekend!")
I do the same thing -- take 50 pictures in a series (darn digital cameras). Then, I compulsively have to print them all. And put them in a photo album. Because they are all so cute!
P.S. Kobol is Kolob (planet Mormons believe is where God-the-Heavenly-Father lives) with two letters reversed. And there are some other LDS-related things in Battlestar Galactica. Which is another reason I miss it so much -- it fed my morbid fascination with LDS.
Oh my god -- sorry. I really am quitting now.
Every time my mother calls me and is pissed for some ransom reason my first instinct is FUCK! She found my blog! And then I remember that she has to call me when she wants to play freecell because she forgot where it was. And I breathe a little easier.
My husband sometimes reads mine byt not often. Maybe once a month or so.
And I, too, have Big Love for Big Love...
I used to have issues about public shuffle usage as well, but have since had to suck it up, because, well, it's my car and my ipod, and dammit I will listen to my music. Although it does seem that Big & Rich's 'Save A Horse, Ride A Cowboy' never seems to get played unless there is at least one other person in the car who will make fun of me for it.
And the Stuffed Toy That Is No More? Poor Max. He always seems to get the shit end of the stick. No wonder Ceiba ended up getting her eyes scratched (I may have sort of been reading the archives for hours on end while bored at work. Thanks for the entertainment).
The ONLY good thing about Battlestar Whatever in my book? The word Fracking. Eek that show is scary. Oh wait? It's over until October and I won't be tortured until then :) Sorry Amy!
Okay, this is because mapletree7 asked.
The BG finale felt kind of tacked-on... like, the first few seasons spanned the nine months after the war, and then bam, it's a year later? I still feel sorta jet lagged. And I hate Gaius. And I don't like that Kara and Apollo didn't end up together, and I didn't like her long hair (though she is my hetero woman crush...she rocks the universe). But hell, yeah, I can't wait for next season!
Okay. I won't feel bad if you delete this nonsense, Amy. I must be stopped.
The hair! He is getting so much hair so fast. He is going to have to start tuning into Wednesday Advice Smackdown (**cough**) to get the latest product info.
Scoutsadie - how do you NOT make fun of FRACKING???
I adore Big Love. So much so that I am complete nerd and have to write a post about it every Monday. Okay it's only been the two Mondays it was on, but still, so far 100% blogging about television on Monday. I think Bert should take another wife, because it seems like - according to the show- we will all have sex more often. And being first wife, I get to boss people around. Maybe make them go to the grocery store and do laundry! Woo hoo! The heady power.
Did you catch "the making of big love" on HBO ? Just more to satisfy my newly burgeoning addiction.
There is something more diabolical here...what is it Ceiba is trying to tell Max?
My mother has taken to "repairing" the small fluffly animals our dog victimizes with a little needle and thread. Every time I go home there is a new mutant in the collection. Last time I noticed the duck that was beakless at Christmas (very creepy) is now sadly without a head.