I am Utterly Obsessed with HBO's New Series Big Love But Was Unable to Seamlessly Weave That Into This Mess of an Entry
March 24, 2006
amalah: my readers wanted me to pass this article on to you.
jason: heh. funny.
jason: wait, why did people want me to read that?
amalah: *realizes he doesn't know she posted the story about leaving noah in the car that time*
amalah: um. no reason. crazy internet people, is all.
Also does not read this site. Will one day send me a cease & desist order regarding the Non-Stop Discussion of His Bodily Functions.
Is anyone out there brave enough to use the iPod shuffle mode in their car when they have passengers? Because I am not.
When I'm alone, the playlist is bound to be some kind of awesome Davie Bowie/Modest Mouse/Ben Folds combination, but I'm positive that if a friend or coworker is in the car it'll be all William Shatner/Iron Maiden/Chumbawamba* and there's just NO EXPLAINING THAT. It's like having Tivo -- you can no longer claim to have just STUMBLED on Flavor of Love or Jerry Springer because there was nothing else on. Bad music does not just leap onto your iPod, even when you're drunk on iTunes. You still make the choice that you would like to pay 99 cents for some Britney Spears, and it's a choice that sobers up the best of us.
The only thing I think I could get away with was claiming I'd accidentally taken Jason's iPod instead. Whoops! That husband of mine! With his crappy music! I'm telling the Internet! He'll never know!
*This is not to say that I actually have any of these artists on my iPod. Not at all.
**Okay, I will cop to the William Shatner. William Shatner is on my iPod and I enjoy him immensely and even non-ironically. This does not mean I am a nerd.
***What does make me a nerd is the fact that I ENJOY STAYING HOME ON FRIDAY NIGHTS TO WATCH BATTLESTAR GALACTICA. THERE. I SAID IT.
****That felt good to admit, actually. Am glad we had this chat.
*****Although if anyone asks, Jason is the one who set up the Tivo season pass and therefore, it's his fault.
Is not a human/Cylon hybrid, at least not as far as we can tell.
STUPID THINGS I HAVE DONE RECENTLY:
1. Took sip of beverage through a straw right as the elevator stopped on my floor with a not-so-gentle jolt, sent straw piercing through the soft flesh of the roof of my mouth, made loud gagging sound in front of four people I do not know.
2. Missed the deadline for applying to be on season 10 of the Amazing Race. Fuckity.
3. Bought a box of Girl Scout cookies before 10 am, consumed 3/4 of said box before 11 am.
Yes, I know this looks just like the other picture I posted but COME ON. There are also about 47 others in this series, so honestly, so I'd count yourselves lucky that I'm stopping with two.
THE FOLLOWING PHOTO ESSAY CONTAINS GRAPHIC CONTENT. PARENTAL DISCRETION IS ADVISED.
I came home yesterday to a rather horrific scene.
The trail of polyester stuffing began in the foyer. I immediately realized that somewhere in the house, a toy was suffering. Was I too late?
The floors are always pretty dusty, but even I knew this was excessive.
The carnage continued. My hopes sank.
OH THE HUMANITY!
That's Puppy. Max's Puppy. Max has had Puppy all his life, and likes to carry him around by the neck while Max sings him a song, which used to be the most preciousest thing you'd ever seen until you saw every picture of Noah ever taken.
Puppy used to look like this. Now Puppy has no neck, eyeballs or innards.
Ceiba swore she was just in the wrong place at the wrong time and had nothing to do with the massacre.
Unfortunately, there is no such thing as the perfect crime.
Okay! Three! I will stop at three. But see his outfit? How he looks like a little jailbird? So it fits in with the whole Crime & Punishment theme I had going there? Like...Noah went to...jail? Like...ha...ha? Stuffed animal murder is funny? No?
Fine. Frack you then.