I am Utterly Obsessed with HBO's New Series Big Love But Was Unable to Seamlessly Weave That Into This Mess of an Entry
March 24, 2006
amalah: my readers wanted me to pass this article on to you.
jason: heh. funny.
jason: wait, why did people want me to read that?
amalah: *realizes he doesn't know she posted the story about leaving noah in the car that time*
amalah: um. no reason. crazy internet people, is all.
Also does not read this site. Will one day send me a cease & desist order regarding the Non-Stop Discussion of His Bodily Functions.
Is anyone out there brave enough to use the iPod shuffle mode in their car when they have passengers? Because I am not.
When I'm alone, the playlist is bound to be some kind of awesome Davie Bowie/Modest Mouse/Ben Folds combination, but I'm positive that if a friend or coworker is in the car it'll be all William Shatner/Iron Maiden/Chumbawamba* and there's just NO EXPLAINING THAT. It's like having Tivo -- you can no longer claim to have just STUMBLED on Flavor of Love or Jerry Springer because there was nothing else on. Bad music does not just leap onto your iPod, even when you're drunk on iTunes. You still make the choice that you would like to pay 99 cents for some Britney Spears, and it's a choice that sobers up the best of us.
The only thing I think I could get away with was claiming I'd accidentally taken Jason's iPod instead. Whoops! That husband of mine! With his crappy music! I'm telling the Internet! He'll never know!
*This is not to say that I actually have any of these artists on my iPod. Not at all.
**Okay, I will cop to the William Shatner. William Shatner is on my iPod and I enjoy him immensely and even non-ironically. This does not mean I am a nerd.
***What does make me a nerd is the fact that I ENJOY STAYING HOME ON FRIDAY NIGHTS TO WATCH BATTLESTAR GALACTICA. THERE. I SAID IT.
****That felt good to admit, actually. Am glad we had this chat.
*****Although if anyone asks, Jason is the one who set up the Tivo season pass and therefore, it's his fault.
Is not a human/Cylon hybrid, at least not as far as we can tell.
STUPID THINGS I HAVE DONE RECENTLY:
1. Took sip of beverage through a straw right as the elevator stopped on my floor with a not-so-gentle jolt, sent straw piercing through the soft flesh of the roof of my mouth, made loud gagging sound in front of four people I do not know.
2. Missed the deadline for applying to be on season 10 of the Amazing Race. Fuckity.
3. Bought a box of Girl Scout cookies before 10 am, consumed 3/4 of said box before 11 am.
Yes, I know this looks just like the other picture I posted but COME ON. There are also about 47 others in this series, so honestly, so I'd count yourselves lucky that I'm stopping with two.
THE FOLLOWING PHOTO ESSAY CONTAINS GRAPHIC CONTENT. PARENTAL DISCRETION IS ADVISED.
I came home yesterday to a rather horrific scene.
The trail of polyester stuffing began in the foyer. I immediately realized that somewhere in the house, a toy was suffering. Was I too late?
The floors are always pretty dusty, but even I knew this was excessive.
The carnage continued. My hopes sank.
OH THE HUMANITY!
That's Puppy. Max's Puppy. Max has had Puppy all his life, and likes to carry him around by the neck while Max sings him a song, which used to be the most preciousest thing you'd ever seen until you saw every picture of Noah ever taken.
Puppy used to look like this. Now Puppy has no neck, eyeballs or innards.
Ceiba swore she was just in the wrong place at the wrong time and had nothing to do with the massacre.
Unfortunately, there is no such thing as the perfect crime.
Okay! Three! I will stop at three. But see his outfit? How he looks like a little jailbird? So it fits in with the whole Crime & Punishment theme I had going there? Like...Noah went to...jail? Like...ha...ha? Stuffed animal murder is funny? No?
Fine. Frack you then.
HA! LOVED the picture with puppy's stuffing hanging out of Ceiba's mouth!
I admit, I Tivo'd every episode of Flavor of Love...is that so wrong? I was even cheering on the girl who won...oh know, I think I do have a problem now that I see it in black and white.
William Shatner??? Seriously? I'm laughing at you! But in a good way, like "How cute is this girl whose blog I read and she has William Shatner on her iPod shuffle?" hehehe
I saw Big Love when I was out of town last week. Looks pretty good, I think.
I was in Play It Again Sports a couple of days ago where 3 big, jockish guys work and one was putting a cage on my hockey helmet while songs played through the entire SPORTS store from one of their iPods.
One of the (big, jock) guys had to come over to switch said iPod to the next song because it had started playing Step By Step by New Kids on the Block throughout the store.
We had ourselves quite the chuckle at his expense.
Did anyone else here that the woman who won Flava of Love has said on the Tom Joyner show that she hasn't returned any of Flava's phone calls since the show and only agreed to the whole thing because she wanted to get her name out there? She's said she pretty much doesn't want anything to do with him, and won't be talking to him now that people know who she is.
BSG was my secret shame. Then I started having nightmares about evil robots and the end of the world. So BSG and I are taking a little break from each other. Hopefully it won't be a permanent seperation.
William Shatner is awesome. I'll admit it on the internet, but no way would I risk it in the CAR in PUBLIC. Horrors.
(clearing throat non-discreetly)
I didn't realize it was shameful to watch BSG. I'm a bigger dork than I thought!
Jason, you noticed!
Does anyone else find it creepy that they give Margene her own blog? And that actual people respond on it?
Please, Jason's here because co-workers yell at him for never having any baby pictures so he steals them from me.
Maybe it's a good thing you missed the Amaziung Race deadline, with your ultra competitive streak and all. But I think that might make for some mighty fine television. Get on it for season 11, 'kay?
Poor puppy! Once, my cats shredded an entire huge roll of paper towels in the living room. It looked like it had snowed...and wasn't fun to clean up either.
My dog who is a Jack Russell and has alot of the same charateristics as Ceiba which makes me laugh harder when you tell dog stories, has a stuffed animal that is as old as her (6 years) and has been restuffed and sewn back together multiple times..until lately..I am sick of vacuming and then she rips the damn thing apart...so it is only a matter of time before the toy is offically done!
And yes, you have the cutest son!!
I must have missed the post on your dh leaving the baby in the car. I did that at Christmas time when mine was 5 months old. Remembered him about 30 minutes later in Dollar General. I about fainted in the checkout. Thank god it was dark and he was sleeping in the back but I'll never forgive myself for what I did. I always thought How can someone be so stupid but now I can see it's possible if your mind is in another place.
Poor puppy!! And of course Noah is cute as always!!
Poor Max!! I imagine you will one day spot him carrying Ceiba around by the neck singing a slightly more sinister version of his song.
Noah's pictures are adorable. He gets more and more handsome each day!
The toys of my little dog last about a week before they become mere scraps of cloth that she then proceeds to shake and slobber over.
The first to go is the squeaker (if it has one). She must think that when it squeaks it is the devil incarnate because everytime she hears a squeaky toy she goes BATSHIT CRAZY!!!
...stupid little dog...
Battlestar Galactica rocks. Especially now that Stargate SG-1 is infected with the virus known as Ben Browder, I am soothed by at least one rocking sci fi show on Friday nights.
And Noah looks about five years old in those pictures.
I have that same outfit for my daughter. ;) The matching hat does not fit her very well. (http://www.flickr.com/photos/elfcakes/110883653/)
Maybe Ceiba was jealous of the other mini doglet in the house.
Three thoughts while reading...
1) this is precisely the reason my dog is in a kennel when i am not home...she can't be trusted.
2) everyone has a little Britney Spears, or even ABBA on their ipod, don't they?
3) Have you seen the episode of CSI in which a man left his baby in the back seat of the car in Las Vegas in the summer and it got cooked to death? Not good at all.
Okay, so I just wanna know: when are you getting a book deal? 'Cause I would definitely buy it.
Ah! You still watch Flavor of Love? I was right, it is the greatest show ever, is it not? There is no shame in watching that. Seriously.
Speaking of Flavor of Love...
Do you have your tivo set for the "reunion" special in which "New York" is going to continually try to beat the shit out of "Pumpkin" for having hawked a loogie at her face? Because, if you don't have that set up already, you may want to do that now.
LOVE Big Love! Have you read Under that Banner of Heaven? Totally creeped me out and made me want to know MORE! MORE! about those crazy polygamists.
I had to reset the DVR last night and it erased the last two Battlestar Gallacticas (which we have not yet watched)! FRACK! It is the only show besides The Daily Show my husband and watch together. (If you don't count Seinfeld reruns.)
Elle (age 3): Mom, what's his name?
Nino: Noah
Elle: Oh! I love Noah!
Nino: Yeah, me too.
Anna Sofia (6 mo.): aaaaaaaah!*
*Translation: BACK OFF, ELLE, HE'S MINE!
:)
"Max has had Puppy all his life, and likes to carry him around by the neck while Max sings him a song"
OMG, does every cat do this?! Mr. Minutes (my kittycat) has a stuffed Gund Cocker Spaniel that he drags around and sings to. It's absolutely hilarious.
Perfect entry. Laughing hysterically at my desk on Friday afternoon is a good thing.
My husband reads my blog. Let's just say that it makes for some interesting conversations.
I think Max is due an upgrade:
http://store.yahoo.com/fatcatinc/doofusdogs.html
You can also find these at places like Petsmart. Best catnip EVER.
Hurricane had that same outfit. I always thought he looked like Pugsly Addams in it.
I read that article this morning and you (or Jason?) were the first thing I thought of!
That's not as scary as it sounds, really.
Yes, I am loving Big Love, too. The casting is excellent and the storyline possibilities are endless. They have done a great job of throwing out so many already. Why did each of the wives agree to be in that situation? What do the kids REALLY think? WHAT do the neighbors think? Isn't Roman creepy as hell? Is Margene ever gonna get a freakin' car? Did Bill's mother really poison his father? Why doesn't their backyard have any freakin' grass? Does Veronica Mars know that half of her social group has jumped ship?
I wanna know!
Awe, poor Cieba looks downright sad!
Also on the Big Love bandwagon. It is on right after Sopranos, sooooo, had to check out.
Don't let me forget to tell you my Flava Flave story...
the poor stuffed doggie ---- i hope he didn;t suffer long
As far as your taste in TV -- I think you should all come over some night and hang --- we'll watch some Battlestar Gallactica and then Big Love
I can;t get over the complexity of the plot on Big Love -- the deeply complicated and yes flawed people, the commune, the arsenic poinsoning
it'll be a perfect evening ....
:-)
I'm glad to know I'm not the only nerd in the universe who occasionally finds herself swearing in Battlestar Galact-ese. (Frack!) I've also been known to curse in Farscape-ese (Frell! Yotz! Hezmana!) Now, who's up for Dr. Who??
I have only two words.
BIG LOVE.
I'm hooked. (that's 2 more words-sorry)
Is it just me, or did anyone else notice that conspicuous piece of Puppy Stuffing hanging out of Cieba's mouth in that picture?!
That's so funny. I actually thought of Jason when I read that article, and I was just like "Hey, it happens!" I want some Max pictures, too!
William Staner's cover of Pulp's Common People has gotten me through many a dark hour.
Seriously, the part where he growls, "Watching ROACHES climb the WALLS!" Still cracks me up. Best song ever.
There Amy, I am out about the Shatner love too, oh and the Big Love love is there as well.
I knew what 'frack' was because I'm FORCED to watch BSG. But seriously? I like it a little. And I love the whole frack nonsense.
the fact that you enjoy william shatner raises you to a new level of coolness in my book.
did you know that wednesday was william shatner's birthday?
Yeah, mine doesn't read my blog either. He's like, "why should I spend time on the very thing I most want to make fun of in the world?" And I'm like, "good comedy fodder?"
Yeah I have many songs on my (non-iPod) MP3 player that I think are pretty cool at the time I put them on there and then I inwardly cringe when other people are within earshot.
It is quite disturbing how alike Ceiba and Puppy look. It was definitely an act of insane jealousy on Ceiba's part. But how can you be mad when she looks so adorable with that piece of stuffing hanging out of her mouth?
Noah continues to amaze me with his total gorgeousness. I want one (no no no, really bad idea... lol)
I thought I was the only one who secretly looked forward to Battlestar on friday nights. My boyfriend would feel guilty for not taking me anywhere on a friday night and ask what i wanted to do and it was always "i'm fine staying in, i know you have a lot of work to get done" when secretly i didn't want to miss BSG. Glad to know I am not the only person who likes to stay home on a friday to watch it.
By the way, I just started reading your blog and I love it. Your baby is adorable and your captions and your entries make me laugh out loud.
What the hell is this cat singing business...I wanna see, I wanna SEE!
Also...Max pics would be great...I dunno what it is about cross-eyed kitties, but yours just melts my hard arctic heart! Poor guy lost his baby!
Also, Noah? Seriously cute.
Ceiba no quiero Taco Bell? Apparently not.
I can't believe I just found your blog. I'm so glad you had brunch with Tracey, and I'm so glad she has a blog, and I'm so glad you do, too. Hugs all around! Woo-hoo!
(I'm a little punchy right now. Sorry.)
That look on Ceiba's face just says it all. And Noah is a handsome little jailbird. Wacky Girl had some purple stripedy Hannas that brought out the jailbird in her. She passed them on to her brother, who looked equally incarcerated. Cuteness of convict babies.
It looks like Ceiba is has his paw on his chest, while incredulously saying "Who me?" Ha!
Yeah, I'm all over Big Love, too...what with my sister=in-law (IN ENGLAND) being suckered by the clean-cut young door-to-door mormons who came a'knocking and she just couldn't say no. And now she's a Mormon.
And leaving your baby behind? I'm going to blog about it tonight. My baby is now 36; it ended well and I obviously found her.
Off to write about my idiocy.