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February 2006
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April 2006

HA! And Also, Shit!

So I take it y'all really liked the Noah video? Whoops. Anyway, I'm in meetings all day today, and am actually supposed to be in a meeting RIGHT NOW, but I had to escape to blow my nose because I am still dying of the deathly head cold. This morning, right as the meeting started, I forgot about my cold for a few minutes and breathed in through my nose and it made a squeaking sound and everybody looked at me, so all day I've been breathing through my mouth and obsessively trying not to sniffle or make ANY OTHER NASAL-RELATED NOISES, which means I've bailed on the meeting about a dozen times so I can snorf and sneeze in the relative privacy of the ladies' room. It's been a great day! And tomorrow? I have jury duty! Yes. That will be fun. So if any of you have committed any crimes in the District of Columbia recently, please let me know so I can claim to have a bias against you. Also, bring some tissues. And possibly some kind of mask and antibacterial hand gel. Read more →

The Babies Like the Bandwidth

The purpose of this post is simply to give you some goddamn baby pictures already. Because you asked. Repeatedly. Yes, you personally, because when I address my readers as YOU, I am not referring to a diverse mass of far-flung individuals, but am instead reaching out through the Internet to YOU THERE, AT THE COMPUTER, IN THE TIN FOIL HAT. YOUR DOG SAYS TO SEND ME MONEY. Noah is five months old now. He is officially aware of Coach's superior materials and workmanship. He lets you know when he wants a hug, and will return the favor with gusto. His hair is mostly blond, with just the faintest hint of red. His eyes continue to baffle us, because they're looking sort of green. He never, ever stops talking. Or making the turtle face. He finds me pretty amusing, but not nearly as funny as the dog, who is the funniest thing in the entire damn world and also fun to suck on. People are finally starting to say he looks like me. Which: please. I have never been this cute in my entire life. And here's where I will be extremely self-indulgent and post a video of Noah's wicked new... Read more →

This Post Contains Entirely Too Much Discussion Of Nasal Cavity Secretions

I don't mean to be melodramatic here, people, but I have a cold and I think I am going to die. Look! I see a bright light! I am heading towards the light! Take me home, Lord, away from this phlegmy and mouth-breathing existence and into the loving arms of... Oh. It is not the light of heaven. It is simply the warm glow of my new 19-inch flatscreen monitor. (Oooooh! Aaaaaaah!) Lesson learned: If you want a fancy new work computer, you simply have to fuck your old one all the fuck up. Awesome. And while I am very glad to hear that my trials inspired entire dozens of you to back up your own hard drives, or at least to comment about how you fully intend to back up your hard drives, you know, one of these days, you're just going through some things right now, I would like to bring this all back around to ME ME ME and how much it sucked when I lost my work computer and just how many people saw me in a hyper-caffeinated state of ABSOLUTE PANIC on Friday. And also, I am so totally going to die. Death from a... Read more →

PC Load Letter Paper Jam

So I thought today was going to be a good day. Unlike yesterday, Noah didn't wake up at 4 am with a hacking cough and full of righteous indignation at said hacking cough because it interrupted the flow of his screaming. Unlike yesterday, Noah didn't throw up an entire 8 ounces of formula all over me, my bed, my pillow and Jason's ear at 4:30 am. Unlike yesterday, I was not doing loads of vomitous laundry at 4:45 am, nor was I at work by 7:45 am, because while I'm okay with tossing a towel over a baby pee-stain on the bed, puddles of regurgitated Similac are something else entirely and FINE, I will get up and just go to work already. Yesterday was a bad day. I was at work for 10 hours straight, had to speak in front of the entire company and I may have murdered a coworker or two. I barely made the daycare pick-up deadline and Noah's teacher informed me that all the babies had the same cough, and now seemed to be moving on to sharing a case of hand, foot and mouth disease. So you know, watch out for that. But! Today seemed... Read more →