The Day After Tomorrow
March 17, 2006
Yes. So sorry about that. Long-time readers know that whenever I say a specific topic will be covered "tomorrow," I actually mean "the day after that or quite possibly, never."
You should probably yell at the long-time readers for not telling you about that endearing little quirk of mine.
(IT IS ENDEARING. MY MOM SAID SO. SHUT UP, ALL OF YOU.)
Eek! You will now forgive me for anything!
So it's been exactly a week since the Heartbreaking Friday of Staggering Suck, and honestly, I'm still a little twitchy about it.
I won't close my car doors unless I am physically holding my keys in my hand and staring right at them, and on several occasions have gone so far to talk to my keys as another way to affirm that yes, these keys in my hand are not inside the car.
(Bonus to having a baby: All the running commentary that otherwise gets you looked at as the crazy person talking out loud to your keys or to the ATM [Don't you eat my card, Mr. ATM Machine, don't you fucking dare eat my goddamn card] is now perfectly appropriate because you are teaching the baby LANGUAGE SKILLS.)
My mom talks to grocery carts. Help.
Nothing too horrific has happened to me since, except for my office losing power this morning and me having the bright idea that hey! Wouldn't it be fun to go buy people Shamrock Shakes? Who wouldn't want a Shamrock Shake while they huddle under the one lone working emergency light? I would like a Shamrock Shake!
So I went to go buy Shamrock Shakes and had to go to TWO different McDonald's to get them, because the first McDonald's decided that yesterday -- the day before St. Patrick's Day -- was the last day for Shamrock Shakes, which is kind of missing the point entirely in my world, but okay, so I drove to a whole OTHER McDonald's and then everybody laughed at me when I ordered 12 Shamrock Shakes and even the manager came out to look at the freak ordering a dozen milkshakes.
The good news: Shamrock Shakes are just as tasty as I remembered, although probably way more toothpastie green in color than is really necessary.
What? His jammies are green, so this segues PERFECTLY.
In other news, I finally decided to enter this century and bought a damn iPod. I was always resistant to getting an iPod because I was afraid I wouldn't understand how to use it, like my scanner and my photo printer -- all of which I have to get Jason to set up for me and tell exactly which button to hit every time, because I always load the paper in backwards and upside down or something. And so I figured an iPod would be another gadget that required Jason's help and honestly, the guy already thinks I am kind of functionally retarded so I didn't need that hypothesis tested any further.
But! I bought one, after Jason assured me that iTunes works via drag and drop and that even very dumb monkeys can use it. And indeed! It is very easy and I have figured out how to put songs on the iPod and set it to the famous "shuffle" mode that all the kids are talking about these days, on the blogs and street corners and whatnot, and I am now thinking that I need to buy a Coach cover for it because it's just so small and precious.
(Jason says no, I cannot buy a Coach cover for it because we spent all our money on the iPods themselves and wonders what's wrong with the simple rubbery ones that they sell everywhere, and I wonder how this man knows me NOT BUT AT ALL SOMETIMES.)
(So I've retaliated by walking around with my iPod saying, "Nano nano!" like from Mork & Mindy all the damn time, which bugs Jason very, very much. I don't think this will get me the Coach case, but it is fun.)
ANYWAY, the point of this story is that I've been taking the iPod to bed with me and listening to a few songs to drown out whatever crazy car crashy action film has sucked Jason in right as I'm trying to go to sleep. It's very nice, except for last night when I woke up at 3:30 am to the BLARING PROFANITY of Eminem, completely baffled and disoriented, and I hit Jason several times because I thought the clock radio was going off and MAKE IT STOP SLIM SHADY, ACK. After several minutes of flailing I finally got it together enough to yank the headphones out of my ears, and as I lay there panting and traumatized, I tried to figure out what the odds were of getting over three hours' worth of Indigo Girls and Sarah McLachlan before my secret weakness for gangster rap came up in the shuffle.
After taking this photo, Jason kindly recommended that I suck my stomach in. And then I popped my glock and killed him.
In other other news, Jason received a jury summons this week. HA!
Hmmph.
Speaking of jury duty, I will now tell you about the thing that I told you this entry would be about: jury duty.
Jury duty is very boring. It is not like television at all, and when the defense lawyer even tried to go for some dramatic DUN DUN DUUUUUUN moment, the prosecutor was ALL UP IN THAT with the objections and the whole thing was stricken from the record.
So mostly, it was a lot of this: blah blah blah objection sustained blah blah blah reasonable doubt-cakes.
I did get to eat lunch outside on a gorgeous day, however, and listened to my iPod and took a picture of my shoes with my phone.
When did I become the biggest goddamned yuppie I know? Also, nice blindingly white calves.
In the end, it was a pretty unsatisfying experience. We returned a not guilty verdict based on reasonable doubt. So I didn't get a criminal off the streets of my beloved city, and I'm not 100% sure we set an innocent kid free. I was also not allowed to keep my trial notes, which was a shame, because I had some darn nice squiggly doodles in there.
They probably took her notes away because she kept talking to her pen.
And in the final and probably best bit of news (good Lord, is this a website entry or a fucking holiday newsletter?), my sister had her baby this week.
My sister -- who was 18 years old when I was born, who had her first baby (a girl) when I was 11 years old, whose first baby is now 17 years old and possibly going to Georgetown in another year -- HAD A BABY THIS WEEK.
We now have baby boys less than six months apart.
Mind! Blown!
Welcome to the craziest family ever, baby Nicholas. To say that I am a weepy little ball of excitement over you is an understatement. I will send you clothes and anything that your cousin hasn't puked on too much.
Noah sort of already knows what Nicky is in for, yet he is not screaming.
I talk to myself all the time and get strange looks for it. Who would have thought having a baby would be the perfect excuse to talk to yourself in a socially acceptable manner? HAHHAHAHA..thanks for the laughs.
So now, I'm dying for a Shamrock Shake, and guess what? My McD's decided not to have them today either. Thank you, McDonald's! For NOTHING!
I mean, not that I'm happy it happened to you, too, but am mildly satisfied that it's not the backasswards state of redneck misree that I live in that caused this entirely. Even DC has such issues.
Also failed to mention that a dog provides the same talk to self enjoyment that a baby does. Along with much talk of poop. It's the little things...
You have the cutest child on the face of the earth.
As for the iPod cover, I say don't do it (and this is from someone who had a mental breakdown over Coach earlier this week - it's on my blog if anyone wants an explanation). I got one, and despite the fact that it's adorable, I never, ever, ever use it. It causes it to take up more room than a naked iPod does, and it's not like I can even carry it on the outside of my bag, because I'm paranoid that someone will cut the strap and steal it from me on the T.
You are not alone. I always talk to my carkeys to make sure that they are in my hand. And my kid is 24, so I cannot use him as an excuse. Sigh. I had a Guinness for lunch at the 4Ps (now 4 Green Fields, but you probably know that) and I kind of wish I'd had a shamrock shake instead. Oh well.
That second pic of Noah is great. He really does have the "My mom is a nut-case" look on his face. Kids, they make us so proud.
Talking to inanimate stuff. YOU ARE OFFICIALLY A MOM.
I am dying.
I love the captions. What a great face your boy has.
apparently, in preparation for being an Older Cousin, Noah grew from baby to child overnight. How did that happen? And THE CUTENESS!!!
My work e-mail didn't block suckitude.
That is all.
Hi,
Delurking for the 1st time since delurking day to say: I talk to myself and inanimate objects AAAAAAALLLLLLL the time. But then again, I am slightly unhinged. Lol.
Loving the cuteness of Noah!
Who the hell is the 12-month old sitting next to you on the couch?
I'm immensely jealous of the Shamrock Shakes.
But wait - WAIT - before you take Megan's advice entirely, I highly recommend the el cheapo plastic rubbery-like ones. I always have some kind of crusty/sandy/icky stuff in the bottom of my purse, and the iSkin has literally saved my iPod, I am convinced. Yah, yah, it's cheap, whatever, but the gray-ish ones look kind of cool...maybe...
And why is your laptop THIS BIG???
Noah is too freakin' cute for words.
Amalah sucks it IN!
Babalah sticks it OUT!
I needed a good laugh or three today. Thanks for providing them. Love the pictures of Noah. The second one is hysterical. And I loved the part about waking up in the middle of the night, disoriented, thinking it was the clock radio rather than the ipod--too funny.
Megan and jonniker: Oh, I definitely need a case for it, because I've had the thing five days and it's already getting all scratched up to hell. Someone recommended the clear plastic sticky stuff and...no. Horrible. It bubbled up and peeled right off within two days.
I also have the iPod Nano, which is just too small for words, so a case that will make it bigger and easier to find in my big huge purse? Is a plus.
Just for the record...people in this industry are not blindingly white....we are computer pasty. :)
Wow, that is one honking big laptop! I am sooo jealous!
Before I became old, and thus concerned about maintaining my girlish (ha!) figure, I used to buy a Shamrock Shake and add a wee bit of Bailey's Irish Cream to it. I figured since I'm not Irish, I needed a little extra something to get into the spirit.
I talk to myself and the inanimate objects around me all day long. When I adopted my two cats two years ago, I thought "now at least I won't be walking around talking to myself, I'll be talking to the cats"
As if talking to cats is completely rational.
I will fly in to babysit Noah from Boulder, Colorado. And bring nifty toys. Noah is That Cute. Honestly, you could just post "blah blah blah blah Fucking blah blah blah" and then post a photo of Noah and we would all still faithfully log in and do the collective "AHHHHHHH!"
And don't be dissing us "Mature Mothers" (do NOT goggle that; you will end up staring at the most godawful ugliest damn nekkid women you have ever seen, giving a new visual to the term "Rode Hard And Put Away Wet") I am 52 and my sons are 4 and 5. And these are first string kiddos, not an 'oops' in the lot.
That kid is an Elvis baby. My oldest was an Elvis baby. It's when a baby is too damn cute and attracts attention everywhere.
For what it's worth, my dear friend knitted me a custom iPod cover when I got mine. It's gorgeous and unique and handy and all that jazz. So if you know any knitters...
(I knit, actually. I knit my brother an iPod cover for Christmas. It's probably not your cup of tea, but if you're interested, holla at me.)
Who did what to the 4Ps?!? I never got to go there for St. Pat's during college (AU) cos I always had stupid final exams on the night of the 17th somehow, but all of my friends went, and I love their non-St.-Pat's shepherd's pie and did they wreck the 4Ps to build a Fresh Fields?? Say it ain't so!
End freakout-that-means-nothing-to-non-DC-people (I did not know that if one types the pointy brackety things, one will not be able to see the text within the PB things. Note to non-HTML-knowing self).
My spam filter also did not pick up on "suckitude."
Sounds like this past week was better than last; so glad.
What the hell does he mean "suck your stomach in?" Besides, even IF you needed to suck something in, noone would notice because of Noah's adorable protruding little tummy-guts.
As usual, this was an entry well worth the wait. Congratulations on New Nephew Nicholas!
scoutsadie - Freakout not! The 4Ps is still an Irish pub, but is now called 4 Green Fields. I haven't been so I don't know if they've changed anything else. All I know is, everybody still calls it 4Ps and probably always will.
I have no idea what you were writing about just now. Am baby blinded and also cute-overloaded. Must now go and lay down.
Congratulations Auntie!
Noah=adorable.
Amy=suck in stomach? To this I say: WHAT STOMACH? Kill! Kill! Kill!
It's a good thing I'm alone (well, not including the dog), otherwise people might call the little men in white coats to come get me for laughing my fool head off at a computer. Thanks muchly for that. :)
Also: please tell my husband to let me get an iPod. Preferrably one I can hook up to play in my car's stereo since I am SANS CD PLAYER and he promised me I could have one THREE YEARS AGO. Ahem.
Also Also: Think I may need to have a Shamrock Shake now. Thanks.
I very much doubt the trolls will appreciate the iPod purchase. But I say GOOD FOR YOU. Those things are wonderful. I bought mine two years ago (well, actually, informed my husband that he needed to buy one for me) to while away the time as I pumped milk for baby boy #1. I figured I deserved it for my service as a dairy cow.
I too get the random scary songs that pop up in shuffle mode. This is because I've let my husband put some music on the thing (I let him borrow it when I'm in a good mood) and he like German nihilists, electronica, and Adam Sandler. Like I said, scary.
Cute pics as always. He's growing up fast! I LOVE the sandals!
I have two things to say, and I'll make it short and sweet.
My sister is 15 years older than me, and she has two kids, one is 17 and one is 13. I have no kids. We are pretty separate people as far as sisters go, which kind of makes me sad. You are lucky these babies will bond you and your sister.
For the important thing, though, Coach has these really cool dangly bling bling things you put on this tiny little hole in your phone. My friend works there, and showed me hers, and I don't really get into Coach that much, but it is pretty cool. I didn't think my phone would have a spot for this thing, but it does, which makes me want one really bad. Maybe you need one of these?
The iSkin isn't that stick-on stuff. It's rubber, and while it is wholly uncool, it's very functioal. But it won't make it easier to find in your purse, so if you're looking for justification for the Coach one, it's right here.
Go get it. You deserve it.
I sort of talk to myself all the time. Like, I'll be thinking of something that that one guy did that pissed me off that one time and I'll say 'pissant!' right out loud and then people look at me funny and say 'what?' and then I say (because I didn't realize I said it out loud), 'what, what?' and it's all one big ugly circle and also the longest sentence ever and you should possibly call Guiness.
Whew.
Functional. Christ, I should learn to spell. But yah, go Coach. Think of it this way: It will increase the ROI on your iPod, as you'll use it more, because you'll FIND it more. Voila!
Waking up to Eminem cracked me up.
Also I am so jealous of the Shamrock Shakes. I don't know if it's unavailable all over Canada or just the damn province of Quebec, but we don't get them here. I've always wanted to try one.
I started with one of those rubber-nothing but a nulear bomb is going to scratch the screen-ugly as all hell iPod covers and it was a dream. But it made it way too big to carry in a pocket or small purse. For my b-day my mom got me the Kate Spade cover which is slim, beautiful, red (so I can find it in my purse) and does a decent job of protecting the iPod. Go for Kate. It's perfect!
I drove by the 4 p's at about 4:15 and there was already a line to get in, which just goes to show how pathetic those people are because Nanny's across the street is a real irish pub, not a Pub In A Box like 4P's, or Green Fields or whatever they are pretending to be.
gosh.
people do tend to GO On over here don't they?
anyway -
Amalah, honey...you DO know that I bow down before you? that you have far far more internet wisdom than I?
that you are smarter? prettier? funnier? right?
so, it's okay if I ask -
wtf! it's months before memorial day and you are wearing freaking sandals?
WHITE SANDALS?
I.
Am.
Shocked.
cute baby tho.
It's Lent.
I say drink at home.
This is probably way outdated by now, but you recently (well, actually not really recently) asked about cute diaper bags. I just came across this article about storksaks. I thought- If they're good enough for Angelina and Gwyneth, they're good enough for Amy!
http://www.storksak.com/pressb.htm
I do that with my keys too, because once I locked BOTH sets of keys in the TRUNK of my car at the grocery store. I mean, honestly!
Love the shoes, and that is the cutest baby in the history of babies.
They don't have Shamrock Shakes in Norway. Phooey.
Ahh yes, I know all about talking to things to make sure they are there. lol.
I have not bought an ipod yet either because 1. I am poor and 2. I also thought they would be hard for me to understand. Glad I can now narrow it down to one reason I cannot buy one.
I think Jason should let you get a Coach cover for the iPod because the damn iPods are expensive, you don't want a little scratch or ding to it right?
Yay to your sister having a baby! My sister is pregnant and due in August. She is 4 years younger than me and yet all of our kids (except this almost-arrival) are the same ages.
Noah--cute as ever.
Thanks Amalah! You always bring the funny and I love you for that! Just had a stressful e-mail from my sister and reading you improved my mood a ton. My 44 year old friend has an eight month old--her other son is 25. Yikes! How old is your sister anyway? Glad everything went okay for her! Congrats!
Whaaa? Where did the fun link to the pictures go?
I totally missed St Patricks day 'cause I was sick. *cries*
blackbird - camera phone! objects in photo are less white than they appear! Those sandals are actually a beige-ish cream color, but in that photo the white sequinthings kind of took over.
Sorry. Just had to defend myself there, because really. Carry on.
We want pictures of baby Nicky!
Reasonable doubt-cakes? Love it!! That was an awesome post, well worth the wait. And all I can figure is that you were such an excellent juror that they had to have Jason, too!
holy crap noah's HUGE! i agree with zoot. who the hell IS that kid?