We Are All Totally Going to Die of the Chicken Pox!
March 29, 2006
Internet Lesson #47934780843: Do not ask the Internet for medical advice or opinions of any kind. Seriously. You may think it's kind of cute or that you'll get some reassurance that you are indeed freaking out about nothing, but no. You will be told that you are going to die.
Internet Lesson #99384672368: Do not talk about vaccines. AT ALL. You will be told that you are stupid, wrong, misinformed and also, totally going to die.
Parenthood Lesson #17: HEAT RASH, DUMBASS.
You know, considering that I STILL get emails from people suggesting diaper rash remedies, you'd think I would learn that me + rashes + the Internet = neverending insanity.
I also had a whole long thing typed up about the chickenpox vaccine thing -- exactly why I plan to pass on it at Noah's 12-month visit, why I want to delay it, why "delay" does not mean "never ever," why I do not need to be told how terrible chickenpox is for older children and adults, because this has pretty much been one of my biggest fears since adolescence besides having to outrun an erupting volcano someday, why I would never let Noah grow up with that same fear, why it's all a balancing act of getting sick vs. vaccination vs. which option provides the best lifelong protection, how I got the first shot of the vaccine at 20 years old and became too sick to receive the second shot yet received absolutely no immunity benefits, and also why I would never ever judge anyone for making a different decision regarding their child's health or tell them that they are going to die.
But then I deleted it. Meh.
Anyway, Noah's rash was good old-fashioned heat rash. It started on the belly and then spread to his back and underarms, and since teething has made him sort of miserable and even a little feverish, I once again convinced myself that it was the pox, the pox we are all totally going to die from, and there you have it. A few cool sponge baths and a couple hours sans clothing cleared it right up, and I am officially a Spaz.
Also: Not talking about it anymore. Really. As of the end of this sentence. Right...here. Period.
(POX!)
Anyway, today I actually want to update y'all on my mom, since so many of you have been so nice to ask about her.
She was originally scheduled to have a lumpectomy on April 24th. APRIL. TWENTY-FOURTH. This was...kind of annoying, because what the hell do you do in the meantime? Oh yes, there's a lump. A lump that was not there six months ago, and now it is, how about that, let's give it another two months before we do a single fucking blessed thing about it!
I taught myself to cross-stitch in the meantime; that's how crazy the whole thing drove me.
My poor mom, in the meantime, developed vertigo AND got a pelvic ultrasound, because piling on is FUN, and hooray, there's something wrong there too.
Like UTERINE CANCER WRONG.
So now, on top of the lumpectomy, she needs a D&C to determine if she does indeed have uterine cancer. It could be nothing. We're hoping for nothing. We like nothing. Let's hear it for the Seinfeldian uterus!
Of course, the good news is that hey, perhaps APRIL TWENTY-FOURTH is not really such a great idea anymore. So both procedures will take place on April 7th.
*crosses arms, stares at calendar, thinks about learning how to knit*
Everyday is a learning experience, like, can Noah get any cuter. And today, we learn, yes he can.
Amalah--
1--Best wishes to your mom
2--I changed my sign-in name to my last name because there are a lot of crazies Laura's around here
3--You keep posting funny/interesting things to say nearly EVERY DAY now how am I supposed to have time to live my life if I have to keep checking the computer!?!?!??
Seriously.
Wishing your mum all the best. And you too. I'll be praying!
Also, yay, first!
Bah, not first. Grr!
But Noah's toes do make it all better :)
Oh A-
I hope things will be alright for her. I really do. I will keep all of you in my thoughts.
And yes, you do need to pick up knitting as well. Because hello? Noah's first Tball game is like, right around the corner and you need to be knitting, while you carry on chitchat with the other momma's and call Noah over to reapply sunscreen and insist he take a few sips of water.
xoxo
silly
Holy shinto, dude! What's up with the cosmic curses and Job-like trials and tribulations? Well, at least Noah's thing was heat rash rather than that rare, instantly lethal, volcano-dwelling strain of mumps.
Good vibes, good vibes, good vibes, and three cheers for monkeytoes and Subversive Cross-stitch with a mission.
I hope your mom pulls through and is able to hang her FUCK CANCER cross stitch in her living room. Because really. Nothing says love like a cross stitch from her daugther that says FUCK CANCER.
P.S. I got the heat rash when I was 11 and I thought I had AIDS, so you're not the only hypochondriac.
i'm so sorry to hear about your mom. i'll be sending good vibes her way.
i thought you were a complete crazy ass yesterday with the vaccine comment -- not because of the decision you made regarding the vaccine but because you actually told the internet about your decision. don't you realize yet that over half of your readers are just here to tell you how horrible you're doing at this parenting thing? oh, and let's not forget you're totally selfish as well. :)
also, you're only on parenting lesson number #17? damn, i'm at about #4,327,239 and my little man is only 3 weeks older than yours. i must have been dumb ass hell to start with.
Wow!! A second ago there were 0 (zero) comments and now there are 6 (six). I am impressed!!
I hope your mom gets better. Hoping for Nothing. Nothing is Good.
Yep, asking the internet for medical advice is like expecting...well...truth on the internet (anyone wanna Neiman-Marcus cookie?).
eeesh....sorry to hear about your mom. My father-in-law is just getting over vertigo, so I know how miserable it is. Well, I don't personally know, but I know how miserable HE seemed to be.
And as for cancer? FUCK IT.
Amy, I really hope everything with your mom turns out well.
My aunt is currently fighting breast cancer, and sometimes the doctors really make me say WTF?!
ambrosia: I'm only at Parenting Lesson #17 because I've failed at Parenting Lessons #18 - #284973596342. Am slow learner.
Cancer fucking sucks. My mom is currently recovering from breast cancer, but still every time the phone rings and I see "home" on caller id, a little pang of fear strikes at my heart. Just know that if thinking good thoughts could work miracles your mom would be fine with all of the positive crap I'm sending your way!
And that is one cute little boy.
Similar thing just happened to my neighbor -- she went in for her MMG and they found like 6 lumps. I think she will be seeing the DR sometime in early 2008 -- you know, the soonest thay can get her in. (Just kidding -- she does have to wait 6 weeks though) It just baffles me that cancer is treated like, well, chicken pox. (Everyone gets it eventually, no big deal. The DR can squeeze you in on May 32nd.)
Amy, sorry to hear about your mom. I went through something similar with my mother. I will be praying for her!
Sorry also that people are giving you a hard time about your decision. It IS your decision, and you don't need to explain or justify it. I was horrified at my ODD's 1 year check-up that the doctor gave her the chicken pox vaccine without getting my consent or EVEN TELLING ME that she was administering that shot until afterward! It is optional!
Also, isn't that onesies Noah is wearing in the 3rd pic down from the Gallery of Disturbing Baby Clothes? The "happy faces on chalk outlines" one?
An alert reader (LOL!)
After I read your comments section, I don't know how you don't go batshit crazy sometimes. I actually lay my head down on my desk in disgust on occasion; like the other day, when dozens of nitwits about 60 comments down started marveling that "Ceiba has stuffing in her mouth!! Did anyone else notice that?!" GAH!
What I'm saying is, good job not flailing scathing replies at the internets, which is what I would do. Which is why I do not have a blog.
and also, best wishes to your mom, and her boobs and uterus. Seriously.
As cute as Noah is (particularly his toes!) that's overridden by the update on your mom. Positive thoughts,vibes and prayers headed her way from me.
People who make me laugh as much as you are allowed to arm their children with Uzi's and I'd still think they were FINE parents because laughter contains with it much forgiveness and forgetness (see? I forgot a whole syllable in that last word, but doesn't it flow nicely?)
I've even forgiven you-know-who for leaving you-know-who in the you-know-what (car) because his wife is so funny. See? Laughter makes the world go 'round....
I'm so sorry about your mother, I'm sending good vibes your way. My mother has had a couple of very minor scares, and I have gone insane with each, I can't imagine what you are going through.
I love the pictures of Noah, I'm going to give birth to a boy (my first baby) in a couple of weeks, and I just love thinking that I'm going to have a similar creature in my house soon.
Very sorry about your mom. You are all in my thoughts.
Praying for your family! ::hugs::
Last week I found out that my mother's sister has breast cancer and it's amazing how hearing something like that suddenly changes things and kind of makes your heart stop.
Anyway, fuck cancer (you have crazy cross stitching skills) and I might have to eat your child or at least hug him.
Amy,
If I were a new mom again I would absolutely break up my children's shots... I just had them all slammed at the appointed times and felt lucky they didn't have adverse reactions (DUMB!!).
The chicken pox is currently running through our school system and it is getting everyone... those adults who had the pox as children and those who have been vaccinated against it... they only benefit is that this is a very mild case... only a few sores and minor, benadryl treatable, itching.
I will pray for your mom and her Seinfeldian uterus.
Amy, I'm so sorry about your mom. Wishing her all the best.
Delurking to wish your mom all the best. I'm hoping it is nothing. And I love that cross-stitch pattern so much that now I have to buy it.
Wishing all kinds of good thoughts for you, your mom, and your whole family.
And that third picture down of Noah? Too unbelievably cute... (As if any of them ever aren't! Pshhh, to that!)
So sorry about your mom. Best wishes to all of you.
I had exactly the same twitterpation about my son's rash. Instead of posting pictures to the internet I emailed my Mom a picture of the rash as she is a nurse and knows everything, right? Well she just turned around and said "It looks like heat rash, stop freaking out, if you are worried see a doctor, and what ever you do don't look it up in that 'what to expect' book, that book is a load of crap!" Thanks Mom.
Seriously, whenever you're ready for that glass of wine, lemme know...'cause, damn, it sounds like you need it!
Good luck with it all.
And also? I had the pox when I was 11 and I thought I was going to die. I couldn't imagine getting them now at 27.
Amy,
Am crossing fingers, toes, eyes, whatever other body parts that can be crossed for your moms.
Aw, Aim ... only good thoughts to you and your momma.
Amy,
I'm so very sorry about your mom. But, am sending good vibes and cancer-kicking thoughts from the west coast.
~ nola
Hi Amy, I'm sorry to hear about everything you're going through. I'm sending positive thoughts your way. I'm 29 and I had uterine cancer last year (you actually answered one of my questions in your Wed advice thingie about it and the loss of my uterus and therefore childbirthing ability) anyway.... if it is uterine cancer it's the most curable cancer with a 98% cure rate, she'll be fine. My mother alsohad breast cancer, so I'm sending all my good thoughts your way.
Fuuuuuck.
That's pretty much all my brain can manage to come up with right now.
Boo. I've got crossed fingers and good thoughts.
I haven't commented in awhile but I wanted you to know I'm thinking about your mom and I hope she will be fine.
I wish nothing but the best for your mom. I am appalled that you have to wait so long for answers. I hope that you are all surrounded by supportive people in the meantime.
Best wishes!!
OMG! The thumb-sucking and monkeyturtletoes are just too much for me. I think I just exploded from cuteness overload. Man he's adorable!
I'm sorry to hear about your mom, and I hope that she is doing well and that the two surgeries reveal nothing big. I'll keep your family in my prayers.
Oh Amalah, I'll have everything crossed that can be crossed. We need your mom around for a long long long time.
Hugs.
i am thinking the most positive thoughts i possibly for your mom. every finger and toe is crossed.
knitting is very theraputic. it's gotten me through some very tough times and i read recently that it produces the same brain reactions as yoga. i would recommend the stitch n bitch books, i taught myself how to learn from the first of the two books.
oh amalah. blah. best wishes for your mom. :/ that's crummy.
but yay! no pox!
Noah looks just as relieved and happy that he doesn't have chicken pox. Besides, he's too durn cute for that!
Sorry to hear about your Mum. A stressful time for everybody, I'm sure. Hope all goes well. We'll be looking forward to your April 7th post.
Haha! You linked to the cross stitch I sent you.
I'm thinking it might be time to break out the embroidery thread...
While I think the internets generally means well, assvice always sucks; well-intentioned or not.
Hope things get better with your mom!
Hi, um, yup both of my older kids got the pox vaccine but got a small case of it anyway and had to stay out of preschool for a week. Fun! We also had to press the "secret" button of
"Infectious disease cases" and enter the "special" door to actually see the doctor. We felt very special. I'm not sure if we'll do the vaccines with our two youngest but I'm not sure, because, even though the oldest kids got some of the pox they didn't get as sick and don't have the scars of children who get it without the immunitiation. Just my opinion and not sure what I'm going to do.
Gah, thats horrible. we, the internet people, are here for you.
If I wasn't a complete stranger or if I had Heather B.'s coveted role, Noah would have a closet full of sarcastic, funny t-shirts and onesies and I would be even more broke than I am now because cute or funny baby clothes trump groceries in my book. I am single, yet have about 10 funny baby clothes websites bookmarked on my computer. Yes, I need help and a life. But seeing a baby with a shirt that says "I can't read" or "It'll end in tears" will keep me laughing for days.
love the drool soaked shirt... reminds me of when my brother was a baby, and a ten year old (but thats another story).
best wishes to your mom :)
Just wanted to say I'm thinking only good thoughts for Nanalah! Here's hoping it's nothing.
And I commented with a website yesterday, I meant not disrespect, I'm sure you had done all your research, just trying to help.
Go Seinfeldian uterus! Fuck it, Seinfeldian EVERYTHING.
Hang in.
And Noah is cuter than ever.
Maria