Things I Will Miss, Part 3

Hello! Go Away! Come Back on Monday!

A comment from Tuesday's post:

You really CAN'T afford to stay home, so stop acting like it. You're going to have to make huge sacrifices that will stress you out even MORE than when you were dropping your kid off at daycare. Tell the truth: you got fired and now you are pretending to freelance when all the while you're shitting yourself because you can't live off of one salary.
Good luck.

Ha! Quite a refreshing change from the good old days of Laura and her snippity preachiness about how I could TOTALLY afford to stay home if my husband and I stopped eating out so damn much, or you know, just stopped eating altogether.

No! Now I am poor and a liar and EVEN WORSE, have developed some rather distressing problems with my bowels.

(Helpful Hints for Trolls! Guess what! When you comment, I get your IP address, and then I can see allllll the other comments you've left from that IP address, especially the one where you used your real email address, asked me to visit your real blog and mentioned what real blogging friend of mine is a real friend of yours, and really, you gave me a terrific laugh right there, so thanks, dumbass.)

(I visited your blog! And it was very funny. Especially the part where the very first thing I read was a whole rant about "I reserve the right to publish any email you send me along with your email address blah blah blah." Oh! The irony!)

(I am bigger than that. I am ABOVE THAT. But...you know. Tempting.)


This post is not about the troll, because honestly that is just about the stupidest comment I have ever gotten, and almost makes me wonder if she was just trying to be funny or something, because...huh? Like I would not admit if I got my ass fired? Like I would not JUMP at the chance to  have a public hysterical freak-out of that caliber just to save my pride?

People, I have told you about my cervical mucus. I mean. Come on.


MY POINT IS: I am not fired nor am I making the freelancing shit up, because my first regular gig (gig! I have gigs!) starts on Monday, when I will start posting for ClubMom as their Round-Up Blog Editor for the Round-Up Blog that Rounds-Up Mom Blogs and Blogs About the Best of Mom Blogs in a Round-Up Blogging Fashion.

If you read a lot of other blogs of the mothering kind, you have probably noticed a few people mentioning that they've been chosen by ClubMom to blog about various parenting-related topics. My job is basically to read what they write and then tell you to go read it too. And yes, they are paying me money for this. MONEY. TO READ BLOGS. BLAWWWGS.

I think the Round-Up Blogger is supposed to be some kind of community-building den-mother type to all the bloggers of the world, but I prefer to think of myself as a TERRIFYING BLOGGING OVERLORD.


Everybody Else: Um. Fuck you.

Amy: Fu-...oh. Um...you go away! You go away and go eat some dirt!

(There is no cursing on the Round-Up Blog. No cursing! This is pretty much the biggest challenge of my entire writing career.)


I'll be posting to this blawwwg a minimum of five times a week (mmmmm, contractually-obligated goodness) (and mmmmmm, part-time babysitter) and I'll be telling dumb stories about dumb things that I do that are dumb and also! TALKING ABOUT YOUR BLOGS. Yes, yours!

I promise you it will be fun, and holy mother of blogs, you better leave me a comment today with your URL so I won't run out of material after three days. I'm basically be creating and surfing the biggest, fattest blogroll of mom blogs, mom-to-be blogs, wannabe-mom blogs and maybe even some dad blogs, because I am CRAZY like that. ClubMom clearly has no idea what a rebel they hired.

And no, ClubMom co-founder Andrew Shue has not called me and I don't have his email address, which fine, I HAD VERY IMPORTANT QUESTIONS ABOUT MELROSE PLACE THAT AREN'T ANSWERING THEMSELVES OVER HERE, BUT WHATEVER.

Also, I am still waiting for Meredith Viera to offer me her spot on The View, but I am positive that's coming any time now. In fact, I better go check the fax machine again. Sometimes stuff falls off the tray.

So the fun starts on Monday, and then, oh but then, I will be announcing even MORE FUN STUFF on Wednesday, which...gee...Wednesday. Didn't something used to happen semi-regularly around here on Wednesdays? Hmmm, I can't quite seem to recall.



The troll WAS partly right. We still eat out at restaurants, but are now too poor to afford a second glass of wine for the baby.


Or real tissues, apparently. Gross, self.


something blue

You would be way better than Rosie. I vow I'm not watching The View anymore. Not that I don't like Rosie, it's just that Meredith has such grace.

Good luck on your gig! That's sweet being paid to surf mom blogs and Rule the Roost at ClubMom.


well...you can read it if you like, but it sucks and so far, the only mommy part about my blog is that i am barely pregnant now (10 weeks?) and cannot pull my head out of the toilet long enough to write anything funny...read it anyway though, may be fun...and by god woman, that psycho needs to be put-down...


Amy, sweetie,

I am Austrian and I read your blog. I mean, AUSTRIAN. You know, Europe. In Austria, we don't even speak English naturally, we have to LEARN it at SCHOOL as a FOREIGN LANGUAGE. And I, a girl from Good Old Europe, I read this blog and love it. (And, as a side-effect, my english improves.) I am your lectoring counterpart when it comes to German.

Which leads to: Hello to the author of the bitchy posting; you're a loser, honey. I hope you tried to be sarcastic and stuff, but you know what? - You are lost. LOST. There are way too many Amy fans out there, so just run and hide, ok?

Good luck!


Maybe people would read my blog if I had a cute baby. Sigh.

Good luck with your new 'lancing job!


You asked for it... here's my mom blog. Now featuring a post about flies! Yummy!


This is such a great job for you. And such a great job to even exist in the first place. I mean momblogger who corrals other momblogger? Unheard of! I can just imagine some poor high school guidance counselor faced with a kid who says, "I want Amy's job when I grow up, and he's like, "but according to your aptitude test, you're best suited to be veterinarian or a busker."

I do have Mom in my blog title so I guess that qualifies me for a perusal. Even though half the time I forget I'm a mom and just write about my bad ipod playlist of one-hit wonders from the 70s.

Moms are allowed to have bad musical taste too, dammit!

Beth F.

I love your blog, I added it to my favorites the other day!

I love your choice to stay at home. Noah is so fortunate! I, too, stay home with two small ones and often wonder how we will pay for groceries next week, but it's all worth it. I wish you much luck on your newest endeavor.

If you get a chance to check out my blog, I hope you enjoy it!


you can't cuss? well doesn't that fucking blow?


***waving frantically***

Over here! Over here! I am a mom with a blog. One where I write about stupid stuff and people read it; like the boy who cheated on me, and my husband remodeling my entire bathroom when all he was supposed to do was put in a floor with tiles he got for free...

But I am not begging you to come read me....

But I totally am.

Lisa B

If you were on the View I would actually watch it.

And I have no pride. I'm not above begging. Plluuuuhhhh-eeeaasssseee come visit and read my blog...


Mommy? Check. Blogger? Check. Freelancer? Check. Occasional restaurant diner? Check. New fan? Check.

Congrats on the gig!


No bad words on clubmom ONLY I hope! Please don't honor those rules here, please?

I have only ever commented twice (or so?) before on your blog, but this is such great news, congrats!

I have twin boys, and no sanity left, but I love them to bits.


Hey- I know you have no idea who I am, but I sent you an invitation to join my Mothers' Day Bloggect and I sent you a very nice, encouraging email on your first day back to work... then I told you my hubby like almost died from chicken pox and then you got all annoyed with me... BUT! I love your blog and will make a point to check out your new gig. I, too, am a mom with a blog.


I tend not to comment because, well because after 923,327 comments are you really gonna read mine? And WTF!? Why do people feel the need to criticize anyone on the blog. You know they're totally the type of people who wouldn't say a thing if some kid was getting the crap beaten out of them in the super market or if their next door neighbor was being abused, but online they'll say anything. Stop by my blog sometime. It's a little thing, but you'll see that Noah is Pooter's "brother from another mother"


I totally know who you're talking about. I remember when she posted a link to her blog in your comments and I went and checked her out. I found it funny that she didn't allow comments on her blog. Oh how I would have loved to comment! I've been reading her blog since only because it's a damn trainwreck blog. But I refuse to put her on my blogroll. Cuz she's a bitch.

You on the other hand, got blogrolled like on day one. So yay on the club mom thing. You rock.


Congratulations! This is huge!

Oh overlord, may I be on your biggest, fattest blogroll of mom blogs?


I want to be on the biggest fattest blogroll of all momkind. But what I want to know is, WHO got the teen blogging and the special needs blogging positions, because I've been looking and looking to see whom the choose and so far, it's a mystery.

Good luck on the new job.


How funny is this: I also applied for that job (and oddly, I feel better about not getting it now that I know that YOU did--really! I mean that! but where was I? oh, yes)--I applied for that job, and in my Pretend Blog Round-Up, I wrote about . . .

YOU! A random and very funny Friday post about what was (or was not) on your iPod.

I feel like, somehow, I actually HELPED you get this job. You're welcome!

And congratulations!


I won't lie, I'm so jealous. I myself am looking for something that I can do so I can stay home with my kids. Good luck and I hope everything works out.


Congratulations! That's great. And you are perfect to be the RoundUp Overlord.

I have a mom blog. First it was going to be a how-the-feminists-lied-to-us-this-having-it-all-thing-is-just-not-happening-blog. Then I realized that was out there already - well, sort of - so now it's just about ME. And, you know, my opinions, my kids, my life, my perspectives on parenthood, and any other random thought that enters my head.

Thanks for adding mine to your blogroll (hopefully).


Fantastic gig -- congrats! It's exciting that mom blogs are getting the recognition they deserve. I can't wait to see what you uncover.



Getting payed for what you like doing anyways, that's gotta be exciting.

PS: I'm a mommy with a blog... Though the blog has little to do with that, cause it's my only way of escaping :-)


Link the troll! LINKKKKKK


First off - the troll is a complete ass. I still can't believe all the people that say this kind of shit to people ni comments/emails. Would you say it to someone's face? Anyway, HATE the haters. You always handle them so well. I love your reply, BTW.

Also, I'm not above pimping my blog...I'm in the process of getting a face lift (i.e., I finally hired someone to redo my blogskin because I'm tired of losing all my work and having to re-paste my original template, blah, blah, blah. I suck like that.) Anyway, you're welcome to drop by ;-).


Congrats on the great opportunity. I can't wait to tevo you on the View - :)


More Amalah to read? Super!

For the dad's perspective...check me out sometime.


For when you get to the bottom of the barrel and are desperate.


I'm not a mom, but I hope to be one very soon. I have a mom. I know other moms. I can even add "Mom" to my blog title:

"What Mom're You Lookin' At?"

Let me know if this works.


I have a "daddy" blog for you -- his wife is an old friend of mine. This is another one of those miracle stories, although the blog focuses on how adorable their little girl is:



This is so great. I'm very happy for you (and so jealous that you are getting paid to READ BLOGS)!

This is also perfect timing for me. Because....


All praise for my new baby. Now go and read my blog.

(but give me a few days to come up with something other than "my baby is the cutest baby in the world" to blog about!)


Holy cow, that's a lot of comments. Congratulations on your new gig. I post about lots of stuff, but also about being a mother. Thanks for asking!


Whatever...even though some trolls just want to get publicity, this one just wanted to thwart your confidence. Too bad she only succeeded in giving you more.

This was straight up EMBARRASSING for this person. Your post was the ultimate smackdown. Kudos.

Silly Hily

No wonder I got an e-mail that said thanks but no thanks to my application to write for ClubMom. I didn't know actual rock star bloggers were applying too. Damnit! As always, I love you but hate you that you got that gig and can stay home while I have to go back to work in four weeks. Anyway, am a mom of two, have a blog. Come see me again. (Yes, again, remember, I'm one of the thousand bloggers that about shit themselves when you commented not once but twice.)
Am shutting up now.


I have a blog, but am not a mom to a living child yet. We lost one last year during pregnancy and I am now in the middle of a high risk pregnancy trying to keep this baby in here.... if I make it to full term it will be 24 weeks of frickin bedrest. Then blogging about mommyhood when the baby gets here. I just started reading your blog and it is very funny! www.miraclebabyb.blogspot.com


ClubMom picked the perfect person! Congrats on the new gig! Yeah, I got a good ol mommy blog too. (And love to trace the IP addys on weird comments too. . .)


Hello from one of your fellow ClubMom bloggers. I think you should start asking for bribes, er, I mean gifts, no, um...cold hard cash! Why the hell not.

Oh yeah, we're not supposed to be making money on the side off this venture. Dammit. Anyway, they picked a great RoundUp Editor. I'm honored to be among such great company, especially one who's so good at cussing, even if you're not allowed (heavy sigh).

See you in the funny papers....


Oh, and Meredith is getting Katie Couric's old job.


Hey Amalah! Congrats on the decision to become a work at home mom! How exciting for you--and for Noah! Best of luck!

Oh, and I also am a sort of mommy bloger. I guess. www.karijosaunders.bravejournal.com


Mama Grouch

Oh, oh, oh, look at me! Look at me!

I am a mom! I have a blog! I am a mommy blogger!

That was pretty much all I needed to qualify right?



I'm not a mom yet. Your blog makes me want to be one...even the times when you are covered in puke and/or poop.

Also, I really want to know the name of the troll. I think I've seen her blog.

God Bless your new adventure!


I assume you're going to be inventing crazy new cursewords, like FODSWALLOP! and REMP YOU LIKE A KOKOMO!

I totally would. If I had respect.

RockStar Mommy

I read that comment the other day and it was SO bizarre, I just assumed that it was a joke. How could it NOT be? Right? I mean... can anyone really be THAT lame in real life?

That's probably the stupidest question I've ever asked.


Why do people have to be such spaz's? If you don't like something, stop watching!period.
or stop reading said blog, or change the station.end of story.blogtard! I like that one!
I love your blog!
Love the pictures of the baby! He's a doll! Good luck w/everything!
P.S. I am a mom w/a blog. I'm just saying.


Ooooooh! I have finally found my den mother!

I'll be one of your underlings over at Club Mom.
I can hardly wait to be harrassed into writing great content. JUST what I need. I've always enjoyed harrassment at the workplace - that's how I met my husband.

Good luck to both of us! ...But, I think I need it more!

Also, I knew Meredith would take us right to the top with her.

See you around the office. I'll be the one with The Village People blaring from my cubicle.

Mrs X

"I don't have a blog, but I did just find out that I am having a BOY, so all boy baby advice will be bookmarked!"

Ok, just because I had wished someone would have told me this (dammit!), always point that little sucker down when diapering. Unless you're handing him off to your SIL who you don't really like. Thank just stand back and laugh evilly. Not that I've ever done that.


Because I can totally pimp myself out after the week I just had.


Have fun with the new gig! I'm totally in love with you now!


I'm a mom - who's emailed you because have I mentioned that our sons are the same age? : ) - and I have a blog. So it might be a mom blog, but I do curse an awful lot. and neglect my children dreadfully, in order to blog.

I'll go check out Clubmom.


actually, my blog has two moms - hehe, take THAT Rick Santorum! - my friend Gina co-blogs with me.


I'm not a mom/mom-to-be/dad etc but I'm commenting anyway! New to your site (not even sure how I got here) but am lovin it!


I, too, have a blog where I talk about my kids. Is there an age limit for the kids on ClubMom? Do they have to be babies/toddlers? And I swear as much, if not more, than you so I may not be what they had in mind. I'm getting ready to write a post about how aptly named Captain Destructo is. Oy.


P.S. Here's a link the blog of a very good friend of mine:


She's a SAHM with a three-year-old and a four-month-old, and she's very funny. Go there. You will thank me.


I'm a fairly new mommy blogger. But I can't hold a candle to you!


I'll have to check out ClubMom.


I anxiously await your ClubMom Debut! And am ever hopeful that some advice smack down will reappear in some form, even if it is about getting nasty formula stains out of a white cashmere sweater.


Jesus, 253 comments? I had a dream (and I emphasize the word "dream") that I had 70 comments last night.

Congrats on the gig. It's like you're a rockstar!

Oh, guess what? I moved to Takoma Park this weekend and I can now walk to Samantha's from my house. Also, many places that sell beer. Yay!

The comments to this entry are closed.