A comment from Tuesday's post:
You really CAN'T afford to stay home, so stop acting like it. You're
going to have to make huge sacrifices that will stress you out even
MORE than when you were dropping your kid off at daycare. Tell the
truth: you got fired and now you are pretending to freelance when all
the while you're shitting yourself because you can't live off of one
Ha! Quite a refreshing change from the good old days of Laura and her snippity preachiness about how I could TOTALLY afford to stay home if my husband and I stopped eating out so damn much, or you know, just stopped eating altogether.
No! Now I am poor and a liar and EVEN WORSE, have developed some rather distressing problems with my bowels.
(Helpful Hints for Trolls! Guess what! When you comment, I get your IP address, and then I can see allllll the other comments you've left from that IP address, especially the one where you used your real email address, asked me to visit your real blog and mentioned what real blogging friend of mine is a real friend of yours, and really, you gave me a terrific laugh right there, so thanks, dumbass.)
(I visited your blog! And it was very funny. Especially the part where the very first thing I read was a whole rant about "I reserve the right to publish any email you send me along with your email address blah blah blah." Oh! The irony!)
(I am bigger than that. I am ABOVE THAT. But...you know. Tempting.)
This post is not about the troll, because honestly that is just about the stupidest comment I have ever gotten, and almost makes me wonder if she was just trying to be funny or something, because...huh? Like I would not admit if I got my ass fired? Like I would not JUMP at the chance to have a public hysterical freak-out of that caliber just to save my pride?
People, I have told you about my cervical mucus. I mean. Come on.
MY POINT IS: I am not fired nor am I making the freelancing shit up, because my first regular gig (gig! I have gigs!) starts on Monday, when I will start posting for ClubMom as their Round-Up Blog Editor for the Round-Up Blog that Rounds-Up Mom Blogs and Blogs About the Best of Mom Blogs in a Round-Up Blogging Fashion.
If you read a lot of other blogs of the mothering kind, you have probably noticed a few people mentioning that they've been chosen by ClubMom to blog about various parenting-related topics. My job is basically to read what they write and then tell you to go read it too. And yes, they are paying me money for this. MONEY. TO READ BLOGS. BLAWWWGS.
I think the Round-Up Blogger is supposed to be some kind of community-building den-mother type to all the bloggers of the world, but I prefer to think of myself as a TERRIFYING BLOGGING OVERLORD.
Amy: WRITE QUALITY CONTENT OR TREMBLE IN FEAR. GROVEL FOR MY LINKAGE.
Everybody Else: Um. Fuck you.
Amy: Fu-...oh. Um...you go away! You go away and go eat some dirt!
(There is no cursing on the Round-Up Blog. No cursing! This is pretty much the biggest challenge of my entire writing career.)
AGAIN WITH THE ANYWAY.
I'll be posting to this blawwwg a minimum of five times a week (mmmmm, contractually-obligated goodness) (and mmmmmm, part-time babysitter) and I'll be telling dumb stories about dumb things that I do that are dumb and also! TALKING ABOUT YOUR BLOGS. Yes, yours!
I promise you it will be fun, and holy mother of blogs, you better leave me a comment today with your URL so I won't run out of material after three days. I'm basically be creating and surfing the biggest, fattest blogroll of mom blogs, mom-to-be blogs, wannabe-mom blogs and maybe even some dad blogs, because I am CRAZY like that. ClubMom clearly has no idea what a rebel they hired.
And no, ClubMom co-founder Andrew Shue has not called me and I don't have his email address, which fine, I HAD VERY IMPORTANT QUESTIONS ABOUT MELROSE PLACE THAT AREN'T ANSWERING THEMSELVES OVER HERE, BUT WHATEVER.
Also, I am still waiting for Meredith Viera to offer me her spot on The View, but I am positive that's coming any time now. In fact, I better go check the fax machine again. Sometimes stuff falls off the tray.
So the fun starts on Monday, and then, oh but then, I will be announcing even MORE FUN STUFF on Wednesday, which...gee...Wednesday. Didn't something used to happen semi-regularly around here on Wednesdays? Hmmm, I can't quite seem to recall.
The troll WAS partly right. We still eat out at restaurants, but are now too poor to afford a second glass of wine for the baby.
Or real tissues, apparently. Gross, self.