This Entry Mentions Vaccines and Chickenpox but Not Daycare
khfkshyl! and also zzzzzzxyiaf

Avant Bloggarde

OR, THE MOST RANDOM BUNCH OF CRAP EVER THROWN TOGETHER FOR THE SAKE OF UPDATING AND KEEPING MY MIND OFF MY MOM'S SURGERY TODAY, INCLUDING TRANSITIONS FROM AN IMPROMPTU EMAIL SHOUTING MATCH YVONNE AND I HAD YESTERDAY REGARDING THE NAMING OF VARIOUS MEAT PRODUCTS

I am out of clean clothes. OUT. My dry-cleaning pile is large and fierce and has taken over the floor of my bedroom AND the Pack-N-Play, which honestly I'm finding more useful as a hamper than I ever did as a bassinet, and I'm frankly a little scared to disturb the pile because I think the proteins from the spit-up stains sparked with some static electricity and created life -- life that has just entered the Industrial Age and invented a cotton gin. Also: spiders.

I am not kidding about the pile.

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Just one of the many things I trust our babysitter not to reveal to the Internet regarding the way we live, like the fact that we have no toilet paper roll dispenser.

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To: Yvonne
From: Amy

HAM. I love that word. It just makes laugh.

HAMMY!

To: Amy
From: Yvonne

HAM. 

Pork. Sausage. Beef.

Come to think of it, I think all meat related terms are funny.

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And now, I present what may be the worst photo of Noah ever taken.

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I am posting it because the child has decided that TWO teeth are a good idea. I am very mad at him about this.

The first tooth kind of snuck up on us all, and really wasn't too big of a deal at all (one morning: hello tooth nub! welcome to the mouth! take a dip in the slobber pool and stay awhile!), and I was confident in my Smug Assholeness that once again, I don't know WHAT some people are complaining about, these baby things just raise themselves!

The second tooth is bad. The second tooth is evil. The second tooth will destroy us all.

Toothie

The first tooth. The second tooth cannot be photographed, much like a vampire's fang.

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To: Yvonne
From: Amy

BACON

To: Amy
From: Yvonne

WEINERS

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Look at how pretty and artistic! It's really amazing what you can accomplish when you still have NO FUCKING CLUE HOW TO OPERATE YOUR GODDAMNED CAMERA.

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To: Yvonne
From: Amy

POTTED MEAT PRODUCT

To: Amy
From: Yvonne

CHOPPED LIVER

To: Yvonne
From: Amy

HEADCHEESE

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And now, a pimping interlude...

Y'all would not believe the amount of email I get from various companies asking me to plug their goods and services on my site. And I don't think they really read my site because otherwise they MUST know that a She's the Man poster giveaway is probably not something I can seamlessly weave into an entry about sofa poop.

I'm usually too chicken to email these people back to kindly request that they BUY A DAMN AD, because while my content is about 99% not for sale, my sidebar 100% is.

But! Today I am going to pimp a few things.

My buddy Brandon has asked for our help with a survey he's conducting for a new business venture, because (as he put it) you minions are his target demo. Go please click here and take a short survey for him.

NOW. MEAN IT. This entry isn't going anywhere.

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To: Amy
From: Yvonne

CARNE ASADA

To: Yvonne
From: Amy

BEEF FUCKING BRISKET

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Next up is my fellow Snarkywood contributer Jen and her new book: Bitter is the New Black. She sent me a copy because her heart is not actually made of jelus-Olsen-twin-hating tar. Or maybe it is, but she's just nice occasionally. Anyway, the book is hilarious and you should all buy it.

NOW! AM BOSSY!

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To: Amy
From: Yvonne

*wonders if our competitive nature is taking over*

CHITTERLINGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

To: Yvonne
From: Amy

BRRRRAAAAAAAINNNNNNNSSSSSS

*and also yeah, I think so*

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And lastly, reader Amy and her line of fleece clothing at peanutpie.net. Amy actually did do the nice thing and bought an ad, and then introduced herself and offered to send Noah some clothes. And while I am usually kind of horrified to have any interaction with my advertisers because I feel badly about taking their money for SIDEBAR PIXELS, how could I resist free baby clothes?

Especially free baby clothes that look like this:

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Look out behind you, Noah! Mama's baring her scary teeth in preparation of eating you whole!

Lord have mercy, people, is this stuff ever cute. And available right here! HOW ABOUT THAT.

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To: Amy
From: Yvonne

HAHA. I'M LAUGHING SO HARD, BUT ALSO VERY SERIOUS because VICTORY WILL BE MINE...

OMG. TURKAAAAAAAYYYY.

To: Yvonne
From: Amy

I HAVE TO GO PICK UP MY CHILD.

AND YET.

TURDUCKEN.

gah-gah-gah2

Would anybody like to see a blurry picture of my cat?

Yellowcat_1

You are welcome. Poor Max deserved some airtime, I think.

At one time, I would have spent 20 minutes trying to get him to look at the camera and snap the perfect shot. Now I don't even bother fully charging up the flash.

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To: Amy
From: Yvonne


You leave, I WIN!

MUTTON.

To: Yvonne
From: Amy

LAMB CHOPS.

ALSO, THERE ARE NO WINNERS IN MEAT CLUB, BECAUSE I AM POSTING THIS WHEN I GET HOME.

Comments

Starbuck

Haggis

DCGirl

PLEASE PLEASE can you comment on the upcoming Katie Holmes birth. There is so much drama concerning all of this and work is so boring these days ... your opinion would make a girl's day!

mom101

Headcheese: the worst word in the history of the English language. Even worse than Cheney, and that's saying a lot.

Humor Girl

NO SHIT! I bought that book 2 days ago!

PS... HOLY CRAP YOUR KID IS PERFECT.

Humor Girl

NO WAY!!! I bought that book 2 days ago!

PS... HOLY CRAP YOUR KID IS PERFECT.

Nette

I have a toilet paper dispenser - a really beautiful rustic metallic one in the shape of a vine with a leaf - to match the towel bars of course. And I STILL don't use it! It's at a bad angle behind me and I end up taking it off and sitting it on the scale, on the tub, or on the towel bar (!)

*corn beef hash!*

I hope everything comes out fine with your mom.

Buffy

My pile just filled five garbage bags (Im house sitting this weekend and its gonna have to come with me). So beat that.

Your mom.....I wish her well.

Starbuck

Creamed chipped beef

Also, Thinking about all of you and awaiting (hopefully) good news.

Isabel

I love the dry cleaning pile. When I first saw it I couldn't help but think it may be cheaper to just buy all new clothes then to pay to have them all dry cleaned. Try to clear it with Jason. He might go for it, you never know.

And best thoughts for your Mom.

Malia

Cool! I'll advertise for free clothes.

Malia

Sallyacious

Delurking to say Yay! I am not the only person who fears the laundry because of the potential for spontaneously generated spiders.

Good thoughts going out to your mom and the rest of your family.

Also, my husband and I are going to be in DC the week after next. I've never been there, and we currently live in a pokey college town out west with limited restaurants. What are your top two choices for best places to eat if you're staying downtown and don't have a car?

warcrygirl

I'm too lazy to read all the comments above because the couch is calling to me and Hello! Naptime! I'm surprised that you guys didn't mention Spam. Or how about fatback? Not really meat per se but it comes from pigs. Or gizzards? Gizzards are considered meat, right?

kATIE

PICKLELOAF

Helen

Tripe.....smells as bad as it sounds.
I am so impressed with your clothes pile, I could lose at least 2 of my kids under there, if I piled all my clothes on the floor it would look pathetic and I think people would send me stuff because they would feel very sad that I have no clothes.
I hope your mom is doing OK...somethig very unsettling about having to be the grown up and worry about your parent. I hate that.

Whimsy

I'm with some of your other readers...SPAM. Whats not to love about a miracle meat that requires no refridgeration? That is...if it IS meat...

Lena

I am keeping my fingers crossed for all of you, I hope everything goes well.

Me

Not to be pushy, but how's your mom? Did the surgery go ok? Any news yet?

We're still praying for you. Hard.

Emily

I may have missed it (coming into the game a little late and all), but I couldn't resist.
BEEFALLO.
...yummm...
Also, there is a recipe for squirrel in the older edition of the Joy of Cooking, and instructions on how to skin it. Because it's a useful book like that.

LotionBarBunny

Still praying for your mom, Amy.

Pavlina

Cute clothes, I actually went to the site.

Nothing But Bonfires

Oh, oh, oh, FLANK STEAK.

And also, CHIPPOLATAS. (Do you have these over here? They're like little cocktail sausages.)

Jessica

I took the quiz and e-mailed the Peanut Pie link to my sisters-in-law. Do I get extra credit for that?

I've read Jen's book "Bitter Is The New Black", and I have to say, it is really, really good. Susie Sunshine sent me an autographed copy because I did her a favor. I got it last Monday, and by Thursday night I had read the whole damn thing, even though I have a full time job and watched my niece and nephew Tuesday night. The book is THAT GOOD. I heartily encourage everyone to get a copy as fast as your little fingers can order if from Amazon.com!

Y

Ha! Ha!

Nothing But Bonfires said "cocktail" "sausages".

Joelle

Anything involving "shanks" or "hambone" works for me.

Karen Rani

LIVERWURST!
Funniest random post EVA!

ktbug

Did anyone say SCRAPPLE?

Hope your mom is doing well.

desiree

Honey baked ham
chorizzo
pig hocks (oft served with sourcrout)
monkey brains
baby snakes (see indiana jones temple of doom)

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