khfkshyl! and also zzzzzzxyiaf
The Big Fucking Sigh Of Relief

The Blog Equivalent to Tapping My Foot Impatiently While Glaring at the Phone

Two lessons I have learned about myself this week:

1) I do not function well while waiting for family members' biopsy results.

2) I not function well at all no sleep baby crying every night what is his problem oh my GOD.

Actually, I know what his problem is. Or what his problems is. Are. Whatever.

1) Friday night: Thunderstorm. Stupid nature.


3) Sunday night: Is the new Saturday night.

4) Monday night: Back home, just when he was starting to really LIKE that damn Pack-n-Play.

5) Tuesday night: Um. Teeth? Heat rash? Ear infection? Typhoid? Air? Existance? Payback for all the yakking I've done recently about his amazingly predictable sleep habits?

(DING DING DING. We have a winner, Bob.)


Anyway, I am feeling very listy today, which is fortunate because I have apparently been tagged for some sort of...listy thing. I don't know. No one ever tags me for memes, or they tag me and don't tell me and then send me a nasty email a week later about how I am a snob because I didn't do their meme and what, I think that makes me better than them? I think that makes me special or something?

(You think I am kidding about that? Because: no.)

But when someone in a karate outfit tags you for a meme, you do their meme. Am just saying.


1) I had a fairly massive panic attack on the Las Vegas strip while watching the "volcano" "erupt" at The Mirage. For those of you who have never been to Vegas, I would like to point out that the "volcano" is a big lump of fake rock and the "eruption" is a series of blinking red lights and some fountains. And some fire. And smoke. And then the ground kind of shakes and oh my God, I don't want to talk about it anymore.

2) I have spina bifida occulta. I am missing part of a vertebra in my lower back. I found out in the seventh grade when my back was x-rayed for scoliosis. I never would have known otherwise, because I have no symptoms whatsoever. However, after finding out I was immediately stricken with a host of complaints and phantom back pains, all of which prevented me from participating in gym class, especially dodgeball, and man, what a fucking shame that was.

3) I have the auditory equivalent of a photographic memory. I remember everything I hear, like a tape recorder. Mostly this means I can recite entire chunks of dialogue from bad 80s movies and drive people crazy by quoting Simpsons episodes. Also, if you tell me something but later try to claim that you told me something different, I will know. And I will do that Monty Python Man With A Tape Recorder Up His Nose bit and recite word-for-word what you told me, possibly with my finger up my nose because I think it's funny.

4) I can't snap my fingers. Or roll my Rs. And I can only whistle one note, sort of.

5) I can, however, get my big toe in my mouth.

6) I am extremely extroverted, but will sometimes overcompensate for nervousness at parties by busting out my double-jointed fingers or (thanks to Weird Thing #3) reciting the entire superfast "suck it in suck it in suck it in if you're Rin Tin Tin or Anne Boleyn" verse of Hook by Blues Traveler, which was actually a pretty damn cool party trick back in 1994 or whenever the song came out and people cared, except that I'm thinking now that nobody really cared, they were just drunk.

Now is the part of the meme where I am supposed to tag six other people. And man, this is hard, because what if I tag people and they're all, FUCK MEMES. I AM TOO GOOD FOR MEMES. MEMES ARE FOR THE WEAK. And then I will feel silly because they think my website is obnoxious and stupid.

But! It means I get to type one! Last! List!


1) Nothing But Bonfires
2) Sarcomical
3) Frema
4) Wacky Mommy
5) honestyrain
6) Yvonne, because she can't make fun of me, because that's another rule of Meat Club that I just now invented.


Can roll his Rs. And get his toes in his mouth. Said "dada" this weekend while reaching for Jason. Is now dead to me.




I never did know what they said in that song...but now I do! And I can get it stuck in my head! Like it is now! Dammit.


Thanks so much for playing; your list is a great one! LOL! To be honest, I was a little scared you were going to make fun of me for tagging you, and that I would forever be blacklisted in the blog world. You are such a good sport! And I am honored to have the blogger who inspired me to start my own join in the fun!

I've been thinking about you and your mom all day long. I'm sending good vibes your way. Thanks again!


I know that whole fast part of Hook too! I made myself learn it in the 8th grade because I thought it would make me cool. It didn't, but I still have the skill, should it ever be necessary. This Blues Traveler information is tucked into the same part of my brain as my knowledge of the Presidents in the order they were elected. It really ruins the groove of the song to have to keep adding (i learned it in 1992), but my groove is pretty stedfast.


I've been thinking of your mom and your family all day, and if you see a bunch of "refresh" stats, they're probably from me.

I hope everything goes well!


Thank God I finally know what the hell that lyric is! That's bothered me for so long, but not enough to trouble myself with looking it up or anything. Anyway, now I can sleep peacefully. Well, maybe, once I get that ONE VERSE REPEATING OVER AND OVER KILL ME NOW out of my head.


Ahh, but can you recite all of We Didn't Start the Fire? :-)

Noah. Cute. Always.



I'll do it. But only if you are willing to participate in an Aerobic Dance Off at Blogher.



Y, you know strippah dancing is so much more my style.


Amalah ... tagged ... me?

I think I just wet myself.


AMEN to the 99cent keys from the highway rest stop!

I must now go to PA to get a cute picture of my son in a pot! I have never seen a cuter picture.

Gee, Thanks! :-)


Hope you get the results soon. Medical professionals always have some kind of nerve, because they always make you wait for-freaking-ever for test results, when they probably have them there and are just eating lunch or gossiping or some shit like that instead of calling you to finally tell you the results.

Can you tell that I, too, have recently had to wait for important test results? Gah!

Also, hope Noah sleeps tonight!


I can totally teach you to snap your fingers if you teach me how to suck your big toe.

Wait. That came out wrong.


I've got that photographic memory thing with things I hear, too. I have stumped macho Simpsons fan guys at bars for free drinks many times. Far too many than I'd care to remember, actually.

But, yeah, did you see my "Boo-urns" shirt?

(And if you don't know that one, you are going down when I play you in Simpsons trivia.)


You'd be a shitload of fun at a party. I can only recite the books of the Bible in rapid succession. Double jointed people usually beat me in any type of "cool human tricks" contests. Toe in mouth? Hell of a way to chase a shot of tequila - sucking a lime from betwixt your toes. Yowsa.

And Anne Boleyn? All I can ever hear is that damn harmonica and mumbling. In fact, that's what I thought it was...

"...Rin tin tin and I'm mum-ba-ling..." Had NO clue he was actually saying something historical.

And thanks. I'll be singing that (or humming it, in my case) all day long now.


Girl, what is it with you and the volcano-phobia? You must elaborate on this.

I can identify being frustrated with waiting for biopsy results, but as a medical professional (MD) I can tell you we are not sitting around eating lunch gossiping all day (being a doctor is a great way to loose weight- no time for food!). We are swamped with all of the other sick people in this world. It's a frustrating part of the field. Ladies, we need more doctors!! Oh yeah, this is my day off so don't be thinking I'm wasting my time on the blog. :)


I feel like a dork because I knew nothing of this meme business. I could be tagged and wouldn't know it. But I don't think I have any reason to worry about that. I'm just happy to be posting this completely worthless comment because I'm in like the first 40 comments for the first time I think. Yay for a day off work! PS-Noah, I loved that they put you in the pot!


I'm the same way about tagging. I don't mind being tagged, but I get all insecure and angsty when it comes to passing it on. I guess I'm not a very good memer.


God, I misspelled my own name.


Okay, #4 on your list is totally me, too. My kids keep trying to teach me to snap and whistle. The rolling of the "r"'s? Only when I gargle.

Sorry about the wait for your mom's report. Maybe your mom could call the DR and remind him that there is a real live person jumping every time the phone rings and what is taking so long!!

Silly Hily

My husband also has the auditory equivalent of a photographic memory and it drives me batshit crazy b/c I have NO memory so any arguments that go back even to 20 minutes ago, he wins. It sucks! And with the movies, that's all he does. He'll say a line or a whole scene from a movie and when I look at him like he's stupid he's all, "What, you've never seen such and such movie." And I'm all, "Yes I've seen it but I didn't memorize every single line like you did."


Goodness, I had no idea about that Blues Traveler song either. Fun! And the volcano is really lame, gotta say. The fountains at the Bellagio are way cooler. Good post.


I pretended I was sick and near death to stay at home when it was scoliosis testing day in gym class. Oh the horror - taking your shirt off? In front of the other girls?? In junior high???

Sadie's so PC it's killing me
So desperately I sing to thee
Of love...

yes, I too have your problem. But, oh, the hook, it brings you baaa haaa aack.

Also, I got "migraines" on gym days during the swimming unit...yes, my junior high had a pool. How horrible and esteem-scarring is THAT for a 13-year-old girl in a coed gym class?!


Um... your kid is in a pot. And the lobster is not. I may have just laughed so hard that I peed a little...

Nothing But Bonfires

Oh, you are SO going to wish you didn't tag me. Because I LOVE MAKING LISTS. And now I'm going to go and make a list of the shortlist for the REAL list of the list of six things that I'm going to talk about.

Also, if there's a dance-off, I'll do that too. In fact, dance-offs are the only things I love MORE than lists.


The lobster shot of Noah is priceless. Just absolutely brilliant.

I am missing, sort of, a vertebrea as well. That's because after an injury, then had to take out one, and fuse a couple of other ones together. Hence, I cannot bend over to put my toe in my mouth, or even bend over to touch anything below knee level. Our broom is more flexible than me.


Nothing But Bonfires?

There WILL be a dance off. I'll let YOU make the "list of participants."

Raegan Austin

Ooh, today in mid-read of your post, I totally broke out in "Hook" and I loved it!! It reminded me that my BT is one of the CDs I have yet to load on my iPod and I'd like to thank you for that reminder! I will go do that right now! You're the best!


I'm waiting for the rest of the song...


Have you tried giving Noah a little bit of Benadryl before bed? It helps when they are teething.


THAAAAAANK YOU!!!! Now I FINALLY know what comes after "suck it in, suck it in" in that freaking song!!! I know the rest of it, but that little piece was an enigma for YEARS!!! ahhhhhhh....

hope you get good news regarding the biopsy, so you can try to get some sleep!! :)


oh, girl it is SO ON

when was the last time exactly that you PUT that big toe in your mouth? eerrrgh.

Anne Glamore

I'm feeling pretty cool for teaching my kids the "Chickety china, the chinese chicken..." verse from One Week by Bare Naked Ladies, although now that I look at what I just typed, that is kind of lame.


I had no idea other people hold "I know all the words to Hook" up as their claim to fame.



Hopeful thoughts being sent your way for the biopsy.

And I know what it means to be jealous of your spouse because your little one seems to prefer him. I hate it when my daughter is hurt and she wants out of my arms so that she can go to daddy. Makes me feel like yesterday's newspapers.

Heather B.

your child now speaks? When did you get a toddler? And we shall work on that whole sleeping thing.


Hopefully you have heard something by now about the test results. At this point in the day, it might be good to get on the horn and call for the results - maybe it will get your mom's results to the front of the line.

Hope all is ok!


Sure, but also rage and hate and pain and fear of self and I can't keep these feelings on a shelf. I've tried, oh no, in fact I've lied. Could be financial suicide, but I've got too much pride inside to hide or slide. I'll do as I decide and let it ride until I die and only then shall I abide this tide of catchy little tunes and hip 3 minutes ditties. I want to bust all your balloons. I want to burn all of your cities to the ground. I've found I will not mess around and when I play, hey, I will go on all day. Hear what I have to say. I have a prayer to pray. That's really all this was and when I'm feeling stuck, need a buck, I don't rely on luck, because the hook brings you baaaaackkkk. I ain't tellin you no lieeeee.

I only learned it about 4 years ago and I still listen to the CD. Someone help me.


Hoping all is okay with your mom!

Will also do list because I MUST. Not that I have anything weird. Of course not.


i can't roll my r's either. or whistle. and, for the life of me, i can't remember anything important. yet, get me around a late 80's/early 90's song, the worse the better, and i can 98% guarantee that i'll know every single word.


I'm glad I'm not the only one that thought I was cool for knowing words to annoying fast songs (One week? Its the end of the world as we know it? oh-so-cool)

Totally unrelated: I was in DC on business Monday and I was *sure* we were going to meet. I even had lunch at Old Ebbitt! (and I didn't see Scalia either.) I'm kind of glad my fantasy Amalah meeting didn't take place because I would have fallen all over myself and had to explain to my very senior co-worker that you are my internet bff whom I've never met. again: oh-so-cool.


phoeby-I live in DC and dream of meeting Amalah all the time. I frequent the same restaurants she and Jason do, and even have a one year old, but have never seen them.

Amalah is now getting scared and thinking I'm a stalker.

Sending good thoughts to nanalah.


The Pot picture is too awesome for words. I think it might have made me ovulate on the spot.


I think that level of cuteness ought to come with a warning. He's such a flirt!!!!

Hope you post about your Mom...I've been thinking powerful non-invasive cancer vibes....

I hate anyone who can remember tv show lyrics. I can remember opening lines but then am reduced to mumbling off key while everyone else revels in the comraderie of shared tv-land memories.

Sit right back and I'll tell a tale..a tale of a fate full ship...that started....hmm hmm...with a...hmmmlala...mmmmm...lal mumble storm...the captain and mumble mumble.....and one of them in curls.....

Sonya 7 month old started with the Dada thing about a month ago too. He even gets "Hi Dada!!" It's not right. I jokingly complained to our pediatrician thinking she'd tell me, "oh no! He's not really saying Dada! Don't worry about it! He really loves his Mama best!" Instead she said, "oh yeah, I'm sure he is saying Dada and knows what he's saying'"

We're changing doctors.


I always thought the amazing ability to conjure word for word replicas of media was a trait attatched to the Y chromosome since all the males around me do it yet I can't. It makes me happy to know that a female, a very awesome female with pretty hair, has this super power. I can brag that I am a wicked paraphraser though. "I had an onion on my belt, as that was the syle at the time, but not a fancy purple one, only yellow..."

I bet Amalah knows exactly where my paraphrase comes from :)


I never knew what those Blues Traveler lyrics were.

Thanks for nothing and the not tagging.
I don't even WANT to be tagged.


huh. I have the same back problem.


Actually, the Dada thing can come in quite handy. If Noah is fussy or screaming or it's the middle of the night and you hear the word "Dada" you can use it as a way to force Jason out of bed to care for him. ("Obviously he wants you, honey. He keeps saying 'Dada'". Voila, a lovely night's sleep for Amalah!!)


OMG!! I had a total panic attack in Vegas too, but not for the volcano, but that water thing at the Bellagio. Can't tell you why. AND? I have the smae spina bifida thing? It's karma dude.
ANd I can't snap my fingers either. Wow.


I have crazy audio memory, too. It's actually kind of embarrassing, as I also seem unable to control my playback feature.

My husband can't stand it. I'll tell him what he said to me and he'll say, "There's no chance you remember this incorrectly?" and then I seem like a total brat if I say no, which is the truth. Instead, I have to pretend that there is a chance that I don't actually remember exactly what he said to me.


Weird thing #3 will come in sooo handy when your little one gets to be a pre-teen. Does you husband appreciate your auditory talents?


damn now that blue's traveler song is in my head. i didn't have a clue "suck it in suck it in suck it in if you're Rin Tin Tin or Anne Boleyn" is what they said. and i never realized i didn't know what they said there either. i liked john popper more when he was fat. don't know why. star jones too.


Wow, I guess I was never alone in the whole "fast song lyrics" game! Except I tend to know the words to rap

Noah in a pot = adorable!!

Thinking good thoughts for the nanalah, let us know if you need anything at all!

Wacky Mommy

My granny would be so thrilled if she ever met you. She worked for Shriners hospital for a long time and loves saying "spina bifida" over and over til you puke.

Your mom has so many good wishes being winged at her I know she's fine. But still, post, okay? OK.

PS i did my list. It bumped into cocktail hour.


I hope you've gotten the results and they were good. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you.

I also have a phot(n?)ographic memory, although have not used it for the Simpsons, but if you want, I could recite either "Robin Hood: Men in Tights" or "Monty Python/Holy Grail" for you - verbatim. Now those are some mad skillz.


Poor Noah. Poor YOU! My fave sketch from Monty Python is the Hungarian translation book. "Do you waaaaaant to go back to my place, bouncy bouncy! HAHAHAHAHA! And #5, um....


Can we have a Stupid Lines From 80s Movies quote off? Because I'll totally smoke you.

"He don't even have hith lithenth Leetha..."


a meme? ya, i'll play along. but i warn you, there is nothing whatsoever weird about me. nope. nothing. at all.


I think the pot is damn near the cutest thing ever. Except for the lobster, the lobster's a little creepy.


Not that this is all about me and my concerns or anything, but I've been dying to know how your mom is. Wednesday is officially over, and I'm dyin' here.


Damn when I saw you mentioned the word Hare brained in the Notify list I thought you were writing about Bunnies. Happy Bunny day from my gang.


Grarrrrgh, that struck so many bells with me!

1) I'm scared of fire. When we went to Universal Studios on the Backdraft ride, I actually curled up into a little ball on the ground until it was over

2) I HATED Dodgeball! We had the meanest teacher when I was 10, and he used to say "Not above the waist" and then he hit me hard in the ear with the ball and I cried. I used to always freakin' win that game, 'cause I was so scared of getting hit. I was sooooo nimble. I don't know why I didn't just pretend to get hit and be done with it. Hindsight...


amy, i just thought you'd like to know that i dreamed about your dog last night! i dreamed that i was in bed, and all of the sudden cieba was there.....and i was all like cieba? what are you doing here? for some reason there was a baby hiding in my closet, but i basically spent my entire dream trying to keep my 14lb cat from attacking your dog. it was crazy!


Here's hoping that you get some good news. And some good news SOON.


Hope you get some sleep soon! I can't roll my R's either.

Thinking of you and your family!


Fifty Nifty United States?!? I dare you to remember that one, all the states in alphabetical order to a tune. Ha, now you're thinking about it . . . Maine, Maryland, . . . why grade music teacher, why?

Really hoping and praying Wednesday brought good news and sighs of relief.


Dude, that Hook thing is great. I could totally do that too because I accidentally got that CD when I did BMG in 6th grade. (and by accidentally I mean TOTALLY purposefully.) I, however, as it is my turn to brag, could also successfully play the harmonica solo. However, not on a harmonica, instead, substitute a recorder (like 4th grade music class, see comment above about Maryland, massachusetts song...we did that also...see 'fifty, nifty, united states...') and play it through your nose . Yes, I was a Blues Traveler, Nose Recorder, Word Recitin' cool-ass kid. Talk about being popular!


This past weekend, we too traveled home to see the parents/parents-in-law, and also put baby in "the hamper." Baby punished us by waking up at 4:30am and refusing to go back to sleep.

If baby ain't sleepin', nobody sleepin'.


I've got to have me some Noah soup - it looks delicious.

Any word yet??? Hoping for nothing but the best.

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