The Other Very Important Things I Do With My Time
April 03, 2006
From my company's employee newsletter, April 1, 2006 edition:
Haaaaa. I'm so funny. Geese! Paparazzi geese! Brilliant!
(The type of brilliance that only comes from a board room committee meeting for discussing work-appropriate humor-related strategies and deadlines for said humor strategies and morale-boosting synergies.)
(The box. We are outside of it!)
But you know what? Those geese really are nasty little fuckers.
(This goose was NOT a fan of me OR my camera phone and totally charged after me with naked honking aggression after I snapped this picture. I would have taken another picture of the actual charging, but I was too busy SHRIEKING AND RUNNING FOR MY LIFE.)
(I fucking hate geese.)
(To be fair, they started it, way back during a second-grade field trip to Amish Country. I was just standing there with my little hands in my pockets and this punk-ass crazy-ass stupid-ass goose stuck his head through a fence and BIT MY ARM, ripped the lovely quilting on my coat from Burlington Coat Factory and BROKE SKIN, OH MY GOD. And then my teacher yelled at me to stop taunting the geese, and then I cried, because my teacher thought I was the type of girl who taunted geese, which was probably reconfirmed a decade later when I accidentally cut this same teacher off in traffic and she gave me the finger and I haven't stopped thinking about that since because I felt really bad although she was also the teacher who kind of lost it the one time my classmate lost a dollar and made us all keep our heads down on our desks all day EVEN DURING RECESS until one of us copped to stealing the dollar and then five hours later she found the dollar in the trash and never apologized but seriously, the goose totally fucking started it.)